V for Victory™ - D is for Demoralising

Disgusting, disgraceful, dismal, dejected.

5 games - 1 game down, 0 points, 1 defeat, 12 points available

What the fuck is actually going on? Won the double in 61 and then nothing since. Fucking cunts the lot of them. Tear it up and start again. Wankers. I might have manflu, but at least Night Nurse will see to my recovery. As for Spurs? They have an incurable disease. No matter the players or managers, it's the same old excuses and problems. It's tiresome. It's pathetic. These are the games we are meant to be showing up for.

You can sit there and question the line-up, that found Ledley King paired up with Zokora in centre-midfield. Bentley and Lennon dropped to the bench, mainly due to when Lennon plays, Bentley has to make do with the left-hand side which results in nothing more than an inept display. King and Zokora gave us nothing in midfield. But then why would anyone expect a centre-back to display the clout to dominate that part of the pitch? Doing it for England an age ago in one game is not a good enough reason to test it out again, especially away from home. And especially with us sitting so low in the table. Bentley on the bench is fine, because on form, he deserves to be there or worse.

You could also question the general negative approach to the game. Or the substitutions that made no sense tactically. Why start with a formation and change it a quarter of an hour later? Because it's so apparent it's not quite working perhaps? What was the point of taking Modric off? Well, I suppose because he was distinctively average today. But the difference made was practically invisible.

You could question the lack of desire and passion and direction. The will to win, the will to want to win. Three times now we've conceded (winners) in the final minutes/seconds (Newcastle, WBA, Wigan) and lost.

That's softer than Winne the Pooh's belly-button.

Yes. Here we are again. We got rid of Ramos and replaced him and the arrival of HR gave us some great results, and that seems to have been it. Maybe we need to sack Harry and bring in a new manager, and do so every 8 games until we are mathematically safe. We don't actually have to sack Harry for real. He can just wear a face-mask every couple of months and talk through a voicebox. The seriousness of our current position in the Prem doesn't appear to be enough in the way of inspiritation for our millionaire players to react too.

I still say stick a couple of fans into the half-time dressing room to give an additional team talk to the one Harry gives.

Injuries, lack of creative juice, bad luck and the textbook disappearance of concentration at the death all mixed in with some poor tactical instructions give us a 91st minute defeat like only Spurs can muster up. And the defeat was justified.

No dream debut for JD, failing to score or do little else. Much like the rest of the team.

Harry has surely now run out of sound-bites and wisecracks to tell the press in the post-match interviews. A slice of shut-the-fuck-up pie followed by a glass of actions-speak-louder-than-words for the man at the helm, please. Serve it up hot.

Bale. Still no Prem league win. But face it, it's not his fault he has no confidence playing in a shit football team. Then again, his all round play is woeful to the extent that if Bentley doesn't deserve to play first team football, then neither does Bale. Jenas returns to the first team and yet it's almost like he's still out injured, such is the impact of the player.

Lennon came on, hardly touched the ball. Bent on for Pav was insignificant. Sums it all up with Zokora had the best chance of the game for us.

Bottom 3 once more. Blackburn have a game in hand on us. The next two home games are do or die for sure. Pompey and Stoke at home. I would now not even bother with the FA Cup of the UEFA Cup. Then again, we won't be beating Utd or Shakhtar Donetsk anyway, so at least the Prem games will take priority. Which is what they should be but don't appear to be.

The Redknapp effect has worn off and he's got the look of relegation written all over his ugly mug. Or maybe that's just the reflection of the players wearing Lilywhite.

The Two-Face Perspective

The Two-Face Perspective

Issue #4
What do we think of Harry?

Harvey Dent: Redknapp, the miracle worker. He’ll save Spurs. He’s the right man for the wrong circumstance the club finds its self in.

Two-Face: But is he the right man to take Spurs forward?

Harvey Dent: If by forward you mean avoid relegation, then yes.

Two-Face: And beyond that? Then what?

Harvey Dent: How about avoiding relegation before realigning club ambitions. This is damage limitation. It’s the afterbirth of the fabled Director of Football system and it can’t just be swept under the carpet. There’s no quick and easy impromptu kick-start that will propel the club back to where the fans and chairman want it to be. It won’t happen overnight and it won’t happen easily.

Two-Face: I get it. This isn’t Harry’s fault. He’s come in to do a job and clean up the mess. But this is Tottenham, not Portsmouth.

Harvey Dent: And your point is?

Two-Face: We need not forget who we are and the traditions we have so being linked to the likes of Bellamy and Bullard and even Zamora, make me taste my own puke. And with my face, that’s saying something if I can taste vomit.

Harvey Dent: Forget who we are? Would that be a club that aspires to heights we hardly ever reach? Martin Jol’s 5th placed side has long been dismantled. Take away those two seasons, and we are nothing more than under-achievers, based on those aspirations and the transfer money spent on new acquisitions. Massive underachievers. Pompey were almost relegated, and Harry pulled them from the depths and within touching distance of Champions League football. Surely you’ll take that?

Two-Face: But at what expense? Redknapp is no master tactician or managerial genius. He isn’t known for taking the raw materials he has at his disposal and moulding them into a winning mentality. That old more than the sum of their parts trick isn’t in his repertoire.

Harvey Dent: What?

Two-Face: For Harry to succeed he has to gut the squad he has and then bring in players of his own liking, until the right balance is in place for the side to achieve its goal. In this case, mid-table.

Harvey Dent: Hate to point out the obvious, but he has the same players Ramos had at his disposal and has managed to notch up 18 points compared to Juandes 2. I’d say that’s pretty decent managerial skill right there.

Two-Face: So, we are settling for avoiding relegation, and that’s all? A team built to finish above the bottom three. Then what? What happens after that? We settle for a mediocre side who probably won’t punch above 8th or 7th place?

Harvey Dent: Mediocre? Like the one we have at the minute?

Two-Face: I think we both agree that the current side is bare bones. A skeleton crew with a handful of players that should not have been purchased in the first place. Rather than build a team we've bough players who only function in different roles and formations and never in the same one together as a single unit.

Harvey Dent: Which makes it commendable that Harry turned it around so quickly. Seems the knee-jerk thing to do is wheel out the wheelbarrow of despair because we dropped points against Newcastle, Fulham and WBA. Don’t forget, we are in the position we are in because of the start we had. So when we do drop points, it’s magnified tenfold because we can’t afford to do so based on the clubs around us being on similar totals. But that isn’t Harry’s fault, now is it?

Two-Face: Are you saying he is immune to criticism just because of his initial impact?

Harvey Dent: No, of course not.

Two-Face: Then?

