Make war not peace

Mr Berbatov wants to make peace with Tottenham fans.

“I will always have special feelings for Tottenham. They showed me the way in English football. I will never have anything bad to say about the club. I watch every game they play. I was just surprised the team got off to such a bad start because Juande Ramos was a very good coach. Now Harry Redknapp has come in, a very experienced manager, and I am pleased they are going up the table.”

The disruptive Bulgarian has less chance of making peace than I have of spanking Angelina Jolie in a night of light sexual deviance. Brad Pitt would obviously not be present. If he was, and as a consequence, the only chance of me doing Jolie was to double up on her with Bradley, then I would gladly accept, as long as both cockerels were kept apart at all times. I'll only crow for Angelina. I'm not saying he ain't a good looking bloke, no doubt there, but I am strictly centre-midfield and you'll never catch me playing down the muddy slippery flanks.

I’d like to spank Berbatov given half the chance. Across the face. With a dead squirrel. ‘Showed me the way in English football’? That’s the polite way of suggesting we were nothing more than a stepping stone, a stage to show off his array of talents and silky skills allowing Ferguson to decide if Berbatov was good enough for Old Trafford. The only special feelings you have for us is you were able to showcase your talent for one full season, and then only do so a second time round because we wouldn't allow you to leave. This fallacy of you only caring about the simple things in football is just that.

And as for watching all our games since moving on, I doubt that very much. Don’t patronise us please. You fought with Jol. You fought with Tottenham. You practically went on strike. Shut the fuck up, and just take the abuse you’ll get on the chin like any other player (apart from Sol Campbell who doesn’t like to take anything on the chin, according to his PR).

Honest, humble Dimi, who likes to feed the squirrels in solitude with only his deep thoughts as company whilst he contemplates his existence and meaning. Don’t be too shocked or upset when all the squirrels in your back garden suddenly go missing. Not that I would ever set traps for them and sell them to the nearest kebab house for a tidy profit. That would be distasteful and possibly cruel especially to the people who prefer to dine on lamb rather on rodents. Although a dollop of chilli sauce will guarantee you won't be able to tell the difference.

Berbatov is the reason why clubs like Spurs will never push on, much like the eight year old at school who decides it’s easier to support whoever is top of the league whilst the local team loses another prospective future season ticket holder.

So, Dimitar, in conclusion, take your olive branch and stick it up your bollocks.

Thanks to Dan G from gg.net for the photo-shop magic.

National 'Levy-whoring-himself-to-the-media' Week

Whilst everyone is buzzing from the DVD release (available on pre-order, free Opus not included with purchase) of the North London derby score draw, Daniel Levy decided to ride the wave of open bus parade success by releasing news of the planned 60,000 all-seater to be built just off White Hart Lane. With obvious re-development of the surrounding area, I'm sure things will look spiffy when complete. As long as have a brand new spanking tube station built to help ease the traffic nightmare that will no doubt engulf N17.

So, a new home? Many traditionalists will be happy (who would want to use the stadium in Stratford?). Although we can all say goodbye to the 'Park Lane' and 'White Hart Lane' - selling our souls to whatever company pay top dollar to associate their brand with the new grounds name. Maybe we can name the tube station, WHL? Not pleased with the renaming of the stadium. Lacks class. But once again, football is a business. Sadly.

I haven't checked it, and will do so later but according to something I read, Daniel Levy has agreed to answer questions posted in the COYS forum. That's the forum that has closed membership and bans anyone for thinking outside the constraints of the admins. The COYS forum is like run by George Orwellesque admins, patrolling the threads and removing you if you dare insult one of the informed club insiders who shares ITK info about our latest transfer target. In fact, any deviance from the popular mainstream opinions is deemed unacceptable. Unsurprisingly, I'm not a member.

Unless I dreamed the above, I'll see if I can track down the questions and answers. It's possible its already done the rounds (and made the papers). I'm still playing catch-up.

Levy has apparently stated that there may not be money available in January. Which is a little cheeky. Are we now broke because of the stadium announcement? Considering we make almost us much money on selling our players than we do on new acquisitions, I'll be surprised if Levy has allowed the credit crunch to take a seat in the board room.

And to try and detract you away from that, he's now blaming Ramos (who wrote a rather sweet piece on his official website, wishing us all well - bless) for the Berbatov to Utd deal. Yes, Ramos wanted him out so Levy approved the transfer to Man Utd.

