Just say no to the new 'yellow' Spurs shirt

Ok, so basically, it’s turning into a little bit like Jermaine Jenas. You either love it or hate it. The Marmite factor has once more hit us straight in the face, and in a few days time it will spread outwards from N17 costing you around £40 or so for the privilege of bad taste.

Mock-up of leaked Spurs shirt - Courtesy of Evolution on SC

I’m obviously talking about our new home kit, the one with the yellow streaks. I’m not buying all this ‘yellow is part of our heritage’ crap. Ok, it is, but should not be part of a home shirt which traditionally is all white. It's bad enough reading all the 'Never Red' statements from the club only to have to put up with the red of Mansion bang in the middle of the shirt. And now someone with no sense of understanding has deemed it appropriate to add in the yellow bits. Ironically, people will buy the shirt regardless of what it looks like. It’s the loyalty thing messing with your mind. You weak weak people.

Just say no.

There’s a petition here. Sign it. Let the revolution begin.

For anyone who thinks this is a pointless waste of time (which I guess it will be considering the shirt has probably already gone to ‘print’) then browse away now. The rest of you can also protest simply by not purchasing the shirt. Although, to be honest, I haven't bought a home shirt for around 4 years now. I guess dressing myself up as a footballer in a replica shirt is something I've always found to be a tad silly. As for anyone with kids, have a word. Get 'em a classic ageless replica shirt instead.

It’s possible (but unlikely) that it will grow on me and I will look back on this in embarrassment. I can live with being wrong. I'm gonna hazard a guess it will never grow on me.

All things in perspective, things could have been a lot worse.

A lot lot worse.

Newcastle United, thanks again for cheering me up.

Is this really the new Spurs kit?

Dear God please let this be a mock-up. You'll remember a few weeks back a white and yellow-stripped shirt made an appearence on various message boards, where most dismissed it as a training top/blatant fake, but going on the PR blurb and the 'Glory comes in 3' tagline, I think it's time to put the kettle on and welcome in the colour yellow. And the red of Mansion also appears to be remaining with us for another season. So real or fake?

If the image linked above suddenly disappears then we'll take it as a real.

Unless of course, this is some sly clever dis-information perpetuated by the club who then go on to shock us all with an all-white home shirt.

Who am I kidding?

Is it too late for an intervention? I can be round to Daniel Levy's home within 30 minutes with a stern word or two.

the truth is not quite out there at the minute

If you believe the tabloids Harry is considering selling Modric and replacing him with Joe Cole. Richardson is an £8M target and for some reason Gareth Barry is mentioned as a possibility when in all probability he is more likely to go to Arsenal. And then there's the story in the Sunday Mirror about the Portsmouth takeover and the suggestion that the new owners want to bring in Redknapp for what would be his third reign at the club.

Shocking.

To make matters even worse, this is meant to be the new Spurs kit (sponsorless for the moment):

More rumourwhoring here including source for above

Shocking.

It’s Sunday. Still time for me to go to church and pray that the truth will out. And that it’s a little less ugly than it’s looking at the moment.

Kit Launch Review

Friday evening (going past midnight) into Saturday was the launch of the new kit at the Spurs shop. Now, you would think this was a grade-A opportunity for me to demonstrate a boycott or perhaps chain myself to an immovable object in one of the corridors within the Walk of Fame. Sadly, having been given clearance to attend this I was held back into the shadows of the ordinary fans due to the electronic tag on my ankle.

So, I’m afraid I don’t have much in the way of excitement to report. I queued up for several hours but then rejected entering the Spurs shop on principle stating that I would not pay extortionate prices for the shirts or any other merchandise in the shop. A peaceful and articulate statement was made. No scuffles or handcuffs on this occasion.

This meant entry into the club was not permitted because I had no ticket (which gets issued with a purchase of the new home shirt). Commercial fascism at its very worst. I told the club representative that I preferred to spend my time looking for a cab on Tottenham High Road wearing a t-shirt that stated ‘WHITE POWER’ rather than endure the Walk of Shame.

