Danny Blanchflower - A Spurs Shot (Interview with Martin Cloake)

Interview time. And a massive DML hug to the esteemed Martin Cloake (author, writer, editor) and his new venture of ebooks (Sports Shots) crafted with his equally esteemed tag-team partner Adam Powley who have worked together many times before to bring us so many glorious publications on the club we all adore.

Their (new) ebook series kicks off with a 'Spurs Shot' on Danny Blanchflower - an extended article on the life and influence of the Spurs legend. It’s part history and part appreciation with some debating points about why Blanchflower was such an influential figure, and why he continues to be. It ends with a contention that is sure to cause debate.

 

S) - Spooky
MC) - Martin Cloake

S) Hello Martin, and welcome to DML. Anyone who manages to get a response from the club via letter has the utmost respect from me. Club and chairman prefer to ignore my attempts on the grounds that reading correspondence crafted from newspaper cuttings warrants police action and restraining orders.

MC) I'll admit I do find it a bit odd having conversations with senior people at the club after having been seen as a bit of a critic for years. Although I prefer to call my stance 'independent' - which a lot of people in football seem to think means 'critical'.

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S) So, first things first, it must be a pleasure for you to be able to write about Tottenham Hotspur, its players and our history. For anyone reading this that doesn’t know, you’ve worked on The Opus and 61 - The Spurs Double in an editorial capacity and you also wrote material for the latter. If that wasn’t enough you’ve done The Pocket Book of Spurs, The Spurs Miscellany, We are Tottenham and also the superb The Boys from White Hart Lane. You’re a bit of a show-off, aren’t you? You and long-time co-author Adam Powley are akin to a Greaves and Lineker combo. Prolific. We have such a rich tapestry of tradition and dramatic arcs...is your head imploding with ideas for future publications? Do you look that far ahead or simply react to inspiration and requests?

MC) That's the second Spurs combo we've been compared too - Paolo Hewitt called us the "Chivers and Gilzean of Spurs writing" - which made us both worried about possible hair loss.  I actually avoided writing about sport or Spurs for years because I was a working journalist and Spurs was what I did in my spare time. But I wrote for the fanzines and you gradually get pulled in to writing about what you know.

I suppose there's always an element of ego involved in anything that means you put work in front of people for them to buy, but me and Adam have been lucky in that people are interested in what we like to write about. And we really work well together.  Because both of us worked as journalists – and Adam for some time book publishing – we're naturally always on the look out for stories and ideas that might work. And we both find it very difficult to switch off – which makes us quite annoying to live with.

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S) The Boys from White Hart Lane always leaves me a little sad and empty inside even though it’s a wonderful slice of history that captures a great time to have been a Spurs fan and more so how different football was back then. It’s those very reasons that beg the question...has football sold its soul? Do you feel, as a fan, marginalised at all by the modern game? We’re often perceived as revenue streams, consumers. Football has obviously lost that innocence, but do you believe that once you strip away all the things we hate about the modern game – that it’s still 11 v 11 on a green field of grass, and it’s in these moments that football still retains its beauty?

MC) That's exactly why we wanted to do that book, so it's great to hear you say that – although obviously we didn't deliberately set out to leave you feeling sad and empty. Is it OK if we don't use that to publicise the book? 

I remember feeling marginalised in the 1970s when I started going to live football, and I still feel marginalised today. It's just the nature of the marginalisation that's changed. I think there's a widespread feeling that football is too bloated, self-important and rampantly free-market commercial and that something has been lost. But it's also true that the audience shows no sign of diminishing and that the money doesn't look like drying up any time soon - although now I've said that it will all come tumbling down within 12 months just to make me look stupid.

Why does this stuff always happen to me? ;-)

Cliche alert maybe, but when it's played properly – and I mean ball on the ground, pass, move and create properly – football is still the most beautiful game to watch. I also think the atmosphere of watching a game can be the best – although the tribalism, fuelled by commercialism, sometimes goes too far.

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S) The thing about Spurs is, you can hardly turn away from the brooding drama that oozes out of White Hart Lane like lava from a volcano. The modern game might be drowning in money, but it’s never boring in N17, is it?

MC) The only time I can remember it being boring was during the long dark winter of George Graham as manager and The World's Greatest Living Businessman © as chairman. The football was dire, the atmosphere around the club was awful and soulless and there seemed no prospect of it ever changing. That was a real contrast to almost any other time I've known in 39 years of supporting the club, and certainly a contrast with the history that seeps into your veins as soon as you take an interest in Spurs.

What kept me going was the big group of friends I've made through supporting the club, and the bigger group of regulars I bump into all over Europe - it's corny but there is a bit of Spurs family feel. And compared to many fans I've seen some great times - Wembley 81 and Villa's goal; the 91 semi-final; the Liverpool QF in 1995; cup wins at Wembley, more than a few finals; that great series of games against Forest in the 90s; the Milan games last year…and that's just the bigger games.

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S) Dare I ask your opinion on Luka Modric and the protracted mess we’ve been subjected to this summer?

MC) I said quite early on that Daniel Levy was right - that selection of words still looks odd – in taking the stance he has on Modric. The speculation was always going to come, especially after we missed out on the CL. But we need to send a message to our own players and to other clubs that we want to retain and build. And I think there's also a bit of a tipping point over what contracts mean. Modric signed a six-year deal and was happy to take the extra money for it. That needs to mean something, otherwise why bother having contracts? We've still got a week to go to see how this pans out, but if he's still at Spurs when the window shuts, we'll see how long it takes to 'get his head right'. I think there might be a speedy recovery in the head department.

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S) Talking of lost innocence, the 60s are even more iconic than the 80s in terms of achievements. Ever thought about a The Boys from White Hart Lane – 1960s edition?

MC) We may have covered that ground with the 61 book, another project we really enjoyed. And there's the unavoidable fact that many of those great players' memories are fading and a few are no longer with us. But Cliff Jones was fantastic to work with and I think his story would be a great one to tell.

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S) And remaining in the 60s,  your latest venture is ‘A Spurs shot’ which focuses on Danny Blanchflower, an extended essay that looks back on his life and career seeking to understand why he remains such an iconic and inspirational figure. So how and why have you made the momentary move from printed books to the digital format of ebooks? £2.99 is pretty much amazing value for money. I’m guessing there is greater freedom to produce digital ‘shorts’ giving readers steady content over an extended period of time?

MC) The idea of the Sports Shots series is to offer titles which are longer than an article but shorter than a book for people to read on mobile devices. We think the price is a fair reflection of the effort put into to each one and the pricing that exists in that particular marketplace. You're right that there's greater freedom and flexibility to produce books in this format than via traditional methods, and also more room to test the waters.

Plus between us we've got a number of the production and marketing skills some authors don't have. But it certainly doesn't mean we're turning our backs on print, particularly as we have a great relationship with VSP, and also Haynes, who have published a number of our books. Interestingly, in the short time since the first Shot launched we've also noticed a resurgence of interest in some of the print titles.

