Make war not peace

Mr Berbatov wants to make peace with Tottenham fans.

“I will always have special feelings for Tottenham. They showed me the way in English football. I will never have anything bad to say about the club. I watch every game they play. I was just surprised the team got off to such a bad start because Juande Ramos was a very good coach. Now Harry Redknapp has come in, a very experienced manager, and I am pleased they are going up the table.”

The disruptive Bulgarian has less chance of making peace than I have of spanking Angelina Jolie in a night of light sexual deviance. Brad Pitt would obviously not be present. If he was, and as a consequence, the only chance of me doing Jolie was to double up on her with Bradley, then I would gladly accept, as long as both cockerels were kept apart at all times. I'll only crow for Angelina. I'm not saying he ain't a good looking bloke, no doubt there, but I am strictly centre-midfield and you'll never catch me playing down the muddy slippery flanks.

I’d like to spank Berbatov given half the chance. Across the face. With a dead squirrel. ‘Showed me the way in English football’? That’s the polite way of suggesting we were nothing more than a stepping stone, a stage to show off his array of talents and silky skills allowing Ferguson to decide if Berbatov was good enough for Old Trafford. The only special feelings you have for us is you were able to showcase your talent for one full season, and then only do so a second time round because we wouldn't allow you to leave. This fallacy of you only caring about the simple things in football is just that.

And as for watching all our games since moving on, I doubt that very much. Don’t patronise us please. You fought with Jol. You fought with Tottenham. You practically went on strike. Shut the fuck up, and just take the abuse you’ll get on the chin like any other player (apart from Sol Campbell who doesn’t like to take anything on the chin, according to his PR).

Honest, humble Dimi, who likes to feed the squirrels in solitude with only his deep thoughts as company whilst he contemplates his existence and meaning. Don’t be too shocked or upset when all the squirrels in your back garden suddenly go missing. Not that I would ever set traps for them and sell them to the nearest kebab house for a tidy profit. That would be distasteful and possibly cruel especially to the people who prefer to dine on lamb rather on rodents. Although a dollop of chilli sauce will guarantee you won't be able to tell the difference.

Berbatov is the reason why clubs like Spurs will never push on, much like the eight year old at school who decides it’s easier to support whoever is top of the league whilst the local team loses another prospective future season ticket holder.

So, Dimitar, in conclusion, take your olive branch and stick it up your bollocks.

Thanks to Dan G from gg.net for the photo-shop magic.

Challenge Spurs™ - The Bale jinx must Go-mes

Challenge Spurs™ Series

Game 05 v (A) Fulham
2-1 Loss, 0 points
Total points: 12
Position: 19th
1 point from safety

I'm glad Harry Redknapp is still talking publicly about a 'relegation battle' as a reminder is needed for the players who decided to believe their own hype and take their eyes off the ball momentarily (figure of speech) to see us lose at Fulham. Yes, it was sort of expected that we would drop all 3 points there because traditionally that's exactly what happens, but I'm still disappointed that we didn't buck the trend a little. A draw and a few wins doesn't mean we are suddenly up and running because its fine giving it some against the likes of Arsenal and Liverpool, but its the bread and butter of the teams around us that need to be polished off with more intent and effort than Saturdays mediocre outing.

Bale played, we lost. Again. Poor lad needs to make an appearance when we are 3-0 up with 1 minute to go. Gomes, with yet another match-losing howler. Words escape me for the hilarity of the situation. A £9M legacy from the exceptional Comolli that will continue to haunt. Is Cesar not an option? This same scenario is reminiscent of the Paul Robinson saga which saw us keep the faith with him until no confidence or ability was left in him to do the basics right.

Drop him. Let him retain some kind of integrity as he re-builds his composure. Unless of course, what we see is what he does week in week out. Which in that case, let's just hope he doesn't cost us too many points before the Jan window re-opens. Arguably, on the flip side, he produced some amazing saves. Conundrum is our Gomes. As for Bale. Shocking again.

And the rest? Apart from maybe Modric (who left the field of play with an injury) the rest were average, making Fulham look far better than they actually are.

Onwards and upwards please.