Considering the awareness - in and outside the club - concerning Berbatov and Utd from the time Jol was here, then I personally think Levy needs to take a step back with this positivity drive he is currently on and not be too forward with information, especially if some of it has been heavily dipped in bullshit. Everyone, from manager to DoF to chairman need to share the responsibility and the blame.

Going back over the Berbatov saga is a cheap shot.

His comments on Ramos losing the changing room are fairly common knowledge also. Its obvious, all you need to do is watch the Spurs games prior to the Bolton match to know the Spaniard was without a clue.

If all this isn't enough, he has also referred us all back to the alleged fact that Martin Jol spoke to Newcastle United whilst still a Spurs manager.

There's more deflection than a Frank Lampard 'Best Goals' dvd. Time we moved on perhaps?

Venables hits out

Bless El Tel for standing up for us with regards to Berbatov and the fulfilment of his United dream, spitting out a tirade of criticism at the sulky Bulgarian.

Greedy. Selfish. Poisonous.

Words that could be used to describe our chairman.

Players, in modern day football, are more important than any club outside the Top 4. Maybe, just maybe, one day, a club like Spurs will sign a player like Berbatov, and a team like Utd will attempt to buy him. And that player will say no, and honour his contract – resulting with the team prospering.

Now that’s fantasy football.

Waiting for that day

5 days left. I’m going to try and round things up with little humour and satire (saving it all for the clusterfuck of a letter I’ll be writing post-Chelsea defeat/transfer window closure).

Berbatov, an outcast if you believe what you hear, is still struggling to engineer his move to Utd via his good hearted agent. Levy can either hold out for £30M (or whatever his estimation is) or find himself with egg on face by selling him to Utd for whatever Utd offer. Dimitar, unfortunately, is no Gareth Barry. Levy is no Cool Hand Luke. After all that’s been said, if he gives in to Fergie and sells him even for a million less that his ‘value’ then what exactly was the point? Can we handle the publicity of retaining Berbatov? In principle don’t see why not if we don’t get an acceptable bid. We got one for Keane, which is why he was sold. That and 6 years loyalty. But keeping the Bulgarian will be more trouble than its worth based on his sulking and hissy fits. Which means ‘egg on face’ is the most likely of outcomes, which is why Fergie is so smug. Levy has been played.

Monaco this Friday is where, you would hope, Spurs/Utd/Zenit finally conclude their bit of business. The Arshavin deal is apparently back on again (was it ever off?) which would help ease matters substantially if he joins round about the same time that Pavlyuchenko receives his visa. No official word from Spurs, but Pav has told everyone he’s Spurs bound. Not a bad player, taking into account his record from the past few seasons – but not as accomplished as Berbatov was prior to his move to us from Germany. Huntelaar has been linked, though his agent has denied the tabloid stories. Not fussed with this, as recent Dutch signings to the Prem (Kezman, Kuyt) haven’t exactly been rock’n’rolla. Same applies with the Radamel Falcao link (Colombian who plays for River Plate).

Veloso (DM) and Corluka (CB, RB) have also been linked again this week. Whether stories are being rehashed due to desperation or their clubs are now itching to let them go with the deadline looming is anyone guess. City are being linked with Zabaleta, whose agent has said that the player won’t be competing with Corluka for the RB position. Whether that means they are both set to play in different positions for City or that Corluka will be sold is a ITK’s wet dream.

Pavlyuchenko.
Arshavin.
Veloso.
Corluka.

If those four were signed, then the ‘SPURS FOR 4TH SPOT’ delusion will back on course. Regardless of the 3 played, 3 defeats, 0 points standing order cometh the 1st September.

Lee YP has departed. Couple of other reserve players (including Pekhart) have gone out on loan. Several others, I’m sure will be picked up (loan or otherwise) before next Monday.

Going back to Berbatov again, story of the week has focused on him now being an outcast at the Lodge. Whether Woody did have a word with Berbatov or not is debatable. The Bulgarians strops and sulks are petulant but to call him disruptive is quite ironic considering he was our best player when he came on as a sub against Boro. Ramos and Woodgate have publicly disagreed with each other over the disruptiveness (Ramos saying it’s affected the dressing room, Woodgate saying we can’t use that to blame for our results). So to then read that allegedly Woody had a go at him in the ‘dressing room’ and since then the player has been isolated seems a tad hypocritical. Funny old game.

It’s not good regardless, and the fact both are talking about him rather than ‘Spurs’ is pretty much evidence of how Berbatov is not a good person to have anywhere near the club at the moment. Shame he can’t be a professional about it and play his heart out while both Spurs and Utd attempt to come to some sort of agreement. I refer you back to the Barry reference.