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S) You’ve stated that you’re not ruling out the possibility of casting your net wider in terms of future ‘Sports Shots’. Can you elaborate on this?

MC) We want to see what the demand is and whether people like what we've got to offer, but we will be putting out the second title in series shortly - that one's on a fella called Hoddle who some fans may remember. Although these are both Spurs Shots, by calling the series Sports Shots we've left the field open to cover some of the other subjects we're interested in. And we've also got a few ideas about other formats up our sleeves, but we're taking it one game at a time, Brian.

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S) And Sports Shots are currently only available for Kindle and via Kindle readers on compatible devices (via Amazon). Can we expect an appearance on Apple's iTunes/iBooks in the future?

MC) If we've got something to build on, we'll build. We don't think readers are that interested in platforms of formats or devices – they just want to access the good stuff they want easily. So it makes sense to have any product available in as wide a range of marketplaces as possible. That said, there are a number of complications involved with making material available across multiple marketplaces that means ebook publishing is not quite as simple as some would have you believe, so we need to think about time and resources too.

 

S) A preference of Blanchflower to kick this series off, it’s probably a daft thing to point out, but that must have been quite an easy selection considering how he is perceived by so many as the quintessential Tottenham midfielder. Graceful and inspirational.

MC) I've always been fascinated by Danny Blanchflower, which is a bit odd because I never saw him play. But he is such a dominant figure is Spurs history and such an interesting character – plus of course he was a journalist which is another passion of mine. So the choice made itself when we were thinking of the first title. But we didn't want to roll out a bland profile, and each title will feature some original analysis and observation. In this title, I put forward a couple of theories about Danny's most famous quote and about the lasting influence he asserts which will hopefully provide some talking points.

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S) You are spoilt for choice from that particular era. Should we expect more or will you jump ahead to the 70s, 80s and 90s for future ‘shots’?

MC) As you've said, there are so many rich characters in the club's history. We'd be daft to restrict ourselves and, if these first two titles do well, we've certainly got a good variety of other candidates we'd like to, er, tackle.

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S) Spoilt for choice in any decade when you think about it. Is there any current Spurs player you could possibly imagine writing about in years to come? Or are we once more anchored to modern football and its lack of loyalty that none will warrant the same accolades than the likes of Blanchflower?

MC) There are issues about the modern game, as we've discussed already. But I really like this current squad of players. In the intro to The Boys from White Hart Lane we said we'd couldn't imagine sitting down for a cup of tea with any of today's players and chatting as we did with Tony Parks. Although I doubt Tony would be allowed to talk in the same way now he's back at the club - but we'd love to do that interview! 

That observation probably still stands, but two players I'd love to interview are Gareth Bale and Benoit Assou-Ekotto. Gareth is not only one of the most exciting players to watch - he sends that buzz around the place every time he's on the ball - he seems a genuinely well-adjusted bloke and I reckon he'd be fascinating to talk to. And Benny, as well as being a great full back who I can't believe is so underrated by so many Spurs fans, has a really interesting attitude to the game that cuts through all the bloated hype, and it would be real treat to sit down and shoot the breeze with him. 

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S) If we go onto bigger and better things and win silverware (steady now), BAE strikes me as a fascinating player, one that stands out in an almost maverick way. Any particular modern day favourite you have?

MC) There. I've answered the question already. I can't honestly think of a first team squad member I don't really like. Favourites are firmly Bale and Modric, the latter despite the whining and what seems to be a pretty disgraceful attitude of late.

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S) Okay, so a couple of things to finish on. The first is Spurs Future and your involvement (anyone unfamiliar with this independent group birthed from the failure of the club bidding for the OS and the arguments that rage on about the NDP and its viable potential – click here and here to get up to speed). Any progress on the Community Share Proposal made to THFC and Haringey Borough Council? When should we expect an update on developments?

MC) I keep asking myself why I've got involved with efforts to help a company owned by an incredibly rich tax exile raise some money that will help it make more money, and I probably need my head examined. But I care about the club, the club needs a new stadium for a  number of reasons, and I also care about Haringey as it's the place I grew up in. So I'm as focussed on the Community side as much as the Stadium side. 

My involvement came from some conversation on email and Twitter which was about practical solutions rather than finger-pointing and opposition - important as it is to oppose that which is not going to benefit the club or the community. I'm a bit wary about getting involved in Spurs support politics having had some depressing encounters in the past, but I've never believed it's right to just talk and not do, so I'm trying to do something constructive.

If we can have some influence than that's great, but I'm under no illusions. We've got a meeting with the club quite soon and, as always, we'll update via the website. Sorry if that sounds a bit general and PR-driven but it's a genuine answer.

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S) And finally, on the recent ‘The Fighting Cock’ podcast (ep 4) we read out the passage referencing the inaugural Club Handbook (issued in 1897) from your book The Spurs Miscellany and asked the question, ‘What is the Tottenham Whisper?’. We’ve had plenty of theories and feedback on this from Spurs fans around the world who have attempted to delve into the past to see if they can fathom some kind of understanding. I did say that if you and Adam didn’t know then the likelihood is that this is a mystery lost forever in another century. You still in the dark on this?

MC) We are still very much in the dark, but your question prompted me to ask legendary club history guru Andy Porter. So watch this space.

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S) Martin, don’t be a stranger to DML. Thanks for talking to us. Looking forward immensely to this series of ebooks. I’m hoping for one on Gascoigne.

MC) The site's always a good read, not least for having a sense of humour and a sense of perspective. As for Gazza, we'll see what we can do.

S) Thank you kind sir.

Sports Shots are priced at a very accessible £2.99 and this title can be purchased by clicking this link. At the moment titles are available only for Kindle and via Kindle reader on compatible devices. If this takes off, we’ll be looking at rolling the titles out on other platforms.

http://martincloake.wordpress.com/

http://martincloake.com/Books.html

http://www.spursfuture.org/

@MartinCloake

@adampowley

I blame Howard Webb

Okay, so this is going to be depressing.

There was a point in the game when I actually thought to myself we were competing really well and there was little difference between us and Utd other than perhaps just that little bit more zing in their play. Opening ten minutes, we kept possession well (just not as slick with the passing and movement as we can be) but United found their players with more intent in going forward and as the game progressed we retained that the same level of composure but didn't improve where it mattered. Meaning, when United stepped it up, they created and when they create then tend to score. Which they did. 1-0 would have been okay. 2-0 hurt. 3-0 was just taking the p*ss. We were hardly outclassed in the game in terms of start to finish, just outclassed when it mattered.

That despondent shrug we do so well. It made a flipping cameo. Which is hardly of surprise considering the location.

