We continue to sell-out

I can taste vomit in my mouth.

ultimategoalmouth

A seasonal membership of The Goalmouth gives supporters the chance to combine a season ticket in the North Stand with the pleasure of enjoying a pre-match three course meal in our football-themed, fun, family restaurant before each game.

We have a limited number of seasonal membership packages still available that include:

• A match seat in the North West corner accessed directly from the restaurant
• A three course ‘American Diner’ style pre-match meal and half-time refreshments
• Entertainment for young fans including table football, video games, visits from Chirpy and our resident football freestyler, quizzes and competitions

Seasonal Membership Prices

Adult & Child Package - £4,000 plus VAT
Family Package (2 Adults & 2 Children) - £7,000 plus VAT
Price per extra Child - £1,500 plus VAT
Price per extra Adult - £2,000 plus VAT

New For 2007/2008

We now also have an allocation of Goalmouth seasonal memberships for supporters unaccompanied by children priced at £2500 plus VAT per person.

Corporate hell. Levy has found that sonofabitch Chirpy something to appease his ego with. And exactly what is the reasoning behind the 'American Diner' pre-match meal? What's the link? Why not traditional kebabs or pies or bagels? Or is that too common? Of course it is. Note also the amount of money you will need to part with to be part of this 'experience'.

Yes. That's right people. The West Stand invasion of the North Stand has begun. Levy, just you dare try and come near the South Stand. That includes you too Chirpy, you smug yogo-loving motherf*cker with your stupid grin and handshaking skills.

'We cherish our loyal support'

The League of Lilywhites is in full swing. Yes, currently, there is only me, but that's fine. Once the football seasons erupts into action there will be plenty of opportunity to recruit. In the mean time, its a case of scouring the Spurs forums for like-minded fans who are not easily blinded by merchandise and the like.

One such fan is Sheikh Ma Nuggets. Honorary member of the League of Lilywhites. The following is from a post at Glory-Glory.co.uk:

Attendance figures to dip below "99%"

Right, first off - the "99%" is a figure gleamed from the various chest-puffing exercises that the club prides itself in carrying out - 'we have sooo much support'. Essentially, 99% (or 98.x%) is a fantastic, highly respectable and not easily rivalled figure.

But I have my doubts about whether this shall remain, for this season anyway.

As we all know, the club introduced a new ticketing system for this season. It's rubbish. The club tried to brush aside various criticisms, stating how the change would carry with it 'a better experience' (load of tosh) and that 'the system would be far more robust and reliable' (more tosh)

The system - as has been demonstrated - is no more reliable, and the experience is no more enjoyable than which was provided by Seatbooker. In fact, it's worse; you can't even see how many tickets are available, and you don't even know if your payment has been processed (after clicking it for the fifthteenth time) How the hell is that an improved service?

We all know why Seatbooker was dropped - it was a case of cost. eTicketing.co.uk are able to deliver the same (well, minus choice) service, as they are able to spread their costs across their client base - unlike Seatbooker. Think 'Tesco' and you're not far off the scent. So don't be fooled that THFC plc gave two hoots about the "customer experience" at all - that's just bullshit put out to drive through the changeover. Were we ever consulted about "customer experience"? No - there you go.

And so we see how well the games are selling - or not, which would be more accurate.

Take for example Everton at home, now I know this will just be anecdotal - but that game has now gone on General Sale. 'So what' I hear you say? Well, last season, I distinctly remember that this game did not reach General Sale - and, in fact, was sold out within a matter of days. Now, of course, there has been the undeniable farce of people not getting their membership (CRN's) packs in time - and it would be wrong to discount that as a contributing factor - but I think the problem will perpetuate right through the course of the season. THFC plc don't think fans care about choice - well they will soon learn that we do. Very much so.

Sure the "big games" like Arsenal will sell out - but that's simply because people don't necessarily care where they sit - just as long as they are there. But as for the smaller, less attractive games? I fear it will be a case of 32-33,000 – which, across the course of a season, would drop our much heralded attendance figure down to around 90%.

This will turn out to be a rather expensive lesson to THFC plc – that is, unless they take some drastic action mid-season. But I can’t see that being so, as you’d have to imagine we are locked-in to at least a 12mth contract with eticketting.co.uk. The club took a regressive step in ‘falling into line with it’s contemporaries’ – hardly worth forking out all the extra cash we have done for the ‘Gold/Silver/Pleb’ memberships?

But then, will this be as expensive a lesson as I first thought? Remember, THFC plc love you so much that – from this season (and probably every one following) they will make claim to your monies a full SIX weeks prior to the event actually talking place. That’s an increase of two weeks – nice. So, while the club come out with their ‘we cherish our loyal support and don’t ever take them for granted’ bullshit – they see no harm in making extra interest in YOUR money, for no valid reason but pure greed.