Anytime soon

"I'm now in Tottenham but no-one can disagree with me wanting to follow my dream"

~ Dimitar Berbatov

Yes, that's right. His dream. The very same one he rejected 2 years ago to join Spurs instead. The git.

Spurs have apparently not given a final 'fuck off' to Zenit yet regarding the Arshavin deal. The Russians wanting £19.5M for the transfer to go ahead. His agent said its been four days since Spurs spoke to Zenit. The Sky Sports News grapevine tells us Arshavin isn't our main target. We must be back in for Raziak then. Sweet.

I wish this would end, but with news that the transfer window has now been extended till midnight, September 1st, the footballing Gods have a perverse way of prolonging the agony.

And it's goodbye from me

Next couple of weeks will be interesting to say the least. Not sure when the Prem are set to comment on the Spurs dossier about Utd's shenanigans, but should be fun seeing them dismiss Levy's evidence as heresay. Barcelona are sniffing around Berbatov if you believe the rumours. I'd be happy to take a £5M hit by selling him to the Catalans rather than Utd. No news on Keane. He's still out in Spain with the first team squad. Although a wonderful quote from a fan out there in the sun, who asked Robbie if he was going anywhere, to which our Orish magican replied 'the changing room'. Berbatov is also still out in Spain looking his usual moody self. I'm waiting for him to light a cigar mid-training and blow smoke in Ramos face.

TT has joined Sunderland. Sad to see him go although not overly disappointed. Good squad player but injured far too easily and not good enough to command a first team place. Chimbonda is hopefully next to go (if he hasn't already). No news on Steed or Kaboul at the time of writing.

We could still do with another defender and DM but all the fans and media are concerned about is the possible replacements for the departing Keane and Berbatov.

Arshavin is the one being touted. I still think he won't come to us, if only because he has aspirations to play for a club (other than his current one) which is in the Champs League and a little bit more famous. He obviously fancies himself a bit more due to recent performances so Barca would be a bigger fish than the lickle Spurs trout.

As for the rest of the targets, take your pick from any number of Spanish based players. And Bentley still isn't a done deal (we apparently offered £9M for him - which is probably a decent valuation). Rover's want double that.

I'm off now for 2 weeks, sunning it up abroad. So no internet access for me. I'll have to rely on the red top tabloids each morning to keep me apprised of what's going on. Oh the joy of being free of the shackles of message boards.

See you all on the other side.

~S

So what's the evidence?

According to someone on Spurs Community (this, compared to the usual ITK info is a lot more plausible):

Allegedly.

1. KEANE - The official complain to PL was made late on Tuesday. The basis of this is NOT Rafa's comments, which merely act as public proof. It is alleged that, on an afternoon away from the training camp in Spain, Robbie Keane was approached by Liverpool FC parties, who enquired as to his interest in joining LFC prior to their making an official bid. The penny dropped when a pre-agreement was proposed. Robbie Keane then contacted his agent, before calling Spurs chairman Daniel Levy and informing him of what occurred and letting him know that he was not party to this meeting and it was unexpected. Meanwhile, he has also made it clear that he would be interested in a move to LFC, but if it fails to materialise, would happily stay at Spurs.

2. Berbatov: This one is messy. Spurs' dossier dates back to a week or so after Berbatov signed for Spurs, when it was made clear to him that if he succeeded at WHL a bid would come in for him from Old Trafford. After the first season, the players agent was contacted without the clubs knowledge which triggered an angry response from Spurs and Berbatov being in severe trouble. Martin Jol tried to intervene, this caused a feeling of resentment between board and manager after Jol told them 'it would be best to sell Berba'. Spurs' complaint also included Man Utd players' statements 'encouraging' Berbatov to join - this was attributed to Carrick to Sky Sports.

I can believe in this. Not sure how strong the 'Utd players statements' is with regards to the overall complaint. Didn't Gerrard do something similar with Barry?

Looks like I was near the mark with Berbatov and the Utd link, and if there's factual evidence then that apology is about to be birthed.

~S

Deflected own goal

‘Dry them’ is probably what I would say if I believed Daniel Levy was sincere with his statement about Manchester United and Liverpool’s behaviour. Devious and calculated are words better associated with his actions. As he sits in his throne room with scantily clad women feeding him grapes and sucking his toes, having his PA dictating his latest rant, you and I both know that this is nothing more than a PR stunt to help deflect the fact that we are about to lose the only functioning part of the team. It is however understandable. He is protecting the interests of the club and the team. He knows as well as anyone we have lost these players already so why not deflect the disappointment and turn it into hate, vented towards Fergie and Rafa.