Harvey Dent: People’s perception of events can have drastic reactions, from good to bad, when things go for or against us. Look, he had a wonderful start to life at Spurs. We rode our luck, but that was more than can be said for when Ramos was at t he helm. But in no way were we playing brilliantly. Certain individuals improved, others haven’t. There are still problems with our strike force (or lack of) and the balance through the midfield is still fragile and not up to the long haul task of climbing the table. So the moment we drop two points or more, why should Harry get the blame?

Two-Face: Because the tactics, the formation and selection is his responsibility. If we’ve stagnated, which we have, and the players are failing to give their all, then the manager should be aiming to get a reaction from them. I expected one at WBA after the Fulham game. We didn’t get it, regardless of the referee and sending off, the display was inept. Something all too often tagged with Spurs teams – regardless of the manager or players present at the time.

Harvey Dent: There’s a good chance Harry has done as much as he can do with the players he has.

Two-Face: Do you really believe that?

Harvey Dent: We need an injection, in the form of a new forward and definitely a left-winger. Don’t underestimate what a couple of new players will do for the side. Yes, we have our fair share of prima donnas and players with their heads firmly in the clouds. This has been a deep routed problem at Spurs for years and years. Far too many individuals who believe their own hype and the hype that has surrounded the club for far too long. It’s a comfort zone that some take advantage of, and almost wait for someone else to do the deep digging for them. Seems at Spurs it’s ok to be half a defensive midfielder, but still play in every game, or be a player with huge potential but with each passing season come nowhere near to fulfilling it.

Two-Face: You haven’t answered my question.

Harvey Dent: Patience. Harry cited the necessity, the requirement of having proper players in the team. Players not engulfed in vanity or bogged down with self-importance based on their haircuts. Players who will get stuck in and understand that sitting on 20 points just above the bottom three is a relegation battle, one that requires men with balls of steel and not fluffy scared kittens more interested licking their balls.

Two-Face: Do kittens lick their balls? I thought that was dogs?

Harvey Dent: It’s just a metaphor.

Two-Face: Bit of a mess that. Like your argument. If Harry requires proper players, then why is David Bentley playing every week? By your definition, Bentley is a player who is constantly licking his balls. And the only product you can associate with him is what he puts on his hair. He rarely beats the first man with a set-piece. Doesn’t track back, doesn’t do much in fact that helps the team. He’s like a good looking version of Andy Reid. Slim, a little taller with highlights in his hair. In fact, arguably, he isn’t even as good as Andy Reid. At least Reid can play in more than one position.

Harvey Dent: Let’s not scapegoat.

Two-Face: No, no. Let’s not. This isn’t about scape-goating. This is based on performances and fact. David Bentley? What does he do exactly? Not much at the moment. Is Harry’s genius man-management skills based on playing David every game because he’s bound to regain form at some point? Did the club not try that with Robinson last season? Granted, it’s worked with Gomes, but keepers are funny creatures. Outfield players can easily be replaced. What type of message does it send out if Bentley is undroppable to the likes of O’Hara and anyone else for that matter who sits on the bench or worse? Bentley is the personification of all that’s average about Spurs at the moment. I’m sure there is a good player in there somewhere. But it doesn’t help matters that the player himself believes he is great when he is merely just good.

Harvey Dent: In defence of Bentley, he has little support and nobody to pass too, but sure, form wise regardless of reasons, I agree. But maybe Boateng or whoever genuinely isn’t the right answer for us and Harry knows.

Two-Face: Why? How do you know that? Is he really that unimpressive in training and for the reserves? Surely he should be given a start, if anything, to allow Bentley the time for some much needed soul-searching. Because at the moment, the Penguin would do a better job out there.

Harvey Dent: So what’s your answer?

Two-Face: Well for a start, it’s not Bellamy. Our stature, even though we have been nothing more than over-glamorised pretenders to the 4th spot, was a lot higher than it is now. We attracted Juande Ramos, one of the most highly rated coaches in Europe. Few in England could have done that.

Harvey Dent: Money. Money can do anything you want it do. And Spurs, fans and club alike, do a mighty fine job of hyping the club beyond its reality. Look, there is no doubt Levy runs the club financially spot on. We are rich. We can always compete in the transfer market, and we always buy quality players, amongst all the duffs. But look at what signing Ramos achieved. Cup aside, it didn’t work out and the DoF pulled the club down from the giddy heights achieved under Jol to the brink of utter disaster. So if you consider the amount of times we’ve gone out and signed the ‘right’ manager and ‘right’ players, and yet ended up with zero in the way of progress and success – I can’t see how an old fashion reality check will hurt us.

Two-Face: So going from Modric to Corluka to Bellamy and Downing is fine with you? Do you honestly believe that aiming for a lower-tier in the Premiership just to survive is the way forward? Why not aim higher, survive, and then be able to push on?

Harvey Dent: Here we go again. Isn’t this the fickleness of fans coming into play now? Just above the bottom three, yet you want to consider what we can aim for AFTER we get ourselves out of this relegation dogfight. How about getting out of the dogfight first? And Modric and Corluka were signed in the summer, so Spurs – with or without Redknapp – will always attract this type of quality. Keane and Berbatov have not been replaced effectively at this time, but we probably don’t need to aim that high because it’s not required. A good decent goal scorer is what’s required, and there is no need for it to be a superstar or a sexy signing. Just one that will do the flipping job and do it well. You know, if you add Berbatov and Keane into the current side, we wouldn’t be worried about relegation. As I said earlier, don’t underestimate what an injection of new blood can do. We are missing vital organs, and the transplants are just days away.

Two-Face: You need to work on your analogies and metaphors. As much as Harry and Levy need to work on their signings. Bellamy for £8M? Downing for £15M?

Harvey Dent: Downing gets linked to Spurs for £15M every single season, so I don’t get your problem with this.

Two-Face: So, these are the proper players Redknapp wants? Sounds like another Bentley signing. Superflous.

Harvey Dent: Then what do we go for? Another Pav or Modric? We can’t afford to do that. We need players who will fit in from the off and Redknapp knows that. We’ll know for sure once the transfer window opens. Everything until then is nothing more than hearsay and gossip.

Two-Face: And Harry gets us out of trouble with these signings, then what?

Harvey Dent: Again, why does everything have to fall into a 3-4 year plan? At the moment, there is no plan other than getting ourselves into a stable position. Once we are stable, then we can go about signing what we consider better quality players. But we are not in the position or have the luxury to do so at the moment. Once we are in a healthy state, then we will. And remember, Harry’s stay at Spurs might well be short term. He will only take us so far, and it’s probably a given that Harry and Levy both know this. The next man in, will hopefully inherit a good side, top end of the table, consistent and going places (again).

Two-Face: So, we sacked Ramos because he couldn’t get the best out of the team he had, which is the same team Harry has. So arguably, you could say the players react better to Harry than they did with Ramos, but as a group are still not good enough. Which is possibly down to Levy and Comolli. And thus are beginning to struggle again because Harry can do so much with so little.

