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Entries in diary of a ITK (6)

Monday
Jan022012

The window is open. Can you not feel the draft?

So it’s already started. The rumours and whispers  and the regurgitated transfer ramblings. The window is open. If only we could all jump out of it. Doesn’t quite work like that though and as I sit here ever so slightly on the edge of hypocrisy ,as much as I enjoy laughing at the media/Harry Redknapp and the ITK community, I obviously (deep down) don’t mind it as it tends to elevate an otherwise distracting month of irreverent chit chat. We all live in hope Jim White’s head WILL explode. One day, soon.

Mathematicians will obviously point to the fact that there is only a small group of high profile players that we’d potentially be able to sign. The unknown quantity are scouted players completely under the radar which usually don’t get highlighted by those privy to inside info because they don’t truly have access to said info. It’s far easier to suggest signing someone ‘famous’ especially someone who has been linked before. You know how it works. It’s the same formula the back page tabloids enjoy printing.

Once in a while, sure, someone does get it right. Mostly when the deal has practically been concluded and Levy and co can’t stop info from being leaked and hardly care at that point in time. Usually know, no one has a clue until the club tells us. So we populate the time with all the fun and games, the playa hating and the name calling.

I won’t be copying and pasting info this time. It’s out there, it’s easy to find and considering how disparaging I can be towards all the worshipping and the God complex that’s synonymous with it I’m hardly going to share cheap headlines just for the traffic when the info is pretty much irrelevant until said player is paraded in Lilywhite.

So instead I’m going to make logical predictions (will leave the names blank for you lot to discuss) based on nothing more than hope.

We’ve been obsessed with centre-backs. Cahill could have signed for us in the last window. Samba is always a popular and obvious player that gets linked. But then when you note the return of Dawson and add Kaboul, Gallas and the part-time King to the list you start considering the possibility that no new defensive rock will join this window. Perhaps in the next one when Gallas (probably) departs and question marks remain with Ledley’s longevity. Then there’s Caulker, the one for the future that might be part of the first team next season depending on who the manager is at the start of 2013.

It’s more likely that defenders will leave, although we half expected that last time out and it didn’t happen. Bassong probably needs to escape for his own sanity. Corluka? We have to hold onto to cover the right-back position otherwise if Walker is out for x amount of time then Kaboul will have to deputise there and depending on our centre-back situation it could get messy.

The philosophy here ideally should be think long term because long term will aid the short term. Economically (finances and squad size) I’m unclear how Levy plans to work this what with Redknapp’s future uncertain depending on how much you read into outside of Spurs distractions. Hopefully the chairman will appreciate we’re in a position where we need to consolidate and leave nothing to risk, what with the opportunity we find presented to us (top 3, game in hand, potential to push on further).

The midfield is key. Outside of transfers, Harry has to make sure he doesn’t burn out the likes of Parker. We’ve had to adapt and mix it up with the formation in recent games. With Kranjcar out in the cold and Lennon injured (on way back) either we start using Niko (even as an impact sub) or we look to bring in someone young, hungry and happy to play patiently as cover for the flanks. That’s either going to be someone in the Prem from a mid-table to bottom side that’s impressed thus far this season or a player from the continent that perhaps will escape the newsfeeds until it actually happens. Can you think of any high profile players you’d want? Considering high-profile might equate to Lennon ending up as the cover.

Pienaar doesn’t appear to be fancied much (where does he play exactly?). How Giovani remains perpetually linked to a move away without every appearing to make that move possible, irks me. Townsend has gone to Leeds on loan, so you hope there’s more than a suggestion that the club are not going to ‘wing it’ where this is concerned and cross their fingers. We can all see the detrimental impact of not having Lennon available to us. Although it’s allowed us to re-shape and work towards a tangible plan b.

The forward conundrum is far more complex because of the Adebayor loan deal. If we’re going to sign him permanently then money has to be placed aside. I doubt anything will happen in Jan. I hope it doesn’t mainly because it will force the player to continue to work hard (and avoid comfort). Although I’ve been impressed with his words as much as his work ethic (less so for his first touch). Again, politics might mean he doesn’t sign at all and returns to City (then onwards to Italy) in the summer. If Harry is no longer with us, the next man in charge might look elsewhere. Meaning that’s where the big money will be spent.

Pretty much irrelevant from my perspective as a fan though. Harry is the manager, he’s still the manager and we need to be decisive and completely confident in the squad we have post-Jan.

And so begins the second guessing. If the right player *is* available now and that player has the world class about him then regardless of the future, if its right for Spurs he should be signed.

