Pwoper nawty night in East London

Not sure what people expected last night. Category 5 game. West Ham. Millwall. Mid-week evening kick-off. Plenty of drinking time to be had. Hatred in large doses. A fixture between two sides that doesn't happen too often and when it does, both sets of fans quietly like to remind each other about the unrequited love they share for each other. Because next time might be some time.

It was always going to kick-off. Had Millwall been granted more tickets, there may have not been so many of them outside the ground pushing over horses, chipping bricks off walls and fighting the old bill. Then again, if the original 6,500 allocation had been granted, their fans may well have had more 'courage' (the type of courage a deeply lobotomised Borg Collective would display against the might of the Federation fleet) to invade the pitch rather than remain in the stands watching Hammers 'fans' goad the opposition players and generally mug themselves off in front of the cameras. Then again, it was only 50-60 or so home fans who ran onto the pitch. An excitable minority who seemed to want to re-enact a White Horse cup final moment. Turned out to be more like an infomercial on how to beat the flab. Jogging for the obese.

Not seen much footage of the battles outside the ground (before and after the game) and at the moment all the emphasis is on the pitch invasions and the fighting in the stands, while news filters in on exactly what happened outside in the streets.

The pitch invasions themselves were ridiculous and embarrassing. With every claret and blue goal, fan dodged the outnumbered stewards (who did their very best to stop, and to be fair to them they did great under the circumstances) and various punch-ups broke out near the stands and in them. I couldn't find a decent steam to watch the game and had to make do with Phil Thompson's dramatic re-telling on Sky's Soccer Special, that included a description of a Stanislav goal that suggested the player pulled out a mobile phone and filmed his celebration and the Milwall fan's reactions. Er, no. Not quite. There was a WH fan who was filming footage of the game on his phone, yes. Slight difference there Phil. His nose obviously getting in the way of monitor.

Over on Sky News, they showed various clips of very fat West Ham fan's running onto the pitch including Minty from Eastenders who at first glance looked like he was skipping away from an army of Heather clones who were chasing after his plump meaty body. He even managed the time to turn and gesture to one of the Millwall players. Pwoper nawty that. He'll treasure that moment, along with raising his arms towards the away fans, giving it large. Don't be missing with anyone who knows Phil Mitchell, right? Then Sky cut to a commercial break and showed an advert for the movie re-make of the hooligan classic, 'The Firm'. The irony jumping out of the tv like a scene from Poltergeist. I laughed out loud.

Not that any of this was a laughing matter. Two people stabbed. Whether innocent or people in the midst of it looking for trouble, it's still enough to churn your guts a little.

Small mercies? This wasn't shown live on television, which no doubt would have made matters far worse as it would have served as more of a stage for the trouble-makers. Cue plenty of 'terrible advert for the English game' sound-bites, no doubt. Police will have to answer questions about the operation and planning ahead in perperation. No idea whether tasers are an option for games like this and would assume that the more attack dogs available the better. Dogs. Or bees. Or dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you. As for the obvious effect this may have on our World Cup bid for 2018?

Platini in 3..2..1..

I guess neither sets of fans (the minority who disgrace the majority) deserve the screen-time to re-live the 70's and 80's and would hope their next encounter would be moved to an early kick-off or perhaps played behind closed doors. Although it's unlikely they will meet again for a while. What will the FA do in the aftermath of all this? I'm sure West Ham will attempt to identify and ban the invading fans. Police will do the same to anyone involved in the running battles outside and inside the ground. A fine or two will also be dished out to the clubs (probably) and the usual Daily Mail exaggerations will be with us until something else steals the spot light away from what was an absolute unsurprising inevitable clusterfuck of an evening.

I spoke to a police officer several months back (at Wembley prior to the Carling Cup final) and he mentioned he's at the New Den every other Saturday policing the Millwall home games. Said that their fans always fight, most often with each other. They are constantly up for it and don't care about anything or anyone. Not been to Millwall since we last played them there in a friendly (carnage it was) so I have no idea how much of a generalisation his comments are. No one in football is naïve enough to believe there are not pockets of idiots scattered around at most clubs who look for a bit of trouble against other like-minded individuals. There are plenty of active firms up and down the country and more than a few category A games for the police to sink their teeth into. This was always going to be volatile.

That doesn't excuse what happened, but surely the police could have considered the worst possible scenario and tripled their numbers, gone all out in riot gear from the tube stations all the way up to the ground, police dogs all over the shop and a general 'this is a war zone, fuck with us and you're fucked' attitude. Might be intimidating for the innocents, but chances are you won't lose control of the situation. It just seems like they underestimated what could have potentially happened which everyone seemed to guess would.