Harvey Dent: You’re obviously leading up to something with this.

Two-Face: If Ramos had the right players then it might have worked.

Harvey Dent: It didn’t work. Whatever the reasons, whether it was communication or he disliked living in England or if it was purely footballing matters, it did not work out. We got what we thought were the right players although everyone will always blame the departures of Keane and Berbatov as being the downfall. Which is not something most would disagree with.

Two-Face: Ok, so we sign yet more strikers. But surely we needed to bring in a manager who is tactically astute to the level Ramos was?

Harvey Dent: He wasn’t tactically astute for us.

Two-Face: You know what I mean. Harry praises Zamora in the press. Admits to telling Pav to ‘run around a lot’. To go from Top 4 pretenders/contenders to hiring and firing Ramos which might not have happened had Comolli and Levy replaced Keane and Berbatov properly, and end up fighting relegation with Redknapp at the helm and being linked to the type of players we would never be linked with. It’s just not right.

Harvey Dent: Are we covering old ground again?

Two-Face: We might buy journeymen or stop-gap players but this isn’t the same ethos the club has had in recent years and it won’t place us anywhere near Villa’s consistency or City’s financial clout.

Harvey Dent: You make no sense. City will outbid anyone they choose. Villa, without the hype, have slowly and gradually built their way to their current position. No big name superstars in their team by the way.

Two-Face: So Levy has also scrapped the sell-on value ethos, by looking to bring in the likes of Bellamy that won’t have any value after a season or two.

Harvey Dent: Ok, we are definitely going over old ground now. Fact of the matter is, under the previous ethos and system, we were heading downwards. It simply wasn’t working. We’ve played well under Harry. Reclaimed some form and pride. We were unlucky against Newcastle. The Fulham game simply illustrated what we need to acquire in January. And the same can be said about the WBA game, which we probably would not have lost on another day. All this talk about Ramos and what if he had two decent strikers is bullshit, because Harry is in the same position. Compare the two.

You notice the difference? Redknapp had the far more difficult games to get through. So lay the ghost of Ramos to bed once and for all. All that we should be concerned about is being a Prem League side cometh the summer. Then, with the guiding help of Levy, Redknapp knowing he is at a far bigger club (with no disrespect meant) to his previous clubs, will be able to aim much higher in the way of transfer targets, with the luxury of time on his side for any bedding in of foreign acquisitions. At the moment, we needed fighters and we need experience. We don’t fight relegation often, so there is no pussy-footing around the matter. No room for mistakes. The current lot don't look fit for it.

Two-Face: Ok. But do we agree that in the long term, Redknapp is not the answer?

Harvey Dent: Harry is known for one or two things. He makes smaller clubs ‘bigger’. He spends a lot of money on a lot of players. Nobody knows what he will be able to achieve at a bigger than small club like Spurs. We are about to find out. And if you look at the players he signed for Pompey (Defoe, Diarra, Johnson, Campbell, James, Crouch) it’s not all Bellamys and Zamoras, is it?

Two-Face: So, he leaves in a few seasons with us in mid-table with an ageing squad with no sell-on value and a new stadium about to be built. Cost of surviving relegation I guess?

Harvey Dent: Let’s wait and see who he signs in January. He’ll make some shrewd signings for sure, but he won’t just make them for the sake of it. They will fix the problems at hand, and surely that’s all that matters.

Two-Face: So he isn’t the long term answer then?

Harvey Dent: He’s a wheeler dealer cockney cheeky chappy. Not a tactical genius. He’s been brought in for one reason and one reason only, and that’s to steady a sinking ship whilst Levy evaluates his position, club structure (no more DoF) and the development of the new ground. Then, with or without Levy and Redknapp, the club will once more aspire for greater things.

Two-Face: Maybe we should aspire to be more like Everton and Villa. Consistent without the constant demand for precision attack minded football. Win ugly more often than not. Sacrifice glory football for bread and butter results.

Harvey Dent: That’s not Tottenham. And it never will be.

Two-Face: Guess not.

Inspired by the boys over at Glory Glory.co.uk

V for Victory™ - 15 points, Do or Die

This may be the most important moment of your life. Commit to it. They took your Berbatov from you. They took your Keano from you. They put you in the bottom three and took everything they could take except your hope. And you believed that was all there was, didn't you?

The only thing you had left was your hope, but it wasn't, was it? You found something else. In that bottom three, you found something that mattered more to you than hope. Because when they threatened to laugh at you unless you gave them what they wanted... you told them you'd rather die. You faced the emails and jokes.

You were calm. You were still. Try to feel now what you felt then.

Try to remember the impact Harry Redknapp made. And hope he makes it again.

Ok, so plagiaristic introduction aside, it's time for another series of games that might help comfort us in the weeks ahead by applying more pressure to each league game as they take on a meaning akin to a Cup game. By comfort us, I meant shit bricks.

5 games. 3 of them at White Hart Lane, which should be an advantage, but considering our current home form, it's not. And if that isn't enough to be concerned about, take note that only the 5th game (against Arsenal) is against opposition that we tend to show up for.

Wigan, Pompey and Stoke are three teams that we've failed to beat this season. Bolton away is much like WBA away. We lay down and die. And now, ironically, these games are pretty much do or die. Dramatics aside, this is a good a time to buck up our ideas and get moving up the table.

Dare I predict?

Ideal (yet within the boundaries of reality) Results:

(A) Wigan ---------------- D
(H) Pompey -------------- W
(H) Stoke City ------------ W
(A) Bolton ---------------- D
(H) Arsenal --------------- D

9 points from a possible 15, giving us a total of 29. That will probably, depending on what the other teams around us do, leave us in pretty much the same position, which means after these 5 games, we'll have to have the same attitude for every single remaining game from now to the end of the season. But best to worry about anything post-Arsenal once we get there.

From the above forecast, Bolton away is the most likely to result in defeat, which makes 8 points the minimum. Obviously, all dependent on Spurs bothering to play for a win. As we saw with the Challenge Spurs™ series of games, usually, the points came from games you least expected them from. Let's hope for some surprises in our favour.

Two home wins and anything but defeat against Arsenal is IMPERATIVE. 15 points is what they should be aiming for because 15 points will genuinely make the following 5 games less stressful. Although every time Spurs get comfortable, we drop back into the mire again. But rather the 15 then nothing. You know, what's in the bag is in the bag.

These next five games is all about Spurs, Harry and the players, showing us their worth. I guess they did that against Fulham and WBA, but I'll allow for a second chance before I start mapping out routes to Blackpool and Plymouth.

Wouldn't be Spurs if there wasn't any heart palpitations, so hold onto your hats.