Challenge Spurs™ - Breaking the jinx

Game 05 v (A) Fulham
Total points: 12
Position: 16th

I think we've managed to win just once in 7 or so Prem visits to Craven Cottage. It's a bit of a jinxy place for us, which has seen us either drop points in the last minute or simply get out played from the off. I'm sure Fulham will get at us, and swing the corners and crosses in hoping for some Gomes flapping to help them get their noses in front. I think this game is going to be a test for us, playing a team that is quite obviously not within a light year of Arsenal or Liverpool. Our rejuvenated lot have to turn up for these games too. Considering the amount of points lost to the lickle clubs, I'd say 3 points tomorrow is vital. Don't want to be sitting bottom again by quarter to five.

The squad for tomorrow?

Tottenham: Gomes, Cesar, Hutton, Bale, Gunter, Dawson, Woodgate, Corluka, O'Hara, Zokora, Bentley, Huddlestone, Jenas, Gilberto, Modric, Bostock, Dervite, Lennon, Bent, Campbell, Pavlyuchenko, Stalteri, Rocha, Taarabt, Boateng, Ghaly, Assou-Ekotto.

OH NOES! Ekotto is back. Don't think we'll see too many changes from our last Prem game up at Eastlands. Modric, Bentley, Bent and co all return. King should partner Woodgate.

As for Fulham, they have enough in the way of irritating players that tend to do ok against us. Zamora, Johnson, Murphy etc. And Bullard puts himself about, so all eyes on our centre-midfield. Its the type of team (Hull, Stoke, Wigan) that we've struggled against. I know it's all pre-'arry, but our winning run can't go on forever. I thought City away was the banana skin. Will Fulham break our hearts again?

Prediction: 2-1 Spurs

The Difference between Harry and Juande

Ramos

• Restrictions on food served at the training ground, resulting in players sneaking off to a local Italian restaurant.
• No Ketchup or mayonnaise.
  
• Had to stay in hotel at Canary Wharf before all home games.
• On evenings before match days, all players had to go first to training ground to leave their car even if they live in Canary Wharf. Then coach takes them back to hotel in Canary Wharf.
• Ledley King played in the Uefa Cup.

Redknapp

• Healthy food at training ground, but no limits on portions.
• Stay at home the night before home games.
• King playing only in Premier League matches.
• Dollops of ketchup and mayo.
  

Football. Keep the man-management simple because footballers are children at heart.

Let the Park Lane and Shelf live on forever

If you look down this thread over at Glory Glory you'll see something that I've always been a firm believer of. I'll quote:

Existing season ticket holders, and seat prices/stand names, to be transferred as closely as possible from WHL. So in the new stadium, everyone who's got a season ticket for the Park Lane gets a season ticket behind the goal at the Northumberland end for the same price (or the same price ratio in comparison with a ticket in the new West Upper), everyone who's in the Shelf corner gets moved to the corner next to that end, and so on, and on matchdays the cheapest tickets in the new stadium are in the bits which are cheapest now, and - well, actually this bit is architectural, put all the executive boxes and corporate crap in the mid-level and upper tier of the new "West" (i.e. actually now East) Stand.

- edam_anchorman

This is something I've always failed to understand when other clubs don't attempt to retain some form of structure when migrating us fans across to a new ground. Personally think this is vital for us. And Levy best listen to the voices of thousands because if he is genuine with his promises on atmosphere then this is simply the only way to achieve it.

More quotage (this time belonging to Danish White):

The key criteria apart from the obvious stuff like view, safety, catering, access etc should well be:

Acoustics: You really, really do some freaking research in the sound patterns of the pitch, simulated with "soft" background of the stands filled with fans in clothing and all. How hard can it be, seriously. Be an an avante garde for bloody once and be the club who creates a fans ground created for atmosphere !

Proximity: Spare space from touchlines and sidelines should be the absolute minimum allowed for excess pitch feet, space for warmups, add boards and stewards. No a single inch more, not a single.

Denseness of internal build: Upper tiers need to be as advanced to the pitch as possible and wherever possibly by any means should the design aim to allow for more seats upwards on the stand by tilting the stands as steeply vertically rather than horizontally to create space upwards above the pitch rather than outwards towards the streets. Anybody disagreeing with this part can impossibly have been to Bernabeu and felt the thrill in the upper ranks.