Regardless of whether Ferguson mentioned Berbatov’s name, either in the newspaper stories featured in most red tops and broadsheets or the alleged fans meeting and regardless of the fact that he has further evidence documented – we all know nothing much will happen other than two players leaving Spurs and probably two arriving as replacements.

So why the dramatics? Why the crusade to uphold the integrity of the game when we all know that everybody is involved in talking to players or other clubs managers outside of the correct process? It’s no secret that Utd want Berbatov. The players head was turned a long time ago. And rejecting a Liverpool bid for Keane doesn’t mean he won’t find out via his agent what the Anfield side have to offer.

Let’s run through the delightfully punchy statement.

There has been substantial speculation in respect of the futures of Dimitar Berbatov and Robbie Keane, including press comment from both Sir Alex Ferguson and Rafa Benitez. In response our Chairman, Daniel Levy has made the following statement: "Today's public comments by Manchester United's manager, announcing that he has made an offer for Dimitar and is confident that the deal will go through with time working in their favour, is a blatant example of sheer arrogance and interference with one of our players. It is also probably one of the worst offences by any manager in the Premier League to date and is unbelievably hypocritical given his recent comments in respect of Cristiano Ronaldo and Real Madrid.

Did he or didn’t he mention Berbatov’s name? The interview given at the airport has Ferguson state he has bid for a player but doesn’t state a name although it’s quite obvious to everyone there and watching on TV who it is. Others are suggesting Ferguson does mention Berbatov in another interview with United fans. Regardless, what’s the complaint about? It’s not tangible because all it amounts to is arrogance. So as far as disrespect is concerned, sure. Ferguson is being disrespectful by suggesting it’s a done deal more or less. He’s predicting a black eye of a future and it’s not nice when a bigger lad pushes you around the play ground, slapping your head with glee and unmovable confidence. There’s no detention for the bully. The headmaster is too busy chatting up the dinner ladies. But complaining and bitching about the inevitable won’t change the fact that nothing ever comes of this. The harsh truth is that football is full of liars and cheats and people in positions of power, managers included, will forever go outside the rules and guidelines, even when it’s not necessary. Ferguson is a master. And not too often are complaints made through the official channels.

"Hurry up lads, I'm late for my medical"

‘Confident a deal will be done’ is the usual high level hypocrisy we know he is capable of, acting the Billy Big Bollocks when he wants to be and throwing toys out the pram when he experiences it himself. It's double standards. The trait of the successful no less.

"This comes after a series of events, dating back to last summer, which have shown Manchester United to be in breach of Premier League (PL) rules. As a result, we have today made an official complaint to the PL about the conduct of Manchester United. Benitez made similar comments in respect of Robbie recently and we made an official complaint to the PL about the conduct of Liverpool earlier this week.

Why not complain about United last summer? Has Levy been compiling a dossier because he believes this will bring United down to their knees? I doubt very much they will unzip and gag. Tapping up players, making illegal approaches – whatever you want to call it is common practice. It’s not right, but how else can – for example – a manager of one club know and understand the interest of another? Levy surely isn’t naive to think that there is no contact prior to an official approach and permission granted. Daniel should have a chat with Paul Kemsley about his trip to Spain.

Same type of thing applies to players. If a player is at a club, and a club rejects a bid from another club – the player might be curious to know what offer is on the table, as far as personal terms are concerned. He can hand over a transfer request or he can ask the club to accept a bid so he can talk to the interested club. But in addition, he will have his agent talk to representatives of the interested club so he can sample a taster of what he will earn. Is it above board? Of course not. Does it break Premier League rules? Yes. Still happens though. And even when a club is punished for it, it’s not a devastating moment for all concerned. A few thousand pounds in fines and some moderately bad publicity. The way Levy ends the statement doesn’t suggest that either player will find themselves in the same position Ashley Cole did.

"The behaviour of both clubs has been disgraceful. We told both clubs very early on that we had no interest in selling Robbie or Dimitar, respectively, and that they should refrain from pursuing the player.

So let me get this straight. Levy told Utd and Liverpool we are not interested in selling either Berbatov of Keane and he expected them to walk away without even a whisper? Since when has that stopped anyone from chasing a player?

