Nice of you to turn up 45 minutes late

Carling Cup Semi-Final
Spurs 4 Burnley 1

Only Spurs can infuriate me this much. Woeful first half of football. Bale and Bentley were tragically bad and the team as a whole, shit. I'm not going to take a thing away from Burnley. They played tidy football, broke well and took their goal (gift) with confidence. The first half consisted of us playing what I like to call zombie football. I'm not talking about the fast moving Rage virus zombies from 28 Days Later or the Dawn of the Dead remake. There was nothing agile about our display. I'm talking about the zombies from the George A. Romero original. Slow us fuck. And unlike the zombies in that classic film, we lacked any kind of menace when in possession. It was, yes you've guessed it, inept®.

I can never figure out how the minds of Tottenham players work. If this was Arsenal at home, we'd be 100 miles per hour from the off. Instead, we allowed a Championship side (a good one at that) to dictate. It wasn't anything spectacular mind. They made one or two chances, but you could see they were not a real threat if....if we stepped up a gear. But as the half dragged on, the worse we got.

I don't want to start pointing my finger at Bentley again, but he was having a nightmare of a game. Much like most of his appearances for us. Everyone was lethargic and sleepy, and mis-hit passes and crosses (even Lennon was struggling) but Bentley was particularly bad. And Bale looked utterly lost.

There are two decent, very decent, players in there somewhere but it looks like it's going take a while to get them to smile and play well. If you need an irreverent back-heel flick, Bentleys your man, but anything that requires simplicity, no chance. Bale was a nervous mess.

Its all about confidence. There was a point in the first half that Bale could have taken the ball on and run into the penalty area. He didn't. That split second decision resulted in him playing the ball sideways. No belief there at the minute, because if he took it on and fucked it up, he'll get more moans and groans from the crowd, and too much thinking about the negatives eats away at players. Which is why Bentley is deep into Paul Robinson territory at the minute.

The way Eagles run through the two of them to set up Burnley's opener was embarrassingly easy.

Off went Bentley at half-time and on came Jamie O'Hara. Now Jamie will never be world-class. Or even good enough to play for the England first team. But he has bite and determination, even if he needs a couple of touches to control the ball. He gets stuck in. And thanks to the switch and the half-time bollocking, Spurs stepped it up. Why the overpaid gits couldn't muster this tempo in the first half is anyone's guess.

You're at home. Against opposition from a lower league. In a semi-final. FUCKING WELL SHOW US THE GULF IN CLASS. Ok, so they knocked out second-string Fulham, Arsenal and Chelsea sides. And they play pretty football. But be a sodding professional about it.

Incoming Jamie corner. Dawson meets it with his head. 1-1. Perfect script-writing. Livened up the fans a little. To be fair, we are never any good at home against lower-league opposition when it comes to singing/chanting. First half, our lack of noise shadowed the teams performance. Second half, with the change in effort on the pitch, inspired us to stand up and shake off the icicles to sing a song or two.

Five minutes later, Jamie manages to squirm the ball (well its more a case of the keeper allowing it to squirm) under his legs from a volley. 2-1. In the 65th it was 3-1, this time Pav driving the ball home after breezing way too easily past the Burnley defender. Goal in every round from the Russkie. 4-1, and it's practically done and dusted. Own goal this time.

If Zokora had 1% shooting ability he would have made it 5, but this being Zokora, the ball has yet to be retrieved from Glasgow city centre.

I'd say that's us at Wembley, but if Burnley come out all guns blazing and we play as badly as we did in the first half, they have every chance. But somehow, I can't see that happening. Would be daft to fuck it up that badly now.

Gio back on the bench today. Along with Adel and KPB - but none of them had a cameo. Which was a shame. No Ghaly. But expected this. Best to have him on the bench for Sunday and maybe bring him on then. Less of the boo-boys around at away games.

Special mentions: Defoe. Bit surreal to see him back. He has a right good chance to shine now that there is no longer a Berbatov or Keane at the club. Nigh impossible to break that partnership (which was arguably one of the best in the country). I think he'll work well upfront with Pav.

