Bent is soz for his tweets

Everybody has covered the Darren Bent statement that’s been published on the official Spurs website confirming it was his account...and his mistake. Now if you’ve been following Darren’s Tweets, the first thing that will be obvious is that it’s highly unlikely he wrote the apology all by himself, if at all. We all know it’s always a representative of the club or the agent that does the written work. Obviously, because it’s all a PR exercise in making sure the club come out of it as the victim and the player the naive impatient fool. Which is exactly what’s happened. And it was always going to happen. You can’t slate the chairman in the papers, so slating him online via a social networking tool is equally a no-no. Still, I can’t help but smile at the apology.

This is it:

I appreciate that transfers are seldom straightforward and are often complex. However, after a long period of waiting following my withdrawal from the plane to China, I had become incredibly frustrated by the time these things take and I posted inappropriate comments on my Twitter site.

I allowed my emotions to get in the way of my better judgement. I regret my actions and did not intend to offend Daniel Levy or anyone with the nature or the content of my posting.

If Darren’s Twitter account was still active he could have micro-blogged his regret using a string of 140 maximum character sentences. But then if it was completely up to him he wouldn’t be issuing an apology full stop.

Let’s put it into perspective. He’s (for the sake of argument) on 50K per week. I wouldn’t mind the waiting around a little bit longer knowing that my employer over-spent to sign me and don’t want to (as best as possible) be short-changed when selling me inorder to make up for the mistake in the first place. Telling the world that you're upset by posting in the public domain that is the internet is a no-go. Unless you wanted people outside of your private Twitter account (which anyone could access because you accepted anyone who requested access). Or you simply didn't think. Which is a common trait, let's be honest, with most professional footballers.

Hang tough. You're leaving. It’s a given. It’s Spurs, you should know it’s never quick and easy.

It's a massive massive shame that Daniel Levy doesn’t have his own Twitter account, as I’m certain this would have been handled and sorted without all the unnecessary press coverage.

Hands up if you’re ‘in the know’?

All this Klaas-Jan Huntelaar business...

Do you think that Harry is doing Madrid a favour by continually linking us with the player so that other business is drummed up in the way of interest for the Dutch striker? Yes, this is the latest piece of ITK jelly wobbling its way around the underbelly of the interweb. Question is, if we are doing Madrid a favour, what do we get for lending them a helping hand? Do they have any available centre-backs we can take off their hands?

And elsewhere Darren Bent’s Twitter account has been deleted which means we are all back to square one with knowing how his transfer away from the Lane is progressing. I’m looking forward to the official club statement confirming that the matter is being dealt with internally with a probable forced apology from the player while Levy does his utmost to sell him to Hull. Talking of which, to answer your question Darren (“Do I wanna go to Hull?”), I don’t think anyone chooses to go to Hull. Not if they can help it.

If you follow the ITK community and have been paying attention you’ll have noticed that it’s been rather special this summer. Special in the way of a Ghost Town. No one has been upfront with news other than something I read a day before Crouch signed, but otherwise, all we've been given in the way of inside information is cryptic nonsense and reactive commentary based on what the tabloids have already written about. It soon becomes apparent that nobody knows anything, churning out the same whispers time and time again.

We all know how it works, especially in the papers. Agents, clubs, journalists...they are all entwined together orchestrating with the aim (or at least attempting) to help aid their agenda(s). But with insider info, especially with the way it’s shared online, its altogether a completely different kind of beast. One that quietly whispers a secret and then disappears back into the shadows. Only to reappear at a later date and whisper something similar.

"The sun will rise in the morning"

We’ve been here before haven’t we? I do love talking about ITK’s as the whole culture of its obsession fascinates me. There’s no doubt that there are people who work for Tottenham or football agents who have friends who support the club. So it’s not unlikely they will share info with them and these people are the ones who post about them on message boards. But how many people genuinely know what the club is planning behind the scenes? Can’t be many, because if it was leaked, then the culprits will be known to the chairman. That’s why you find that usually, ITK info that hits the nail on the head comes about when the club have already agreed a deal with a player and far more people are likely to have clocked on by then (mainly because the player arrives for a medical).

What we’ve seen this summer more than anything is people claiming that a deal is in progress but won’t happen for a while. Which is a nice way of making sure your ITK info has a decent sell-by-date. I know we (as a club) take our bloody time, but reading about something that the tabloids are covering and Harry has commented about makes me and many other suspicious. It’s easy to ‘guess’ what might happen. Throw enough shit at the wall and some of it will stick. And if it does...you’ll be crowned a legend.