It's unfortunate. But before the mountain engulfs the mole hill - just remember there is a massive difference between the running weekly battles outside/inside grounds and on the tubes from yesteryear and one isolated major scrap. Football in England is pretty much in safe hands. All the organised meet-ups and scuffles that do still occur at one or two grounds is pretty inconsequential in comparison to anything experienced in past decades.

However, one isolated incident (in this case) still equates to a massive riot and several pitch invasions. This wasn't 20 lads in Burberry arranging to meet in a car park to throw a few punches.

Best for the FA to be harsh on the guilty. Throw the book at them. Rather than taking another brick in the face.

Stand up for your right....to stand up at football matches

Spoken to a number of people since the Cup final on Sunday and I've heard various accounts of Spurs fans arguing and in some instances fighting amongst themselves. Ironic that before kick off I was chatting to the Old Bill and one officer in particular who has to police the Millwall home games. He spoke about how Millwall fans just fight each other if opposing fans don't offer a challenge.

"They just fight for the sake of it. It's like something from the 80's. We're hoping they don't get promoted this season"

He also said it was a welcome break to be surrounded by 'proper fans'. Obviously, he'd have changed his mind a little if he witnessed one or two of the scuffles that took place in the ground after kick-off. It’s nothing new. I've witnessed it at away games on several occasions.

Some people want to stand and watch the game. Others want to sit.

Obviously, you'll find fathers of kids protesting for obvious reasons if the people in front are standing up. And in some parts of the ground, making most of the seat you’ve paid for is the only reasonable thing to do simply because of the distance you are to the pitch. But down in the lower tiers and behind the goal, it’s altogether a different culture. It’s almost a necessity to stand. Singing when sitting on your bum is ridiculous. And let’s face it, when your team drives forward, everyone gets off their seats in anticipation of a goal anyway. Sitting down only ever seems to happen out of pure boredom if the game is inciting sleep.

I was 'sat' in block 134 and spent the entirety of the game standing up, with practically everyone around me doing the same thing, but then we're behind the goal so its almost expected to be the case much like it is at the Park Lane end at White Hart Lane and various other grounds across the country. Nobody asks anyone to sit down because its just the way it is.

It's a ridiculous situation to have fans turn on each other. No idea what the police and steward response time was for all the pockets of punch-ups that broke out. But I’ll come back to this in a moment.

So what about a resolution? Designated standing areas would work a treat for people who want to stand at games. Can't fathom why it’s such a major headache for clubs and stewards to cater for. We get the usual 'sit down or lose your seat' propaganda at Spurs with a little emotional blackmail thrown in about how the council could close down stands us punishment to the club for fans persistently standing.

Is it to do with fire hazard regulations? Health and Safety? If you're sat down, you'll have to bleeding well stand up to leave the stand anyway. The fact there are seats at games means over-crowding is impossible, so what's the problem? Not a single Wembley steward at any point in time walked over to ask us to sit down. Was it because we stood behind the goal near the pitch and not high up in the Gods? If so, is this admittance that’s its actually ok for fans to stand up at games and stewards and police don’t bother with a polite ‘sit down please’?

Elsewhere, if it’s not permitted (up in the Gods or upper tiers) I can understand why it would be a nuisance to the majority if a minority stand. Stewards should be enforcing the policy that in those areas, people must be sat down. Allowing people to stand will lead to other fans asking them to sit, which then leads to arguments and fights. So all the pockets of punch ups that occurred on Sunday could have been stopped if stewards and police acted more responsible by instructing people to sit.

Time for clubs to listen to the fans. Some of us want to stand. It makes for better atmosphere. And the best place for it is behind the goals. If its made known this is an official designated ‘standing area’ of the ground and a no-standing policy is policed in other areas of the ground, then people will respect that. Considering alcohol can no longer be consumed in view of the pitch (works fine in Germany) and at times supporters can be punished for colourful language and get charged a small fortune for the privilege, I think it’s time we had some slack cut for us.

Or maybe I should accept defeat and admit that going to the football is no longer the escapism it once was and is instead neatly packaged family oriented entertainment for the middle class that like their ribs and wine at half time.

Don't fret....there's always next year

Carling Cup? Never rated it anyway. Mickey Mouse competition.

Sigh.

So here we are, the day after a cup final defeat. Feels a little bit shitty, doesn't it? I despise penalty shoot-outs. Damn you Champions League and the death of cup replays. I guess technically speaking we didn't actually lose (DVD release imminent?). The 'reserve' edition of the best club in the world couldn't beat us in open play. Rejoice!