I'll eat mine, and I'll shave my head if we win all 5 games.

Challenge Spurs™ - The Conclusion

Challenge Spurs™

Games 11 and 12
(H) Fulham 0-0 draw
(A) W.B.A. 2-0 loss

The Dirty Dozen final points tally: 18
Total Prem points: 20
Position: 16th

Having got ourselves out of the bottom 3 we appear to be reluctant to escape further away from the mire. No gap is forthcoming between us and 18th place. Where as others have managed to leapfrog mid-table and sit in a far more comfortable position nearer the UEFA Cup spots. There's still not too much in the way of pts difference from bottom to topish (8th place), but if form continues this way then the gap that will appear, will be the one we don't want.

Yet another Christmas where Santa fails to empty his sack for us. Instead, we get a limp excuse of a performance and zero satisfaction. Scandalous. 1 goal in four games, and it seems that Harry has forgotten the magic of man-management and is failing to get this misfit of a team scoring again. Wasn't a problem in his first few games, but appears to be one now. The solution?

£16M Bent + £14M Pav = £8M Bellamy. The mathematics of Tottenham.

Man City will outbid us there (thankfully) and Defoe is possibly on his way to Chelsea (or City, depending on what rumour you wish to believe). I've got to be careful not to go off on a tangent here but seriously..........Craig Bellamy? Yes, I get it. He's scoring, which is more than we can say for our lot, but the player is injury prone and an utter misery of a human being. Harry apparently succeeded with getting Levy to make the bid. What happened to the ambitions Daniel? Bring back Comolli. There's 1000 players better suited than having Bellamy spearhead our attack. Remind Harry that he can aim just a little bit higher.

The Fulham game was boring and lacklustre. What a surprise there. Dominated the first half but failed to do much in the second. Today's game against WBA was sluggish, and if there's a team that will ever so subtly lay down and die for shit opposition its Spurs.

I don't believe in Father Christmas

Off went Ekotto (red-carded, possibly undeserved, but still.....) and then on comes Gareth Bale, a 74th minute substitution. WBA duly go on to score twice in the final 10 minutes. Curse continues, and we do nothing to wash away this groundhog day feeling.

We lacked any inspiration or direction or tactical initiative. Does Harry actually do the latter? Or is it always a case of asking the players to run around a bit and hopefully get lucky? Yes, if we didn't have BAE sent off, it probably would have finished all square, but what is it with these type of games that the players always fail to fancy? We never appear capable of mustering up the urgency to get something out of it. Arsenal or Chelsea away? Sure, no problem. No matter how shit we are. WBA away? Nah, maybe....maybe next time.

Harry failed to do any after game TV interviews (at the time of writing) and he didn't look best pleased after the Fulham game, so hopefully he'll get the message across (again) to the players in time for the next Prem game. And hopefully he'll do some soul searching with regards to his tactics and formation/selection. Because it's no working.

FA Cup next up followed by the Carling Cup semi-final. I almost don't want these games because they feel like they're in the way of the bread and butter league matches.

The Dirty Dozen - Challenge Spurs™ series ends in..........failure. Only 18 points from a possible 36, well short of the 22 point forecast, and we find ourselves above the bottom 3 by the skin of our teeth.

Where has the good fortune and good form gone? Has Harry been found out? Have the players believed too much of the hype from earlier performances, all exaggerated in comparison to the shambolic form under Ramos?

Suddenly, that olde relegation dogfight, the genuine one - not the flirting of recent weeks, is a possibility once again. Three points off 20th place. Seven points off 8th. Our current run of results reads as: L W L W D L D L

That's far from being sexy. Our up and coming games:

(A) Wigan
(H) Pompey
(H) Stoke City
(A) Bolton
(H) Arsenal

Dare I say it. 15 points up for grabs. 12 is the basic minimum required. IMO.

There. I said it.

I'm not going to knee-jerk. If you go back to when Ramos was still in charge, many overly dramatic Spurs fans (is there any other kind?) had already adjusted to future life in the Championship. It does look likely now that we will finish around the 16th - 14th positions. Which means its going to be a case of always looking over our shoulders, one week to the next.

There are still teams around us who are in worse shape. Granted, they all appear to have fucking won this weekend, but it will swing back the other way next week. But, and this is a knee-jerk of sorts, I'm not discounting the fact that teams who believe they won't go down because they think the teams around them will, are the very teams that get tagged with the 'too good to go down' tag, and end up getting sucked in, and then don't quite know how to get out. So for me to say it does 'look likely now that we will finish around the 16th - 14th positions' is the exact type of attitude that will drag us back into the bottom three.

Redknapp might have saved a team or two in the past, but he's also managed to take a couple down.

If we lose at Wigan and fail to win at Pompey, then we'll be bottom 3, possibly even bottom. And with 18 games left, there's not that much time left to start getting it right.

It's now all down to Redknapp and Levy to make the most of the Jan Sales and for the players we have to start earning their wage.

It's down to Redknapp to let our millionaire players know they are well and truly in a relegation fight, and losing 2-0 to WBA does utterly nothing for confidence for fans.

Is scoring a goal such a scary thing to do? Stand up and be fucking counted you daft cowards.

Challenge Spurs™ - Festive Fixtures

Challenge Spurs™

Game 11 v (H) Fulham

Game 12 v (A) W.B.A.

Dirty Dozen points: 17

Total Prem points: 19

Position: 16th

Bit tricky with two games over the Xmas period, so when I'm back on line, I'll write up a double review of both games. I'm sure they'll be plenty to write about, and with 2009 almost upon us, I'm equally certain the ITK orges will be making their way out of the caves and into the basking sunlight as they being to tell us cryptically who might or might not have been spotted at the Lodge or a Burger King outlet at Heathrow.

No team news as of yet. Hopefully King will be available for one or both games, but it's asking for a miracle (we are due a second coming, so you never know?) to expect him to play in both games.

The home game is bang on the money MUST WIN. Anything less than 3 points is disaster time. WBA is altogether another headache that we'll have to nurse much like the one most will have on New Years Day. We never get a thing out of that fixture. Would love it, just love it, if we did. For once.

The site is in end for the Dirty Dozen games, but like I said in an earlier write-up, the push away from the bottom three looks like continuing strong into the new year, so expect a sequel.

Regardless of who is available or not, Harry needs to deliver. The players need to deliver. It's that simplistic.

17 points in total thus far from this series of games. Which means 19 in total for the season. If we win these two games, that gives us 23 from the series and 25 overall.

