Tottenham set for relegation if they appoint Andre Villas-Boas
Sunday, July 1, 2012 at 11:15AM Guest blog by Daily Express journalist and rreporter Colin Mafham
Tottenham Hotspur are on the verge of a cataclysmic black hole that will systematically suck their history, past present and future, to oblivion crushing all hopes to ever aspire to bettering the Harry Redknapp era at White Hart Lane.
The suggestions are the former Chelsea flop, Andre Villas-Boas, will take the job in a futile attempt to improve his own damaged beyond repair career having only previously enjoyed moderate success at Porto. Club captain Ledley King is holding emergency talks currently with the intention to strike once Spurs unveil their new Christian Gross. The supporters are hoping Villas-Boas has enough credit on his Oyster Card to find his way back home from N17 after what many expect to become a disastrous second season in England, one that sends Spurs spiralling back down to midtable.
King (according to our club insiders) will not be offered a new contract and will be kicked out of the club by Villas-Boas as his first act as Spurs boss. The suggestion is Villas-Boas plans to damage King's only working knee to make sure the player retires from the game completley. Also, all squirrels will be hunted down and killed at Tottenham's new training ground because Villas-Boas is pure pure evil and hates anything fluffy and furry. Which doesn't bode will for Tom Huddlestone who will be ordered to shave off his afro (grown for charity) because Villas-Boas is rotten to the core. The sixteen year old Portuguse manager with no experience in the game also enjoys to **** in your bowl of corn-flakes if given the chance.
Spurs fans on Twitter are outraged and are calling for the club to roll back and reappoint club legend Harry Redknapp. One fans claims, "I've never heard of this Villas-Boas" whilst another commented, "He looks like a serial-killer". There are also suggestions that Villas-Boas purposely lost his job at Chelsea to take the Spurs job in order to sabotage the club, with his former employee Roman Abramovich financing the conspiracy. There's no evidence to suggest this but I'm fairly certain it's the truth.
Nico Kranjcar and Vedran Corluka have already deserted the sinking ship and pivotal players dos Santos and the brilliant David Bentley are writing up their transfer requests as we speak.
Regardless, chairman Daniel Levy is pushing ahead with signing players without the consent or knowledge of the new manager, suggesting there is already trouble at the mill. Had Levy retained the services of Redknapp, with the players Harry would have signed, Spurs would have achieved the position Harry would have got at the end of the season against all odds and punching above their weight.
A demonstration is planned later on today by journalists and sports editors.
Reader Comments (78)
#AVBout
Well written sir, these journo's make me sick, writing articles to serve their own agenda.
You are just an EFFFFING IDIOT !!!!!!!!!!
I always think I can do things better when I'm drunk so thanks Colin for a good laugh.
Its a bloody outrage! Will be gutted if Bentley and Dos Santos leave. Harry was so close to completing the puzzle. 2 points in 8 games remember. Fackin miracle I say.
i heard that he once refused to let E.T phone home and that he harpooned willy when he was freed and that he wouldn't let john terry sh*g his wife
Why don't everyone give avb a chance, I think he will do a good job for us, as he is attacking minded and we have the players to play like that, unlike Chelsea who lack pace.
Read this dross last night and just had to laugh really. All our pivotal players are out the door then. I'd love to know if all of the above ever played in a game together. AVB will have his work cut out with the press
Poor old Colin works for a paper owned by a Scum-supporter
Fantastic - you had me going at the beginning. Just wish we would hurry up and announce something so that Redknapp and his media cronies would shut the f4ck up!
By the way you forgot to add Harry's qoutes on the tactical situation in the Syrian uprising and how the Eurozone crisis could be solved if he had remained in charge at WHL
funny how some people don't understand sarcasm.
Whatever freaking planet u've fallen off, best to return - U're probably a gooner in disguise
What a stupid article. AVB hasn't even got here yet and you're already saying we're gonna get relegated???? Author needs a reality check, AVB is quality.
Hi, I'm a NewsNow user.
Wow... amazing article and full of true statements. SO FUNNY :)
Colin Mafham get a F**king life you Gooner loving scum bag! AVB all the way! Harry is History, move on! 4 years of Stagnation is about to end! COYS
Can't believe AVB is making the Thudd shave his afro... He really is pure evil...
??? Maybe go write about that missing bird at Wimbledon or something else you can grasp rather than just spout drivel. If it's going happen then at least give the guy a chance!
The only way AVB could be sucessful is if Levy rips out his vocal chords on day one. His mindless press conferences in the last few months reign at Chavski wre that of a man that had completly lost it. Unlike that of Harry's who has consistantly talked *ollocks for years.
Nice sarcastic piece yet funny. We are Tottenham not Chelski and we don't have big headed players like they have at Chelski. We don't have players that think they run the club and in fact our players always seem ready to learn.