As for those pesky pens. Not sure why O'Hara took the first one. He got it on target at least. Foster and his ipod will haunt him for a while yet I'm sure. He wears his heart on his sleeve does Jamie, so no doubting the reception he'll get on Wednesday will lift him. As for David Bentley, his scoffed shot sums up his season perfectly. An embarrassment of a mis-hit. But top drawer players as well as the ones lacking form are equally likely to miss or score on such an occasion. Well, discounting the ones in red. It's just so bloody typical a player with a decent shot on him completely mis-kicks the ball in the manner he did. And doubly typical that given a chance for a little redemption he cocks it up. I blame those star jumps. Penalty aside, he made little impact on the pitch when he did come on.

Harry looking good in the suit Ramos left behind

Think it was pretty obvious we'd lose this after extra-time ended. Pessimism gave me a tap on the shoulder and wink of despair. Shame though, because on the day neither side deserved to go home empty handed based on effort and opportunities. Someone obviously does. Obviously. And alas it was us.

Never thought the game would go the full distance based on the opening 15 minutes. United took us apart, but we got into the game and after that possession was shared fairly equally with both sides creating chances. Not the best Cup final, but it gave us plenty of gasps.

United might have launched one or two screamers towards goal, but we had our moments too. Mostly from the lickle boy Lennon who had an outstanding day out. Yes, the end product isn't perfect, but the mazzy runs are. Modric also superb - and both players could have had a Wembley moment to saviour. Shame we had to sub Aaron. Adel would have had a lot of fun out there with his tricks and clever feet and it's a shame he didn't get a cameo.

View from my seat

The much maligned Bent had an effort on goal. Run around a lot, usually in the wrong direction. Spiffing stuff. Pav ballsed up a couple of chances including one that come from a sweet pass from a locomotive Zokora bursting down the middle of the pitch. Zoko was mightily impressive. Where is this version of the player 95% of the time when required in the bread and butter games? As for Pav - he should not have been subbed. 4-5-1 grates me. And although he spooned a couple of efforts, we looked more structured with two up front. Harry might have got this wrong.

Ronaldo entertained with his usual dramatics, falling over whenever he was 'touched' by a Lilywhite. Chris Foy, our esteemed referee, made up for various inconsistencies by yellow-carding the winker. Penalty? Nope. Was already heading for the ground when King clipped him. Talking of cards, O'Shea should have walked but Mr Foy decided otherwise. Seems certain fouls at certain points in the game are worthy of a yellow but punishment for a similar foul to a player already on a yellow - wearing red - is not. Bah, who cares. Happens all the time. Fergie was obviously worried thus replacing him for Vidic. Who was superb. Talking of defenders, so was King and Ferdinand. And Dawson who has made a miraculous return to consistent form (his distribution is crap but I still love him).

Neither side had that cutting edge or bit of luck to claim glory inside 120 minutes. Anyone surprised that Utd won the toss to have the pens in front of their own fans? And the toss to select who takes the first pen? Footballing Gods, damn you.

Get the pen on target and you can't really complain that much if it fails to go in. If the keeper guesses right, he has a chance of saving it. If the pen taker strikes it with power or places it, then the keeper has no chance. I guess, if you practise them and have the confidence (and don't lose your bottle) you have a chance. More than a chance. At the purest simplistic level, penalty taking should be easy. Aim for the part of the goal that the keeper has no chance of getting to. If only it was that simple. It's 99% about mentality. That's where it's won.

Don't think we stood a chance to be perfectly honest. Don't quite grasp why Bent wasn't taking the first kick. I guess it's fairly evident we don't have many penalty takers in the side. Bentley continues to scapegoat himself towards public enemy number one. Take a bow son. Jenas must be smiling. Although no frowning for JJ yesterday. He too impressed making it a WTF double with him and Didier doing the biz. Although one or two fans in the stands seemed to nitpick a little too much on Jenas. I thought he showed spirit, if lacking in box-2-box creative enterprise.

Wembley mocks me with its sad smile

Oh well, there is always next season. We gave it some. Played like a team, some decent approach play and some almost moments that had my heart sat firmly in my mouth.

Other random highlights:

• Man Utd fans leaving after the winning penalty. I find that quite hilarious. Witnessing the lifting of a two-bob cup not as vital as that train back to Surrey, hey?
  
• Had a conversation with a police officer inside the stadium prior to the game. Pleasant chap, not into football. He usually has to settle for Millwall home games every other week the poor sod. "Nice to see some proper fans" he said to me. I told him that's not usually what others would call us, but I accepted the compliment.
• The Fanometer. Football dies a little more.
  

Onwards we go to our third successive Cup final, following on from yesterday and the Hull win the week before.

Boro at home. My knees and Harry's face still trembling.

Encore? Not likely - Phantom UEFA dream is over

I didn't watch the game on Thursday evening. Instead, I found myself sat at Her Majesty's Theatre in row B (there is no row A by the way, the orchestra is sandwiched between us and the stage). The Phantom of the Opera (two and a half hours including the interval) was endured by my good self and my partner thanks largely to, well me, after purchasing tickets for her as a present at Xmas. I didn't consider checking the fixture list prior to the booking. A lapse that didn't bother me as much as I would have hoped.