The Burnley fans right next to me in Block 42. Some decent banter going on, although one or two got a tad too serious with the abuse when the score was reversed in our favour. Unlike last year which was against Arsenal and it meant a lot for obvious reasons (failure to get there the season before), tonight I really felt it meant a lot more for the Burnley fans than it did for us. I guess it would considering their stature and lack of recent semi-finals. Our fans were a little casual tonight, along with the players. Thankfully just for the opening 45. I guess the Premiership is priority for all at the minute. January rescue package should see to that.

Anyways, slightly stronger team and more focused performance, and we could have overwhelmed them tonight. Instead, the team did its usual best to worry us silly.

Not good enough at the minute to even consider beating Utd in the final.

Defoe recalled from loan

£15M collection fee. Medical is all that's left to make sure our goods have not been damaged during the rehabilitation period spent by the sea-side.

Brilliant signing. JD can play deep, hold up the ball and help out the midfield when the opposition overload that part of the pitch. His skills at beating the offside trap and playing clever quick thinking passes in and around the box will fill the void left by the departures of Keane and Berbatov.

Astute transfer this. Great bit of business. Chuffed.

Transfer Latest

Ghana international Stephen Appiah is apparently set to sign for us.

28 years old.
Defensive midfielder.

Can he tackle? Yes.
Can he dribble? Yes.
Can he pass the ball forwards? Yes.
Can he shoot? Yes.
Will he cost us £8M in transfer fees? No.

The lad is out of contract (although there's a legal ding-dong going on with his former club Fenerbache) but this won't apparently stop him from training with us, with a view to moving to the Lane till the end of the season. What we might save in transfer fees may well be spent on his wages (I'm going to laugh if the rumours of him wanting 70k per week are true. Then cry).

Obviously, the main problem with this happening is that Appiah is a bit of an injury prone players. We love a bit of that at Spurs. Hence the initial 'until the end of season' contract. Does beg the question: Are there no other potential targets who wont cost a bomb in wages and are not prone to dodgy knees?

Elsewhere, Chimbonda has been linked with a 'shock return' to Tottenham. I guess he's bottled out of walking all the way to Lyon and plans to jump on a Virgin train back to the capital.

Like fuck. Do one Pascal.

The Downing Saga is back. And the third instalment will round off the trilogy splendidly. It's always a good laugh to read between the lines when it comes to chairman and managers making 'over my dead body' statements about players. Spurs are not quite doing a 'Man Utd' by unsettling players. Sure, Harry did talk about Defoe and Downing publicly. So maybe that was a little naughty, but Spurs have almost immediately put their money where their mouth is and make a couple of bids. Both rejected. Although according to news sources, the difference between Spurs and Pompey's estimation for the players is £1.5M. With Downing, he's gone the whole hog and handed in a transfer request.

Gibson's war cry about 'knuckling down and focusing on the job' is pretty much the Alamo for him and Southgate. It's not like he's going to come out and say 'Yes, we are willing to sell the player. We want XXX amount for him'. He'll attempt to drag this out till the final day of the transfer if need be to avoid it from happening, and if it does happen it will be because he's managed to bleed us dry in the process. And why not? He's looking after his club.

I'm more curious about the forthcoming 'undisclosed fee' for Defoe to help Levy avoid embarrassment.

With Downing, the transfer request will no doubt once more influence fan opinion and as noted, Gibson will do his utmost to make the whole process fairly tricky for us. One thing to note here, is that all the talk is coming out of Boro at the minute. They were the ones who told the media that no players are for sale. And they revealed the bid from us was 'derisory', and reiterated again there will be no sale. Go back a few weeks and Southgate was almost inviting bids. All part of the flirting game clubs play.

So. Potentially we might get ourselves a left-winger, a striker and a DM.

Shocking stuff.

Arse Shaving hurts

Latest news is an echo of what we know already. He was in London (for Pav's birthday as well as speaking to an unnamed Prem club) and has now flown out to the Dominican Republic for his hols.