Fact is, we have three forwards. Only one of them gets to play consistently. Pavlyuchenko is the one that needs to leave as he remains surplus and mostly unimpressive. Frustrating, as he’s technically a great finisher but usually a lazy unintelligent individual who doesn’t quite fit in when it matters. Cameos are not enough to retain his services. So based on that, we should be looking for someone to come in. If Levy isn’t willing to spend the masses of millions then much like the flank cover, we’ll look to be shrewd but sign someone with experience (rather than a young player who would be too great a risk, especially if Adebayor got injured).

Knock yourselves out guessing who that player might be. There are several touted ‘big name’ players who fit the bill. One or two less glamorous ones already plying their trade in England. Interestingly we’ve (ITK’s, the media and more importantly the fans) have moved on from waiting for a fully fledged La Liga superstar to sign. We are hardly going to sign someone that will demand to play ahead of Adebayor. Would make little sense.

Those that chose to be critical of Adebayor need to also appreciate he too was a shrewd signing. Experienced Prem player with something to prove. No big fee paid, percentage of wage the only damage. Roman’s ‘departure’ is key here. If he doesn’t leave then can’t see us signing anyone up front. Don’t see how manager and chairman could validate such a move (although it’s more than obvious Harry wants rid of the Russian).

The gaffer cites that ‘special player’. No doubting a goal-scorer would be the ideal special player he’d like to make part of the squad. But then trying to decipher whether this is another deflection sound-bite or Harry letting us know subtly nothing will happen is again...anyone’s guess.

I’ll be made up with a midfielder. Perhaps one that can play wide but also do a job where Rafa plays behind Adebayor – meaning we cover two positions. I’ll be made up if we make it a double signing with a forward to retain a cutting edge if others pick up knocks.

One thing is for certain. Regardless of the necessity we all seem to share in wanting to know what player the club are working towards signing (if any) if it happens it makes no difference if you knew about it before the official announcement.

In an ideal world, we won’t be asking the above questions on the final day of the window because we’ll have concluded our business some time before. We are much more likely to see Sky Sports News reporters interviewing Harry (through his car window) every twenty minutes as he drives in and out of the Lodge car park to get as much air time as possible.

 

Wednesday
Jul132011

Exclusive interview with 'The Phantom of the Lane'

The person with his finger on the pulse of inside information and knowledge of club ethics, politics and transfers...ladies and gentlemen, I present to you a reconstruction of a conversation with the pinnacle of the ITK (In the know) community, the multi badge of honour wearing; The Phantom of the Lane*.

*So deep throat, he's deeper than Linda Lovelace sitting at the bottom of a disused well.

 

 

The Phantom of the Lane on Twitter: @ThePOTL

 

related articles:

In the Know: Tottenham Transfer Exclusive

100% done and dusted

100% done and dusted redux

How many ITK's does it take to change a light-bulb

 

Sunday
Aug012010

In the know: Tottenham Transfer Exclusive

The tumbleweeds still dominate the THFC landscape this summer transfer window. You only have to look across the barren desert to note that there is simply nothing out there. Other than perhaps a mirage or two. Yes, we have Sandro on his merry way to N17. dos Santos and perhaps one or two others (Adel? O'Hara?) might yet find redemption and a new lease of life in Lilywhite.

But when the Scott Parker non-event seems to be the main talking point along with updated speculation concerning Bellamy - you know that patience is being stretched. Yes, we want the moon on a stick. And yes, we want the club to build on the statement made last season, with 4th, by showing equal measures of ambition; Re-enforcement. But the waiting is killing us. And the headaches caused by those crazy last minute deals will no doubt cause plenty of facepalming and nail biting.

We don't really have a clue what's going on behind the scenes. Whether we have a definitive list of players we want and all the Harry sound-bites are simply mis-direction. Are we waiting to qualify for the CL group stages before we dip into the transfer kitty? Perhaps, perhaps not. One thing is for certain...

Levy isn't about to tell us a thing. So I guess, it's up to the I.T.K. community to once more, rescue us from this abyss of nothingness...

Next video coming soonish...Spurs v Man City: A Class War

Click here if you missed the 'What does Jermaine Jenas do exactly?' vid.

 

Monday
Jul052010

100% nailed on and done and dusted - redux

Back in May 2009 I shared exclusive snippets from the soon to be published book 'Diary of an ITK'. Which should be out soon. There appears to be a void in these current summer months that is usually occupied by the 'In the Know' community drowning us with various cryptic forum posts revealing (or should that be disguising?) the latest bit of inside info, we all so desperately crave. Because, you know, we need to know about it so that we're not surprised or shocked when it actually happens. Because God darn it, we just have to know!