Both clubs arrogantly chose to ignore this request and we now have evidence that both clubs have systematically been working to prise the players away from us, outside of PL rules of conduct. Our subsequent position has been severely compromised by both clubs making their intentions widely known and indeed making contact with the players and their agents, without the Club's permission.

I’ll issue an apology if our Chairman proves to everyone that he does have evidence – and it would have to be damning for the Prem League to do something about it by going up against Sir Alex Ferguson. But an apology in such circumstances would be joyous.

Drag queen Dimitar

Shame on the likes of United and Liverpool for making public their interests in signing players and discussing potential transfers. No other clubs do that, that I can’t think of. At least not direct quotes from managers. I don’t think we ever do it. In fact I’m certain we don’t say a thing until the other club have accepted an offer and a medical has been booked. And regardless the ‘did he didn’t he’ conundrum of Ferguson’s alleged Berbatov comment and the fact that even Bryan Robson has been publicly airing his opinions on the subject, you would still need to have a Man Utd representative wearing a Utd scarf meeting Berbatov in a motorway McDonalds accepting a Utd shirt to stand even half a chance of seeing them punished.

If we do have the evidence, then I wonder why Levy had to latch onto an alleged newspaper quote – which is the only thing Ferguson has appeared to comment on and can quite easily be washed away with any other tabloid dirt. Is it really possible that Utd and Liverpool would risk the wrath of another Prem League chairman, especially one as excitable as Levy? Would be nice.

"I have absolutely no wish to sell either player and to date we have not accepted any offer for either. However, when a player's head is turned and their commitment is absent, particularly when they occupy key positions such as that of striker, they become a negative influence in a team dressing room in which they were once a positive addition and influence. This is the situation we now have on our hands, with both Dimitar and Robbie having made it clear that they wish to leave for Manchester Utd and Liverpool respectively.

"Irrespective of the outcome and futures of Robbie and Dimitar, we are continuing to seek to bring in quality, talented players for the future, who want to play in a Spurs shirt."

Ooh that word ‘however’. It decimates all that comes before it. The above perfectly illustrates the crux of the problem. Players, either directly via a club representative speaking to his agent or by the means of a manager telling the press how much he rates him or a friendly reporter making up a story to force the issue – it’s ludicrous to believe a player wont move clubs if official routes are initially blocked.

Levy knows this. Although he isn’t laying too heavy a blame on the individuals by suggesting heads have been turned but does criticise them for lacking commitment. Although some of the pics from Spain suggest otherwise. Although more than likely, Berbatov is acting up as per usual and Keane is probably throwing a strop in training (just not when he is being carried by mates on the beach). It’s almost apologetic. It’s very much inevitable.

I’ve actually gone through various opinions and emotions the past few days, and I can’t quite find myself caring too much about this now other than to say:

Sell both players
Buy replacements
Push on

You might think I’m being a tad harsh with all this. I’m not. I just don’t expect to be surprised. Ferguson, as great and successful as he has been is guilty of countless shameless moments, on (bullying refs) and off (transfers) the pitch. And yet he has the undying support and love of all the media hacks. It would be a fairytale if something was done about it and maybe then things might start to change a little. You’d get better odds on Spurs finishing 4th.

With the current monopoly in the Premier League, the Top Four will always pick and choose who they want and anyone from the likes of Robbie ‘I’ve found my spiritual home’ Keane and the apparently modest down to earth Bulgarian will rip up their contracts to move on if something bigger and better comes along. Can we blame them? Does beg the question why Berbatov even bothered to ignore Utd to sign for us in the first place. Probably a case of Utd making sure he can play in the Prem before they launch their bid and Dimitar proving the case. Keane, as good as he is, isn’t great. He is replaceable. So don’t fret too much. It's up to him if he wants to go from being a big fish in a little pond to....well, you know the rest. But it's subjective anyways. Keane could do great things at Liverpool or he could fall victim to Rafa's rotation revolution.

The reason Levy is frustrated is the same reason we all are. We buy quality players, they prove themselves at this level and then they’re picked up because two years on they realise that they have to move on to play in the Champs League. It's the stepping stone ethos. Players are about careers and are loyal to the club that suits their needs.

How will it change? One of the top 4 has to fuck up and we have to be lucky enough to take their place. Almost happened once. Until the next time....

~S

Sooner rather than later

Still no denial statements from Mr Chairman regarding our two forwards. Longer this goes on the more tricky it becomes for us to plan for the season ahead. Although at the moment I'd say that having no true world-class (or somewhere near to it) DM will cost us. Unless our Prem form and tactics come to fruition with immediate impact come Boro away, I can't see how things will drastically change compared to last season.

