The 4th Annual Anti-Levy March

Now, you know me. I'm no trouble maker. And with my current community service duties hanging over my head, I can not risk giving the authorities the opportunity to punish me further. So the location and time of this yearly event will remain a secret (so no info online).

Hopefully it will not be a repeat of last years disaster when the information on Levy's whereabouts (we always march in the vicinity of where Daniel is enjoying a leisurely stroll) resulted with us marching through the aisles of his local Waitrose where there was an unfortunate accident with a shelf of tinned food and a seventy-four year old lady.

Levy wasn't even there at that time, having left 10 minutes earlier. Took security and the St Johns Ambulance crew 40 minutes to get that old lady out from underneath the cans of baked beans. The mayhem, the confusion......was like being in Nam.

As per usual, anyone who wants to be part of this mass rally and demonstration, be at the Corner Pin pub on Friday morning 5am. You wont see me, but I'll see you. If you're kosher, you'll get the details of this years march.

For anyone confused about this being in the off-season, thats the point. Levy can not be allowed to gallivant his way through the summer months. We have to disturb his tranquility. And these surprise demos tend to do the trick. Help's raise the profile of The Association of Real Spurs Enforcers Neutralising Anarchist Levy.

As per usual, food and drink is provided, and the traditional pub crawl of the High Road will proceed the days events.

So, fortune favours the brave. See you at the Corner Pin.

Leeds United are back

Well bravo. Bravo Tottenham Hotspur and bravo Daniel Beelzebub Levy. It seems I have underestimated the Chairman of the Board and his minions. And it probably serves as a reminder that I should be – at all times – fully alert and focused because my assault of words on the Levy Empire appear to have birthed a retaliation. And a positive one at that.

Levy actually appears to have a set of balls.

The footballing grapevine is, at this moment, delivering some rather juicy grapes. Juice grapes of truth.

West Ham United are doing their utmost to turn themselves into the new Leeds, which makes Scott Parker the new Seth Johnson and Lee Bowyer the….still a thug.

Russian money. Filtered through Iceland – all bankrolled via a silent Russian partner. Allegedly. We have offered Darren Bent a set amount of wages, a competitive amount of money that is deserving of a player of his proven Premiership calibre and would make him one of our top earners. So, possibly £50,000 or £60,000 per week. However, the ‘ammers have gone one better. In fact, 100% better by offering him DOUBLE the amount we have.

It’s like Gollum winning the lottery and still having to bribe prostitutes to sleep with him.

Levy apparently believes this has fucked it up for everyone else WHU are doing what Chelsea did, but in wages not transfers. Seems, the chairman of the board is using restraint and won’t be held hostage over WHU’s short-term quick fix tactics which could quite comfortable jeopardise the club.

Levy cements place on board

Vigorous. That’s the word of the day. ENIC, now 66% to the good have safeguarded any potential hostile takeover (so, sorry to all the Russian billionaires out there). Good tactics again from the chairman of the board, spending a fortune to guarantee his firm grip on his empire. Levy can now out vote anyone on the board by 2-1 whereas prior (before Sugar was bought out) they only owned 54% meaning that a potential takeover would only require 46%, forcing a power struggle that Levy would prefer to best avoid. Which he has done.

Rumours of Damien Corleone purchasing a home in London, moving out of his rented property and potentially into a million pound home – cementing his and Levy’s position at the club. Obvious logic, you wouldn’t go house hunting if you believed you job was at risk.
So, my nemesis is here to stay. Good, because had he fucked off I’d sue him for making the domain name of this site redundant.

Spoon full of sugar makes the Levy go down

Sir Alan Sugar has sold his stake in Premier League football club Tottenham Hotspurs for £25m ($49.8m) to sports and media group ENIC International.

ENIC already held 54% of the North London football club, and has now increased its holding to 66%.

Spurs' chairman Daniel Levy is the managing director of ENIC.

