The Tottenham Prophecy - Part Three
Wednesday, August 17, 2011 at 12:01PM guest blog by Chris King / @NorthernWrites
Click on the following for Part One and Part Two.
In the concluding part of The Tottenham Prophecy, Nostradamus leads us down an old familiar path where “wandering minstrels enchant us with songs of old – where towers once stood, before history was sold.”
It is the fourth month of the year of our Lord, Sir Bill Nicholson. The sap is rising across the village. Even crumbling towers do take on new life; new interests to the villagers below. The ass-men have woken from their winter hibernation – full of vim and desire to show, with one last hurrah, that they too could be proud cocks of note.
A harsh winter has condemned the village to remain, but the sixth tallest tower in the land. The knights, battle weary from the darkened months, see chance to redeem themselves out on the plains of their foes. First they travel to the land of Sunder, where no man will put our knights under. Blood does run the colour of their tunics as our knights slash through their defences. The village with the seventh highest tower has not looked further than at this point.
A flock of canaries does descend upon our village, only for the ass-men and the baby Jenas – who has risen from the dead (subs bench) – to shoot them down from the skies. No greater sight is it to see fine birds draped, lifeless across the grass as the knights do stand over them, shaking their battle tools until they are drained.
And so to the fields that once mocked the gods, where no grass covered their surface – only fibres made by the devil himself. The knights who do fight for the Queens are no match for this resurgent battle force. Cannons aim straight and true. Ass-men, Jermain of the Jews and Pav of the Romans do run amok as though skirmishes are but friendly in nature – where swords are as wooden as the opposition’s defences. Great fire comes from Jermain of the Jews – as he does once more call to the crusades in timely fashion. He will not fight in the east this summer. His days of crusading are long since past.
The Dictator is so pleased by what he sees that he does take counsel from his battle knights, before gathering sources close to the scribes in dwellings on the edge of the market square. There he sends whispers across the land, that the sun god’s position at the head of his army is secure for another battle season. The sun god does stride in to the market square and proclaim through the criers that he does love this village, and that he had never intended to travel with the crusades – accept when accompanying Lord Lineker and his band of jesters.
The battle of the Elders (FA Cup) does draw to an end, with but four villages fighting the good fight upon neutral soil. The Valiant Knight is found upon trusty steed and does take to battle against the advice of the men of magic. It is three long months since he has appeared in battle, though you could be forgiven for thinking that he was fighting just yesterday. He comes through unscathed, and then, upon dismounting loyal steed – he does trip over lowly ass-man and is rushed straight back to the sorcerers. Ass-man, the one named after carts so luxurious – is apologetic, yet is sent to market square to be flogged. The knights win this battle by three destroyed towers to one and proceed to final conflict – upon old familiar soil.
The final battle of the month is against no more than mere chicken farmers who offer no resistance. The race for the sixth highest tower is confirmed.
The final battle month of the fighting season holds only one true test. After beating the villainous villagers and the stuffed pigs of Egyptian rule, the knights do return to the market place, where they strike up song with wandering minstrels, two. On lute and harpsichord, Charles and David do sing tales of old – where man from Columbus Land does suffer convulsions of the lower extremities, knights do repeat the success of battles from but one year ago, and the gods do shine upon the village when one is scratched to confirm luck in the passing of the years. They sing new song of ass-men, of valiant knights, of the way the village does recover from the difficulties of the previous year – and of how the sun god did pay taxes on time to keep the elders happy.
The minstrels do lead procession of villagers and knights across the metropolis to where twin towers once stood. The sun god does look upon the gaudy basket of the elders and gives proclamation that, for today alone, no Is, Vs and Xs matter – only success upon the battlefield. He walks up to each knight and kisses them with warmth and compassion. He then turns to scribes and does say, that today will be the moment of his elevation back to the gods. The scribes do ready the cloak of purple. They also ready their knives – for no back is safe when the scribes have their doubts.
The Valiant knight tries to mount trusty steed, but finds he has neither the strength nor the conviction. Gaul-ass does try to help him, but in doing so does damage the Valiant knight further. Foul play is expected – he will be rightly dealt with – but not before final battle commences.
The proud cocks take to the field against knights from the united northern wetlands. The battle rages long and hard, until opposition knight of Spanish heritage, does spill cannon ball in front of his own, poorly defended tower. In what is to be his last attack as a proud cock, Jermain of the Jews rides with pace and bravery and does punish this mistake – firing cannon straight and true at the base of the tower. At first it appears as though foundations remain intact. Village elder, Webb, consults fellow elders on the edge of the battlefield, and does at once point back to the middle ground. Son of Fergu is outraged and does remonstrate with anyone who will listen. The fourth of the chosen elders is covered in bile, spittle and sap from the gum tree. His remonstrations are in vain, as with skirmishes resuming, Elder Webb watches as tower comes crashing to the ground – thus ending the battle season.
Dictator, sun god, villagers and knights all ride upon, or gather round cart of many levels. They proudly return back to the market square, with songs of the minstrels playing loud and true. Their success in that final battle has once again confirmed their ability to fight on foreign soils. An early start to the battle season will mean that those fighting in the crusades will have limited time to spend with loved ones where sand will meet the sea.
Not everyone will return to fight as a proud cock next battle season. Some, like the ass-men and the baby Jenas will be burnt at the steak. Others will find home in a new village, where they will have to grow to love their new tunics. The dictator and the sun god will argue over which knights to bring in – looking once more to the lands of Columbus, the Gauls, the Goths and the Romans – before finally agreeing to spend riches early this time. But that is for another scroll, another prophecy, another time.
For now, all that is left is a disclaimer. For this prophecy is only true if you want it to be so. It has been written in a time before the elder Bryan Swanson has access to magical horns and illuminated chalk boards. Before yellow rivers do flow with the names of knights who come and go; before Sheriff does proclaim that tax has been paid.