As I watched the tragic tale of the opera ghost unfold I couldn't help draw parallels between his existence and Tottenham's.

The Phantom is a genius composer. A magician, who hides behind a white mask.
Spurs have had their moments of genius. And a magician or two. But we too are always hiding. Behind past glories.

I'm pushing it a little with this parallel angle, aren't I? Work with me. I'm low on creative juice at the minute.

In Act II there's a jolly old sing-a-long by the name of Masquerade.

Masquerade! Hide your face, so the world will never find you!

I half expected David Bentley to swan across the stage floor with a can of Red Bull in his hand.

The Phantom himself is a grim, depressive and manic nut-job, which best describes most of our fans. I'm joking guys, just joking. Apart from you-lot-in-the-you-know-what stand. You guys kill me.

His (the Phantom) erraticness does interestingly enough have some rather Jenasesque qualities (our very own phantom of the Lane), especially some of the shrugs and head in hand holding towards the end of the show. I almost stood up and yelled 'believe in yourself lad', but thankfully this played out only in my head.

One of the set-pieces during the show involved a chandelier that comes crashing down to earth. A nice visual analogy for our hopes and ambitions which sit high up in the rafters, illuminating, before sabotage makes gravity's life easy. Waiting for it to be restored it to its original grandeur has been the bane of our lives.

No phone reception inside the theatre so it wasn't until the conclusion of Act II and a swift exit outside into the cold London night that I got the chance to browse to the final scores on my trusted Nokia.

1-1 FT. Not the most exciting scoreline.

Wasn't disappointed because my expectations were never high. But this morning, having now regained a rather nifty 8Mb connection at my new residence, I had a gander at one or two write-up's and from the sounds of it the cello-taped together side fielded by our chief in command came pretty close to causing an upset.

Gio scored a belter. O'Hara industrious. Obika a rugged force up-front. Apparently Gilberto was very good (although I'll need more than 5 people to confirm this before I believe it). Huddlestone spaying balls about. Bale a revelation in midfield. The referee a git all over the field. The man with the whistle disallowing a penalty that would have surely inspired the young side to push on.

But you know this already, as you've seen the game/highlights whilst as I'm still humming The Music of the Night and skipping around the flat on my toes.

However other reports suggest that the performance was far from great. Huddlestone, pedestrian. Bale not looking out of place alongside academy players. Chimbonda, a bit rubbish. All a bit low key apparently.

So was the game worth the effort for the fans who did attend? Please do share your insight. The Sun seemed to like our performance, so who am I to question their integrity? Rhetorical, don't answer.

I'm still relatively busy with unpacking boxes and at the minute patiently waiting for the Sky engineer to come round and do his thing, so I'm still part-time blogging. Sunday is now in everyone's mind and I'm looking forward to dislocating myself from the shoulder of league football as we (hope) to do our bestest against the Man Utd reserves with special guest appearances from a few superstar first teamers, I'm sure . I'll pop it back in after the final whistle. Hopefully won't be too painful.

Fingers crossed Spurs can remove their mask to reveal no disfigurement. Just a pure unmarked face of beauty. What I mean is, I hope we turn up, turn it on and dick 'em. A bit like last time out against Chelsea. No disappearing into nothingness thank you very much.

Berbatov is not in the squad for the final. But Vidic, Ferdinand, Nani, Ronaldo, Giggs, Carrick, Scholes, Tevez and Rooney all are. Along with one or two other first team players.

No Keane or Wilson for us and Frazier Campbell can't play due to the loan agreement. Bet you're gutted about that last one. Darren Bent is available and in the squad. If he scores the winner, I'll stick him in my good books until the next league game where, believe me, I'll go back to slating him. The good for nothing no spark no creative juice one dimensional Raziak clone. I hate you Darren Bent.....do ya hear me? I hate you and your self-satisfying goal ratio!

Predictions? It's a one off, so the game is likely to be far closer than most might expect. Then again, depends on the team Fergie starts with and how our lot react to it. We do love these types of occasions. Players find it more comfortable to raise their game and perform in a Cup final than let's say a six-pointer at the depths of the Premier League.

So COYS, up the Spurs, let's do it again etc etc. Write us up another glorious page for the next revision of the Opus.

Spurs overhull City to claim Cup final victory

Woodgate header, 2-1, winning goal. We've been here before haven't we? No fireworks at the final whistle this time round, but the importance of claiming the three points practically pushes this result into open bus parade territory.