Although City rules require ENIC to make an offer for the remaining 34% of the club the group said it intended to maintain Spurs' AIM listed status.

The deal values the club at £209.5m.

The sale will go through on 2 July and will end Sir Alan's formal relationship with a club where he was chairman for a decade until 2001.

The board of ENIC said it had increased its stake in Spurs "as a sign of its long-term confidence in the club and to provide ongoing stability to the club".

This should be interesting. Surely Levy wouldn't go as far as selling the club just to get away from my barrage of truth-attacks? As for Sugar, I remember standing outside the High Court smashing up Amstrad computers. And that was only last year on the anniversary of the first court case when him and El Tel went to war way back. Though credit to him for saving the club from administration, and credit to Terry for winning us the Cup in '91 - which equally saved this club from the brink.

There's only one Daniel Levy

Like fuck there is.

So ends the 2007 season. Martin Jol 'just' about avoids the sack with us nicking 5th spot. And he proceeds to thank his chairman by taking the mic at the end of the game and saluting the board for their continued unquestionable investment into the club. Technically, I suppose Martin is correct in doing so. £3 for a mobile phone ring-tone of the Park Lane or the Shelf Side singing is certainly a shrewd way of taking money off the fans to 'invest', along with the additional 'investments' they are pulling in via the increased season ticket prices (if you want to have the crowd singing as your ring-tone, record it on your mobile yourself for fucks sake).

Jol also arse-kissed the home fans by telling us we are the best in the country. We fucking know that already Martin. Jesus. We are so loud that when we're away the home team play white noise out of their tannoy system to drown out the Glory Glory Hallelujah's.

Anyway, I'll get back to Jol's thank you speech later. Lets take this from the top.

Home game, last of the season, against Manchester City. Going into this we could have quite easily dropped out of a UEFA Cup spot and into the Inter-Toto, depending also on other results going against us. As usual, Spurs were playing chicken with humiliation. Now you may think me harsh. A win at home today and we would claim 5th spot for the second successive season (as long as Everton failed to win at Chelsea). Would be the first time since 1990 that we would sit in a top 6 placing for a second consecutive year.

All looks good on paper doesn't it? But then, whoever heard of a trophy cabinet with a piece of A4 sitting in it?

I decided to attend the final game of the season with my traditional utility belt consisting of:

• Season Ticket 2007
• A box of matches
• Plastic bag to retain the ashes in (for potential ash-throwing later on)
• Leaflets proclaiming Levy as the anti-christ

I also attended the game in battle clothing. WTF, I hear you ask?

Well firstly, I decided against dressing up as the Anti-Chirpy this season, due to the incident in last years final home game when the real Chirpy squared up to me in Block 34 and we ended up having cock-on-cock action. It's difficult to throw punches dressed as a cartoon cockerel. Even more difficult is to know for sure whether your uppercuts are truly doing any damage due to the cushioned head-mask giving added protection. Suffice to say, I set fire to his face. Ah yes, fond memories of last year. They had to re-design him after that incident. Anyways, that was then. This is the present and today I went dressed as Sir Henry Percy aka Harry Hotspur, 1st Earl of Northumberland. Very apt if you ask me.

Reconstruction: How I looked dressed like Harry Hotspur

From head to toe, I looked the part. Even grew a beard for the occasion. However, due to sporting actual metallic plate armour (none of this fancy dress plastic rubbish - I have a friend who works in theatre) I was advised by the stewards that I would not be permitted to enter the stadium. I quite obviously stood my ground, finding strength from the fact that Henry was a true warrior. In fact, I sometimes wonder if maybe I am the reincarnation of him, which may explain my stupendous resolve and passion in times of hardship.

After a heated debate and the arrival of two police officers outside the South Stand lower entrance, I was politely informed not to continue my protest if I wished to attend the game. Or I'd be spending more than 90 minutes in the back of a police van. Fascism at its very worse. I had to remove the armour. This was not something I had planned for. I had no alternative clothing with me. And there was no chance of parting with my hard earned cash in the extortionate Spurs Shop.