Also, I’d like to go on record to say that Billy Wingrove is over-rated. The bloke is nothing but a one-trick pony and has no sense of humour. If he had any skill, he’d be able to avoid my two-footed sliding tackle and not cry about it after. Fucking lightweight.

The only thing of note was that I momentarily spoke to Martin Jol. The big man was there to kick-start proceedings, shaking the hands of the waiting fans and smiling for photos.

I asked him what he thought the future held for him. Resignation or the sack? He said something in Dutch. Not sure what, but sounded similar to what Edgar Davids once said to me when I tried to kiss him on the cheek.

Wasted night, should have spent it watching the live coverage of the Big Brother housemates sleeping on E4.

2008 Shirts

Here's some more leaked nonsense from the club:

The shirt Robbie is wearing up close:

Mansion logo appears bigger. Now has additional (what looks like) Chinese writing on two of the four kits. There is also a 1980's throw-back gloss finish on the shirts along with the Cricket styled white and blue Blackburnesque shirt Robbie is sporting.

Now, I know, we use to play in these colours and we're 125 years old and we started off as Hotspur Cricket club, but what on Gods green earth are Spurs and Puma thinking of?

Are fans even asked their opinion on what we would like? Do they even care? Are we ever consulted? Of course not. Because the fans do not have a choice. And fans, easily manipulated, are forced to buy anything the club manufactures because there is no other choice for them. Otherwise you'll left parading around in your 1997 home kit or a moody purchase from Hong Kong.

And we buy anything (well not me) and its proven by the brown (its not Chocolate Levy, stop trying to fool the public) limited edition away shirt.

Surely that shirt (the brown shirt) is nothing more than a reference to what happened at the back end of last season when we failed miserably to beat West Ham. And for the record, food poisoning or no food poisoning why do people not question the fact that Levy booked the team into that Hotel? Then tried to cover up by deflecting the spotlight onto the chef and hotel staff. He paid for Totttenham to stay there, even though we were playing in London and didn't use the normal hotel we usually do for London games. It's undeniable. Unquestionable. He admitted that the hotel was not to blame, therefore, surely the person to blame is the person who has overall responsibility for the players and the clubs stature. And thats the chairman. With so much puking and diarrhea its our very own Watergate.

125th Anniversary Rejected Design
(Potential 130th shirt)

Anyway, the point is, we had the runs which are usually brown in colour (sometimes yellow - ironically another one of our away kits) and thus wore these shit-stained uniforms in one or two games last year. Humiliating.

That's Levy laughing at you. That's Levy saying to himself:

"I know, let me wipe my arse with this white toilet paper and make it all brown and then sell it for £40. I'm a fucking genius and I'm gonna make a ton of money and even if we under-perform for the twentieth year on the trot I'm still gonna be stinking rich."

Thankfully, there is a rebellion. These are men who are distinctive due to wearing Barcelona home shirts. These people refuse to be raped and pillaged by Levy and Puma, and I salute them.

We as fans are losing the initiative and our identity. Arsenal, forever red, will have a white shirt next season. Not only did they cheat their way into North London, Levy has now allowed them to steal our colours. Its further evidence of our club being engulfed by Daniel Levy's negligence.

This forces my hand.

Operation Hotspur is operational.

Tier membership and the new home shirt

Levy's marketing department have struck twice in quick succession, digging their poison soaked spur deep into the chest of unexpected fans and ripping out their still beating hearts while they feast on the blood like starved vampires. I am quite obviously referring to:

• The new Spurs 125th anniversary home shirt
• The new membership scheme

Let's start with the membership. The tagline is:

“In a world full of Uniteds, Citys and Rovers, there is only One Hotspur.”