Whilst United are decisive up top, we dithered far too many times. Fairly limp, illustrating the necessity to announce and play our new forward (Adebayor) because any new forward will completely change the dynamics of how we play our football when charging forward. I know that is such a cliché to drop in a match review but I think we've been stale for too long upfront and players like JD will find themselves galvanised by having to compete for their place rather than settle into it when selected.

But just so that I'm not buried by some of you, I'm only stating what we all knew for practically the whole of last season. My 'bring in the new blood' war cry is just a continuation of that rather than singling out Defoe and using him as a scapegoat.

Our wingers still need to produce the goods in terms of finding the forward(s) but again, I wouldn't go mental on nit-picking the lack of productivity. It's just one game, 90 minutes, and the side was just not good enough in the end to contain and punish United.

Defoe, (I'm not picking on him here, honestly I'm not, just an observation on his performance) was unintelligent when in possession in and around the box. Just too eager to either lash the ball (not very well) or hold onto it for too long. Unlucky with the woodwork though.

The midfield worked hard. Impressed with Livermore simply because he did not appear to be overhauled although he was nothing more than a bog standard no fireworks Jenas, tidying up in midfield and fulfilling Harry's instructions. He grafted, unspectacular but it warms me to see a yoof player in Lilywhite and working his socks off. Niko is no Luka. And regardless of the reasons for his (Modric) absence it was telling. The team simply doesn't function in the same way.

We played football without any genuine impetuous and in the end all it took was for United to change gear. Sure, we had moments of attacking purpose but tbh I'd rather lose to a Howard Webb assist than lose this way. Midfield was simply not strong enough or industrious enough and certainly not capable of dictating tempo and pace. No fault of the players selected. You almost wish we were nearer full strength because < insert scenario that would have played out to our advantage in a parallel universe >.

Substitutions confused me, but then something was needed. Just felt the midfield was weaker for it. Fact of the matter is, there was no authority in the middle and no apparent influence. Harry citing characters in his post-match interview and the need for them. Diarra a character? What's that? Did someone just say Barton?

So, there we were living with United quite well. Used the space pretty well too when running into it but not quite using it as we should have when looking to play a final killer ball. Conceded one then came the dizzy spell then it was over.

I don't know, first game of the season at a notoriously impossible away venue where we get nothing season in season out. Should we really analyse this to bits or just wait for us to lose to City first?

Joking. Expect a more accomplished performance at the Lane. We'll probably dick 'em.

Some other footnotes:

Brad in goal, not sure I understand this. It's almost like saying 'we don't trust Gomes'. He played well though, no denying that. I guess Harry prefers him. For the moment, there is no doubting the selection.  Defending for the goals conceded, not exactly oozing confidence and awareness. But then I guess that's why they scored. No grabbing the game by the scruff of the neck, collectively. You got that impression when United pushed forward (the scruffing of necks).

So convincing win for the home side, not so convinced of the need to knee-jerk. We have to fashion a working midfield in time for the next league game. The Lane has to be rocking when City come to town.

All in all, disappointing night but hardly end of days. Was actually confident pre-match and for a hefty chunk of the game you'd not have disagreed with me. But alas, it's out of our system. We never pick up points at Old Trafford. This hoodoo is not for breaking. Not yet. United, nothing special or amazing and you can see how they could get beaten by sterner opposition. Just that, there is very little stern opposition about these days so Fergie will be more than content his side will compete once more.

Anyways, someone let me know when it's safe to hit the forums again. Twitter is already a massive mess this late evening.

Honestly, hand on heart, no drugs, still think a top 4 challenge is well within our ability. Just call me a  loon. We'll make those signings and we'll push on. Certain of it. Just a downer it ended 3 nothing in the end.

This weeks podcast should be a joy to record.

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The Fighting Cock is a brand new THFC podcast. You can stream it or download it here on DML (make sure you have a Quicktime plug-in installed).

Love the Shirt.

Flav, tehTrunk, Spooky, Ricky, Chicago Dan.

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Modric. Again.

Another day, another Harry throw-away soundbite that gets savaged on like a pack of zombies eating through a bit part character in The Walking Dead.

This illustrates why Redknapp should just say 'no comment' or just decline an appearance (although he's probably the one inviting himself). Personally think he has said something off the back of something we already know. Luka wants to leave. That's different, very different to the club looking to sell him and then publicly and indirectly suggest that the player is refusing to play. Just a single soundbite chewed and spat out by the gaffer, and suddenly the player is on the verge of signing for Chelsea again.

Redknapp, hardly the articulate type, probably wasn't suggesting what the media are lapping up at the moment whilst they continue to push their Modric to West London agenda.

The player is injured, not fully fit. The additional commentary on the state of his head (last time I noticed it was still sitting on his neck) was unnecessary and is also pretty much common knowledge. It's like Harry can't help himself (consciously or subconsciously) by stirring it up a little bit by stating facts of truth that only serve to feed the hungry journalists and sports desks.

Breaking news...Modric's head hasn't been right from the moment the Daily Mail published that interview from the yacht.

Once more I refer you to:

Levy has stated its a closed matter and the player won't be sold.
Modric and agent agreed a 6 year contract, of the ilk of an actual gentleman's agreement where pen gracefully touched paper.

All the alleged engineering in the world won't change the fact that regardless of the fact that this now transcends the player himself (he is simply a chess piece), the club can not go back on their word. This is not the same as the Berbatov strike and United move.

Redknapp (you might have missed this particular soundbite) cited the fact the chairman wont sell the player. He probably just needs to read off a cheat sheet next time to avoid using the wrong terminology.

Onwards to the only thing that should matter today. United at Old Trafford. Spirit of '89 and all that.

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The Fighting Cock is a brand new THFC podcast. You can stream it or download it here on DML (make sure you have a Quicktime plug-in installed).

Love the Shirt.

Flav, tehTrunk, Spooky, Ricky, Chicago Dan.

The FC Podcast group on Facebook.

Also listen to The Fighting Cock via:

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e-mail: thefightingcock at gmail dot com - we want your feedback, suggestions and e-mails.

Spurs lose to United at Old Trafford again

Match previews for games at Old Trafford are all pretty much based on the same template no matter the season. We sort of know we're going to lose so we dress up the pre-match war cry to cite how 'it's all about the performance' and that it's important to show a good account of ourselves by fighting with ample tenacity and display desire and other such emotive footballing clichés.

Arguably, losing to Manchester United is hardly something that will leave us tainted with disgrace across our faces. They've been known to win silverware, domestically and in Europe. They have instilled in them a belief system that is pretty much second to none. In other words, they know how to play and they know how to respond positively if they're on the ropes.

My point is, its pretty much okay to cite 'it's all about the performance'. If we go up there on Monday and play stupendously well in a ding-dong game and lose because of a moment of brilliance or the simple fact they deserved it that little bit more - it's not RIP or end of days. Take it on the chin, move on.

But there's more to it than just that. Hence the same recurring template no matter the season.