Spurs have been to Hull and back. No glory football here. First half performance was gash, only highlight a rather deliciously curled opening goal from Lennon who had all the time in the world to blast it in, but preferred instead to add a little gloss to proceedings and show off some of that end product he has plucked from the frustrating realm of eternal potential. He remains our one bright spark in the dark gloomy basement that the past year has been. Hull's equaliser was assisted by Calamity Cudicini (Gomes must be jealous) who fumbled the ball, allowing for an easy slot to make it 1 a piece.

Dodgy at set pieces, less than confident goal-keeping. Here we go again, right? No, wrong. Rather than losing the game in the final moments, Woody planted his head on the ball to give us one of those rare moments. An away win. Fantasy football. School boys own stuff. Jumpers for goalposts.

Thoughts and prayers for Hull City who haven't won for 10 league games. Their dizzying holiday towards the top of the table nothing more than a distant memory. They can now consider themselves invited to the relegation party down at the bottom.

Thankfully as Hull walk through the front door with a bottle of cheap wine, we've managed to escape from the prank that saw us locked in the downstairs toilet to standing a little easier in the kitchen, which everyone knows is the best place to be at a party....even a party as depressing as this one. We need to focus now and try to flirt with the attractive lass giving us the eye. She's leaning up against the middle of the table, showing us a bit of leg. Boy would we like to climb up that leg. She's no babe, not like some of those top class European birds at the party up the road, but she'll do. Beggars can't be choosers. Aim to impress her with a little charm and slick moves and we'll be out the front door, into a taxi, and back at hers for a coffee leaving this party of losers behind. Now and again, it's ok to play ugly if it gets the right result.

We've now got the interference of the second leg of the UEFA Cup game on Thursday to look forward to. Which is a bit like going on a blind date and finding out your 'date' at the bar with the bow in her dress is your sister. It's inconvenient.

To be fair to Harry, it is a tad ludicrous the way the fixture list scoffs at us. And it's a crying shame the UEFA Cup has been relegated to insignificance thanks to our Premiership predicament. There's been much talk of how Harry has disgraced this clubs great traditions in Europe and how ironic it is that Spurs strive to get into Europe, something taken very seriously a couple of seasons back, to complete dismissiveness this term. Fact is, we have been crap all season long and attempting to win the UEFA Cup when our Prem survival is yet to be guaranteed is arrogance we can not afford. Arrogance probably too strong of a word there. What I mean is, we have by default devalued everything other than the league games thanks to our lack of consistency and form so pretending we can afford to play full strength teams in games that are not important in the grand scheme of things is misplaced. We could play a strong side and win, and take that confidence forward. Its agreeable logic, but the history of this season has served up one certainty: Spurs hardly ever turn up. I'd rather go out of the UEFA Cup, not lose any players to injury, and try to salvage some pride in the league.

I expect another reserve/youth team combo and a sharp exit out of the competition, but this being Spurs, I wouldn't be surprised if the complete opposite happened. Just for larks.

Sunday is now the new priority for the remaining week with Hull decimated. Utd, who we all hope get dicked by Inter this evening, will not be fielding a super-strength line-up at Wembley if they are a goal or two down by the final whistle tonight. Their second leg game at OT is obviously always going to be far more important than the Milk Cup. So amazingly, form aside, we do have a lickle chance of surprising Fergie on Sunday. Although their reserves are not going to be push-overs. And even with the Inter game sandwiching the Cup final, I still expect to see a superstar or two grace the field against us.

I'll be praying for some joy in what has been a joyless season. Fireworks in our favour please. Could even handle an Orish jig or two.

I'm still 'offline' and without internet access and will be travelling on Wednesday/Thursday so will resurface at some point on Friday.

Glory Glory for Tottenham: Flashback to Carling Cup win

I'm about to disappear on a hiatus of sorts. I'll sporadically post when I can but the next week or so you'll have to make do with Harry and loads of action. I'm sure you'll survive without my inane rants. But if you have become accustomed to them and need a fix to get you by, the boys and girls over at the hellmouth will help you with your addiction. You'll find them to be of a special type of crazy there. Otherwise, if you fancy your own hiatus, try something different.

But enough of the blatant advertising. Time for that flux capacitor to do it's thing.

Date: 25th Febuary 2008
Place: Back pages of the Evening Standard

Dicking Chelsea the day before was wonderful. Unfortunately, the quotes haven't aged too well.