I now knew how Henry did when he took his visor off during the Battle of Shrewsbury and was hit in the mouth with an arrow, instantly killing him. I had to suffer a similar indignity, as I too was lost for words.

Under the armour, I was actually not wearing much. I was wearing nothing in fact. There's something about the cold metal and the way it felt against my skin that made me decide to go commando. That and the fact that its bloody hot having to wear it and travel on the London Underground without being able to sit down. But the whole experience really helped me to connect with how Henry Percy might have felt when he was about to go into battle. I'm sure they didn't have boxer shorts back in those days any ways, so I felt quite authentic.

So, having removed the armour, I used my scarf as a make-shift nappy to hide my pride and joy. I'm going to take a guess and say the wolf whistles I got were ironic. And for the record, I do not and have never liked Barrymore and at no point in my life handed out sweets.

Anyway, half naked or not, I wasn't about to allow this little setback ruin my day. I took my place in my seat and watched the game with my fellow Spurs fans.

We played woefully bad again much like the Blackburn game on Thursday. Yes, we won. And yes we claimed 5th spot. But this is simply not good enough. I can only say that we must have the same kind of luck West Ham have, but simply opposite sides of the table. In other words, we are just lucky. Evidence supporting this:

• We can not defend crosses or set pieces
• We give away painfully simplistic goals, usually created out of individual errors
• We cannot take set pieces (corners or free kicks)
• We cannot cross the ball (still no true left winger three years later)
• We cannot keep clean sheets
• We still don't have the right balance in midfield
• We sit back instead of dominating possession

These defects are still present in the team that Martin Jol built and financed by Daniel Levy. Its like having a house with several holes in the roof that water drips down from. Instead of fixing the holes, you leave several buckets to capture the falling water.

Reconstruction: How I looked without the armour

We are 5th - when we should be 3rd. No excuses. Martin Jol's tactics and Levy and Comolli strategics have failed again. 20 more games this season than last, but its not like we played anyone decent in our cup matches (domestically and in Europe) until we played the teams that knocked us out.

Still no wins against the big 4 either in the Prem (or the Cups) and in any of the crunch games apart from the 2-1 win at WHL against Chelsea. But as that was the only victory, I'll put that down as a fluke.

If you take 3 games from the season that we could have won if it wasn't for individual or tactical mishaps, we could easily be neck and neck with 4th and 3rd. I'm getting side-tracked. More on the season in my season review which I'll write up in the next week or so.

Back to today. The game matched the weather (it was depressing). I tried several times to start up anti-Levy chants, only to be drowned out by 'England's Number One'. Yes, the immovable object still gets a chorus or ten every game, which I'm sure he celebrates by having a half-time pie.

As my nipples hardened in the cold weather and with the final whistle being blown, I then had to endure more cringe-worthy embarrassment. And for anyone in Block 34, I am not referring to the incident when my scarf came loose due to experiencing an 'unnecessary' and poked the young lady who sits in front of me in the back of her head (thankfully, she thought it was my match-day programme).

I am of course referring to the end of the game 'celebrations' which included various 'Player of the Year' awards and Martin Jol being handed a microphone. Now, initially, I half expected him to do an impersonation of Dean Martin if Dean Martin was alive, sober, Dutch and had no jokes. But it turned out to be a mish-mash of Winston Churchill rallying the troops and a Gordon Brown speech.

Jol is no MC

Several bursts of sound bites followed by rapturous supporter applause and chanting. It turned into a farce the moment he gave credit to the board of directors. I found myself utterly ashamed as a chorus of 'There's only one Daniel Levy' erupted from a section of the Park Lane. These fools must have been pissed on cheap cider - but the more likely explanation is that they are members of the Agents of Levy, a clandestine group of paid actors Levy has infiltrating the stands to make sure the right type of 'noises' are heard during the game.