If Spurs get this right, then we'll have the best ground in the country, apart from maybe Old Trafford which retains its tradition by being an old stadium built new and expanded. If we get it wrong, you might just find yourself sitting next to Billy Glory-Hunter more interested in the half-time ribs than the action out on the field.

Our enemy will not be Levy, but more so the architects who have this mis-conception that the most vital thing regarding the football experience is comfort, plenty of leg-room and having the best view possible. No thanks. Give me White Hart Lane any day of the week. Compact, busy and loud.

Comolli again

So our mate Comolli thinks he did an exceptional job at the Lane.

Spurs rated 11th biggest club in the world.
3 times European qualification.
Carling Cup winners.

All down to him according to himself. He doesn't say that directly of course, but implies it.

"I had a lot of success. I did a lot of good for the team and left a club in great shape"

No you didn't. The club was a complete and utter mess thanks to the DoF system and your ability to avoid the most vital of signings at key moments.

"The current results are showing what I did for Tottenham. The team is great and young"

The current results are a consequence of Ramos and you being sacked. We were rock bottom, disharmony in the dressing room.....you did what for Spurs?

"I am still asking myself what happened in the end. I don't understand it. I advised the club to take a coach (Ramos) and it went well at first. But when he had problems the club turned on me. I am leaving a club with a lot of assets, many, many players"

Obviously someone needs to take Damien aside and explain what constitutes success. In Ramos, he bought in the wrong person for the job. If the rumours that Juande stopped learning English 2 months ago are true, then you do the maths. As shown in a previous blog posts, yes, Mr Comolli you did bring in some decent players but you never addressed the main issues that's left us with an unbalanced team.

Buying players isn't a difficult job. Bringing in the likes of Corluka and Pav (who I hope go from strength to strength) and having them both cup-tied for the UEFA Cup isn't what you would call world-class scouting and acquisition. Zokora, Kaboul etc.....let's not cover ground covered yesterday.

There's no doubt the quality of players we've had at Spurs recently has been fantastic compared to maybe 5/6 years ago. But signing Bentley/Modric and the likes is something I could do with a wad of money and a private jet. He was meant to be a prodigy. A true scout who would uncover gems for little money. Compare us to Arsenal in that respect and Comolli has hardly done a thing for us. But then, you didn't really do much at Arsenal so not sure why I even mentioned this this aspect of your role. Maybe to highlight what a mistake it was to employ you in the first place?

Fact is, a true scout would sign the likes of Corluka BEFORE he signs for the likes of City. Plucking players from other Premiership games when every man and his dog can 'scout' him via tv coverage is not deserving of exceptional credit.

Players of an unknown quality you have drafted in (Ghaly, BAE etc) have been resounding flops.

My final point on this (I promise) is that overall there is no complain of the quality brought in, but for what you are meant to be you haven't done a thing that could be considered exceptional.

Top 4 Bias

"Hope for a Liverpool goal for the sake of a good finish"

Yes, over at Setanta Sports the usual pro-Top 4 biased commentary kicked into over-drive. As per usual. Obviously they agreed with the Liverpool fans that the Bale tackle should have led to a penalty and thus moaned about "The overall poor reffing (sic) of the entire game" adding that "Rafa has every right to be disappointed" (That's Rafa, first name terms there - our man was always referred to as Redknapp).

On came the usual soundbites defending the defeat. Rafas shadow side/second string/youngsters apparently 'outplaying us' on occasions against an 'experienced Tottenham side'.

Sky's commentary from their SKY Live Score Centre bore more of the same:

"Boateng runs into the track of Babel but somehow earns himself a free-kick"

"I hardly dare say it, but it looks like Spurs are there now - the quarter finals await"

Hardly dare say what? The result was never in doubt and was fully deserved. I'm sure if Liverpool had won we would have heard about Rafa's brilliant selection of randoms out-smarted Tottenham's first eleven. As for Boateng, he was fouled. Or is it not permitted to be a victim?

I can forgive the Daily Mail for telling everyone that we were lucky against City and even going back to the Arsenal game (they cant kill a team off) and the Liverpool result (they don't know how to score) and can doubly forgive them for having four photographs from the 4-4 derby, three of which were Arsenal players celebrating their goals. I can forgive them because the Daily Mail is a rancid mess of a cuntness.