The original challenge was to beat the forecast stated in the first blog post of this series. Here's a reminder of what I layed out - along with the actual result to the right hand side and the points accumulated:

Game 01 - (H) Bolton ---------------- W 3 points >>> W 3 points - 3
Game 02 - (A) Arsenal --------------- L >>>>>>>>> D 1 point - 4
Game 03 - (H) Liverpool ------------- D 1 point >>>> W 3 points - 7
Game 04 - (A) Man City ------------- D 1 point >>>> W 3 points - 10
Game 05 - (A) Fulham --------------- W 3 points >>> L
Game 06 - (H) Blackburn ------------ W 3 points >>> W 3 points - 13
Game 07 - (H) Everton -------------- W 3 points >>> L
Game 08 - (A) West Ham ------------ D 1 point >>>> W 3 points - 16
Game 09 - (H) Man Utd ------------- L >>>>>>>>>> D 1 point - 17
Game 10 - (A) Newcastle ------------ D 1 point >>>>> L
Game 11 - (H) Fulham -------------- W 3 point
Game 12 - (A) WBA ----------------- W 3 point

I've got 2 predictions right so far (Bolton and Blackburn). Otherwise, my forecast has been a little off. But my tally of 22 can still be bettered if we do the business, so Spurs can still beat the challenge set out for them.

Happy days.

To be fair, with Ramos in charge, we'd still be rock bottom, and with the Prem being in such a state of flux (form wise) it wouldn't matter too much if we're off by 5 or so points, because nobody appears capable of detaching themselves from the mire.

Post-January will be very dependent on who buys who.

I can't wait for the other side.

Challenge Spurs™ - Long live the King

Challenge Spurs™ Series

Game 08 v (A) West Ham United
2-0 win, 3 points
Total points: 18
Position: 15th

Julian Dicks, Tony Cottee, Billy Bonds, Frank Lampard Senior, Danny Dyer, Russell Brand, Ray Winstone, The Krays, Phil and Grant, Jellied Eels, Burberry, Lego castles, Knees up mother brown, Dick van Dyke, Nigel Winterburn, Scott Parker, Green Street, lasagne, Carlito Tevez, The Academy of Football, Frodo Baggins....can you hear me Frodo Baggins? Your boys took one hell of a beating! Your boys took one hell of a beating!

*Cough*

Not the greatest London Derby ever. Ranks somewhere between average and ordinary. But a win is a win is a win, right? New improved Spurs can lose a game, and then follow it up with an away win. Something all too difficult for so many transitional Lilywhite sides in the past 10 years. Not that this is the dawn of a new age or anything spectacular. Living simply in the present, survival (dramatic word right there) is still paramount. We know, and so does everyone else, that we will not get relegated because there are other teams with next to little hope of getting out of their current predicaments. Harry Redknapp is no longer available. But glad to see the likes of Woodgate still refer to a 'relegation battle'.

That type of self-awareness and respect for our current situation helps satisfy any questions about the mentality of the squad. They know its far from done and dusted and that type of attitude will see us fine. Christ knows what the attitude was when Ramos was in charge, although the blame could be split 50/50 with the players. Juande was today appointed the new Madrid boss (for anyone who has not been paying attention). Sideways step there for the Special Juan.

Nothing sideways about Spurs at Upton Park. At least by the end of the game there wasn't. Pretty non-descript first half. West Ham pretty in possession but fuck all else. Zola attempting to get his players to play Italian style. Someone needs a word in his ear that you need quality players to get away with that type of football.

Spurs with the better chances (Pav hitting the post being the closest we got). Second half, we were resolute and determined. And simply better in every way in comparison to the little team from Green Street. Aaron 'I really do have some end product' Lennon crossing for Ledley 'my knee is knackered but I'm still better than most' King who duly headed the ball downwards into the ground and over the despairing reach of Rob Green. The second goal came from a counter after Gomes brilliantly saved twice (first save was good, second was actually down to the ball being struck straight at him by DiMichele, but let's just reveal in the moment) and off down the other end of the pitch we went where O'Hara hit a sweet shot giving Green no chance for the second time in the game.

Average, ordinary game? Yes. Only one team ever likely to win it? Yes. Harry keeps up his 100% winning record when returning to West Ham. And we move up to 15th, above West Ham, who have spent the best part of this season laughing at our plight. That irony is a right bastard. Proper in-your-face c*nt.

Why so serious?

General observations from the game:

Pav. Played upfront on his own, didn't hold up the ball that well but you could argue that hoofing the ball to him isn't the cleverest of things tactically. He's a bit slow which became more than apparent when the pacey Bent came on. Much better suited in a 4-4-2 where he is more likely to cause a bit of havoc 'running around' alongside Darren.

Lennon and Corluka owning their side of the pitch. Some decent flank play from the pair of them. Lennon beginning to prove he ain't no one trick bling pony. And Corluka proving he was a very astute buy. Who bought him again? *blush*. Defence played very well and dealt with everything that Cole and Bellamy throw at them. Although I could deal with those two myself. Bellamy looks shot to pieces. Cole is all heart no skill.

When West Ham did manage to get a shot on target, reborn of confidence, Gomes, smiled and collected the ball. Comfortable. Talking of 'shot to pieces', Bentley is...shot to pieces. Here is a player who fancies himself a bit. There's nothing wrong in that. Beckham, in a very understated way, fancied himself. Ronaldo, in the most obvious way, fancies the fuck out of himself. But both have a right to because they are great players. Bentley is at best a very good player, but not the most consistent and definitely nowhere near being great. So what we have is a £16M player who is trying to play from memory of how a great player should be playing. Harry needs a blatant word in his ear. I'd personally slap him across the face and shave his head. He needs to start bringing it and starting with the basics (simple passing, set pieces that deliver) will do just fine for us.

West Ham's new academy players did little to impress

As for Jenas. The enigma is just that. Did he play well? Did he play ok? Did he play poorly? What does he do? What does he bring to the team? I don't know anymore. No matter what, if fit, he seems to play. Do we miss something the manager(s) sees? Much like Carrick, Jenas has qualities that some of us fail to appreciate from the stands. The donkey work and unsexy running around. And the qualities he does have (bursting from midfield, box-to-box energy) is not always on show. He goes missing. Sometimes he shows up. Sometimes he tackles. Sometimes he's invisible. Nobody has come close to taking this young man and instilling arrogant confidence and awareness in his abilities.

Redknapp has a lot of work to sort out both Jermaine and David. The luxury of another £16M Comolli signing to dull over the pain will not be forthcoming.Talking of Comolli signings...Zokora. Shocking, utterly shocking. He played reasonably well. Even gave us one of his trademark runs and shots, this time hitting the shot on target.Yeah, I know, it happened because I saw it and there were cameras there and it was on tv, so screw you if you think I'm making this up. I'll keep you posted on any random drug tests that may have been conducted after the game. Because seriously, bizarro world or what? His pace is staggering at times and if its somehow possible to improve his decisio making a little, his performances may even continue to improve. Smile on his face, heart on sleeve, Didier is enjoying his football and has a willingness that others have (and some still) lack. But before you get a tattoo of his face on your back, let's remember that his passing ability is poor and is one-footed.