There is a deep rooted psychological issue at play. We capitulate. We choke. Sure, the great footballing script writer in the sky complicates matters by adding that seasoned ingredient of controversy, usually in the colours of the referee and his assistants. It's a supporting role, sometimes starring...but we still remain accountable for allowing our heads to drop and for the inevitable to consume us. We accept it on the pitch and then post-match we spit blood in protest.

We've done alright at the Lane against United. We just black out up north.

So, to make it as simplistic as possible, we need to play for the shirt and look to win the game. Take it to them. Don't think we need to over complicate matters tactically to combat their team. I don't mean that disrespectfully. United, regardless of their current transition, still won the title off the back of sheer guts and determination. And skill and luck. All glued together by that classic emotive cliché 'belief'. Obviously, that part about skill along with additional qualities like focus and tempo and punishing clinicality are equally essential. As are the top drawer players. Belief is hardly enough if you don't match your opponents on the field of play, pound for pound.

And we can do so. We've hardly got a shabby outfit. Perhaps not strong in certain areas but perhaps as strong in others.

We have a bloody good squad of players. Quality through the spine of the side and we'll improve further once we announce Adebayor and Diarra (and hopefully another player). There is no need for fear or even a sheepish look back in anger to the past painful defeats.

Look forward. Take the game to them. Play football, play it the Spurs way. And for the love of all things Lilywhite, remove the potential for any controversy to shape the games life-span by embracing destiny, in fact no, forget the embrace, just kidnap the dizzy cow, tie her up and throw her into the boot of the car. Take control, unequivocally and without remorse. Want it and want to win otherwise what's the point? We have the players to compete. We need that belief to glue it altogether.

No apologetic looks up to the sky or shrugs at the man with the whistle. No implosions or mistakes. No longer be the victim. Commit the crime. Be ruthless b*stards. I guess the question that needs answering is - do we have it in us (that combination of belief and quality of players) to see it through.

Speaking of the apologetics, worth noting that I'm not suggesting that its our fault Howard Webb is so horrifically inconsistent with decision making or the linesman who was looking down instead of across and missed the Mendes goal. Just that none of it will matter if we're simply better than them on the day and it pays off with goals. Like I said, remove the potential for it to be used as an excuse.

It's a big ask. It always is. But it's hardly impossible. I know that. Let's hope the players are just as aware. We've broken so many hoodoos in recent seasons. This is one that remains with much frustration and mockery.

This preview actually fits perfectly into the aforementioned seasoned template for this encounter. Let's hope the usual outcome doesn't knowingly nod it's appreciation.

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The Fighting Cock is a brand new THFC podcast. You can stream it or download it here on DML (make sure you have a Quicktime plug-in installed).

Love the Shirt.

Flav, tehTrunk, Spooky, Ricky, Chicago Dan.

The FC Podcast group on Facebook.

Also listen to The Fighting Cock via:

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e-mail: thefightingcock at gmail dot com - we want your feedback, suggestions and e-mails.

Not so Bravehearts hanged, drawn and quartered

Hearts 0 Spurs 5

Spurs break Hearts. Tottenham on the fringe in Edinburgh. Freedom of the park that even William Wallace would be proud of, or not so proud. Okay, so that last one is hardly slick. Talking of which, just how slick was the Spurs last night?

Hands up if you somehow got sold on the idea that we were going to find it tough and that Hearts would stick it to us with some hefty tackling and bruising shoulder barging only to find them attempting to play football without the physicality? Not quite, hey? They more or less allowed us to run the show from the off, supremely confident in possession and in movement with some rather delightful (oh yes) passing and vision.

Wasn't just a hot knife melting butter. This was an ice cream in hell. For them. For us, feet up on the sofa (for the many that didn't travel) and almost embarrassed for the home side when applauding every time we scored.

Gulf in class, obvious. Even if I was one of the people who was sold on that idea of a 'tough' 90 minutes. What with Livermore the only apparent natural centre-midielder. He played well, very well, along with Niko in the centre doing a little bit of that dictating stuff that other 'injured' Croatian does so well for us.

Defoe looked sharp. Sexy sharp. Rafa once more leading the team forward along with Lennon and Bale doing their thing down the flanks. I can't fault any of the performances to be honest. Very encouraging to see both Livermore and Lewis Hamilton play a part, the latter with a great driving ball out to JD who crossed in for Lennon for a rather smart counting attacking move ending with yet another goal.

Everyone had a solid game. Huddlestone also making an appearance and no shock with the ball to Bale resulting with a goal. It's what he does so well. Hearts gave us a scare early in the 2nd half with some sustained pressure before that Bale goal ended any ridiculous dreams of a comeback or a more realistic ambition for a consolation.

It was a good work out and more importantly, its great to see us be so professional and swaggeristic. We got on with the job, killed the tie played some wonderful football. No need to get carried away with it. But no harm in basking in some of the unity out there. Obviously, better teams will ask far more sterner questions. But we can worry about that at Old Trafford on Monday.

For now, good work. Well done Harry, with half a midfield.

Be sure to check Episode #4 of The Fighting Cock below. Slight Bermuda triangle of an issue with the original article meant it didn't make it's appearance on some news feeds when it should have and got lost in the abyss of transfer gossip.

Robbie Keane and The Tottenham Whisper

Welcome to episode 4 of the The Fighting Cock podcast recorded on Wednesday 17th August from Ricky's living room.

We chat Everton postponement and the build up to Hearts in Europe (build the side around Livermore!). We also take a look back at Robbie Keane in Lilywhite (legend or tainted?) and attempt to decide if Gomes is worthy of his number one shirt. And emails too. There's also a controversial game of Killer (the Burkinshaw divide) and we're left scratching our heads asking: What is the Tottenham whisper? Don't forget to get in touch with your feedback and questions at thefightingcock@gmail.com.

Love the Shirt.

The Fighting Cock podcast - episode #4

Riley - It simply won't happen

So basically, if I was to meet Rachel Riley in my local pub say on a Thursday or Friday evening and I got chatting to her and felt the tingling sensation of chemistry dance down from my neck to my toes then I'd be obliged to push on with the flirting until her eye lashes flutter so fast she gently lifts herself off the ground and hovers around me oozing a seductive pheromone that sends me into a sexual trance.

Rachel Riley. Not sleeping with Spooky any time soon.

I'd whisper to her that, "You were so fit on Eight out of Ten Cats the other week" and then suggest we finish our drinks and leave, reservations booked for the closest hotel, making it unequivocally clear that 1 + 1 = 1, my intentions to remain completely attached to her for the rest of the night. She'll smile approvingly at my arithmetic, flicking her hair, grabbing my hand and leading me out of the pub stating "Let's just go, I can't wait any longer". I can no longer wait either, needing to taste her algebra, I almost black out in anticipation. It will be a fantastical night.

What relevancy has this got to do with this blog?

Why even bother sharing this fantasy?

What the hell would my partner think if she read this other than perhaps laugh at my delusions?