I think AVB will be a massive hit at Spurs and will bring with him tactics, team rotation and decent transfers unlike Redknapp. If the players are wary of him I am sure they will grow to respect him and he may be only 34 but I think he is very knowledgeable. The only thing I don't like about AVB is his voice. I wish he would clear his throat as it is very irritating. It will be good to see players played in their right postions and not just told "to run about a bit". It will be good to see a manager rotate the team for different types of matches rather than just keep playing what he feels is the best eleven week in week out. It will also be more exciting to see a manager go for realistic transfer deals rather than bring in well past their prime players for the short term fix. The other thing is it will nice to have a manager whose heart and soul are with Tottenham rather than having a manager who always had one eye on other jobs they thought were better. Most of all it will be nice to have a manager we can all trust.
Come On You Spurs.
Very Good! I liked the idea of "A demonstration is planned later on today by journalists and sports editors"....excellent!!
Bloody brilliant, mate!!!
We need a laugh the way things are going - the article in the Express was such unbelievable crap.Thanks Shame some of your readers don't get it.....
"Nico Kranjcar and Vedran Corluka have already deserted the sinking ship and pivotal players dos Santos and the brilliant David Bentley are writing up their transfer requests as we speak."
Pivotal and brilliant... The level of eloquent sarcasm on this article is so great I was wondering if you could type my resignation letter?
A great parody of the article from the Express. They should sack the person responsible
Hang on, people actually think this article is serious??..
Load of rubbish.
Very good....Funny article...shame it seems to have gone miles over most of the commenters heads!
nice one Cyril .lmfao
Brilliant article..............shame some people have not got the intelligence to understand sarcasm!!
I wouldn’t read anything the idiot Colin Mafham writes............COYS
Harry should have signed his contract in Feb when Levy wanted him. Harry decided the grass was greener and did not sign! Now Harry is out of work and has lost the best job he ever had! Spurs should have sacked in in March his head was turned and he did a very poor job of team selection. Bring AVB that is the type of manager we need. He can speak well. read, write and use the internet to search for new players (Moneyball). COYS I really can't see why the press feel so sorry for Harry!
I'm a bit worried that few Spurs fans took this at face value, ffs see http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/330063 . Just a summary of the boll0cks on the DE website yesterday. Headlines screamed Spurs players in revolt, turned out to be Gio and DB and maybe Gomes. Oh Ledley may have to quit, and Luka wants to leave because of the AVB appointment. Utter tosh, like the stuff Cottee wrote, as if he has our best interests at heart. I wouldn't believe too much CM says, after all he gave us "THEO WALCOTT TO BE NEW LIONEL MESSI", laughed so much my c0ck fell off.
Mucking fagic!
That article pretty much sums up the medias spin on Spurs but I have supported Spurs for 50 years and have heard it all before, I love ol Arry but he had taken us as far as he was capable of taking us, AVB however is a manager who is capable of taking us to the top if he has the backing of the board and the players!
I ignore the media unless I want a giggle so it means that it affects me not one jot!
That idiot Colin Mafham is to journalisim what Graham Norton is to diplomacy. In the end 99% of the people who write on this site only have the well being of Tottenham Hotspur at heart. If, as looks likely, AVB gets the nod all of us owe it to the club we love, if not to AVB, to support him, wish him the best of luck, and at least give the guy a chance. He may not be the man we are looking for, but he maybe an inspired appointment. Let's not do too much prejudging yet, let's see how thing's are looking come January. I for one will be fight behind, at least until then.
A little advice on this forum, there should be a quick iq test before you post. This will eliminate drunks and 'tards.
Excellent piece, sums up alot of the recent press. The papers are going to be giving spurs and AVB alot of stick this season. Kids concerning the players reaction to the last bit of controversy at the lane
Sarcasm is king. Just shame some on here too dense to appreciate it
It's a very risky game Levy and the board are playing. It all has frightening similarities to the appointment of Ramos, a continental disciplinarian working with a squad made largely of homegrown players or those who have been playing under a different style of management for some time. Everyone is saying he'll get 'time' but what does that mean exactly?
I'm sure, given the hassle and expense of headhunting and obtaining Ramos' services from Seville, i doubt Levy was expecting to see the side hovering over the relegation zone after 18 months. It was this that saw Redknapp appointed, the new supposedly progressive and forward thinking European management structure dug out of a hole by an experienced English man manager... Who'll dig Spurs out of their hole if it happens again?
I'm not saying it that history will repeat itself but there is very real possibility that it could. I personally think AVB will be up against it in a major way from the very start. Not only his ill fated spell at Chelsea will still be fresh in everyone's memory (including the press!!), he will also have to convince the players that his way is the right way after the very popular manager before him. We all remember Redknapp's ability to put his arm round players and lift them after the Ramos boot-camp had left their morale at an all time low. It's all well and good saying these players get paid a lot of money, tow the line and do as you're told but
human nature just isn't like that.