Its like the CIA in South American all over again.

All the fanfare hides another disappointing season without silverware. Eight points adrift off 3rd place and still persisting in starting Anthony 'One more year till his testimonial' Gardner.

Gardner is a paradox. A man that should never have been a professional footballer, yet finds himself playing in the Premiership and earning thousands. Constantly proves he should drop down a division with his Harold Lloyd performances, yet consistently wears our colours as a utility player. Maybe Jol is waiting for Sam Beckett to quantum leap into Anthony and turn him into a hero. Newsflash Jol; Sam Beckett is played by an actor (Scott Bakula) and Quantum Leap is a fictional sci-fi television series. Its never going to happen. Anthony Gardner will never have Al and Ziggy to help him out with his back passes and composure.

After Jol's stand-up routine (he could have shat in a hat and still got worshipped by the home faithful) I proceeded with my traditional burning of my season ticket. Sadly, due to the enforced policing and general fascist state ethos the club aspires too I had to burn the season ticket in the mens toilets. This did not have the desired effect I wished for, as people kept asking me if I could share my spliff with them.

It would appear that Levy had the last laugh today. The sun, breaking out from behind the grey miserable clouds blinded everyone from the factual truth that we are once more 'nearly' there. I find myself dead, exhumed and cut up into four quarters - each part buried in each corner of the White Hart Lane pitch. All that's missing is my head stuck on a pole at the gates of the West Stand.

It's going to be long long summer. But don't think that the battle is over. I will haunt Levy like the ghost of Henry Percy. I mean literally. I plan to break into his house tonight and walk around with a white bed sheet over my head.

2008 Shirts

Here's some more leaked nonsense from the club:

The shirt Robbie is wearing up close:

Mansion logo appears bigger. Now has additional (what looks like) Chinese writing on two of the four kits. There is also a 1980's throw-back gloss finish on the shirts along with the Cricket styled white and blue Blackburnesque shirt Robbie is sporting.

Now, I know, we use to play in these colours and we're 125 years old and we started off as Hotspur Cricket club, but what on Gods green earth are Spurs and Puma thinking of?

Are fans even asked their opinion on what we would like? Do they even care? Are we ever consulted? Of course not. Because the fans do not have a choice. And fans, easily manipulated, are forced to buy anything the club manufactures because there is no other choice for them. Otherwise you'll left parading around in your 1997 home kit or a moody purchase from Hong Kong.

And we buy anything (well not me) and its proven by the brown (its not Chocolate Levy, stop trying to fool the public) limited edition away shirt.

Surely that shirt (the brown shirt) is nothing more than a reference to what happened at the back end of last season when we failed miserably to beat West Ham. And for the record, food poisoning or no food poisoning why do people not question the fact that Levy booked the team into that Hotel? Then tried to cover up by deflecting the spotlight onto the chef and hotel staff. He paid for Totttenham to stay there, even though we were playing in London and didn't use the normal hotel we usually do for London games. It's undeniable. Unquestionable. He admitted that the hotel was not to blame, therefore, surely the person to blame is the person who has overall responsibility for the players and the clubs stature. And thats the chairman. With so much puking and diarrhea its our very own Watergate.

125th Anniversary Rejected Design
(Potential 130th shirt)

Anyway, the point is, we had the runs which are usually brown in colour (sometimes yellow - ironically another one of our away kits) and thus wore these shit-stained uniforms in one or two games last year. Humiliating.

That's Levy laughing at you. That's Levy saying to himself:

"I know, let me wipe my arse with this white toilet paper and make it all brown and then sell it for £40. I'm a fucking genius and I'm gonna make a ton of money and even if we under-perform for the twentieth year on the trot I'm still gonna be stinking rich."

Thankfully, there is a rebellion. These are men who are distinctive due to wearing Barcelona home shirts. These people refuse to be raped and pillaged by Levy and Puma, and I salute them.