If I was to post a Riley update every week, would that technically be stalking or an obsession? Would it be a plausible theory that more I mention her the more likely it will happen?

Perhaps all I want people to know is that I do fancy a bit of Riley. No harm in that, right? But there is absolutely no gain and no point in sharing it with anyone because the reality is I'll never sleep with her and she'd never sleep with me. In fact, there's little chance of her ever turning up at my local.

If I kept banging on about it, then people might become concerned for my mental state and question why I persist with something that will simply not play out no matter how many times I wish to salivate and share.

I should just STFU about Miss Riley and be grateful for what I've got and not draw attention to any whimsical day dreams because I've got a bulge in my pants that I persistently want to show off. In fact, I need to keep my gob shut because I'm embarrassing myself and embarrassing people that know me, always walking around with a photo of Rachel in my wallet, showing it off to anyone I can grab in the street and telling them that although it's simply not on the cards and it won't happen if it did happen, if it did play out I'd spend days worshipping her legs and other parts.

I need to be gagged. Not bound and gagged. I'll leave that for the hotel.

Oh crap, I just can't help myself. Rachel, I love you babe. She won't be on 'Eight out of Ten cats' this week which means she's blatantly going to be down my local.

Result.

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The Fighting Cock is a brand new THFC podcast. You can stream it or download it here on DML (make sure you have a Quicktime plug-in installed).

Love the Shirt.

Flav, tehTrunk, Spooky, Ricky, Chicago Dan.

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The Tottenham Prophecy - Part Three

guest blog by Chris King / @NorthernWrites

Click on the following for Part One and Part Two.

In the concluding part of The Tottenham Prophecy, Nostradamus leads us down an old familiar path where “wandering minstrels enchant us with songs of old – where towers once stood, before history was sold.”

It is the fourth month of the year of our Lord, Sir Bill Nicholson. The sap is rising across the village. Even crumbling towers do take on new life; new interests to the villagers below. The ass-men have woken from their winter hibernation – full of vim and desire to show, with one last hurrah, that they too could be proud cocks of note.

A harsh winter has condemned the village to remain, but the sixth tallest tower in the land. The knights, battle weary from the darkened months, see chance to redeem themselves out on the plains of their foes. First they travel to the land of Sunder, where no man will put our knights under. Blood does run the colour of their tunics as our knights slash through their defences. The village with the seventh highest tower has not looked further than at this point.

A flock of canaries does descend upon our village, only for the ass-men and the baby Jenas – who has risen from the dead (subs bench) – to shoot them down from the skies. No greater sight is it to see fine birds draped, lifeless across the grass as the knights do stand over them, shaking their battle tools until they are drained.

And so to the fields that once mocked the gods, where no grass covered their surface – only fibres made by the devil himself. The knights who do fight for the Queens are no match for this resurgent battle force. Cannons aim straight and true. Ass-men, Jermain of the Jews and Pav of the Romans do run amok as though skirmishes are but friendly in nature – where swords are as wooden as the opposition’s defences. Great fire comes from Jermain of the Jews – as he does once more call to the crusades in timely fashion. He will not fight in the east this summer. His days of crusading are long since past.

The Dictator is so pleased by what he sees that he does take counsel from his battle knights, before gathering sources close to the scribes in dwellings on the edge of the market square. There he sends whispers across the land, that the sun god’s position at the head of his army is secure for another battle season. The sun god does stride in to the market square and proclaim through the criers that he does love this village, and that he had never intended to travel with the crusades – accept when accompanying Lord Lineker and his band of jesters.

The battle of the Elders (FA Cup) does draw to an end, with but four villages fighting the good fight upon neutral soil. The Valiant Knight is found upon trusty steed and does take to battle against the advice of the men of magic. It is three long months since he has appeared in battle, though you could be forgiven for thinking that he was fighting just yesterday. He comes through unscathed, and then, upon dismounting loyal steed – he does trip over lowly ass-man and is rushed straight back to the sorcerers. Ass-man, the one named after carts so luxurious – is apologetic, yet is sent to market square to be flogged.  The knights win this battle by three destroyed towers to one and proceed to final conflict – upon old familiar soil.

The final battle of the month is against no more than mere chicken farmers who offer no resistance. The race for the sixth highest tower is confirmed.

The final battle month of the fighting season holds only one true test. After beating the villainous villagers and the stuffed pigs of Egyptian rule, the knights do return to the market place, where they strike up song with wandering minstrels, two. On lute and harpsichord, Charles and David do sing tales of old – where man from Columbus Land does suffer convulsions of the lower extremities, knights do repeat the success of battles from but one year ago, and the gods do shine upon the village when one is scratched to confirm luck in the passing of the years. They sing new song of ass-men, of valiant knights, of the way the village does recover from the difficulties of the previous year – and of how the sun god did pay taxes on time to keep the elders happy.

The minstrels do lead procession of villagers and knights across the metropolis to where twin towers once stood. The sun god does look upon the gaudy basket of the elders and gives proclamation that, for today alone, no Is, Vs and Xs matter – only success upon the battlefield.  He walks up to each knight and kisses them with warmth and compassion. He then turns to scribes and does say, that today will be the moment of his elevation back to the gods. The scribes do ready the cloak of purple. They also ready their knives – for no back is safe when the scribes have their doubts.

The Valiant knight tries to mount trusty steed, but finds he has neither the strength nor the conviction. Gaul-ass does try to help him, but in doing so does damage the Valiant knight further. Foul play is expected – he will be rightly dealt with – but not before final battle commences.

The proud cocks take to the field against knights from the united northern wetlands. The battle rages long and hard, until opposition knight of Spanish heritage, does spill cannon ball in front of his own, poorly defended tower. In what is to be his last attack as a proud cock, Jermain of the Jews rides with pace and bravery and does punish this mistake – firing cannon straight and true at the base of the tower. At first it appears as though foundations remain intact. Village elder, Webb, consults fellow elders on the edge of the battlefield, and does at once point back to the middle ground. Son of Fergu is outraged and does remonstrate with anyone who will listen. The fourth of the chosen elders is covered in bile, spittle and sap from the gum tree. His remonstrations are in vain, as with skirmishes resuming, Elder Webb watches as tower comes crashing to the ground – thus ending the battle season.

Dictator, sun god, villagers and knights all ride upon, or gather round cart of many levels. They proudly return back to the market square, with songs of the minstrels playing loud and true. Their success in that final battle has once again confirmed their ability to fight on foreign soils. An early start to the battle season will mean that those fighting in the crusades will have limited time to spend with loved ones where sand will meet the sea.

Not everyone will return to fight as a proud cock next battle season. Some, like the ass-men and the baby Jenas will be burnt at the steak. Others will find home in a new village, where they will have to grow to love their new tunics. The dictator and the sun god will argue over which knights to bring in – looking once more to the lands of Columbus, the Gauls, the Goths and the Romans – before finally agreeing to spend riches early this time. But that is for another scroll, another prophecy, another time.