OOh, negativity rains supreme. I'm being realistic. Modric to Bent might save the day, but Modric to Berbatov and Keane will do wonders. But other areas still need development and improvement and all this want-away transfer talk is nothing more than a distraction.

Do Spurs want to keep Keane? If so, then please end the speculation. Otherwise, sell and be done with it.

Is Berbatov really subject to a transfer bid? If so, price him up at £30M and bit their fucking hands off.

I won't cry. I'll just expect more quality to come in as replacements. The real pressure is on actually achieving something within two years otherwise whoever does come in will soon be on their way again.

Be gone

It’s all gone quiet on the Keano front, mainly due to the tabloids turning their attention to Berbatov. Apparently he could move to Utd by this Wednesday – though I can’t believe Levy wouldn’t wait to see where Arsenals want-away striker ends up at so that we can then create an auction for our sulky Bulgarian with potentially Milan or Barcelona bidding + £20M.

Pricing him out of the market and forcing him to stay would be testicular fortitude that our chairman is simply incapable of. Would be worth it mind, just to see Berbatov flap his hands and shout at everyone around him while we defend the Carling Cup away to Doncaster, whilst Utd play Champs League.

Sadly, football is only cruel for the fans, not the players.

i.t.k.

Plenty of rumours doing the rounds at the minute. The usual transfer gossip, made up, posted on message boards and then appearing in the tabloids 3 days later is making up most of it. And the ITK’s continue to churn out their usual carefully written, ambiguous information allowing us some minor entertainment prior to the window re-opening.

This was posted on the COYS forum. Enjoy:

dont post much info and only like to when im sure its very very good info and mabe only once or twice removed from the horses so to speak.

ramos in spain on holiday...but a working holiday, levy ready at a moments notice to fly out and do any deals...ramos looking at spanish goalie (have no name but we have been linked) and a spanish left sider.

Berbatov

been told if someone comes in for him before start of june for the money we want he goes ....if they dont come in with the money he stays.....that is the bottom line and berbatov accepts this as he respects ramos and understands that every player will have to do a full pre season under his regime....so i can assume from that our business will be conducted quickly (subject to those at the euros)

ramos has told levy that he cant have a business and a champs lge football club. ramos told levy everyone is gonna have to wipe their mouths of any profits for at least two seasons and even go as far as to go into an operating loss 'gambling' on breaking the top 4. ramos has told the board that there is almost a religious fanatacism of support that will go through the roof if we break the top 4 and the money will go through the roof too...its all about the current board taking the risk or not.

only 2 players deemed first squad ability at present. berbatov and woodgate...bale and hutton have the most potential to get into his plans keane steed zok are at best squad if he gets the players he wants ...the rest can fcuk off as far as he is concerned.

ramos doesn't want players that are cast offs from chelsea etc...he expects the club o challenging to sign the same players that manure and co are after and is confident that his status as a coach can lure some of them to come especially the spanish portugese and S.Americans.

So there you have it.....hope to get some more, sorry there isnt anything more juicy with regards to named names but imho that is great that no names come from ramos as he is really that proffesional.

take it or leave as to what ive said, i know where its from and i know that its good info

None of this is brain surgery. All pretty much stuff you could conclude yourself in the pub or on the terraces. Same goes with all the other crop of alleged inside-information that’s hemorrhaging the message boards, day in day out. But these guys are turned into heroes if their gamble of a prediction pays off. I'm not denying that on very rare occassions some people do know something of note and state so. Otherwise - like the above quoted information - it's nothing specific, nothing nailed on. Did I call this entertainment earlier? Blush.

The Didier Zokora Cup Final

Chelsea 1 Tottenham 2 aet

There was a moment in this game that had me jumping around, screaming out to the heavens muttering the same word over and over and over again.

Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why. Why.

Why Zokora? Of all the players to find himself running towards the goal, why does it have to be him? Didier, bless him, makes Steffen Freund look like Thierry Henry. But then he isn’t a goal-scoring midfielder. Even when he managed to find Cech’s head rather than the goal, he failed to compose himself and lay the ball to Berbatov or better still, find the target with the second opportunity presented to him.

See, these are the moments that pretty much define Spurs.

If only.
Almost.
Nearly.
So close.

The cruel irony is that the player who run from midfield is the one player that you know won’t be able to do what you oh so want him to do. But it was at this very moment that I had an epiphany.