"This just goes to show what he has done in a short amount of time. It's no fluke because he did it at Sevilla as well so he must have something really special. Certain managers have that luck about them. He has certainly done a tremendous job. To have a trophy after a few months is an incredible achievement" - Robbie Keane on 'Our Special Juan'

"The way Tottenham stood up to Chelsea gives supporters a real hope that a new era of sustained success is finally about to begin at White Hart Lane" - Michael Hart, Chief Football Correspondent, Evening Standard

"We have a very good manager and he has proved it by winning the final. There was no pressure on Ramos, but this is a wonderful achievement for him and the players" - Daniel Levy

"I have a lot of football to come and will stay with the team. I'm confident there are more trophies to follow" - Ledley King

"I am here, I want to win things and hopefully this is the first of many for me. It means a lot to beat Chelsea, they are a fantastic team. When the final whistle blew it was an indescribable feeling. Everyone was happy and it was great to see so many smiles. It's a major trophy and we wanted European football again. This is our moment, but on Tuesday we start again. We have important games ahead of us. We have big goals ahead of us. The manager is a winner and he knows how to win things. This is his first trophy and I hope it's the first of many" - Dimitar Berbatov

"The team has been improving in terms of security and confidence and yesterday's win reaffirmed that. The players have shown they can concentrate and fight with the best of them" - Juande Ramos

"In the dressing room afterwards, the players were all saying 'now let's win the UEFA Cup'" - Robbie Keane

Back to the future and I can happily live (if we win it) with reading the quotes from Redknapp about how monumental it was to beat Utd in the final, proper David and Goliath stuff, because, you know...we're down to the bare bones. I'll even look the other way when Levy sanctions the release of the Carling Cup Double special edition DVD.

Coys, let's be 'aving you. I fancy starting the month of March with a big fat smile on my face.

Late late show saves spinless Spurs

Milk Cup Semi-Final
Burnley 3 Spurs 2 (6-4 to Spurs on agg.)

Imagine an incontinent old man who tries hard to avoid wetting himself, but can’t stop it. No matter how many times he changes his pants and prays it won't happen again, it keeps happening. Over and over again. That’s Spurs.

You could argue that on a mud drenched rain soaked playing field Burnley gave it a right go but only actually managed three worthy efforts on target. All of which ended up in the back of the net. They hardly ripped us to shreds. We missed several chances to score including a sitter from Roman (managing to out do Bent from the other night), long before the final two minutes which saw Roman (making up for that sitter) and Jermain spare us humiliation. You could argue that the performance – which was shambolic with our lack of cohesion and retention of possession – felt 100 times worse because we expect so much from our players.

We expect them to play like the players we know they can be. Although a professional and efficient performance will do just fine, which is something they should be giving us without expectation every bleeding week. But we don’t have the luxury of that at the moment. Face it, that’s how bad we are. We can’t even beat the promoted sides in the league, so what made us think last nights second leg semi-final was going to be easy? Even at 4-1 up you suspected that Spurs would make it difficult for themselves. Their attitude doesn't bode well for our up and coming games. New blood, unaffected by these pathetic moral levels, will probably be the key to turning things around.

Even though lady luck had more to do with it in the end than our class prevailing (Burnley tired out and got punished for settling for the away goal rule), if you swapped Alnwick for Gomes, we would have got through this game without the need for dramatics. Yes, I know Gomes is prone to the odd dropping of the ball, but Alnwick was very much a weak link and clearly cost us 2 goals. Not exactly the environment for an ideal debut.

As a team we were simply woeful, a side of individuals with no team structure who made it very easy for Burnley to get within touching distance of a cup final. We always do just about enough to lose games without getting battered, and last night was a prime example.

Far too many mentally weak players with the fabled ‘I don’t care’ attitude. No urgency or self-respect and very little acknowledgement of the fans loyalty. It’s been like this for quite a while now, and even the threat of relegation doesn’t appear to bother them. Maybe one or two of them are already thinking about where they wish to play next season. Wake up. Wake the f**k up.

Yes it was a game played in nasty conditions against a team that has battled through the likes of Chelsea and Arsenal to get here, but regardless of this and regardless of the players missing from our team, how can you possibly excuse that embarrassment of a performance? 4-1 up and they still managed to almost throw it away. Where was the determination? The passing? The possession? How can you possibly excuse that?

You can’t.

Shut your eyes, this time last year we swaggered to a 5-1 win over Arsenal. I think the final itself against Chelsea was the last time we actually played really decently.

Easily the most inept performance from Spurs I’ve witnessed for some time. We almost got what we deserved. But we suddenly decided to play for two minutes towards the very death and display a little of that almost forgotten Premiership quality.

I'm not completely sadistic. I am 'happy' we have another day trip to look forward too, but not best pleased with the display that got us there. Well done Spurs, you complete absolute joke of side that I love with all my heart, but hate how you pull it in all directions and bleed it dry.

Post-match?

Our players will probably think they did alright tonight. To be fair, one or two did not disgrace themselves. Dawson in particular and Bale and Bentley had far better games than anything else they've done for a while but that's not saying much at all. Zokora, possibly playing for his career at Spurs with the imminent arrival of Palacios also stood out from the dross, but put into perspective – this was all against Championship opposition. Adel (arriving us a sub) showed some spark. Overall, rubbish.