For now, all that is left is a disclaimer. For this prophecy is only true if you want it to be so. It has been written in a time before the elder Bryan Swanson has access to magical horns and illuminated chalk boards. Before yellow rivers do flow with the names of knights who come and go; before Sheriff does proclaim that tax has been paid.

This is my word. This is our future.

Nostradamus, aged 54 and three quarters. 

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The Fighting Cock is a brand new THFC podcast. You can stream it or download it here on DML (make sure you have a Quicktime plug-in installed).

Love the Shirt.

Flav, tehTrunk, Spooky, Ricky, Chicago Dan.

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When does it kick off?

Has the football season started? I know it has but it obviously hasn't because I'm emotionally numb and I'm neither euphoric or disillusioned. Although the latter is a perfect fit for many who still strongly believe our summer transfer window activity has gone belly-up, with no saviour or messiah of the green fields to break the clouds apart with a rainbow.

I haven't even watched either edition of Match of the Day yet, although from the sounds of it I've only missed Alan Hansen salivating over a single passage of Liverpool play that is apparently ample evidence of their return to past glories. I did watch Real v Barca which was stupendous fun and also caught the second half of the City v Swansea game including the début of the completely unknown to these shores, Sergio Agüero, who scored a brace and assisted too. A star is born indeed, confirmed by Alan Smith because players don't exist until after they've appeared on a Super Sunday or MNF.

Talking of commentators, why is it they always sound so slutty for the football they're watching? It's like a porn actress who prefers not to wipe away the mess on her face, preferring instead to glisten for the camera all proud and gleeful when the reality is altogether far less attractive no matter how much she smiles and winks.

As for Kun. Blatantly blagging it against Championship opposition. Will fade by Christmas. Won't score as many as Adebayor either.

Talking of which, I'm still certain we'll sign a forward. I'm still banging the drum of delight whilst others bang the drum of despondency and dejection. I can not see this window closing without an arrival or two because such a scenario would be wholly unacceptable and yadda yadda yadda you've heard it all summer long. Faith is sitting next to me. Okay so he's a little sleepy and I keep having to nudge him because the snoring is repugnant but hey, at least his heart is beating. Sort of. Almost. Faintly.

Robbie Keane is gone. To the MLS. Tongue in cheek 'my dream' soundbite from Keano as he becomes a LA Galaxy player. I guess how much you rate (love) the player is all very much dependent on whether you believe his move to Liverpool tainted him so harshly that his first spell at Spurs is no longer one you can look back at with joy.

If that's you, then remind yourself of the following:

301 apps
122 goals

9th highest goal scorer in our history and one of only 16 players to have joined the THFC 100+ goal club.

I'm going to talk about Robbie on the next The Fighting Cock podcast, so I'll leave the particulars until then. But no argument that he very much did taint himself with the move to Liverpool. He left us for them, of course we're going to look on with disappointment. Perhaps that question in his head pushed him towards Anfield in a quest to see if he could step it up a further level away from his comfort zone only to find that it wasn't the answer he was hoping for. But to ignore his record prior to his move? Stupid. The only unforgivable is being subjected to that cartwheel celebration for so long before he retired it.

He might not have been the greatest but he consistently did a job for us and his stats prove that. His body has given up on him, possibly in addition, has also lost most of his swagger and confidence too. Good luck in the States. If you can't score any goals there Robbie, you could always return to Scotland.

Elsewhere. Arsenal finally allow Cesc to go home. £35M? Cheap, no matter how you look at it. Even if the player has retained a high level of performance, some claim he has somewhat stagnated. That's if you believe a player can be very good but not improve in leaps and bounds and still be awarded with the stagnated label. Warranted or otherwise, not sure it's time to RIP our North London neighbours but they seem to be losing players with each passing week. Hardly feel sorry for them but you have to laugh out loud when you see Fabregas kiss the badge on his new Barca shirt. Half expecting Luka to score an own goal at Old Trafford then rip his shirt off to reveal a Chelsea tattoo on his chest stating 'I'M A SLAVE, PLEASE LET ME JOIN MY DESTINY, I AM A CHELSEA BLUE, 4EVER'. It's a a big tattoo. Hey, maybe Arsenal will bid for Luka.

What? What did I say? Don't shoot the messenger, k?

So Hearts this week. Channel 5 ITV 4. I'm hoping for a strong spine and a comfortable win. Get through the qualifier then perhaps blood some kids. Don't care how weak Scottish football is, but would rather avoid a Young Boys type mishap in the first leg. If anything because it would mean us having to hold onto Crouch just to make sure we get through the second leg.

Man Utd away, our opening game of the season next Monday. I predict an open game. Score draw. No keeper gaffs from our boy please. Be rude to distract attention away from De Gea.

Limbo still has made prisoner. Feels like an eternity. Not long now before I escape.

COYS.

Love the shirt.

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The Fighting Cock is a brand new THFC podcast. You can stream it or download it here on DML (make sure you have a Quicktime plug-in installed).

Love the Shirt.

Flav, tehTrunk, Spooky, Ricky, Chicago Dan.

The FC Podcast group on Facebook.

Also listen to The Fighting Cock via:

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Deluded thought of the day

You'll all mad if you think Levy isn't working his cotton socks off trying to bring in players. Our problem is always going to be our ambition (we need to sign players better than what we have or to the standard of our 'world class' players) and the fact the market has been clusterf*cked in recent seasons meaning mental transfer fees and astronomical wage demands.

Shame we can't scout a bargain (I guess we have with the Brazilian Leandro Damiao at Internacional, although not so much a bargain any more thanks to his new contract) but if we're aiming high, remember we're dealing with players who are obsessed with CL and clubs that want to milk us for every penny.

Snapshots from 'The Rose' pub in London Bridge, recording ep 3 of The FC Podcast

Something has to give. What Levy has to accept is that we might just have to pay that extra £5M or lose a little on players we wish to move on.

Failure to improve the squad will be massively detrimental. Which is why I still hold faith. If I can see it, Levy can see it.

If you think I've gone soft on Mr Chairman, that's not the case. Benefit of the doubt because strike three and you're out is just not a conclusion we could all possibly embrace. I'm not going to spend the lead up to the closure of the transfer window depressed if there's the potential that I'm going to spend the entirety of the season depressed.

Cometh the Spurs.

Love the shirt.

-

The Fighting Cock is a brand new THFC podcast. You can stream it or download it here on DML (make sure you have a Quicktime plug-in installed).

Love the Shirt.

Flav, tehTrunk, Spooky, Ricky, Chicago Dan.

The FC Podcast group on Facebook.

Also listen to The Fighting Cock via:

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e-mail: thefightingcock at gmail dot com - we want your feedback, suggestions and e-mails.

Dear Mr Leaguey (fantasy football for the Spurs faithful)

Fantasy Football reminder.