I think it's time to close this one off and look forward to signing an unknown continental/African player or one from the Championship (less of the Raziak ilk) instead.

I've even dismissed the possibility of re-signing Defoe as I keep forgetting that Man City will simply bid whatever over-estimation Pompey (or whoever else) price tag their players with.

Liverpool want rid of Keane? Sell him to City for £25M.
Pompey are broke? Sell Defoe and Johnson to City a cool £20M each.
Owen? Walk to City and get paid 200k per week for just scoring goals in the month leading up to January.
Zokora, best DM in the country, sell him to City for £30M.

Endless possibilities.

Hello, Goodbye

Enough of this 'JD was part of the furniture' bullshit. He had no intention of signing a new contract and rather than spend hours debating whether it's a mistake to let him go to Pompey, it should simply be a case of: We dont want players who don't want us.

Defoe will score goals at Pompey for sure, but in the long run, his lack of footballing intelligence will shine through. At the age of 25 he has yet to work out that he doesn't have to get caught in the offside trap 98% of the time, considering the pace he possesses. And all the 'he's an instinctive goal-scorer' nonsense as a defence doesn't quite work when you look at his rather inept finishing this season.

That's not to say he hasn't made us smile once or twice, and there's probably no bitterness from the Spurs faithful either. Expect applause when he returns to the Lane. He was popular. But not better than Robbie Keane.

As for Gilberto. This is textbook Spurs. Failed medical? Unlikely. Thats the Comolli tactic of telling the selling club to lower their estimated value of the player. Its ok for us to spend £16M on Bent or £8M on Kaboul, but we haggle for a £2M player.

No last minute loan to cover for the departing Defoe, which means Keane and Berbatov have many games to look forward to between now and the end of the season, and Bent (when fit) will play a far bigger role. I'm sure Spurs will look to Europe come the summer when Berbatov departs. That's the reason no major major signing was made now. David Villa anyone? Unlikely without Champs League. So, better to wait for the whoring to begin the moment the season ends.

As for the defence. Sorted? Possibly. Interesting that Chimbonda didn't move on. Gardner joining Everton is a very strange move. Has Moyes seen Anthony play? Stalteri has gone to Fulham. Should find his level there. With Gilberto in, that gives us:

Gunter/Hutton/Chimbonda
King/Woodgate/Dawson/Kaboul
Bale/Gilberto/Lee

Add Huddlestone as a decent makeshift centre-back and Chimbonda capable of playing there too, and there's no doubting the cover we have in all the back four positions. Once Bale is back, I'ld like to see:

Hutton Woodgate King Bale

...line-up. For the time being, it's likely to be:

Hutton Woodgate King Gilberto

Which isn't too shabby.

As for the midfield, Ramos obviously has faith in the players we have, and maybe its for the better that no new defensive midfielder or attacking midfielder has joined the club. The likes of Jenas and O'Hara can prove something to the manager pre-summer transfer season. Although I expect at least one major signing for the middle of the park before next season.

Until then, this lot will have to do. First up, close the gap on West Ham.

Defoe to Pompey

SSN breaking news. This is one I hope they have right. Defoe has no intention of signing a new contract so I'd rather cash in on him and he can go off and score 10 goals in 10 games for his new club before losing his touch and composure in-front of goal until he's benched. Get Bent fit, and get him playing. Could still do with another striker though. Maybe one of the 'wonder kids (scoff) can get a promotion.

Gilberto has failed his medical. Makes you wonder how the heck Woodgate did.

UPDATE: Gilberto deal maybe back on. Apparently, the issue concerns 'wages'. For a 30+ player, there should be no issue. Tell him to fuck off, and its done and dusted.

Back to the whorage

I love the rags. Back pages telling us Defoe was set to be Harry Redknapp's first signing for Newcastle. Yes. The same Harry who this morning told everyone he isn't leaving Pompey. Still, he may yet sign JD. Although gossip suggests Villa will be in for him (matches up with the news item about him looking to buy a house in the Midlands for himself and his bit of skirt).