Chelsea had done practically nothing all game. And rather seeing this assessment from a typical Spurs point of view, being ‘we’re gonna fuck it up’, I saw the game through the eyes of a neutral. Just for that one all-seeing moment.

There was nothing to suggest Chelsea would get something from the match. Spurs were in their ascendency. And I could see it. But before we get to this part of the game, let’s go back to the start. The opening 45 were ominous to say the least. My epiphany at this point in time was nothing but a sperm casually backstroking towards the egg.

We started brightly and created chances, but Drogba’s insistence at taking centre stage with his theatrics proved to be the dramatic catalyst for the wrong kind of breakthrough. This was Drogba’s no country for real men, and with each pathetic fall to the ground, it made me wish for an air-powered cattle gun. Yet another collapse to the ground, this time 30 yards out was definitely a free-kick, and the irony wasn’t lost on anyone.

What followed was a quirk that was probably noticed instantly by Ramos (mistakes like this are avoidable). A complete mess of a wall, built with Marmite rather than cement. Not only was it in the wrong place, but the fact King and Robinson failed to orchestrate some kind of organisation was unnerving. You could see exactly what Drogba was going to do. He tried it earlier. This time it was an open invitation. We hate it, they loved it. Drogba shots and scores. Robinson hardly moves. This time not because of consumption of pie, but rather the fact that even if he did dive in the general direction of where the ball was placed he wouldn’t even get there in time with rockets on his boots.

1-0 to them and much biting of nails insured.

One highlight from the first 45 minutes involved the Chelsea fans rising to sing a chorus of ‘Stand up if you hate Tottenham’. The Spurs fans stood up and sang ‘Stand up if you hate Arsenal’. The Chelsea faithful should really do their best to look elsewhere for that defining rivalry.

During half-time I wondered if this was going to be one of those disappointing days where efficient Chelsea do enough to stifle the game into a non-glamorous victory in their favour.

At this point I was worried. Goes without say I was enjoying the occasion, but I suddenly got sickeningly nervous of losing. Yeah sure, it’s the Carling Cup. The lickle half-breed cousin of the FA Cup. But this was Chelsea, and losing to them (and fucking ‘ell have we done a lot of that in recent years) is just not a feeling I choose to experience anymore. I hate it. I hate it more than losing to Arsenal. It’s like losing to Fulham. Why the fuck would you accept losing to Fulham?

Then there’s the fact that it’s a ticket back into the UEFA Cup. It’s not the ideal way in but it’s on offer. And with our bad start to the season costing us any true chance of finishing top 6, this is the dream ticket.

And finally, its silverware. You know. That thing other teams outside the top 4 sometimes manage to flirt with on the odd occasion the second-string eleven don’t make it through to the final. Makes the honours list look not too shabby either. What’s good for the goose...

Winning it would also make it number 15 in Cup competitions won domestically and in Europe (only Utd and Liverpool have won more). Call it just rewards for the progress made by Ramos in the short months he has been here or proof that we don’t choke when it matters. A medal of honour.

So back with the sickeningly nervous feeling, I couldn’t shake. And onto the second half.

“Huddlestone has to come on”, my mate commented.
“I can’t see where a Spurs goal is gonna come from”, I informed him a few minutes earlier.

And then Hudd came on. For Chimbonda. I burst several veins in my forehead screaming abuse at Pascal the Mercenary who was disgraceful in the ungracious manner he walked off the pitch. No urgency, no care in the world other than his vanity. And off he went down the tunnel. It’s bitterly disappointing he wasn’t sold in the January transfer window.

So with the skinny demure Hudd on, things began to change a little. A disguised pass here and there. Lennon, who might as well have been in Faces during the first half, began to show a little spark. And as I thought back to my comment about not seeing where we would score from, we go and win a penalty. Didn’t think of that one. The decision was never in doubt. Juggling the ball isn’t controversial imo. It’s nailed on, ball on the spot.

The sickeningly nervous feeling turned into a haemorrhage. Up steps Berbatov. Some Spurs fans run down to the bottom of the aisle and look upwards to the fans, preferring to watch the crowd reaction rather than the actual penalty.

Up steps the Bulgarian and in one majestically cool second we are level. Pandemonium at long last. And that little bit of hope is embracing us.

Tainio on for Steed. And Spurs continue to press and push and the tempo is now where it should be. Pace with movement and purpose. Chelsea are disjointed in comparison. Anelka isolated with zero chemistry between him and Drogba, or anyone else for that matter.