Okay, so no Spurs/Everton game this weekend so most of us will have to be shrewd and tactical (I've got three Spurs players and two Everton - I've had to make masses of changes to my team and will have to play a wildcard sooner rather than later...can't say I'm happy with the resulting 442 formation either).

If you've not already signed-up to it then get yourself over to the Fantasy Premier League site and do so. Once in, to join 'Dear Mr Leaguey' just use this code:

1872-201767

My team is 'Garrincha's Left Peg'.

The golden rule still applies. Anyone who selects Wilshere in their squad gets a slap.

-

The Fighting Cock is a brand new THFC podcast. You can stream it or download it here on DML (make sure you have a Quicktime plug-in installed).

Love the Shirt.

Flav, tehTrunk, Spooky, Ricky, Chicago Dan.

The FC Podcast group on Facebook.

Also listen to The Fighting Cock via:

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e-mail: thefightingcock at gmail dot com - we want your feedback, suggestions and e-mails.

The Tottenham Prophecy - Part Two

guest blog by Chris King / @NorthernWrites

Click here for Part One.

In Part Two of the Tottenham Prophecy, Nostradamus reports that all is not well in the valley of the sun god. That his villagers can expect a hard winter ahead – and that “broken windows cut through the dreams of the crusaders.”

Come dark winter. Come hail and rain – send down your worst and watch the sun god toil. For in the twelfth month there will be nowhere to hide; no kings with gifts (that’s Ledley out for another month at least) – nor babies to offer salvation (our boys out on loan are sent back from their clubs due to attitude and performance issues).

A tricky lunar cycle lay ahead. Should battles be fought so long and hard during the Janus period? (That’s the roman god, not the wrong time of month to try it on with an Eastenders’ star). Proclamation from the village elders in relation to a break in battles at this time is long overdue. The sun god does struggle to focus on so many battles – confusing his Is, Vs and Xs and demands as to the number of battles he expects his knights to win.

Two birds will be slaughtered and offered up in humble sacrifice to the baby Jenas (nope, seriously, that’s not a quillo – kinda like a typo from the 16^th Century). The baby Jenas shall feast first on canary and then swan. The scribes will condemn the latter – casting it as barbaric and linking it to the death of the Queen of Hearts. 

Before those events shall come to pass, the important return of one, once loved, will dominate the thoughts of the village folk. The silver merchant will ride in through castle gates upon an eight wheeled cart. He will be greeted by the infirm who seek official seals on parchment and to heckle opposing knights. The silver merchant, resplendent in tunics despised, will seek council with the proud cock’s knights. Swords will be touched (we hope this means handshakes – otherwise, that’s not something we want to see in public), helmets tipped– before battle commences. A crushing blow cascades down upon the silver merchant “from a fearsome beast” (another, well timed, Tom Huddlestone tackle) leaving him but a passenger as his fellow knights are put to the sword. Brief resistance is put forward by a Spanish mercenary, though his best efforts hit the next village some two miles away.

The first month of the year of our lord, Sir Bill Nicholson, two thousand and twelve, is but scant relief from the battles of the previous year. Demands from the villagers for extra reinforcements fall upon deaf ears - as the dictator chooses to spend this lunar cycle watching distant targets move, but further away. Pursuit of knights in the land of the moors, Goths, Romans and girls who are boys who like boys to be girls who do boys like they’re girls comes to nothing. With interest in battles across the channel still in the thoughts of the dictator, he seeks only good knights who can fight in all battles; not ones restricted by Europa’s elders. He looks to the low lands and finds a knight who has thus far slaughtered 38 pig’s bladders in 25 battles. He joins our trusty knights, but is not once sent on to the field of the battle by the sun god.

The village elders responsible for the progress of the crusades do call the sun god to their temple and ask questions. They seek knowledge on his use of youth, battle formations, relationship with scribes and his current taxation status with that of the Sheriff of the village. The sun god does beam. The scribes do once more dress him in the purple of a king. The villagers start to look elsewhere for their salvation.

The second month sees battle with resurgent birds, barbarians with no shirts – even in the depth of winter – and weakened artillery. No Xs, not even an I from this bleak month leaves the elders to proclaim that the sun god is not the deity best suited to lead the crusades. The sun god turns to the scribes. Cries curses upon the elders. The scribes join in with curse and hex upon those elders. The elders laugh and appoint a regal knight from the Burgundian Netherlands. The village folk are up in arms at such traitorous activity and set scribes to secretly read both letters and proclamations of the elders without removal of official seal. The sun god is so distracted by the underhanded way in which the purple tunics have been torn from his lithe, naked body that he fails to stop his knights crashing to defeat on the battlefields of Europa – leaving only the battle for fourth highest tower left of this fighting season.

The third month of the year sees dictator rage at the sun god in the market square, as the women folk prepare to clean week old clothing. The dictator questions the loyalty of the sun god to his knights and village folk. The valiant knight tries to intervene with soothing words, but falls from his steed and is rushed straight back to sorcerers. The weakened tower is daubed with words of remembrance of the good times it has seen both in this village and others – but the sun god does proclaim that his mistress be a better tower in size and finishing ability. In the absence of focus, Son of Daw tries to defend the battle lines, but does inexplicably hack down a returning knight just as he is set to fire canon for the army of the northern wet lands. Village elder Howard Webb instantly points to a painted spot in the market place – from where a troll like creature does fire canon straight and true. Another battle lost – another confession to the scribes as to the limitations the sun god has been placed under without support from the dictator.

Not even a fight on the plains overseen by the silver merchant can bring fire back in to the bellies of the proud cock. The dictator’s thoughts turn to other deities, as he witnesses yet another battle lost. The scribes no longer pen the words of the sun god, so instead he turns to the town criers, especially he who holds the keys or is “gray” in colour, and laments his fortune in this battle season. They remind the villagers of the mistakes of the elders – though few listen. Memories of their earlier proclamation – of women and love – still anger some in the village.

But then, when all looks lost – sap does rise, flowers do bloom and a hero from the Burgundian Netherlands and Jermain of the Jews give hope to the villagers around them. Spring is in the air – as is evensong of the villagers - for all want to be in their number, when the knights go marching in to battle.

In part three, the dictator and the sun god do clear the air in the village square – the ass-men do get one last chance to become knights bold and true, and a final battle with the stuffed pigs of Egyptian rule does give hope to all.

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The Fighting Cock is a brand new THFC podcast. You can stream it or download it here on DML (make sure you have a Quicktime plug-in installed).

Love the Shirt.

Flav, tehTrunk, Spooky, Ricky, Chicago Dan.

The FC Podcast group on Facebook.

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The Tottenham Prophecy - Part One

guest blog by Chris King / @NorthernWrites

In some of the most exciting news to reach Dear Mr Levy in years, we can exclusively reveal that a manuscript written by the original ITK, Nostradamus, has been found lying amongst the rubble of the Tottenham riots.