Carlton...Cole....I can't look away.....help me...

And then we have Modric. I predicted we would win if he played. Minute or so in, and he should have scored. Bit rusty, didn't strike his shot with any venom or placement. Tame effort at the keeper. But no problem. He was different class to anyone out on the pitch (yes, we know that's probably not saying much). Luka is a quality player who has taken a while to adjust to life in the Prem, which was always going to be the case. He's poor form in the early part of the season was mainly due to the disaster of a start we had. Now the team is winning games (9 out of 12) and he has some protection and team-mates who work as a cohesive unit, he is free to roam and playmake. He has yet to score for us, but his vision, touch and movement is just as important. Without him, we can't keep hold of the ball. With him? Possessions nine tenths of the law. He is our new Berbatov. Smaller, no floppy hair and moody face. No goals, but enough creative spark to see us have a possible 'world class' player to fill the void left by the Bulgarian. Give him another 3-4 months and with Pav hopefully settled to London life - we'll have more than enough to smile about.

King was his majestic self. Cameo performances seem to be what we are limited to nowadays. Harry after the game spoke about how Ledders is a great lad and its shame about his knee. It was a little bit of a downer. Almost felt like Harry was telling us that Ledley will never recover from his knee problems so over time (another season or two?) he might play fewer and fewer games and retirement will be the only option. Where do you find another King from? Uncertain about his availability for Saturday. Fingers crossed.

As for our opponents. Toothless. Lacked any passion, much like the atmosphere in parts. For all their hype about how important this game is for their fans ("Everyone in the dressing room is now raring to go against Tottenham on Monday night. It is the biggest match of the season for our fans and we all know what it means for us to get a result over our London rivals. We will be going all out to try and achieve that" - Lucas Neill) they hardly showed any of that spirit in the 90 minutes that matter the most. Their midfield was poor. One win in ten? Oh well. Being below us is their rightful place, no? That way when they do go above us, they can pop the champers again and celebrate like its 1999.

West Ham's norty mob, in their manner

If any Spurs fan wants to mass-email the league table along with a quote or three from any number of messages received about 4 weeks back - including photos of road signs and jokes about triangles, please feel free to do so. It's a give and take world we live in. So make sure you fucking well give it.

Challenge Spurs™ - Stats Update

8 Played.
5 wins.
1 draw.
2 defeats.

16 points.

4 games left in the Challenge Spurs™ Dirty Dozen series. When I started this, the challenge was as follows:

• 30 points minimum by January 1st
• 12 games
• 6 at home
• 6 away
• 36 possible points

If we win the final four games, we'll have 28 points in total from these 12 games, plus the two points we started with, giving us 30 points. At the time, based on our position and what was happening around us, it was very much a do or die (where have I heard that before?) conundrum. 30 points from 36 is European-challenging form, so it was a huge ask. If we write off Saturdays game against Utd, and say we win the final 3 games, that will give us 25 points from the series, and a total of 27. And with the table the way it is, that should see us with plenty of breathing space (not mathematically impossible to get dragged back into it, but far more of a comfort zone for us).

For now, tilt the head ever so slight upwards to stop the nosebleed.

Challenge Spurs™ - Redknapp Out

Challenge Spurs™ Series

Game 07 v (H) Everton
1-0 Loss, 0 points
Total points: 15
Position: 16th (level on points with 18th)
Still in the mire

So much for my 2-1 home win prediction. Not a great result and more than a tad frustrating that we failed to get onto the score sheet. 2nd defeat in 10 for Redknapp. We stay stuck to 16th place and still very much in the relegation mix. West Ham up next. Ominous, ominous, ominous. More or less proves that we've improved since his arrival, but not improved sufficiently enough.

Bale made his 18th Prem League appearance this afternoon. Very late on mind, so we can't lay the blame on him. 3rd successive Everton win at Spurs now. Whatever happened to the days it was a given 3 points for the Lilywhites against the Toffeemen? Whatever happened to the days that David Bentley could deliver a set piece to the head or feet of a team-mate? Santa, are you listening? At least Gomes looks like he is on the road to full confidence recovery.

Everton, bless 'em, deserved the points just for getting the ball past our keeper. Otherwise was pretty much an even game. Deflected goal (from Piennar off Corulka, Gomes no chance) won it for them. They did a proper away-day job on us, and for once, lady luck looked the other way. Howard saving from Pav. One or two other half chances aside, can't complain too much. Didn't do enough. Other than hoping for the return of Modric, Harry has to get this team to work at full pelt otherwise the Hammers (in their seasonal Cup Final) will get all plucky and three-pointy against us) and Utd will win comfortably (even with no Ronaldo thanks to his derby day red card). The midfield today just couldn't out-work organised Everton, much like Fulham out-worked us too.

Maybe can bin this defeat as 'one of those days' and just move onto the next game, positvely.

Level on points now with Sunderland who are 18th. Win next time out is imperative if we are going to get these Dirty Dozen games back onto a winning path.

Challenge Spurs™ - The Bale jinx must Go-mes

Challenge Spurs™ Series

Game 05 v (A) Fulham
2-1 Loss, 0 points
Total points: 12
Position: 19th
1 point from safety

I'm glad Harry Redknapp is still talking publicly about a 'relegation battle' as a reminder is needed for the players who decided to believe their own hype and take their eyes off the ball momentarily (figure of speech) to see us lose at Fulham. Yes, it was sort of expected that we would drop all 3 points there because traditionally that's exactly what happens, but I'm still disappointed that we didn't buck the trend a little. A draw and a few wins doesn't mean we are suddenly up and running because its fine giving it some against the likes of Arsenal and Liverpool, but its the bread and butter of the teams around us that need to be polished off with more intent and effort than Saturdays mediocre outing.

Bale played, we lost. Again. Poor lad needs to make an appearance when we are 3-0 up with 1 minute to go. Gomes, with yet another match-losing howler. Words escape me for the hilarity of the situation. A £9M legacy from the exceptional Comolli that will continue to haunt. Is Cesar not an option? This same scenario is reminiscent of the Paul Robinson saga which saw us keep the faith with him until no confidence or ability was left in him to do the basics right.

Drop him. Let him retain some kind of integrity as he re-builds his composure. Unless of course, what we see is what he does week in week out. Which in that case, let's just hope he doesn't cost us too many points before the Jan window re-opens. Arguably, on the flip side, he produced some amazing saves. Conundrum is our Gomes. As for Bale. Shocking again.

And the rest? Apart from maybe Modric (who left the field of play with an injury) the rest were average, making Fulham look far better than they actually are.

Onwards and upwards please.