Another player who's future is in doubt is Robbo. Again the press suggesting he handed in a transfer request. If this was true, then see you later Mr Robinson. Bit fucking immature. However, Jeff Stelling on Soccer Saturday stated he knew (ooh ITK) that this was untrue. Still, Poyet didn't offer anything either way today stating:

"I would say no comment because I don't know. There is nothing wrong with Paul. He was part of the team and squad today".

Cerny did OK in goal. He got beaten from distance. Which I'm sure is something I've seen before, somewhere.

Late last night I got a text telling me deals for the following were on the cards, with some of them practically done (yeah right):

Diarra
Jarque
Fred
Downing

Diarra and Jarque are not new 'interests' in the transfer market. Fred is. I pray that the only reason we are looking at yet another striker is because Defoe is on his way. So, get rid of inconsistent JD and bring in the inconsistent Fred. A player rumoured to want a return to Brazil where his goal-scoring ratio was fantastic. Hasn't set France alight. Perfect for Spurs then.

Downing. Christ. £12M? We do like to burn our money don't we? Though in actuality (I hope) Spurs would fork out something like £2M-£2.5M a year for 3 years and then pay out more depending on appearances/goals/CL (lol).

Downing is not £12M player. He isn't a bad player. Harsh to call him average, but he isn't world class and he isn't all that better than what we have at the minute. Yeah, lovely left peg as they say. One of the best crossers of the ball in the Prem, but can he beat a player? Can he devastate like a Petrov? Nope. Is he a Ramos player? Does Ramos know who he even is?

I wouldn't be aggrieved with him joining, just not for a ton of cash. The fact is, the player is the crown jewel of Boro, so they will not want to let him go for cheap. It's more to do with him being their prized asset rather than a player worth every penny of a multi-million pound transfer fee.

And if we layed 12 big ones, do the math with the money spent on Bent. That's our sodding case overspent on players who are not in the 'fucking ace' category. But then, the team isn't in the category either. But then we did pluck Berbatov out of the continent. So, how about doing the same again.

Ramos is improving the team, from top to bottom. And he knows that his ideal tactics and style of play won't happen with the current bunch. Some need to be culled. The remaining need to be complimented. If Ramos believes Downing can restore balance on the left, so be it. I'm guessing Steed will move into central midfield. When Bale returns, that left side (along with Gunter) won't be too shabby.

But a Ramos 'team' needs one box-2-box midfielder and one defensive midfielder. Those are truly the key positions. Defenders are always wanted at the Lane. But at least things will be easier now the King is back.

UPDATE:

£10M for Downing, with Tainio thrown in as part of the deal. Not sure who's getting the worse of it.

Defoe

From The Sun:

“The manager has said I can leave if I want — but I want to prove him wrong. I want to stay here.

“He called me into his office and told me.

At first, I thought it was a joke. I thought he was going to say I would be starting against Arsenal in the Carling Cup, which was why he didn’t give me a game against Reading at the weekend.

“But he just said ‘You can leave if you want to’. Yet I have no intentions of leaving this club because I love it here.

“I would love to sign a new contract — and I know people at the top of the club want me to stay.

“But no one can expect me to sign a new deal if I can’t get a game.”

I can't help but laugh. If it's true, then Ramos and the club are actually doing the right thing here. Defoe is looking for the Bosman, plain and simple. And the club don't want to lose out on several million quid. Why should they? It happened with that Judas c*nt, and having to listen to more 'I love it here' soundbites grates me.

The reason he doesn't start more games is because he's not in the same class as Robbie Keane, let alone Berbatov. He has no footballing brain and blows hot and cold far too often to be anywhere near consistent. Fact is, he is dispensable. The club won't be fooled again. He's claiming that this is Ramos telling him he can leave, rather than DL or DC. Believing word for word anything that the papers print is always foolish, so at the moment I don't see this as anything else but a rehash.

If you wanted to look beyond the sensationalism, the story may be as simplistic as Ramos telling the player if he wants to leave he can leave and Defoe stating he wants to be top of the pecking order at the club. Defoe will take the option to leave for the reason given earlier.