We have employed a crack team of weirdoes, heretics, believers and Benoit Assou-Ekotto  to decipher the manuscript, as we are confident that this was the last great work of the infamous seer – devoted solely to the fortunes of Tottenham Hotpur’s 2011/12 season.

Some of the writing is vague in patches. We have had to assume that passages that refer to the “silver merchant” could be attributed to both Luka Modric and Harry Redknapp – though he does also refer to a “sun god” which is quite clearly a nod to Harry’s tie in with that filthy rag he “writes” for. He also refers to the “man-ass” of which we assume he means donkey. We have had to take the context of which the phrase appears within, and guess which of our fringe players he is referring to. Robbie Keane is mentioned once and once only at the start of the piece.

Please note. As this is the ramblings of an ITK – who once predicted that Queen Elizabeth the first would join Real Madrid at the time of the Spanish Armada – some of it may not actually come to pass. Only Bryan Swanson can really make this prophecy happen.

Here is part one of the manuscript translated in full:

“It is the year of our lord, Sir Bill Nicholson, two thousand and eleven – a great disturbance will herald the start of the new battle season in the capital parish of Tottenham. Flames will lick at the base of the castle. The absolute monarch will summon his people to abandon their fortress and to look to all four points of the compass for salvation - yet find only disquiet and rebellion from the landowners that mark the boundary of his castle.

The dictator and his sun god will, with great difficulty, try to reinforce their army of knights. A number of their men will be blighted by an illness that affects their ability to take to the battlefield (our scholars have read this as a series of players are rubbish and won’t get a game this season). The one from the green isle will find his first true love was not whom he thought them to be, settling in to the bosom of another. He will leave the castle, hopefully never to return.

The eighth month is one of upheaval and turmoil. The silver merchant, who has been held captive against the wishes of his money men, finds clear passage through the smouldering carcass of the local village. There he agrees to meet the horseman of the neighbouring landowner (here we assume this means helicopter of Abramovich).  However his plan is foiled - as in a desperate attempt to find work, a repugnant ass-man alerts the dictator – who immediately shackles the silver merchant until such a time when ransom is paid. The ass-man finds work tending the reserve field with the young of the village. He is to die a lonely death. That or move to a village that has recently had its status upgrade from that of a hamlet (Bentley will train with the kids until Swansea panic and sign him on the cheap).

The proud cock (hazy, though we think this is Spurs rather than Levy or Redknapp) will face two armies from the wet lands of the North. A visit to the money men who engage in the outcome of dice games will favour a defeat for our travelling army, whilst out fortress will remain intact when challenged by an array of barbarians, those of ancient Rome and tribal folk from the land of Columbus.

The sun god will be prepared to sacrifice the lame and youthful amongst the village as our army travels once across the wall of Hadrian. Here they will fight the army of Vlad, the mad tyrant from the east. Should they return as one, they will be sent back to the reserve fields – to tend to their wounds, of a physical and mental variety, until such a time when the army full of heart, but little fighting skill, challenges them on the flat lands of their own village.

The dictator tries to move a weakened tower from view of the villagers. Alas the foundations are too weak and therefore it must stay (Crouch till Christmas at least then).

The ninth month will see our weakened army besieged by animals rather than human foe. We will first fight with wolves and then liver birds, before facing up to the most fearsome animal of them all – the outspoken dictator. The sun god will make proclamation that this lunar period will show that three Is equal one I and an X. So it has been said, so it will not come to pass.

The lame and young will once again be called in to battle, this time against evil from across the water (either this is in reference to playing someone like Crystal Palace or Millwall in the League Cup, or Nostradamus is confident we will still be in Europe).

Memories of the silver merchant have now long since vanished from the corridors of our majestic castle. He will forever ply his trade in the richest market squares of the known world – toiling with haste but no profit as he sees foreign dominions flourishing in their trade of silver. He will soon move on to tin and scrap iron. No longer loved – the path he follows will finally end in Columbus land.

Sir Pav, of the once great nation of Romans, does take to sitting on the side of battlefields with grimace etched across his face. His brow as furrowed as the Wigan Athletic pitch.

The tenth month sees the return of the valiant knight who leads the army but once a week, and never against a lesser village or hamlet. His steed will buckle under the weight of expectation, and he will be sent once more to the sorcerers house for ointment, potion and prayers for recovery (at least we’ll get one game out of Ledley before Christmas).

The sun god will pay close attention to the fortunes of the Crusaders, who will fight one more battle before heading east to take on the barbarians of Europa. The scribes will present him with the purple cloak of a dictator. Should the sun god appear too comfortable in this cloak, the village elders will be quick to tarnish his name across the land. (Will the FA really make Harry the ruler of all England?)

This lunar period will see two battles fought both on land and in voice, as the proud cock will vanquish those false gods of displaced power and money. Those loud yet damaged guns originally from across the water, and the peasants who found a rich seam of gold upon their land, will be no match for the army of the sun god. The battle will rage heard, yet it will be the true villagers of this London parish that will use diagrams, beacons and evensong (we think he means the internet, twitter and radio phone in shows) to mock those fallen soldiers from local parishes.

Lord Jermain, honourable knight of the Jews, does at last fire canon straight and true.

Come the eleventh month, and come yet more proclamation from the sun god. For here he will lean to the scribes and town criers and inform them merrily that there are five stronger castles than that of his chosen parish. That he will need his dictator to scour the lands of the Gauls, Goths, Romans and Barbarians in pursuit of taller, faster, stronger knights than he has at his disposal. That he has instructed the sorcerers to put hex ‘pon the ass-men of the village and that he has Goth magic to ensure the valiant knight is ready to take to the battlefield once the winter solstice has passed.

The battles rage on, but are less brutal – less need to be applied to tapestry, more forgotten as soon as the army leaves the field. If the sun god takes eyes from his assailants, then these are battles that can quite easily be lost - for it is these battles that so do regularly cripple the chances of his army – reducing the position of our castle to that of sixth highest tower in the land. The wider village seek knowledge of only one result – that from the battle with the stuffed pigs of Egyptian rule. For a local fight stirs the loins like no other, keeping spirit and hope alive in these darkened times.

Gaul-ass (French Donkey?) does proclaim a lack of spirit in both our fight and our foes and makes comment as to his future at this time".

In part two – the dictator and sun god do battle over whom best should spearhead the army’s attack – preferably a small Columbus land knight with Roman heritage but based in the land of the moors. And the silver merchant does return to pick pocket, but leave shame faced once more.

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The Fighting Cock is a brand new THFC podcast. You can stream it or download it here on DML (make sure you have a Quicktime plug-in installed).

Love the Shirt.

Flav, tehTrunk, Spooky, Ricky, Chicago Dan.

The FC Podcast group on Facebook.

Also listen to The Fighting Cock via:

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e-mail: thefightingcock at gmail dot com - we want your feedback, suggestions and e-mails.