Lampard unable to control a midfield bossed by Jenas and Zokora. Jole Cole on the bench. Woodgate and King in complete command at the back for us. It’s not quite a walk in the park. More of a brisk jog with a poodle chasing behind you. But you know it’s never gonna catch up, let alone bit you on the arse. Although at this point, I still had nightmares of the poodle ripping its way through my gut like an Alien.

And then, the sperm completes its journey and my epiphany is born. The precise moment this happens is when Zokora runs through towards goal with Cech being the only person standing in the way of folklore. And you know what happens next. And nobody can believe it even though the outcome was exactly what we all knew would play out.

But when I held my head up away from my hands, I knew that this miss would not go down in history as a testament of why we always seem to fail when it matters. What had Chelsea done in the game that would lead me to believe they could go on to win it? As a Spurs fan you’d automatically think it’s more likely to be us who give something away or make a mistake. But without anchoring myself to what I would normally expect in that oh so classic defeatist manner, I was free to see the facts.

Chelsea were fucking shit and had no hope in hell of beating us. I was enlightened.

Extra-time. Jenas, not for the first time this season floats in a perfect cross and Woodgate, the most unlikely of heroes nods the ball, which is palmed back onto Woody’s face and into the net. Silk finish, it was not. But when you’ve seen Gary Mabbut score an own goal, you don’t tend to be picky about the quality of a winning goal.

It was a strange moment in the stands, at least where I was. There was almost a delay in celebrations. Fraction of a second if that. The initial header and its journey away from Cech and into Woodgate seemed to take an age. When the ball crossed the line it was Pandemonium Part II.

Keane limped off. Kaboul trotted on. Chelsea huffed and puffed without really scaring us too much, though that’s thanks to a decent stop from Robinson.

When Zokora completed his brace and overplayed a ball to Lennon that would have surely settled it beyond doubt, there was still way too much tension in the Spurs end. Not helped by David Copperfield who plucked out 3 injury time minutes to be added onto the end of the second half of extra time.

One of the best moments of the game was TT wasting time with a throw-on (good to see Spurs are finally learning to do this when it matters) and earning a yellow-card, only for Drogba to come running onto the scene to berate TT, wasting more of the precious time Chelsea had left.

And then the final whistle and 9 sodding piss poor fruitless years come to an end, and for the sixth decade on the trot our players have winner’s medals.

And we got to laugh at Drogba’s complaining to their bitter end.

Who would have ever predicated Jonathan Woodgate scoring the winning goal in a Cup Final for Spurs? Effortlessly brilliant at the back, I pray he stays fit. Same for Ledley.

Jenas and Zokora were superb in the middle of the park. Berbatov, worked hard....in fact, apart from Chimbonda, I don’t have too many complaints.

Maybe had we beaten Bolton or Boro in the final (no disrespect to either of them) then this wouldn’t mean too much. But beating Chelsea also meant that semi-final 5-1 got its icing on the cake.

Spurs stalled under Jol. We all know it. He deserves some credit for what he achieved in building the foundations, but Ramos did something that Jol could not have possibly done. And that’s masterminding the semi-final win and then lifting of the Cup.

Ramos and Poyet have galvanised us. Take this Cup success as the first hurdle crossed in the transitional cross-country race.

The players have tasted success. They have beaten a Top 4 club. They now know they have it in them. And there’s no doubt when the euphoria settles Ramos will gently ease in the mentality that next time, it should be something bigger. Something like the FA Cup, or maybe even the UEFA Cup.

We all know a sustained 4th spot position is the Holy Grail. And we all know that’s still way off. But with the chasing pack taking turns each season, it’s always open to anyone who really gives it a hard push.

So, there I was at Wembley loving every second of it.

That included Robbie Keane’s tears and utter joy at finally winning something. Berbatov also looked like something he hasn’t quite been all season. A Tottenham player. He celebrated like someone who you wouldn’t bet your money on leaving (caught up in the moment?).

And Chimbonda made an appearance along with a Spurs fan that joined in with the celebrations. The fan had more right to be there than Pascal.

Robinson can thank Cerny’s mistake for allowing him a way back into the team. Last thing he expected a few weeks back was for him to be part of the team again.

So as the fireworks fizzled out and the players disappeared down the tunnel (to finally reappear at Faces nightclub) we left Wembley happy. Chelsea fans long gone, it was pretty much the perfect Sunday.

Cheers Juande. Piece of piss wasn’t it mate?