Riley - It simply won't happen
Thursday, August 18, 2011 at 12:36PM So basically, if I was to meet Rachel Riley in my local pub say on a Thursday or Friday evening and I got chatting to her and felt the tingling sensation of chemistry dance down from my neck to my toes then I'd be obliged to push on with the flirting until her eye lashes flutter so fast she gently lifts herself off the ground and hovers around me oozing a seductive pheromone that sends me into a sexual trance.
I'd whisper to her that, "You were so fit on Eight out of Ten Cats the other week" and then suggest we finish our drinks and leave, reservations booked for the closest hotel, making it unequivocally clear that 1 + 1 = 1, my intentions to remain completely attached to her for the rest of the night. She'll smile approvingly at my arithmetic, flicking her hair, grabbing my hand and leading me out of the pub stating "Let's just go, I can't wait any longer". I can no longer wait either, needing to taste her algebra, I almost black out in anticipation. It will be a fantastical night.
What relevancy has this got to do with this blog?
Why even bother sharing this fantasy?
What the hell would my partner think if she read this other than perhaps laugh at my delusions?
If I was to post a Riley update every week, would that technically be stalking or an obsession? Would it be a plausible theory that more I mention her the more likely it will happen?
Perhaps all I want people to know is that I do fancy a bit of Riley. No harm in that, right? But there is absolutely no gain and no point in sharing it with anyone because the reality is I'll never sleep with her and she'd never sleep with me. In fact, there's little chance of her ever turning up at my local.
If I kept banging on about it, then people might become concerned for my mental state and question why I persist with something that will simply not play out no matter how many times I wish to salivate and share.
I should just STFU about Miss Riley and be grateful for what I've got and not draw attention to any whimsical day dreams because I've got a bulge in my pants that I persistently want to show off. In fact, I need to keep my gob shut because I'm embarrassing myself and embarrassing people that know me, always walking around with a photo of Rachel in my wallet, showing it off to anyone I can grab in the street and telling them that although it's simply not on the cards and it won't happen if it did happen, if it did play out I'd spend days worshipping her legs and other parts.
I need to be gagged. Not bound and gagged. I'll leave that for the hotel.
Oh crap, I just can't help myself. Rachel, I love you babe. She won't be on 'Eight out of Ten cats' this week which means she's blatantly going to be down my local.
Result.
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Reader Comments (30)
1st.
Almost came.
She looks like a cute duckie
But you're not Harry Redknapp are you!
brilliant. its not just modders - its the wider world too. fuck money!
I had to go onto Wikipedia to find out who she is.....
She would get it.......
Chelscum won't
I don't know if there's some sort of Tottenham related metaphor on here somewhere but, regardless, she's fucking lovely.
I clicked on this article thinking it was a piece about our referee against United on Monday. Wrong, very wrong but still an enjoyable read.
get out more................
and no im not taking it seriously!
COYS
trying to tie my post in with the most anticipated TV to big screen movie of the summer, I'll simply say this: I'd be up to my nuts in guts if she'd let me (and the wife didn't mind either of course).
vinegar stroke now over i can get back to work, oh shit no i cant my keyyyyyyyyyyyybbbbasrds all glued up.......you ol dirty bastard you !
Anyway when we signing Falcao (ha)
Er, but what if one morning her manager came out and said having sex with spooky might make society a better place to live in?
No like Chicken Vaj
This is exactly why I love you, Spooky! Genius!
A couple of little gif(t)s
http://www.threadbombing.com/data/media/2/RR_WIN_01.gif
http://www.threadbombing.com/data/media/2/Rachel_Riley_GTFO.gif
Never say never though.
Some Spooky/Riley activity is more likely than Levy buying or selling anyone this window.
Small comfort but get it where you can.
she's got ATM written all over her
The buck toothed parasite will go....... we're being played.....
If we can get both benayoan AND Kalou + any cash at all - I'd give up Modric in a second.
Both of those guys score, assist more and are more intelligent attacking players than Modric. Now Modric holds on to the ball better than them but ...we want more than 5th place.
It's like how Niko scores and assists more than Modric but tends to lose the ball more. But Niko was a big part of our run to 4th place, Modric didn't do much that season.
Benayoun and Kalou? Are you serious? Lee Sharpe used to score for Man U, he was still shite.
Not saying that Modric isnt overrated, because i think he is, (aside from his excellent ball retention)
If we're selling him, we need something more than 2 bench warmers who would struggle to get in our side, like maybe some of their strikers?
Orgasms all over the net declaring Diarra deal done at £10m......
Not bored with the football already Spooky?
We haven't even started yet.
I think you have every chance,
she's nothing special.
DAMN DUDE!!
Jeez - are Hearts really that poor ?
Hey Jimmy, you're just one less person to worry about then ;)
Modric is a fucking magician with the ball, make no mistake about it. Selling him to the chavs or manure would be stupid beyond belief. With Ade and Diarra both hopefully coming in we should have a great shot at the top 4 possibly even the title if Ade has a big season which he should with the service he'll get. If Modric still wants out next season flog him abroad fuck strengthening our domestic rivals. It's time to act like a big club and quit getting bent over for afew extra bucks. The league is wide open this season imo although shity do have a fucking quality squad Mancini is abit thick so hopefully he'll underperform. We need to get Ade and Diarra in asap though and then we'll be flying high as ricky on the podcast lol
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfB2wYdmiPE
For anyone who missed our performance last night.
Cheer up Arry, might never happen.
According to TalkSport, AC Milan are considering a move for Crouch..... HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
That's got to be the worst transfer rumour involving us EVER!
PMSL Apparently they're after a 'tall, powerful striker'.
1 out of 3 aint bad eh?
Spooky, did you copy and paste this blog from my mind?
I'm in love with RR too.
*sigh*