I was half expecting Harry to say we 'weathered the storm' in his post-match interview, but now I can understand his public slating of players. He is right to have a go at them after a performance like that. It's difficult to blame him for the tactics because the players don't look like they actually follow them. His post-match was brutally honest and to the point. We have players who look like they are sulking and feeling sorry for themselves. They need a good slap. The lot of them.

"The players should be fighting for their lives to stay at a great football club like this. Their future is on the line, they need to perform to stay at the club”, said our Harry after the game. Thing is, they stopped fighting a month or so back. I'm inclined to think Redknapp's man management isn't enough at the minute. It would be easy to say he is once more playing the blame game and deflecting attention away from him and onto the players. But the players performances are as bad as they were under Ramos.

You'll have one or two of the giddy idiots getting their suits measured for the final. Faces in Gants Hill tonight for them no doubt.

Looks like we are sending a second-string to Old Trafford on Saturday. Shame we have to discount the FA Cup, but even with a full strength team on current form, I wouldn't fancy our chances. FA might slap his hands for making the comment about a weakened side, but who cares. Mish-mashed will have to do. It’s sad really because it’s the FA Cup. And it’s at Old Trafford. Regardless of the team put out, they should give it 100% because if Spurs can’t be arsed with games like this how exactly are we going to fair in the bread and butter of Prem survival? Where is the passion? I can show you some passion for free, let alone the levels I could reach for £30,000 a week.

Only Spurs can make you feel despair and ecstatic punching of the wall joy at getting to a Cup final. My knees have gone all trembley.

Nice of you to turn up 45 minutes late

Carling Cup Semi-Final
Spurs 4 Burnley 1

Only Spurs can infuriate me this much. Woeful first half of football. Bale and Bentley were tragically bad and the team as a whole, shit. I'm not going to take a thing away from Burnley. They played tidy football, broke well and took their goal (gift) with confidence. The first half consisted of us playing what I like to call zombie football. I'm not talking about the fast moving Rage virus zombies from 28 Days Later or the Dawn of the Dead remake. There was nothing agile about our display. I'm talking about the zombies from the George A. Romero original. Slow us fuck. And unlike the zombies in that classic film, we lacked any kind of menace when in possession. It was, yes you've guessed it, inept®.

I can never figure out how the minds of Tottenham players work. If this was Arsenal at home, we'd be 100 miles per hour from the off. Instead, we allowed a Championship side (a good one at that) to dictate. It wasn't anything spectacular mind. They made one or two chances, but you could see they were not a real threat if....if we stepped up a gear. But as the half dragged on, the worse we got.

I don't want to start pointing my finger at Bentley again, but he was having a nightmare of a game. Much like most of his appearances for us. Everyone was lethargic and sleepy, and mis-hit passes and crosses (even Lennon was struggling) but Bentley was particularly bad. And Bale looked utterly lost.

There are two decent, very decent, players in there somewhere but it looks like it's going take a while to get them to smile and play well. If you need an irreverent back-heel flick, Bentleys your man, but anything that requires simplicity, no chance. Bale was a nervous mess.

Its all about confidence. There was a point in the first half that Bale could have taken the ball on and run into the penalty area. He didn't. That split second decision resulted in him playing the ball sideways. No belief there at the minute, because if he took it on and fucked it up, he'll get more moans and groans from the crowd, and too much thinking about the negatives eats away at players. Which is why Bentley is deep into Paul Robinson territory at the minute.

The way Eagles run through the two of them to set up Burnley's opener was embarrassingly easy.

Off went Bentley at half-time and on came Jamie O'Hara. Now Jamie will never be world-class. Or even good enough to play for the England first team. But he has bite and determination, even if he needs a couple of touches to control the ball. He gets stuck in. And thanks to the switch and the half-time bollocking, Spurs stepped it up. Why the overpaid gits couldn't muster this tempo in the first half is anyone's guess.

You're at home. Against opposition from a lower league. In a semi-final. FUCKING WELL SHOW US THE GULF IN CLASS. Ok, so they knocked out second-string Fulham, Arsenal and Chelsea sides. And they play pretty football. But be a sodding professional about it.

Incoming Jamie corner. Dawson meets it with his head. 1-1. Perfect script-writing. Livened up the fans a little. To be fair, we are never any good at home against lower-league opposition when it comes to singing/chanting. First half, our lack of noise shadowed the teams performance. Second half, with the change in effort on the pitch, inspired us to stand up and shake off the icicles to sing a song or two.

Five minutes later, Jamie manages to squirm the ball (well its more a case of the keeper allowing it to squirm) under his legs from a volley. 2-1. In the 65th it was 3-1, this time Pav driving the ball home after breezing way too easily past the Burnley defender. Goal in every round from the Russkie. 4-1, and it's practically done and dusted. Own goal this time.