So, in the mean time, here's some more extracts from the 'Diary' to enjoy whilst we wait.

Monday

Weather not great today. Slightly overcast. Not guaranteed but expect to be taking an umbrella with me. Looks like it's going to rain heavily. Ignoring the weather reports that suggest otherwise. It's going to happen people.

-

It hasn't happened. It's about 85 degrees Fahrenheit out here. I'm drenched in sweat. I'm thinking deodorant. It's a massive possibility. Announcement shortly. Umbrella now not part of the deal. These things happen.

-

Game on. Using the roll-on now. Can confirm both armpits. Can't reveal my source. But let's just say, I trust him and he's not let me down before. Passed on deodorant spray due to lack of discount offer. Roll-on fits in with my needs perfectly. I'm Sure this will be a massive success.

-

It's looking good. Feeling confident and assured. Caught my reflection in the shop window, looking sexy. Don't shoot the messenger. Just stating the facts. I smell good.

-

Will need to be careful with this new information I have as can't reveal too much, so here goes. Can't see me going for the Angus, would be too much beef and it's questionable whether the deal would be regarded as 'king'. The other Scottish target is a no-go also. Too many people in for that one. Too obvious. Looking for new options, possibly continental. Can't reveal anything more at the minute. Don't take my word for it just be patient as I expect things to move on soon. Working hard behind the scenes to get this sorted out. Do not mistake co-incidence for fate. 4 8 15 16 23 42. Can't say anymore brother.

-

This is big. You're going to want to sit down for this. I have it on good authority this is going to happen very soon. 93.4% done. Nailed on. Expect an announcement later on today about Al Fresco. It's in the bag! Very excited!

-

Fresco deal is dead in the water. Too expensive. Decided on a salad from Marks and Spencers instead. Should be done and dusted in around 10 minutes. Let's just wait and see. Expecting confirmation once I receive my cash-back and receipt.

-

For all you doubters, the salad has left the building. Happy days.

-

I just burped. Don't ask me how or why or where it came from.

-

Reading the latest football news on NewsNow via my iphone. Joe Cole linked again. And Harry has been talking about Diego Forlan also. Mentioned this to Becky (on a voicecall) who works behind the counter at the Spurs Shop and asked if she had heard anything. She said 'Yeah'. She says she saw something in The Sun the other day. Will find a 3G hotspot to browse the forums. Then return home in time for Hollyoaks.

-


Later that day, posted in a Tottenham message board:

COLE (J) HAVING MEDICAL AT SPURS AGREED DEAL HARRY GAURANNTEDD COLE TO PLAY IN MIDDLE OF PARK. COLE WANTED TO BE REUNITED WITH HARRY. EXPECT THIS TO GO THROUGH IN THE NEXT 94 HOURS. PRESS CONFERENCEE WILL FOLLOW LOOK FOR NEWS ON OFFICIAL WEBSITE. IF DEAL FALLS THROUGH FORLAAN TO SIGN.  MY SOURCE CAN CONFIRM BOTH SIGHTED AT WHITE HEART LANE. ALL NEW SIGNINGS TO BE ANNOUNCCED BEFORE TRANSFER DEADLINE DATEE.


The diary will be available from all good book shops in July. Maybe August. Possibly September. Cost? £4.99 but might rise to £7.99 on HP.

 

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Wednesday
Sep022009

How many ITK's does it take to change a light-bulb?

Q) How many In The Know's does it take to change a light-bulb?

A) None.