This is my word. This is our future.
Nostradamus, aged 54 and three quarters.
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Reader Comments (24)
First Again, this is becoming a habit.
Osvaldo. Possibly a chance that no-one has anything to say about the 'prophecy' articles?
"first it appears as though foundations remain intact. Village elder, Webb, consults fellow elders on the edge of the battlefield, and does at once point back to the middle ground. "
You had me convinced until this part
If we had stuck a photo image of Adebayor in the middle of this article I'd have around 100 comments slagging me off for not including details of his imminent transfer to Spurs.
Very cutting, JohnnyB
Redknapp today said that it's more important for us to get midfielders in rather than strikers....
If he truly believes this then there is no hope.
He's just highlighting that we have an entire midfield missing for Thursdays game in that Redknapp kinda way.
Harry should be gagged. How come Modric is suddenly injured. He says he has one fit midfielder for tomorrow night is what he says. Lies, lies and more lies. The man is a liar.
I think our striker problems arise from Redknapp misadvising the board. We are in desparate need for atleast one first 11 mainstay striker. Defoe and Pav can do the backing up.
Having watched Ruiz's performance in the CL qualifiers, I would think our manager would be eager to add such a playerto our squad. We have 3.5m from the sale of Keane, add 7m from the sale of Crouch to Stoke, plus the little we got for selling O'hara and get this Ruiz chap. He is the real deal.
Harry wants to sign strikers. Said it in print over and over with direct quotes and everything and names include Bellamy, RSC, Carrol, Drogba, Adebayour...
(BTW an interesting side note is that, Bellamy aside, all of those targets Harry named over the past couple years would replace Crouch's role which shows how he plays him because he is our sole aerial threat).
Anyway, Harry says today he wants Adebayour and that Levy is in talks. He is exactly what is missing in our front line. Can't see it happening though. If the club did not see an urgent need to fix the strikers for the CL I doubt we will now pony up for the forthcoming Europa season. Even Defoe, Pav, and Gio can score against Europa part timers and in the league the rest of the team will do enough to get us sixth in the table.
In the unlikely event that Modric stays and 'Ade' comes, I wonder how Modric will feel, knowing that a player who, unlike himself, isn't being forced to stay at the club will be earning at least three times as much money as him?
If Luka leaves Spurs, I promise you, I will take this blog to dark dark places. I will anchor myself to the past, to the non-medicated version of Spooky and you will swim in my misery then drown in my whirlpool, forever to be lost in an abyss of nothingness.
You'll love it TMWNN.
Just out of interest, had Modric been available to play tonight, and was selected, would he then become cup-tied for the Champions League?
If so, then this sudden "injury" would look very fishy indeed......
TMWNN Brilliant
Spooky..just do it anyway.
I will take this blog to dark dark places.
Looking forward to it. I don't want luka to go, but shouold the worst happen or if we don't sign any strikers, or 'arry manages to get us dumped out of Europa at the first hurdle, I won't be in the humor for any more of this wait for the miracle at 11:58 on August 31 happy clapping.
Get your bile on, Spooky. You know you want to.
Will confuse plenty of people if Spooky goes old skool!
@TMWNN
Well I don't think Modric is leaving or Ade is coming or we are going to triple our wages cap so it is a bit of an unlikely scenario.
But for Luka first I don't think he is solely motivated by money or he would have gone to one of those cash rich ruskie clubs that were after him when we bought him. He could have been on triple the wages we pay if that was all he cared about. I think he would be delighted to see Ade arrive. You really think he would prefer instead to go through another season where all his magic and effort was spunked away by the sub standard forwards like it was last season? I think he is bigger than that.
good stuff chaps, good stuff. I hope soiled pyjamas is wrong. Adebayor is the right player if we can get him.
Speaking of dark dark places, here's 'Arry's latest on why Levy should sell Modric and give the money to his good self:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2011/aug/18/redknapp-modric-sale-tottenham
Reportedly, there's an ITV interview with even worse quotes: "After talking some nonsense about Hearts and the UEFA cup, he went on to big up his CV (as usual) and talk about his 4th and 5th places. Then he concluded that last years performance in finishing 5th and getting to the quarter finals of the champions league was the best we've had, and that it would take some beating, in THE NEXT 20 YEARS!"
And if you really want to bring the pain, you can read this and remember what it was like to have a bit of class from your manager:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2011/aug/18/martin-jol-fulham-juande-ramos-dnipro
Press reporting that Modric would be cup-tied for the CL. Would suggest if Levy is serious, he gets a run out next Thursday - would put the whole thing to bed. But then that wouldn't be Tottenham would it...
The headlines are full of "HR wants to sell Modric". But anyone who can read will note what he said was along the lines of: first preference is to keep him, but if we do decide to sell then we need to do it sooner rather than later so we have time to re-invest the proceeds on strengthening the squad. That doesn't strike me as unreasonable, but there seems to be little alignment or communication between Levy and HR which is odd. It's like they don't talk to each other or share a position. How can the manager have no idea whether we are still in the running for signing a particular player (Adebayor) or any idea on whether we are selling Modric or not. This seems to jive with the rumour that Redknapp wants to sell while Levy does not.
Having said that, is it me or is this the most dismal transfer window in living memory? It's like every club in Europe is broke, apart from the new Big 3 (City, Utd, Chelsea) who are all set to dominate for a decade unless UEFA grow some balls and refuse to sanction Man City's clearly bent source of funding. Then again, footie isn't exactly whiter than white in the face of obscene quantities of cash.
God Bless Ooky Street
Bugger! A great performance from the team last night, movement, passing, speed and goals.
Damn that Harry Redknap.
Redknapp even.