100% Nailed on and done and dusted
Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 12:03PM We all love reading through message boards and finding snippets relating to possible transfer deals from the cryptic people who are in the know or have deep throat connections to the club. So it brings me much pleasure to share with you some exclusive extracts from the soon to be published book 'Diary of a ITK'.
Day twenty-three
Still in bed. Can't confirm for sure. Bed sheets not covering me so might get up shortly. 80% chance of shower. But it's touch and go with breakfast. This is the bottom line and we just have to wait and see what happens.
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Ok for all you doubters. I got up. Don't expect an announcement until later whether I'm still going ahead with the shower. Might wash my teeth. Mouthwash a real possibility.
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My sources say it's happening. This is nailed on. Sausage toasted sandwich. Can confirm its HP and I'll be eating this whilst reading the morning paper.
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Walking down the high street towards the bus stop. Just saw Tom Huddlestone in Burger King.
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Currently at bus stop waiting for a bus. Cant say anymore at the moment. Confident of getting on the bus as it's better than walking. Taxi is well down the pecking order as its too expensive.
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There's a girl on the bus and she's looked over at me a couple of times. Don't ask me how or why or where it came from. Let's just see what happens.
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She's still staring. I would love to talk to her but it aint that simple. I can't go into things but its complicated so will need a little longer to assess. Hopefully she'll be here tomorrow. I expect this to play out a little longer.
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Here comes the bus. Hope it stops so I can get on. There's a real chance of this happening.
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Just spoke to my friend on my mobile and he knows someone and have been told the girl at the bus stop likes me but would expect a dinner date rather than a trip to the cinema. He's a pretty crediable source but what often happens is - the blind date is 100% lined-up and agreed and then either she or her mates pull the plug which is why these things sometimes don't work out. Always a better deal elsewhere.
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Got off at my destination. Just need to do a little bit more walking. Confident this will happen. Otherwise will stand motionless.
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I'm now at The Lodge. Weather is overcast. Might rain. Might not. Don't shoot the messenger.
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Spurs players are training. There appears to be some activity in the car park. I need a closer look. Will climb that tree over there to get a closer look.
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Hanging from branch. Can't see a sodding thing from here.
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It's a bit nippy out. Just seen a plumber arrive at the Lodge. I fancy a cup of tea and a bit of Football Manager 2009. Will start making my way back home now. Should be done and dusted in the next hour.
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Later that evening, posted in a Tottenham message board:
CRUISE HAVING MEDICAL AT LODGE DEAL ALMOST DONE SIGNED SEALED AND DEILVERRED 65% DONE EXPECT CONFERENCE TOMORROW OR MAYBE DAY AFTER IF IT DOESN’T HAPEN PERSNAL TERMS THE ISSUE
The diary will be available from all good book shops in June. Maybe July. Possibly August. Cost? £4.99 but might rise to £7.98.
Reader Comments (35)
Haaahahaha!
HAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHHHA this is too funny.........and yet so true........ITK's are all shite
I have been reading Dear Mr Levy for a few weeks now, and I am totally impressed by the wit, knowledge and articulation. I have been a Spurs follower for 50 years, and always enjoyed the banter that follows normal supporters. Keep up the good work.
Don't really agree with your stance on Newcastle( There but for the Grace of God etc) but your column has been extremely good over this season. After my own stuff obviously, its the first thing I read lately.
I totally agree with Norman
LOL, shit, that was soooo funny I sprayed the whole desk in tea. Spooky alongside your tales from the rose bushes in Evil's garden this is Fast-Show quality sketch writing. You are one hilarious dude, keep it up man, it brightens up my day. Respect.
Hahaha, good work mate! Especially liked the Charlie "waddling" comment you said you would put on that match report!!
So who's this Cruise guy then?
Cruise, who the hell is that mate i take it you mean Santa Cruz. Believe it when it is actually announced by someone at spurs not a guy who takes a peek over the Spurs Lodge fence for insider news. Sorry mate but so much bullshit floats around its just hard to seperate it from the truth now.
Good post.
Three points I have noted about the "ITK" phenomena:
1) anybody who reads the press and forums can invent valid sounding ITK
2) Most claimed ITKs cover their backs so diligently that whatever they say cannot ever be refuted
3) Even if a claimed ITK really does know someone who really is ITK (rare) their comments often remain worthless because football clubs are full of wild and nonsensical rumors
Usually I think of "ITKs" like comedians - occasionally funny, occasionally insightful, but most often ridiculous :)
Spooky is asking for trouble again.
:p
I see that in Luke Durkin you have managed to attract one of those spastics who falls for these kinds of thing and is clearly too stupid to read the article you actually wrote.
Luke Durkin you are a joker...
Is this genuine are we signing Santa Cruz? I'm so excited now.
Harmless good jolly fun in a world that takes all this I.T.K. demi-god worshipping a little too seriously.
Luke Durkin
You're either a genius or a retard. Either way you nearly made me choke on my lunch!
Good work
Bloke up a tree? Three guesses who thats meant to be.
DIME BAR?
Spooky rediscovers that olde magic!
Haha! 'Luke Durkin' did you even read the article? Its a Joke.
It's funny cause it's true.
A wise man once said
"All truth can be perceived if viewed through bullshit tinted glasses"
Keep up the good work that man.
Especially liked the Bentley 'n Bale sketch... Bring it back!!
Great piece of writing, very funny... top banana. Keep up the good work!
Brilliant.
lol great stuff. make sure u all at wembley again! COYS
Spooky. They hate you over at 606.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/606/F13649757?thread=6616207&show=50
I cant believe some people take everything so literally. Funny how the Internet is fragment like this.
LOL at that link.
Toke2007 'HATES' spooky....HATES him.
And this cracked me up:
I imagine him to be like Perez Hilton, a little Star Wars loving geek that writes in his pants from his parents basement.
He tries to be funny, but just isnt.
Total and utter ...t!
Well Spooky, do you live in your parents basement or what?
'Tries to be funny'? Spooky can be hit or miss like everyone else, but fucking hell what a humourless cunt that Toke2007 is. I doubt Spooks or any blogger gives a shit what anyone on 606 has to say. Those boards are the lowest form.
Great articles today. Loving the Spurs blogs at the moment, so much diversity.
So are signing Cruise or not?
SHOW ME THE MONEY!
interesting ideas but you really need a proof reader
A proof reader for what? You do know those spelling errors are on purpose right? Have you never seen ITK info posted on message boards? Get with the program kid.
Great post, yet again, apart from reading the Geordie fans websites, this one always makes me laugh.
Can't believe Tom Cruise is signing, Mr Levy is branching into Hollywood. Think of the merchandise.
I love people like Toke2007.
I imagine him to be like Perez Hilton, a little Star Wars loving geek that writes in his pants from his parents basement.
I'm straight. Don't have a stupid name. Do like a bit of old skool Star Wars but I'm more of a The Wire/The Sorpanos/Entourage kinda guy. As for my parents, there is no basement. I live with Mrs Spooky. Pipe and slippers and a bit of Britain's Got Talent type of bloke. Well done on the stereotype though, because yeah, everyone who writes a blog is instantly a teenager who hasn't got a clue about anything.
He tries to be funny, but just isnt.
Sometimes it is funny, sometimes it isn't and sometimes its not meant to be. Thanks for the feedback.
Total and utter ...t!
How cutting.
Hilarious mate!
Keep them coming. :)