I'm sure the interest made will cover dinner dates at the Ivy for Levy and family.

Tier membership and the new home shirt

Levy's marketing department have struck twice in quick succession, digging their poison soaked spur deep into the chest of unexpected fans and ripping out their still beating hearts while they feast on the blood like starved vampires. I am quite obviously referring to:

• The new Spurs 125th anniversary home shirt
• The new membership scheme

Let's start with the membership. The tagline is:

“In a world full of Uniteds, Citys and Rovers, there is only One Hotspur.”

This should be re-worded to read:

"It's a world full of disappointments, let-downs and choking....yes, its Hotspur "

We have gone the way of tier membership, creating differing class of supporters within the North, South and East Stands (West Stand is corporate and thus does not count) and the angry discontent echos from Bruce Grove all the way to Northumberland Park. Its scandalous.

Here is the tier structure, stripped of its colourful (yet ultimately false) advertising hype:

One Hotspur Lilywhite – For the fan who prefers to sit on his armchair and watch Sky Sports because he feels priced out by the extortionate cost of watching Spurs live.

One Hotspur Bronze – For the fan who deludes himself with the fantasy that one day he will actually possess a season ticket in his own name. Identical to the Lilywhite option with the added illusion that Bronze means you're just that bit closer to watching all of Tottenham's home games. Make sure you bring your deck-chair as you take your place behind the other 23,000 mugs on the waiting list.

One Hotspur Silver – For the supporter who wants to suffer every league match and watch yet another transitional season unfold before their eyes. No discount for the 5 minutes you miss at the end of the game as you leave early to avoid the traffic home.

One Hotspur Gold – For the fan who already owns a season ticket and wants to once more attend every game played at home, in the League and Cup competitions (which are only won by the Top 4 clubs) by way of a home Season Ticket and subscription to the Home Cup-Tie Ticket Guarantee Scheme that allows the club to charge your credit card anything they like for European games. If we don't have Europe, a special discount takes effect, coinciding with early cup exits in the two domestic competitions.

One Hotspur Platinum – For the mug who wishes to go to every game, home and away through owning a home and away Season Ticket plus subscription to the Home and Away Cup-Tie Ticket Guarantee Scheme because he wishes the club to drain him of all his resources both finanacially and mentally until he is nothing more than a broken shell of a man, sitting in a rocking chair drooling like an old dog that needs to be taken out back and shot.

Yes, hand over your hard earned cash so that Levy can afford his bling lifestyle while the fans continue to ask questions why we are still light years away from being a top 4 club. But still charge top 4 prices for anything Tottenham related. I still believe in the theory that subliminal messages are being transmitted (how else can you explain the loyalty?), both visually via the Jumbotron and hidden within the lyrics of Chas and Daves 'Glory Glory Tottenham Hotspur' and the ultra-depressive and dreary Manilow anthem 'Cant Smile Without You' that sometimes get's played at the end of games.

Some distrubed characters in the Park Lane Lower actually sing it - or should that be cough it out from the very depths of their lungs. Though it must surely be done in jest? Does strike me to be a form of terrace social commmentry with various satirical undertones that echo around the Lane as a testemant of rejection to Levy's Empire. No one could seriously compare 'Cant Smile Without You' with 'You'll Never Walk Alone', so why even attempt to sing it with a straight face?

Anyway, for the record, I will be opting for a Gold membership. This will allow me legal access into the ground, though the court order banning me from the West Stand is still in-effect (and will be so till late 2013).

Let's move onto the home shirt. 125 years of Tottenham Hotspur. Last year we got the Puma shirt. Incidently, 'Never Red' (the contradictory marketing campaign for the Spurs clothing range) doesn't include the shirt the players perform in. Which you'd think is the most prominent item associated with the club. And yet we get a splash of ugly red on the front of it. The shirt design itself was average. The 125th anni version appears to have de-evolved the design further.

The blue trims are gone and the collar has changed to a v-neck. That's some way to celebrate 125 years. Change hardly nothing on the design, then charge £40 for the privilage.

This is another blatant urination from above. It's an in-joke, I assure you, that Levy and the directors at the Lane deliver each season to prove the majority will pay for anything, no matter the quality or price and that they can continue to make profits off the backs of the brainwashed masses.

I will not be purchasing this, or any other replica shirt. I have no intentions of funding the infidel and his oppression. That, and the fact the club shop have repeatedly refused to print 'FUCK YOU LEVY' on the back of a shirt. Whatever happened to freedom of speech in this once great and proud country?