Pre-match nerves

More pre-match stats from the beeb.

Winless Spurs, on the joint worst ever start to a league season in their history, pay their first visit to the Britannia Stadium for Stoke's 2,000th top-flight match.

Between them Stoke (Football League founder members) and Spurs (Premier League ever-presents) have lost 10 matches and won just one this season, dropping a collective 36 points.

This is Tottenham's 35th Premier League match under Juande Ramos. They have only won 10 in his tenure.

Tony Pulis selects a side for his 600th league match as a manager, and 100th league game since his return to Stoke in June 2006.

Spurs recorded their joint biggest away win in top-flight football when defeating Stoke 1-6 at the Victoria Ground on 15 September 1951.

Shitting a brick yet?

King out. Hutton starts at right-back. Bent upfront on his own. Pav (shockingly) on the bench.

4-5-1.

/shakes head

Titanic game at the Lane

The biggest game in our history ever. Lose to Hull City at White Hart Lane and the smell and smoke from the burning season tickets will cover N17 into indefinite darkness, with the faint light of Championship football bearing ever closer.

A recent photo of Tottenham Hotspur

It will be our worst start to a season since 1912. 96 years since the Titanic hit an iceberg and sank to the depths of the sea.

You couldn't make this shit up.

THE BIGGEST GAME IN OUR HISTORY.....EVER™

Spurs v Hull

Lose this. And Spurs lose me.

At no point have we attempted to elevate our game to a respectable level. We have been consistently shit all season. Spurs need to put on a show. Reclaim some self-respect. Give something wholesome for the fans to sing.

There is simply no excuse in existence for defeat on Sunday.

Hull City. Clash of the Titans, hey? Bottomham Hotspur and three points. A marriage in limbo.

Step up. That's all we need you to do. Step up.

Rotation, rotation, rotation...

So Ramos is defending his rotation policy, which currently involved changing the team around practically every game. If you were not worried about the Hull game, then take this into account:

"I cannot understand why I am always being asked about this. We are playing in three competitions - the league, the Carling Cup and the Uefa Cup - and it is necessary to change some players.

"It is impossible to play the same team in every game.

"Now we have a game against Hull in just three days and I will have to make some changes again. Ledley King will need a rest and I may also have to leave out Jonathan Woodgate as well.

"The Premier League is different and we need to improve on where we are in the table, but I hope for the best against Hull at White Hart Lane. I want the best performance from the team.

"Little by little, match to match, we need to improve."

Riiiight. Woodgate and King 'rested' for Sunday? King, on form, should just be dropped. He looks Dawsonesque at the moment. Time to retire the Rolls Royce? We can't go on like this, and Ledley probably knows he can't either.

As for rotation, you can do so, but play the strongest line-up for the games that matter the most: The Premiership. The team has to stay settled, otherwise this 'little by little' improvement we seek will not happen. We haven't improved, at all in recent weeks. And none of this inspires confidence.

Can only hope this is just some pre-match propaganda - and both play.

I love the BBC

These stats make for grim reading. Yes, more grim than last week, and the week before, and the week before that. Enjoy (don't be choking on your coco-pops).

Hull visit North London in search of a remarkable double over successive weekends. Last Saturday, the Yorkshire club in their first top-flight season, became only the second side ever to leave Arsenal's Emirates Stadium with all three points; now they set about the task of adding to Tottenham's misery and gaining their first back-to-back victories at the highest level.

If Hull can go to the Emirates and survive the onslaught of constant passing movements from the home team, and win 2-1, then what can they achieve at Spurs, were the ball just gets played sideways and then hoofed up the pitch? A lot.

Juande Ramos' side are the only club yet to record a Premier League victory this season; Phil Brown's newcomers are yet to lose on the road.

Something's gotta give, right? Erm, no. Spurs are likely to stay on the side of recent history and lose, with Hull storming to 12 points clear of us. That's 12 points behind Hull, potentially. Will the players finally admit to being in a relegation scrap? Nah, cause 'we're too good to go down' innit...

Spurs have made their worst start to a league season in 53 years; since gaining just one point from the first six outings of the 1955-56 top-flight season. The point came from a 2-2 draw away to Manchester United, and their first win in the seventh game was 3-1, home to North London rivals Arsenal on 10 September 1955.