West Ham 1 Spurs 1

Fair result this. Though no thanks to the Man with no Brain, Kaboul, self-imploding again - this time with a gift leading to a Cant Control opener. If only Spurs had a decent defence, hey? Chances for both sides, decent keeping on occasions and guilt ridden misses taking the headlines.

A proper ding-dong derby, without being anywhere near the classic last year was. Robinson saving well from Ashton and Parker. Robert Green embarrassing himself with the Dawson equaliser, but redeeming himself with a rather all too comfortable save in the 90th minute from Defoe. From the penalty spot. Oh dear. Well, whatever. Green did his homework and opted for the same side as last years kick. Defoe should have tried something different. Like fucking smacking it in rather than the lame placement that allows the home side to add a new chapter to the next edition of 'The History of West Ham United'.

As for the first half incident where Green probably should have got a red card, for what looked like a nailed on penalty (Keane, chipping the ball over him in a 1-on-1 situation and then....well, you've seen it I'm sure....Greens trailing leg bringing down Keane). And before any 'ammers claim he dived, it would have been far easier to just stand his ground and tap the ball in - if he wasn't touched (ooh) by Green. Which he was. Hence the lack of balance. And having seen it several times now, Keane loses balance because of Greens leg, and had he tried to remain on his feet its doubtful he would have got to the ball. I've said that already, haven't I? If Keane allowed gravity to pull him down in a far more dramatic manner, it still doesn't change the fact that Green was guilty.

Arguably, Keane was offside in the first place, so karma balanced it all out for us. Equally, you could say two big decisions missed by the officials. Still, play to the whistle, no? If anything, Riley (the man in black) made sure he made the game all about his rather average and consistently inconsistent ref'ing. Around 32 or 33 West Ham fouls given, compared to Spurs who gave away about 8. They got booked 3 times, we got booked 4 times. Doubt any West Ham or Spurs fan would agree he had a good game.

Was quite happy with our work rate today. Ramos has influenced the team in a positive way thus far. Looked more of a unit for once, away from home. Bit more confidence. Although, four strikers on the pitch at the same time with Berbs back in midfield was a little strange. Good to see Bale back too. Wonderful talent that kid.

Kaboul, a fine athlete, but blatantly inexperienced and allowing him play in a team that generally isn't very good at defending is just asking for trouble. He has made mistakes far too often now. Jan tran window target(s)? Please let it be a centre-back.

Ramos has to also work on eliminating these individual mistakes that are costing us. Robbo's recovery is continuing and some of the players are looking far improved (Berbatov, an obvious example) with their application and purpose.

Like I said, fair result. Brummies up next in the league.

Know your place

Apparently Jol has had a furious row with Defoe, telling him he would 'rot in the reserves' if he failed to sign a new contract. Hard decision time for Jermain. Rotting in the reserves as opposed to rotting in the first team.

Coat already on.

Justified

Now we have to endure stories of Defoe allegedly telling Jol he won’t sign a new contract, furious that he only got 15 minutes against Derby. On top of this, the rumourwhoring machine has spat out a story that states that after the Everton defeat Berbatov and Robinson had a massive disagreement, which resulted with Jol siding with Robbo.

Again, its been said a million times by a million Spurs fans in the past two days, but only we can take a stable situation and smash it into a hundred million pieces.

Levy's Machiavellian masterplan appears to have fallen short of turning the fans against Jol, but has made his (Jol's) position unattainable and Levy' equally so in the eyes of the fans. Levy and his minions couldn't even get it this right, an embarrassing incompetent plan executed with no precision and has only served to destroy all the work done by our Dutch manager. I'm thankful for it. At least now everyone can see that Levy isn't this whiter than white messiah that will guide the club forwards.

If....and its a huge if.....some of the rumours are true and Jol has fallen out with players and does not command the respect of the team as a whole - there's about a thousand ways of dealing with it without making it look as shambolic and pathetic as its turned out.

It's not Jol who is dead man walking anymore. Its the board of directors. For the first time, I might not be alone in burning my season ticket.

I'm talking big fuck off bonfire over here.