I feel football management at the top level is 75% man management because of the wages and reputations of the playing staff you work with. AVB showed none of these attributes when at Chelsea, that along with the usual cultural differences in philosophies around training and fitness etc make managing in a country like England a real challenge for any overseas coach. I'm not sure where Spurs are going with all of this but unless they back him with not only quality players but also help him to get the players who he doesn't want out quickly, i can't see it working. The ones that feel like surplus or overlooked are never the most happy and if you don't have a way of communicating well with them, the resentment builds very quickly. This spreads and if you aren't careful will lead to you losing the dressing room altogether.
AVB working depends on so many things being just right, that it all feels pretty risky. Relegation might be a bit extreme but once you start sliding it's very hard to put the brakes on, as Ramos found out.... Redknapp should still be manager in my opinion for at least another 2 seasons anyway.
Sarcasm! There was me thinking it was all true. I've been a Spurs support for over 35 years now and will be until the day I die, regardless... I believe the word I'm looking for is loyalty. We should give the new manager/coach a chance, instead of being so negative. 'Arry would have sprinted out of WHL if the England job had been offered to him. He's history, time to move on...
the way the guy screamed out the headline about them all leaving and then listed a bunch of guys who the club has been trying to unload for two seasons showed that one does not need to even have a brain, let alone a well working one, to be a journo
unfortunately some of the responses have revealed that the brain does not need to function terrible well to be a spurs supporter.
that piece deserved to be lambasted so well done for doing just that
very funny article that perfectly encapsulates the ridiculous crap the media are spouting!!! im pretty sure some people dont read anything but the title of these articles judging by the comments...
spurs are doomed! gazza ginola and hoddle all said they left because of the future appointment of AVB! this guy is gonna destroy us! i hear also all the local shops are closing down this isnt to do with the new stadium but they all want out due to AVB
A lot of people commenting here should be facepalming now.
Saw this before the Colin Mafham article which I just read, couldn't help but laugh at how off-target it was.
Give me chance for fucks sake, then comment on my performance as the coach!
Tried to take the last couple of posts on this site seriously. Time to re name this site to "Arry Redknapps Supporters Club"
I agree with the article that there is a media conspiracy against Levy and THFC.
~Levy and THFC should hire some bloggers to take up the case against the media and put the TRUTH out there.
Why is everybody against us???
We shouldn’t forget that the only one suggested that AVB prefers to work rather with young players, was his agent.
We shouldn’t forget also that his successor at Chelsea could achieve in the shortest possible time to win the highest European trophy (that could be also happened at Spurs: his successor to win the CL).
Finally, we shouldn’t forget that as we have witnessed (or dreamed about), at the short period that AVB was manager of Chelsea he has proved that he is a great tactician able to turn around a game when things didn’t go well for Chelsea, that he could use a player at a position that he would be more effective, that he was always using the right players and was making the right substitutions, that he looks and is very intelligent, that he has a strong personality and a winner’s character.
If we add his long experience in the game and his mentality I think that we have enough reasons to dream that he could be successful at Spurs.
Brilliant, had me at the start. Good to read something funny after all the speculation bullshit we are having to wade through on a daily basis. "King (according to our club insiders) will not be offered a new contract and will be kicked out of the club by Villas-Boas as his first act as Spurs boss. The suggestion is Villas-Boas plans to damage King's only working knee to make sure the player retires from the game completley. Also, all squirrels will be hunted down and killed at Tottenham's new training ground because Villas-Boas is pure pure evil and hates anything fluffy and furry..." is pure genious. Love it, love the shirt COYS
Fantastic article, the truth is, we win anything under 50% of our first 10 games and the old twitchy will be back anything over that then the media will slowly stand up and say, we always said avb needed a 2nd chance. I think its a fantastic move, a young fresh manager a manager that only a few months ago chelski payed 15m to buy him out of a contract (cheers) The story in the express must have been written by stevie wonder, to be that blind to not notice what crap there publishing is beyond me. To add to the story above I hear avb has built a rocket powered by african children that he will fire himself out of white hart lane from on the fire day of the season. Come on you spurs, tottenham till we die.
Hahaha this is the most wonderful thing I have read in a while. Thank you sir
Apparently according to an article... What do you English call this Paper?... Oh yeah the daily fail, I poked a Chelsea youngsters eye out because he wasn't looking at me directly when I was speaking to him....moments later, and I quote 'Andre villas boas then was informed that this player was cross eyed...' can you believe that crap...however the part about giving drogba a doggy style was correct...