Challenge Spurs™ - Last gasp robbery

Challenge Spurs™ Series

Game 03 v (H) Liverpool
2-1 win, 3 points
Total points: 9
Position: 18th
2 points from safety

For a good 60 minutes I was miserable. Cold, wet and frustrated. I doubt nobody will argue the fact that Liverpool are pretty great in possession. Whereas all we could manage was Gomes passing the ball to BAE and BAE passing it back to him. It was just turning out to be one of those games. We were not particularly bad, we just never got going and Liverpool did their very best to make sure we never came anywhere close to it. They dominated the match and could have had a bundle of goals.

It started well for them 3 minutes in with Kuyt smashing the ball in from a Robbie Keane lay-off after some lame defending on our part and they continued in the same vein, almost scoring 4 or 5 times.

I'm sure I wasn't the only one in the ground getting a bit of an itchy feeling that the longer the game went on the better the chance we had of getting something out of it - just because of that ominous feeling that the Reds were a little wasteful.

Harry took off the only two left-footers in the side (BAE and O'Hara) and brought on Hutton and Pavlyuchenko. Although taking off BAE wasn't something I'd argue about considering how dire he was.

As we entered the last half an hour, Spurs began to push a little more forward. More so than the opening 60 minutes. And Liverpool, having removed Keane, began to falter a little. Superb, slick passing - but little in the way of testing Gomes. And when Gomes was tested, he did well (as opposed to his usual theatrics like his pass to nobody that found Keane who played it to Gerrard who hit the top of the bar).

We then got our bit of luck in the form of Jamie Carragher. 3rd goal for Spurs this. Twenty minutes left, and everyone was pretty chuffed. With Stoke beating Arsenal (ha!) and Wigan picking up all points at Pompey, taking all three points suddenly became a possibility, more so out of desperation not to be too far adrift from the safety of 17th place. If Liverpool weren't gonna score a second, then why not us?

And Pav should have made it 2 but somehow managed to blaze it over. But not to worry. Cue the 91st minute and a strike by Bentley that was saved by Reina but not held, allowing Bent to cut the ball back to Pav, who this time slotted it in.

Cue pandemonium in the stands. DVD already in the Spurs shop.

Lucky? Yeah, sure. Reina, was almost as average as Gomes was in parts today. Its usually Liverpool doing this to other teams. I'm more than fucking happy to see us be bossed about for the majority of the game but still win.....and against one of the Cartels. Make that 5 points out of a possible 9 against Chelsea, Arsenal and Liverpool. That's a pretty tasty stat. For a change.

And as for the Challenge Spurs™ 'Dirty Dozen'. Spurs are making a mockery of my original predictions. 7 points from 9 games - 2 points dropped out of 3 games. Off the bottom, 2 points from safety.

We are obviously still not on the top of our game, but anyone expecting so or criticising our 'luck' is forgetting the misery of the games prior to Harry's arrival. The players have pulled themselves out of a hole. Still more work to be done, but suddenly all talk of going down is secondary to our revival and White Hart Lane has finally rediscovered a bit of personality again.

The fans were in great voice (after we made it 1-1, we woke up). Thankfully the applause for Keane was louder than the boos. The celebrations for Pav's goal were a combination of relief and a bit of 'FUCKING COME ON' which has been a long time coming.

Special mentions to Corluka (at left-back in the second half), Modric who suddenly isn't easy to knock off the ball and has an uncanny ability to receive it and play it off in the tightest of spaces....and as for Pav - he may not be Berbatov, but at least he smiles and celebrates properly. Something Berba didn't quite manager for us against a Top 4 club in the Prem.

And also, well done 'arry. Good half time team talk. Great substitutions. We struggled for a while to pass the ball with decent possession and push forward with it.

Our players persevered. And how refreshing to see Spurs going for it in the final 10 rather than sitting back like Christ knows how many times in the past.

Top (unbeaten since March in the Prem and unbeaten all season) versus bottom (rejuvenated and riding their luck). Three points. Perfect day.

Roll on Citeh.

P.S. Bale doesn't play: We win. EXORCISE HIM.

Challenge Spurs™ - Victory!

Challenge Spurs™ Series

Game 01 v (H) Bolton Wanderers
2-0 win, 3 points
Total points: 5
Position: Still 20th
4 points from safety

You have to wonder if a Ramos team would have been victorious today. But then would he have selected the team Harry put out? King, second game on the trot. No Zokora. Huddlestone started. Along with Bentley. Lennon on the bench. It wasn't always pretty. Sometimes (thanks to Gomes and his inability to punch or catch a ball) it was calamitous. But overall, we put some neat and tidy passes together and deserved to win. Bolton were, like many teams we've been up against this season, decisively average. So it's nice to finally find some confidence and belief.

Modric deserves a special mention. Was a bit outstanding for a change. Team looked more balanced and for the first time this season actually reacting to the home support in a positive way. Once or twice a move would end with a tame shot or the wrong decision, but let's not all expect the moon on a stick. We've been woeful all season, so to win / keep a clean sheet / and smile at the final whistle should be something to be content with for now.

Was this a Clive Allen side or a Harry Redknapp side? Bit of both probably. Harry wouldn't want to miss out on good PR, would he now? Although in his post-match interview he cites Allen as the man who picked the team.

Also Gareth Bale, absent due to his suspension, proving that when he does play - we never win. In fact, one way to get the monkey off his back is to bring him on as a sub in the last minute when we are winning by at least 2 clear goals. If we end up losing 3-2 then I suggest we sell him. Or perform an exorcism.

Anyways, 3 points was imperative today, with Arsenal and Liverpool up next we just had to win 'a game'.

How to lose games and alienate your fans

THE BIGGEST GAME IN OUR HISTORY™ : The Final Chapter
Spurs v Bolton, 3pm kick-off, Sunday 26th.

You know, we always called each other Yids. Like you said to, uh, somebody: You're gonna like this guy. He's all right. He's a Yiddo. He's one of us: You understand? We were Tottenham fans. Lilywhites. But Jimmy and I could never sit in the West Stand because we we didn't drive Mercs. It didn't even matter if you didn't own an Opus. To become a member of the Park Lane crew you've got to be one hundred per cent Spurs so they can trace all your relatives back to the old days in the 1960's. See, it's the highest honour they can give you. It means you belong to a family and crew. It means that nobody can fuck around with you. It also means you could fuck around with anybody just as long as the old bill and stewards wasn't watching. It's like a license to chant. It's a license to do anything. As far as Jimmy was concerned with Tommy being ITK, it was like we were all ITK. We would now have one of our own up a tree at the Lodge

~ Yidfellows, 1961 - 2008

This is it people. End of days. The last hooray. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Charlton Heston thumping the sand at the end of Planet of the Apes. Rocky losing out to Creed. Steve McQueen not quite making the motorcycle jump over the border.