Honestly, if they can't be arsed to restore some pride, end this dismal miserable run, and prove their worth - cometh Sunday - then drastic measures will be taken. By the board, no doubt. But also by me. Stay tuned.

If Spurs do not pick up maximum points, it will be the first time in 96 years that they have failed to win any of their first seven games of a league season. In the top-flight campaign of 1912-13, the Londoners took 13 games to register a first victory. They lost nine games and drew three of their opening 12, until they beat Newcastle 1-0 at home on 23 November 1912.

96 years. No-one can say we are not re-writing the record books, right? Can imagine the back pages of the tabloids already. Big white bold numerals, stating: 96. Scathing.

This is the first league meeting of Tottenham and Hull in 30 years; the Tigers have never won on Spurs' turf.

Until Sunday, of course.

Pompey v Spurs

I've pulled the following stats from the Beebs preview of today's away game at Pompey:

Negatives:

• This is Juande Ramos' 50th game in charge of Tottenham
• Spurs have made their worst start to a league season in 53 years; since gaining just one point from the first six outings of the 1955-56 top-flight season.
• Tottenham are the only club without a Premier League victory this season.
• Gained just two points out of 18 this season.
• On the longest current run in the Premier League of 12 matches without scoring more than a single goal in a game, since the 2-0 home win over Portsmouth on 22 March.
• Yet to take the lead in a Premier League game this season.
• Won 10 of 32 Premier League games under Juande Ramos.
• Won one of the last seven away league matches (at Reading).

Positives:

• Tottenham hold a seven-match unbeaten Premier League record against Portsmouth of six wins and one draw, including the double over them last season.

Grim. Defoe apparently wants a hattrick. The greedy git. With Pompey having been whipped in recent weeks, including that 6-0 lose at Eastlands, I'm sure 'all guns blazing' will be their mentality while we stand there with empty water pistols with no triggers.

Prediction? If Pompey play poorly then we might just snatch a point. Otherwise, home win. The odds on us actually putting in a solid performance? Don't bet on it. What's scary is Hull winning at Arsenal, and us facing them soon. Whatever happened to dead certs and no easy games?

We've become the dead cert.

Of course, Pompey do have about 6 ex-Spurs player in their squad, so they could well shut-down again. Which would be welcomed.

Carling Cup preview

Not sure what to expect this evenings Carling Cup spectacle at St James Park. The two Premiership comedy clubs clash in what will either be a laugh-a-minute 'how not to defend' circus of calamity or the game that ignites the season for us or them. Apart from a 1-0 win a few years ago, we don't tend to beat them up there. We prefer to lose, and usually lose heavily.

The fact that Chris Hughton is looking after things whilst Ashley attempts to fix the mess he's created, makes it doubly potentially embarrassing if Ramos is out-witted by the former Spurs man.

So strongest team on paper?

Gomes
Gunter King* Woodgate Bale
Bentley Jenas O'Hara Lennon
Modric
Bent

*Corluka in place of King, depending on how bad his knee is this week

I haven't included Pav in that line-up because the lad needs a rest. That's what you get for paying £14M for a striker who's already played several months of the Russian league season.

So, our strongest side is a side with little physical presence in the midfield. No left winger - in fact the left side isn't the strongest (with Bale in defence and Lennon on the opposite side to where he should be). Bentley, is on the right, but will his deliveries meet the head or feet of Bent?

Modric is back in full training, so I don't expect him to play this evening, which means we might be looking at:

Gomes
Gunter King/Corluka Woodgate Bale
Bentley Jenas O'Hara Lennon
Campbell Bent

No matter who he opts with - its imperative that Lennon starts and Lennon is used as our main outlet of forwardism. Attack, attack, attack. Give the ball to the imp and just make bloody sure you're in the box to deflect a cross into the goal, with arse or foot, it doesn't matter.

With Martins back for Newcastle (4 played, 4 wins, 4 goals - against us), its all looking ominous. Historically, we are soft when we play them in front of their home crowd (although not sure how many will bother to turn up to watch this game).

Maybe we should play the kids. Works for Arsenal, should work for us, right? Right?

Jansson
Gunter Dervite Dawson Berchiche
Taarabt O'Hara Bostock
Dos Santos
Campbell Barcham

I reckon that team could beat our first team handsomely. Jossy's Giants could beat our first team handsomely. Christ, this is grim. Let's look on the bright side. This is the best start we've had in years. The table speaks for itself, no? We are only three points behind Man Utd.