20 to express confidence in the light-bulb being changed successfully.
20 to suggest there's a real possibility it won't be changed.
12 to claim it should be changed by the end of the day but no guarantee.
23 to inform all there will be announcement later on in the day once the light bulb has been changed. Or possibly tomorrow morning.
7 to reiterate to all that they have to wait and see what happens.
17 to say the old bulb has lost it's spark.
9 to confirm the new light-bulb is looking good and should be a perfect fit.
5 to cryptically suggest that the 'sky has no rays shining down upon us until the Sun rises high in the sky' (translated: "Has anyone gone to Tescos yet to buy a new bulb?"
6 to go pick up lunch from Burger King.
15 to suggest a plumber might be better suited for the job.
5 to let everyone know that the new bulb will be world class.
11 to inform not to expect much, bulb might be purchased from Pound Stretcher.
9 to suggest the bulb might not need changing, but if someone comes in with a new one...
7 to hold up a ladder to reach the bulb and 1 to suggest a tree might provide sterner support.
80 to stand God-like around the ladder chanting 'Kneel before Zod' whilst worshippers pray and unequivocally await for news of when the bulb will be changed, refusing to look up and see for themselves.
10 to read instructions on how to change a light-bulb online.
10 more to claim they also read the instructions but didn't really, but insist they know how to.
5 to state categorically that if they change the bulb and it fails to work, it's not their fault, but the fault of the person who gave them the instructions.
22 to claim to be patient as the new light-bulb is being imported from abroad.
5 to say they've read on Twitter that the bulb has been changed already.
7 to point out the bulb will hang from the centre, but will enough light get to the left-side of the room?
4 to wait for the second the bulb is changed, and then quickly call everyone they know and tell them the bulb is about to be changed.
3 to watch the bulb being changed from afar and then tell everyone they know that the reason the bulb was changed was because the older bulb flickered too much and needed replacing.
4 to say that something will be done before Tesco's shut otherwise they'll have to wait until it re-opens.
2 to call order and inform all that they are about to conclude the changing of the light-bulb, possibly two bulbs. One's a Halogen the other Fluorescent but possibly has very good colour-rendering ability. Should be rare-earth tri-phosphor. Electricians will hold a press conference some time this week, possibly towards the end of next week for the first bulb with the second announcement to follow soon after if a further bulb is used. Decent voltage for both bulbs. One of them has long-term life with up to 10,000 hours while the other will be a surprise (but a good one - possibly energy saving) and has thus far enjoyed a brief warm-up period to reach full brightness but is looking forward to hanging from the ceiling.


1 passer-by to point out that there is no light-bulb to change because they're all standing around in a dark room with no electricity.

Wednesday
May272009

100% Nailed on and done and dusted

We all love reading through message boards and finding snippets relating to possible transfer deals from the cryptic people who are in the know or have deep throat connections to the club. So it brings me much pleasure to share with you some exclusive extracts from the soon to be published book 'Diary of a ITK'.

 

Day twenty-three

Still in bed. Can't confirm for sure. Bed sheets not covering me so might get up shortly. 80% chance of shower. But it's touch and go with breakfast. This is the bottom line and we just have to wait and see what happens.

-

Ok for all you doubters. I got up. Don't expect an announcement until later whether I'm still going ahead with the shower. Might wash my teeth. Mouthwash a real possibility.

-

My sources say it's happening. This is nailed on. Sausage toasted sandwich. Can confirm its HP and I'll be eating this whilst reading the morning paper.

-

Walking down the high street towards the bus stop. Just saw Tom Huddlestone in Burger King.

-

Currently at bus stop waiting for a bus. Cant say anymore at the moment. Confident of getting on the bus as it's better than walking. Taxi is well down the pecking order as its too expensive.

-

There's a girl on the bus and she's looked over at me a couple of times. Don't ask me how or why or where it came from. Let's just see what happens.

-

She's still staring. I would love to talk to her but it aint that simple. I can't go into things but its complicated so will need a little longer to assess. Hopefully she'll be here tomorrow. I expect this to play out a little longer.

-

Here comes the bus. Hope it stops so I can get on. There's a real chance of this happening.

-

Just spoke to my friend on my mobile and he knows someone and have been told the girl at the bus stop likes me but would expect a dinner date rather than a trip to the cinema. He's a pretty crediable source but what often happens is - the blind date is 100% lined-up and agreed and then either she or her mates pull the plug which is why these things sometimes don't work out. Always a better deal elsewhere.

-

Got off at my destination. Just need to do a little bit more walking. Confident this will happen. Otherwise will stand motionless.

-

I'm now at The Lodge. Weather is overcast. Might rain. Might not. Don't shoot the messenger.

-

Spurs players are training. There appears to be some activity in the car park. I need a closer look. Will climb that tree over there to get a closer look.

-

Hanging from branch. Can't see a sodding thing from here.

-

It's a bit nippy out.
Just seen a plumber arrive at the Lodge. I fancy a cup of tea and a bit of Football Manager 2009. Will start making my way back home now. Should be done and dusted in the next hour.

-



Later that evening, posted in a Tottenham message board:

CRUISE HAVING MEDICAL AT LODGE DEAL ALMOST DONE SIGNED SEALED AND DEILVERRED 65% DONE EXPECT CONFERENCE TOMORROW OR MAYBE DAY AFTER IF IT DOESN’T HAPEN PERSNAL TERMS THE ISSUE

 


The diary will be available from all good book shops in June. Maybe July. Possibly August. Cost? £4.99 but might rise to £7.98.