This should be re-worded to read:

"It's a world full of disappointments, let-downs and choking....yes, its Hotspur "

We have gone the way of tier membership, creating differing class of supporters within the North, South and East Stands (West Stand is corporate and thus does not count) and the angry discontent echos from Bruce Grove all the way to Northumberland Park. Its scandalous.

Here is the tier structure, stripped of its colourful (yet ultimately false) advertising hype:

One Hotspur Lilywhite – For the fan who prefers to sit on his armchair and watch Sky Sports because he feels priced out by the extortionate cost of watching Spurs live.

One Hotspur Bronze – For the fan who deludes himself with the fantasy that one day he will actually possess a season ticket in his own name. Identical to the Lilywhite option with the added illusion that Bronze means you're just that bit closer to watching all of Tottenham's home games. Make sure you bring your deck-chair as you take your place behind the other 23,000 mugs on the waiting list.

One Hotspur Silver – For the supporter who wants to suffer every league match and watch yet another transitional season unfold before their eyes. No discount for the 5 minutes you miss at the end of the game as you leave early to avoid the traffic home.

One Hotspur Gold – For the fan who already owns a season ticket and wants to once more attend every game played at home, in the League and Cup competitions (which are only won by the Top 4 clubs) by way of a home Season Ticket and subscription to the Home Cup-Tie Ticket Guarantee Scheme that allows the club to charge your credit card anything they like for European games. If we don't have Europe, a special discount takes effect, coinciding with early cup exits in the two domestic competitions.

One Hotspur Platinum – For the mug who wishes to go to every game, home and away through owning a home and away Season Ticket plus subscription to the Home and Away Cup-Tie Ticket Guarantee Scheme because he wishes the club to drain him of all his resources both finanacially and mentally until he is nothing more than a broken shell of a man, sitting in a rocking chair drooling like an old dog that needs to be taken out back and shot.

Yes, hand over your hard earned cash so that Levy can afford his bling lifestyle while the fans continue to ask questions why we are still light years away from being a top 4 club. But still charge top 4 prices for anything Tottenham related. I still believe in the theory that subliminal messages are being transmitted (how else can you explain the loyalty?), both visually via the Jumbotron and hidden within the lyrics of Chas and Daves 'Glory Glory Tottenham Hotspur' and the ultra-depressive and dreary Manilow anthem 'Cant Smile Without You' that sometimes get's played at the end of games.

Some distrubed characters in the Park Lane Lower actually sing it - or should that be cough it out from the very depths of their lungs. Though it must surely be done in jest? Does strike me to be a form of terrace social commmentry with various satirical undertones that echo around the Lane as a testemant of rejection to Levy's Empire. No one could seriously compare 'Cant Smile Without You' with 'You'll Never Walk Alone', so why even attempt to sing it with a straight face?

Anyway, for the record, I will be opting for a Gold membership. This will allow me legal access into the ground, though the court order banning me from the West Stand is still in-effect (and will be so till late 2013).

Let's move onto the home shirt. 125 years of Tottenham Hotspur. Last year we got the Puma shirt. Incidently, 'Never Red' (the contradictory marketing campaign for the Spurs clothing range) doesn't include the shirt the players perform in. Which you'd think is the most prominent item associated with the club. And yet we get a splash of ugly red on the front of it. The shirt design itself was average. The 125th anni version appears to have de-evolved the design further.

The blue trims are gone and the collar has changed to a v-neck. That's some way to celebrate 125 years. Change hardly nothing on the design, then charge £40 for the privilage.

This is another blatant urination from above. It's an in-joke, I assure you, that Levy and the directors at the Lane deliver each season to prove the majority will pay for anything, no matter the quality or price and that they can continue to make profits off the backs of the brainwashed masses.

I will not be purchasing this, or any other replica shirt. I have no intentions of funding the infidel and his oppression. That, and the fact the club shop have repeatedly refused to print 'FUCK YOU LEVY' on the back of a shirt. Whatever happened to freedom of speech in this once great and proud country?