Setanta and Sky should try to break their mould once in a while. Match of the Day too. But then the whole point is that the 'elite' deserve the coverage they get because they are the best in the land. But the bias which is blatantly apparent within the coverage is now beginning to bore me.

It's ok for Liverpool to lose games, it really is.

10 on the trot

If Chelsea win away to WBA on Saturday they will equal our record of 10 consecutive away league wins in top flight football. That's a record that's stood for almost 50 long long years. It feels like 50 years since we were last decent away from home, coincidently.

White Hart Ashburton

Another Levy bombshell. Good or bad depending on whether you wish to get excited at this desperately early stage. How can a new ground possibly be bad I hear you ask? Make it into a replica of every new type of English stadium, soulless and detached. From the illustrations, its looking like a dome. Spurs are hosting some exhibitions as part of the consultation period. So locals and fans will be able to have a say. Although I doubt we could get them to change the design of the ground to something more practical, like this:

Now that's a proper football ground. But then the Germans know how to do football efficiently (booze, cheap season tickets, cracking atmospheres).

Click here for a press release (via the Hornsey Journal) that covers off the current plans for re-development.

And here's the first look at the prospective design and how we plan to shift away from White Hart Lane forever, and into the Virgin Media Dome, or whatever the fuck we plan to call it:

For the full technocolor pdf click on this link: http://www.tottenhamhotspur.com/uploads/assets/docstore/Booklet_Web.pdf

Groovy.

It's how we roll

Spurs 4 Liverpool 2

Spurs were lucky to score four goals, all from defensive errors, and Liverpool should have won, but were cheated out of the game by the ref and Gareth Bale pretending to tackle when in fact he committed a cynical foul. But enough about what Liverpool fans thought of the game.

In all fairness, gloating should be kept to a minimum based on the fact that this wasn’t a full strength Reds side. We've already beaten that version.

So, yes, they made 10 changes and played their reserves. And yes, we made 7 changes (no King, Woodgate, Jenas, Bent, Modric, Bentley etc) and used other first team players. Is it our fault we appear to have better depth for these type of occasions? Even the Prince had time to come on and show-off a little. This wasn't our strongest side, but having Hoddlestone centre midfield, spraying balls all over the pitch (ooh) and the team pushing forward with intent, purpose and < insert other buzz words to help illustrate how decent we were on the night > helped make this even more comfortable.

Let's not forget a few years back (Fredi's handball) losing on pens to a team of Liverpool reserves. No mistake this time out. They weren’t up for it. We were and nobody is going to frown at 3 goals in 6 minutes of frantic play, and ending up eventual 4-2 winners. Their goals weren’t even proper goals. Early Christmas presents thanks largely to the flapping and mistiming of our calamity keeper, Gomes (they could argue the same about ours). Though credit to his bravery later on that saw him leave the field on a stretcher, but apparently (according to ‘arry) was well enough to grab a post-match Chinese with some of the other players. Sadly, he’s available for Fulham away.

Campbell looked electric, teaming up with Pav. Both shared the goals on a night that even witnessed several Ole, Ole, Ole moments as we passed the ball around. Got to love the over-excitability of the home crowd. Quarter-finals next. Chelsea knocked out by Burnley, so we’ll get Man Utd away no doubt. While The Kids© will get another home tie.

This win made it the best start to a Spurs reign by a newly appointed manager. You have to go back 110 years to a certain Frank Brettell (what, you’ve never heard of him?) to find a better record. All this after our worst start to a season ever.

Never a boring second supporting this lot.

Teddy McSheringham

Yes. You've guessed it. My brother-in-law has made it a brace. This time, meeting Teddy in the McDonalds in Waltham Abbey (honestly, if you want to stalk Spurs players - get over to WA!).

Said hello, shook his hand, had a quick chat. Asked him if he was 'joining' Harry at Spurs, and he replied 'NO' but was smiling. Which doesn't tell us anything.

Next week: My brother-in-law bumps into John Terry in Kings Road and knees him.

Owen

Allegedly spotted leaving the Spurs training ground around quarter to ten this morning.

Wind-up? Or carefully placed dis-information? If this story appears on Sky Sports News today, then Owen was at the Lodge this morning - no question about it.

You ain't seen me...........right?

If having Ledley wasn't frustrating enough?