We are gush, make no mistake about it. And there's not a whiff of a blockbuster performance in sight.

We are doing just about enough in each game to lose. We haven't been overwhelmed or battered by anyone yet. We just turn up, go one goal down, and quietly die on the pitch while the opposition, usually not that much better than us, more so plucky, get their heads in front and comfortably hold on to win.

Grit

We've heard it all now. From players and management. All the soundbites and ill-fated battle cries. Players, formations, tactics, substitutions. There is nothing left in the way of 'that one last chance'. Our past 3 or 4 games in the Prem have been 'must wins'. The game that will change our form and kick-start our season. And each one has ended in defeat. We've done more side-stepping than Vinny Samways.

We haven't got any worse over the past few weeks, in fact arguably we've improved. But that improvement is fairly invisible to the human eye, thanks to the fact that the results have remained the same. What we've managed to add to this cauldron of crap is red cards. We're not just pressing down on the self-destruct button, we are head-butting it.

It's impossible to know if the players are shit because the manager has lost all respect, or if the players are shit regardless or if the manager is shit or if the squad is so disjointed due to lost players and ineffective signings that nobody quite knows what the fuck is going on. Or all of the above.

Passion

Blame Ramos. Blame Comolli. Blame Levy. Blame Jenas. It doesn't matter any more who is at fault. What matters now is who will take responsibility and get us out of this mess. And the eleven players who represent us should be the ones because regardless of management and pre-match talk, it's the 90 minutes on the pitch that count. There is no lower ebb. We are there already. And it's do or die time. Because every defeat going forwards brings us closer to Championship football.

Luck (the good type) is also non-existent, and all mathematical omens are more ominous than the Grim Reaper taking a seat next to you at a doctors appointment.

Sunday is no longer about measured tactical ploys or 4-5-1. Sunday has be a Cup final (only one we'll get this season). Sunday has to be about setting the precedence for every game after that with regards to performance. Performance equating to: Fight, urgency, spirit, desire, guts, passion, belief and pride.

Go one down? Heads up, chests out, fucking well go for the jugular and claw/scratch/kick/bite your way back into the game. Go one up? Then push for a second with all your sodding might. Start to believe, regain that swagger and that confidence. Because even without Berbatov and Keane and a true DM - we still have players of quality. Enough of them to get us above Newcastle, Stoke, Fulham, Everton at the very least.

A win, 3 points, is not the fucking Holy Grail! Dry those fucking eyes, get a grip and win the sodding game. Getting smacked around by third-rate teams like we're a crack whore begging for a hit from her weasel pimp is FUCKING PATHETIC.

We are down to basics. Every time we have prayed that our players would take the game by the scruff (Wigan, Hull, Stoke etc) we have failed miserably. Its now do or die.

Leadership

Over-dramatic? If I was drunk on rum I might suggest that losing to Bolton won't be the end, because Ramos would walk/be sacked and the new coach might galvanise the side to such an extent that the same bunch of players start to perform minor miracles. But that's pretty unlikely based on the fact that this dire form has been a year in the making. But then, that's what we are all hoping a win against Bolton will do. Galvanise. Because we have no choice now due to the maths and our position and the upcoming fixtures. With or without Ramos, we have to start winning.

So all that's left is for the home fans to sing till their mouths bleed and for the team out on the pitch to remember who they are and reclaim some self-respect and respect for the club and its fans and its history.

Otherwise, I'd suggest we sack the lot of them, run an X-Factor style competition to find out who the most athletic 20 Spurs fans are, and then stick them in the Lilywhite shirt. Because determination wise, they will run till their lungs collapse. And at least win/lose/draw - we can say we we're proud of the effort.

For one last time, it's over to you.....Gomes, Hutton, Woodgate, King, Gunter, Corluka, Gilberto, O'Hara, Zokora, Jenas, Lennon, Bentley, Modric, Gio, Bent, Campbell, Pavlyuchenko....

Bolton Wanderers..... go home and get your fuckin' shinebox.

The Great Escape? Be inspired

Southampton were the last team to survive after a start as bad as ours. They finished on 41 points. I think survival this season on 41 is only dependent on other teams just above us being just as bad.

Below is Soton's results from that season. Take inspiration from the fact that you can be truly awful and still retain your Premiership status.

I'm off to open a bottle of champagne.

16-Aug-98 Liverpool (H) L 1-2
22-Aug-98 Charlton (A) L 0-5
29-Aug-98 Nottm F (H) L 1-2
08-Sep-98 Leeds Utd (A) L 0-3
12-Sep-98 Newcastle (A) L 0-4
19-Sep-98 Tottenham (H) D 1-1
28-Sep-98 West Ham (A) L 0-1
03-Oct-98 Man Utd (H) L 0-3

P8 W0 D1 L7 F3 A18 1

17-Oct-98 Arsenal (A) D 1-1
24-Oct-98 Coventry (H) W 2-1

31-Oct-98 Sheff W (A) D 0-0
07-Nov-98 Middlesbro (H) D 3-3
14-Nov-98 Aston Villa (H) L 1-4
21-Nov-98 Blackburn R (A) W 2-0
28-Nov-98 Derby C (H) L 0-1
05-Dec-98 Leicester (A) L 0-2
12-Dec-98 Everton (A) L 0-1
19-Dec-98 Wimbledon (H) W 3-1
26-Dec-98 Chelsea (H) L 0-2
28-Dec-98 Nottm F (A) D 1-1

P20 W3 D5 L12 F16 A35 14

09-Jan-99 Charlton (H) W 3-1
16-Jan-99 Liverpool (A) L 1-7
30-Jan-99 Leeds Utd (H) W 3-0
06-Feb-99 Chelsea (A) L 0-1
20-Feb-99 Newcastle (H) W 2-1
27-Feb-99 Man Utd (A) L 1-2
02-Mar-99 Tottenham (A) L 0-3
06-Mar-99 West Ham (H) W 1-0
14-Mar-99 Middlesbro (A) L 0-3
20-Mar-99 Sheff W (H) W 1-0

P30 W8 D5 L17 F28 A53 29

03-Apr-99 Arsenal (H) D 0-0
05-Apr-99 Coventry (A) L 0-1
10-Apr-99 Aston Villa (A) L 0-3
17-Apr-99 Blackburn R (H) D 3-3
24-Apr-99 Derby C (A) D 0-0
01-May-99 Leicester (H) W 2-1
08-May-99 Wimbledon (A) W 2-0
16-May-99 Everton (H) W 2-0

P38 W11 D8 L19 F37 A61 41

Fingers crossed, yeah? Might not be worth the effort, crossing fingers. Read this article from The Proud Cockerel site.

Only voodoo can save us now.