We as fans are losing the initiative and our identity. Arsenal, forever red, will have a white shirt next season. Not only did they cheat their way into North London, Levy has now allowed them to steal our colours. Its further evidence of our club being engulfed by Daniel Levy's negligence.

This forces my hand.

Operation Hotspur is operational.

Berbatov: The Saviour of Spurs?

If there is one diamond amongst all the coal, it surely has to be Dimitar Berbatov. Graceful, intelligent, wonderful vision and first touch and a supreme finisher. Oozes so much class that he greases his hair with it.

People had the cheek to mutter the name of Sergi Rebrov when we signed the beautiful Bulgarian.

"He's gonna flop!"
"£10M? You're 'aving a larf, chief....you could buy fifty Bobby Zamora's for that"
"Domonic Beersbarak? Probably struggle in the Prem", David Pleat remarked.

Berbs, at the Lodge earlier today

Yet it took him half a season to find his feet and turn into the talisman that this club has been on its knees begging for, begging like a crack whore who is willing to sell her mouth for $5.

A truly world class player. The first, arguably since the legendary Jurgen Klinsmann. And yet I find myself sick, sick to the very depths of my gut. Deja vu does that to me. The previous occassion I felt like this was last summer when we had the wool pulled over our eyes and lost Michael Carrick to Manchester United. Its a patented trick. One the chairman revels in. One he aims to achieve as often as possible to make sure those profit margins look good for Mr Lewis.

Club buys player.
Club allows player to show the world what he can do.
Club claims the player isn't going anywhere.
Club (in reality) doesn't do a thing to keep the player.
Player decides to move on.
Club sells player for 2 or 3 times the amount.
Club fails to replace the player.
Club stagnates.
Chairman builds a second indoor swimming pool.

Fact of the matter is, that with two games left in the season, Berbatov is already being linked with a move away from Spurs to Manchester United to play for a top 4 club (the Champions) in the Champions League. Not even a full season at our club and we're already on the verge of losing him. Look what happened when we sold Carrick. We bought Zokora. A player who has a woeful first touch and is only capable of running in a straight line with the ball (at speed) with no end result. That's like having Vinny Samways back at the club, but running towards the goal instead of permanently sideways. It's comedy that would only make it on prime time ITV.

Levy attending the last AGM

Levy hasn't built a team for the future. He has constructed a stepping stone, a feeder club for the bigger teams. We bring them in and let them go. And his bank account gets more beefy with each season.

And why shouldn't the 'star' players move on when the chairman does nothing to appease their talent? Underpaid and unappreciated by club, its left to the fans to adore and worship - in the end - a false God. For we know that when we watch Spurs in the present, we are watching Manchester United's future.

The £30M that Ferguson will pay for Berbatov will be the beginning of the end for the football club. I swear, as God as my witness, I will decimate Levy's power at the club. I've already pre-ordered several effigy's from a contact who got me a great deal from some fanatical (football fans I guess) who live out in Palestine. These will be burned in full view of the worlds media and watching Spurs fans, and will incite a chorus of 'SACK THE BOARD' at every home game, which will surely unnerve our playboy director.

Levy Effigy - Coming Soon to the Lane

In an ideal world, without Levy at the helm, we would avoid signing the likes of Berbatov in the first place, thus avoiding the abject deflation of losing a player we pin all our hopes on due to being starved of true class to once every ten years.

I've only cried once this year when Captain America was assassinated in Civil War: Epilogue (Captain America #25). I will shed a tear once more in a month or two when Dimitar holds up the red home shirt of Utd at Old Trafford with a grinning Alex by his side. But that tear will be followed by a flood of discontent. The effigy's are just for starters. I have t-shirts and glow-sticks (when positioned correctly by the right amount of people, it will spell out 'GO TO HELL LEVY'). The South Stand in an evening kick-off will never look so majestic.