Glory!

THE BIGGEST GAME IN OUR HISTORY™ (UEFA and Prem Special Edition)

Part I

Wilsa Karkow (UEFA Cup)

Part II

Wigan (Prem)

Wigan more so than Karkow. If we lose on Sunday.....end of days will be upon us. Relegation will be a distinct possibility - and if it means ridding the club of all the over-rated players, expensive season tickets, shit Premiership merchandise and Levy and the board - then I say, LETS EMBRACE THE CHAMPIONSHIP. It happened once before, and we came back stronger.

If Wigan defeat us - then my campaign for 'LETS RELEGATE SPURS' will begin in earnest, and I hope the wise among you join me in achieving this goal.

Relegation will purge the delusions of grandeur we suffer from and turn us into 'West Ham' fans - happy with entertaining football and getting one over the big boys now and again. Lack of high expectations means less pressure on the players and less chance of falling flat on our faces.

~Spooky

THE BIGGEST GAME IN OUR HISTORY™

Massive massive game down at the Lane this evening. Lose this and we are practically relegated. I'm taking my Levy effigy to the game. And believe me, it will burn along with my season ticket if we do not put in a convincing performance.

The pressure is on for Modric, who after 3 games, is an expensive flop (Talksport confirmed this). The little man is now fighting to keep his place in the first team.

In last seasons corresponding fixture we went 4-1 down before making it 4-4 in the final seconds. Cardiac football at its very best. However, Villa's record at the Lane is not a great one, but MON's hard-working, pacey team might just have the backbone to contain Jenas and therefore secure more than just a point with the likes of Young and Abonglahor key players in their away day mission.

All eyes on Tottenham's new Russian striker, Pavlychenko. He's no moody Bulgarian. But is he just a tall non-Ukrainian Sergi Rebrov? Pav, if you are a racist like Sergi - avoiding the crime out in the streets of Tottenham is one thing, but be warned, men in white get mugged all the time out on the pitch.

Prediction: Much pre-match hype followed by disillusion, anguish and crying.

Que Sera

Looking forward to tomorrow. Wembley, London final. A song here and there. Would be gutted if we lost. For several reasons.

Its Chelsea.
Its silverware.
Its a ticket to the UEFA Cup proper next season.

Had someone tell me that if Chelsea are on form, then we ain't got a chance. That's a fair comment. Apart from Utd or Arsenal, who else can beat them at the top of their game? But its a [cliche]one off[/cliche], innit? The favourite doesn't always win. So all I'm asking is for Spurs to turn up. The drab, fruitless result from our last League Cup final, which saw us spurn far too many chances hasn't been forgotten. It's always disappointing when you lose a game without really forcing the issue the other way.

Berbatov, give us your swansong. And Robinson, for the love of all things Lilywhite.....make yourself big between the sticks (ooh matron). King and Woodgate at the back please. And no Chimbonda playing the opposite side he is usually accustomed too. As for the rest. Jenas, stick all your chances away. Lennon, do to them what SWP does to us.

I just hope the idiot minority keep the football factory shit to remote train stations.

COYS

Countdown to Wembley

Prague tonight. And no such luck of resting all our ‘top’ players like Chelsea were able to do in the Champions League. Nice to see them taking the Carling Cup so seriously. Obviously the game on Sunday is far more important than an away leg in Greece. Although today, there are suggestions that Terry and Lampard won't start on Sunday. Don't believe the hype.

Not certain what Ramos will do tonight, but hopefully he’ll start with a strong eleven, and look towards them killing the game off in the first 45, then take off the key players who will be vital on Sunday.

Robinson might be recalled. Not sure of Kings fitness. 3-0 Spurs.

Yes, I know Robbo will be back in goal. And yes. I'm predicting a clean sheet too. Crack is one hell of a drug.

If we lose, I'll start the 'RAMOS OUT' campaign in earnest.

Spurs v Man Utd

I'm off to get me suit measured for the game. I expect Spurs to run out comfortable 5-0 winners. Woodgate, to give Ronaldo a sporting chance, will be blindfolded for the game. Look away Fergie. We don't want to lose you to a heart attack.