How many ITK's does it take to change a light-bulb?
Wednesday, September 2, 2009 at 12:44PM Q) How many In The Know's does it take to change a light-bulb?
A) None.
20 to express confidence in the light-bulb being changed successfully.
20 to suggest there's a real possibility it won't be changed.
12 to claim it should be changed by the end of the day but no guarantee.
23 to inform all there will be announcement later on in the day once the light bulb has been changed. Or possibly tomorrow morning.
7 to reiterate to all that they have to wait and see what happens.
17 to say the old bulb has lost it's spark.
9 to confirm the new light-bulb is looking good and should be a perfect fit.
5 to cryptically suggest that the 'sky has no rays shining down upon us until the Sun rises high in the sky' (translated: "Has anyone gone to Tescos yet to buy a new bulb?"
6 to go pick up lunch from Burger King.
15 to suggest a plumber might be better suited for the job.
5 to let everyone know that the new bulb will be world class.
11 to inform not to expect much, bulb might be purchased from Pound Stretcher.
9 to suggest the bulb might not need changing, but if someone comes in with a new one...
7 to hold up a ladder to reach the bulb and 1 to suggest a tree might provide sterner support.
80 to stand God-like around the ladder chanting 'Kneel before Zod' whilst worshippers pray and unequivocally await for news of when the bulb will be changed, refusing to look up and see for themselves.
10 to read instructions on how to change a light-bulb online.
10 more to claim they also read the instructions but didn't really, but insist they know how to.
5 to state categorically that if they change the bulb and it fails to work, it's not their fault, but the fault of the person who gave them the instructions.
22 to claim to be patient as the new light-bulb is being imported from abroad.
5 to say they've read on Twitter that the bulb has been changed already.
7 to point out the bulb will hang from the centre, but will enough light get to the left-side of the room?
4 to wait for the second the bulb is changed, and then quickly call everyone they know and tell them the bulb is about to be changed.
3 to watch the bulb being changed from afar and then tell everyone they know that the reason the bulb was changed was because the older bulb flickered too much and needed replacing.
4 to say that something will be done before Tesco's shut otherwise they'll have to wait until it re-opens.
2 to call order and inform all that they are about to conclude the changing of the light-bulb, possibly two bulbs. One's a Halogen the other Fluorescent but possibly has very good colour-rendering ability. Should be rare-earth tri-phosphor. Electricians will hold a press conference some time this week, possibly towards the end of next week for the first bulb with the second announcement to follow soon after if a further bulb is used. Decent voltage for both bulbs. One of them has long-term life with up to 10,000 hours while the other will be a surprise (but a good one - possibly energy saving) and has thus far enjoyed a brief warm-up period to reach full brightness but is looking forward to hanging from the ceiling.
1 passer-by to point out that there is no light-bulb to change because they're all standing around in a dark room with no electricity.
Reader Comments (28)
what is an ITK?
'what is an ITk'
Quality :)
YDK WOW !
How very true. If they were in the know why would they let us mere mortals know, our job isto keep pumping the money into the club, either directly or via Sky! Talking of Sky wasn't Sky Sports News hilarious yesterday as nothing unexpected happened despite all the ITKs phoning up with their rumours, my favourite invoved Bentley's alleged tour of the North West! Keep up the good work and lets keep on ignoring these willy wonkers!
blimey i wanted to say "1st"....(Q)how many psychiatrists does it take to change a lighbulb?(A) none a lightbulb can only change if it wants 2..
bugger i forgot to put t in lightbulb...nutssss...
'Opportunity Missed' - To acquire a faded 39 year old, 70 kilowatts a week bulb, as seen on Sky T.V. yesterday morning. Hanging arround some kind of dilapidated shed (surely not Portsmouth's training ground canteen). Sky reporter tried to get an interview but bulb ignore him.
You seem to be saying that ITK's aren't worth a light............
Source?
Kneel before Zod - how true.
NAILED!
Are you trying to see ITK's are daft buggers? Controversial.
Harsh but fair assessment there. The ITK have been fucking garbage this window.
Jihad on Spooky for his blatant blasphemy!! The infidel!!
Most people who claim to be club insiders or ITK are full of shit. They hear the information 3rd or 4th hand and then claim to know someone directly involved. Very few know what's going on and the people who work within THFC who find out little snippets do so from afar, and this gets exaggerated when they pass it onto their friends who in turn pass it onto message boards. I laugh at all the cryptic stuff because that's basically them telling us they know jack shit, but 'lets make it look really interesting by speaking in code'.
Brilliant work again mate. I expect the death threats will be emailed to you?
The majority of people who rely on News Now for their Spurs fix will have not a clue what he's banging on about.
ITK......to ITBullsheet
from Eletric Avenue to the Power Cut Kid
the media aving nuffin to report decided to make up a few corker,s
the president of croatia FA..........it wasnt me guv!
bentley .........wind your window down and tell us if your going to Man C
wish he did slowly and qietly said ........Fxxx Of
a light bulb of the last word to Harry.........
so harry ive been waiting all afternoon to ask you..........
hows the wife?......................she alright......we,re going for a chinese later...........
tottenham have just enquired about a replacment for ledley king from bejing from their asia tour
and now some ads...........
"Daz the lillywhite powder for all your dirty marks left by ..................
needs a follow up 'survival guide to the transfer period' for Jan perhaps?
I'll start you off with 'lock yourself in a darkened room (as clearly the lighbulb won't have been changed before the new period starts)', failing that , avoid:
Newsnow
goal.com
clubcall.com
sport.co.uk
the sun
the mirror
the daily mail
oh balls to it, just lock yourself in a room whilst it's open. I'm sure that living in one room for a month you would still be surrounded by less shit at the end of it than we all as fans get subjected to.
You know you all still love the ITK gossip.
It wouldnt be a transfer window without it, if we are linked to 100+ players there is something wrong.
Plus you know for the Jan window it will start in November at the latest.
All the bullshit we love to hate pay the wages of many.
i am a one legged janitor
and im fed with all the crap
i dont know which way to turn
Excellent satire as per usual. 0.1% of ITK's are genuine in that they are privy to actual factual first hand info from the club. The rest are wannabes and bullshitters.
Let's face it. It's not THAT hard to predict what might happen. Which is why most of the time, they miss the major signings we make.
Ive always liked the way ITK's dont say anything or know anything, then reiterate what the tabloids/SSN (who are informed and updated by footie agents) push into our face by trying to quantify it with stuff like 'personal terms being discussed'.
All bollocks.
I think NewsNow's getting a bit of a harsh rap here! its just a news portal after all; Its up to the reader to be discerning and sift through the shit. If you will open up a Club-call link, you've only got yourself to blame for the dross you'll read there. And as for the Mirror, The Sun, The Daily Mail et all, you really should know better. You know its going to be nothing more than a load of prejudice anti Tottenham tosh but still you read it, dont you?!
Guilty pleasures, eh?
Hmm... can we have shorter jokes about ITK's
ITK'S are a bunch of 13 year old who make up storys so they can fill like they have a dick
Q. How many Arsenel players does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Eleven - one to change it and ten to play the offside trap.
Ted, I thought the goons couldn't afford new bulbs just yet? This despite selling, arguabley, their best stock recently.