I'm ready for war Levy. Are you?

A letter addressed to me

My 'One Hotspur' official membership pack includes a rather dubious letter from the chairman. Now, I'm not naive and quite clearly understand that every season ticket holder has received a replica copy. Printed signature rather than personally signed, of course. More evidence displaying that Daniel Levy doesn't truly care about the fans. Anyone can mass produce letters and have their signature printed on it. Proof of how detached he is from the common man at the Lane. I've also heard that West Stand season ticket holders get a hamper consisting of bagels, pickled herring and Gefilte fish with their renewal forms. Us and them. It will never change while he sits on the throne.

Here's the content of the letter:

Dear Mr XXXXXX

It has certainly been a busy conclusion to another fascinating season and, as I write here is still so much to play for.

You could all see our development last season as we battled for a Champions League place right up until the last kick, while this time around our lengthy runs in the cups, and recent upsurge in the League, has resulted in some marvellous entertainment at White Hart Lane.

The special atmosphere our supporters create at the Lane envied by many and often commented on by our players. And your immense support on our travels in our first season back in Europe has been unswerving.

Thank you for your support and I look forward to welcoming you back to White Hart Lane again next season.

Daniel Levy
Chairman
Totttenham Hotspur Football Club

Have you ever read such drivel? Time for a de-bunk.

It has certainly been a busy conclusion to another fascinating season and, as I write here is still so much to play for.

'....as I write here is still so much to play for' - This is not the Queens English. Is this Levy's attempt at 'street talk' in order to appeal to the younger generation of Spurs fans? Pathetic. As for its message, by 'busy' Mr Levy surely means 'desperate' in that we are not in a comfort zone at this late stage of the season due to needing maximum points from the final 3 games. That and the fact that he is almost Jolish in his deliver by subconsciously hinting that if we fail its because we are set to suffer from fixture congestion.

You could all see our development last season as we battled for a Champions League place right up until the last kick, while this time around our lengthy runs in the cups, and recent upsurge in the League, has resulted in some marvellous entertainment at White Hart Lane.

Having to refer back to last season towards the end of this season, is confirmation that we don't have that much to sing and dance about, made even more ironic that last season was an abject failure. As for 'lengthy runs', this only serves to bring back memories of the build up to the West Ham game last year that saw us lose 2-1 and drop from 4th to 5th.

Upsurge in the League simply means we've started to win again after a woeful Christmas period. Surely winning is what should be achieved at all times, so upsurge refers to the fact that we were poor for a period of time long enough to affect the teams position - resulting with uncertainty over whether we will have UEFA Cup football next season.

As for 'marvellous entertainment', if getting dicked 4-0 at home constitutes entertainment then we are doomed. Twice we've failed to beat Arsenal and Chelsea knocked us out of the FA Cup. Seems that Levy is happy with this standard of 'entertainment'.

The special atmosphere our supporters create at the Lane envied by many and often commented on by our players. And your immense support on our travels in our first season back in Europe has been unswerving.

Yes, wonderfully special as we boo every touch Jenas (your poster boy) makes as he stumbles and fumbles all over the pitch. Or when we scream out in confusion when Jol makes questionable substitutions and tactical changes. And there's nothing out of the ordinary with our support away from home in Europe. We haven't been there for so long, its not exactly unexpected for a mass of Spurs fans to make the journey to second-tier continental clubs, desperate for a day out.

Thank you for your support and I look forward to welcoming you back to White Hart Lane again next season.

Oh don't you fret, I'll be there mate with bells on. I'm so fucking loyal to the cause that I'm willing to pay £609 for a season ticket just to burn it at the end of the season, then shower your convertible Merc with the ashes while you sit in the front ready to drive down the high road, showing my discontent at your continued mis-management of the club. And this time, I'll make sure to check the number plate. Not my fault that so many of you West Stand bourgeoisie drive flash sports cars.

Thats all for now.