If Zokora had 1% shooting ability he would have made it 5, but this being Zokora, the ball has yet to be retrieved from Glasgow city centre.

I'd say that's us at Wembley, but if Burnley come out all guns blazing and we play as badly as we did in the first half, they have every chance. But somehow, I can't see that happening. Would be daft to fuck it up that badly now.

Gio back on the bench today. Along with Adel and KPB - but none of them had a cameo. Which was a shame. No Ghaly. But expected this. Best to have him on the bench for Sunday and maybe bring him on then. Less of the boo-boys around at away games.

Special mentions: Defoe. Bit surreal to see him back. He has a right good chance to shine now that there is no longer a Berbatov or Keane at the club. Nigh impossible to break that partnership (which was arguably one of the best in the country). I think he'll work well upfront with Pav.

The Burnley fans right next to me in Block 42. Some decent banter going on, although one or two got a tad too serious with the abuse when the score was reversed in our favour. Unlike last year which was against Arsenal and it meant a lot for obvious reasons (failure to get there the season before), tonight I really felt it meant a lot more for the Burnley fans than it did for us. I guess it would considering their stature and lack of recent semi-finals. Our fans were a little casual tonight, along with the players. Thankfully just for the opening 45. I guess the Premiership is priority for all at the minute. January rescue package should see to that.

Anyways, slightly stronger team and more focused performance, and we could have overwhelmed them tonight. Instead, the team did its usual best to worry us silly.

Not good enough at the minute to even consider beating Utd in the final.

And that was the week that was.....

Anderton retires today, bless him. Hope he gets that testimonial he deserves from us.

Freddy Adu (formally a Man Utd and then Chelsea fan) who was fourteen years old for about 5 years is now proclaiming he supported Spurs when he was a kid. Even though, he still is a kid. He's at Benefica, although out on loan in France, so basically, he's shit and over-rated and simply a over-hyped product of the Nike school of bullshit. Thanks but no thanks. I'll stick to the Football Manager version of you.

Robbie Keane is being rested for Liverpool today, away to Blackburn. Rumours (and that's all they are) suggest he will be sold. Where does one go when he is pushed out of his boyhood club? I guess his other boyhood club (Celtic) will be happy to take him. Keane will score 30 goals up there, no problem. I guess if he is sold we'll be disappointed (Levy that is) financially, as we probably only got £12M upfront for him, with the rest based on appearances and goals.

I'm uncertain if Tony Parks has joined the club as a coach. Can anyone confirm?

Watford away was just about okay. One down, two won up. Sure you've gathered that by now. Not a convincing performance, but then wasn't a fully strength team. Sure 'arry will play a strong team in the semi-final. Interestingly, every time we've got rid of a manager early on in the season, the new boss has gone onto win the Cup. More of the same please.

Warm balls?

Hail to the Milk Cup. Semi-final draw, live on Gillette Soccer Saturday, saw us get a plum first leg to Burnley - the giant killers of London clubs (Fulham, Chelsea and Arsenal) whilst Manchester United go to Derby. Sponsors are expecting a Spurs v Utd derby, and unless we manage to completely fuck up our home tie, I expect this to be the case. Disrespect meant, who would want to watch the two Championship teams in the final? Glam it's not.

Think I'm more happy with the home tie first up also, more so than last year because of the opposition. Do a good clinical job, and the second tie will be a formality. If we choke, stutter or simply get a bit arrogant and fuck it up, we don't deserve a second successive Wembley visit. Yes, they beat second elevens on their way to the semi-finals, but if we can't brush them aside then shame on us.

Would love a Utd final. Berbatov, are ya listening.....?

Watford v Spurs

If we lose tonight, then we don't need to beat ourselves up because - and I know this is an obvious thing to state - if we lose, we don't bloody deserve to think about the 'what ifs'.

3 games from Wembley. That's incentive enough. No matter the team Harry puts out.

Not that it matters in the long run. If we get Utd in the semi-final, it will be a full strength Utd. Which won't bode well. But enough of this negativity. Onwards, upwards etc.

Milk Cup update

The Arsenal super-kids get knocked out by Burnley. Apparently they didn't quite make the grade (I guess the grade is getting dicked 6-2 in the semis?). But hey, let's all applaud Arsene for sticking to his footballing principles.

Derby beat Stoke in the other quarter-final. Watford away for us tomorrow, and if it's a good evening then its hello to the semi-finals and another potential UEFA Cup qualification. All dependent on the team Harry selects. Premiership is obviously always going to be the priority. But its just 3 games from another Wembley day out. So why not go for the glory?

Too good a chance to fuck up.....so get your excuses ready for Thursday morning.