This is not to say there are not people out there who do know something. There are. It’s a minority though. 3% I’d say. And as much as love a bit of inside info (ooh, hypocrite) I think it should only ever be shared at the point of when the club has agreed the transfer – rather than any time before it, because as we’ve learnt time and time again – if something genuine gets leaked it could be detrimental to the club.

I’m still waiting for a truly definitive piece of ITK info. If you manage to find one, please feel free to share. The irony is never lost on me. I do get it. Why slate them? If they are so inconsequential, why even cite them in the first place? Well I guess it’s much like the tabloid papers. You can’t actually ignore it can you if everywhere you look, it’s staring right back at you. It's the necessity to know something before its made public. The anticipation requires a tease. And deep down you hope somewhere in the haystack is a needle.

For the current list (if you want to study the evidence), visit the GG.co.uk forum and this thread that covers off all ITK tittle-tattle for this sun-less summer.

Happy reading.

And for the record - the best ITK information is the type that gets uncovered AFTER an event. So for example, when Levy sacked Jol or when Kemsley and co went after Ramos or the issues with the DoF structure. That's far more relevant IMO.

UPDATE:

Read this piece of ITK for an example of what makes far better reading than the usual drivel. Even though it might still be drivel. It has a lot more substance than the norm.

Darren Bent

If you become the first footballer to be fined over your tweets, you'll go up in my estimation big time.

Good luck at Sunderland lad. Sorry we couldn't accommodate you at the Lane. Never meant for each other. Never meant to be.

Good news, the wait is nearly over

I have some decent news. Without fail, every summer when I'm out of the country sunning it up in the Mediterranean, Spurs sign players. Last year as I lounged on a sun-bed I got a text message to tell me that David Bentley had signed. Christ, how I jumped for joy at that one. So, the big day is this Friday. That's when I jet out of Blightly for 7 days of 100 degrees Fahrenheit temps. And that's when the transfer floodgates open for a refreshing shower of much wanted incomings and thankful outgoings at White Hart Lane.

I'll ignore what the tabloids are saying this morning, as it's simply a re-hash of what the message boards were talking about last week. Although, ironically, telling you what the boards are saying is probably what the newspapers are reporting on today. So…

Patrick Vieira. A not so golden oldie. A player who hasn't been anywhere near exceptional for a few years now. The ITK's say it's a done deal. Which probably means it won't happen. If it does, what we have is a player who could galvanise the players around him much like Edgar Davids did when he signed for us. Does he still have what it takes? I have no clue. Haven't seen enough of him for Inter and I'd hazard a guess that the slow-pace of Serie A is a far more comfortable zone than the fast-paced EPL. I guess if he is 'cheap' and the contract is short, I have no reason to complain. You never know. He might still have something about him, enough to bring further stability to our midfield. The fact that he's ex- scum obviously grates me. But if a player wears the Lilywhite, then he has my backing. For 5 minutes at least, after that, I'll tear him a new one if he doesn't perform to the acceptable standards.

As for the other whispers. It’s the same names being touted out to the same clubs in the same repeated rotation. Sunderland signed Frazier Campbell after being linked to Bent for an age. Fee can't be agreed between us and them over Darren. We want Jones as part of the deal (shudder) but apparently Villa are now front-runners and are hoping to claim Bent as their own. This, unsurprisingly, means that Young is coming to us because Downing is now a target for Martin O'Neill. Bentley is also somehow involved in all this as some form of bargaining chip. It's probably the 10th time now that a variation of this transfer saga has made the headlines.

Huntelaar is still getting a mention, but it's probably nothing more than agent talk to push Stuttgart into finalising the deal to sign him. I can't see him at Spurs.

There are some fresh stories, believe it or not. But nothing overly exciting. Sheffield United youngster Kyle Naughton is a target along with team-mate Kyle Walker. But both players (if signed) would remain at their current club for next season, for development as they are both kids. Everton have been heavily linked with Naughton. Nothing certain, except that its factual thanks to Sheff United comfiring the interest. Talking of Everton...

Tim Cahill is getting a mention from some quarters (LOLZ) having been apparently sighted with Harry Redknapp (ooh). I know Everton are hard up, but there is no way that Cahill would move on from Goodison Park. Just my opinion. If it happens, I'll shave my head.

One piece of devastating news is that Chimbonda is happy to stay at Spurs. Until someone finds him. Apparently Pascal is aiming to break the hide and seek world record. My guess is that he's managed to hide himself behind the stack of unsold copies of the Opus in the store room at the Spurs club shop. But there's no need to look straight away.

So, as you can see. Another week, the same stories doing the rounds with one or two new entries to add. I think we've been linked now with around 85 players since the end of the season. What does this mean? I'd guess that Levy has rid the club of any potential leaks, leaving hacks and fanboys throwing shit at the wall hoping some of will stick.

Until I leave the country, keep the champagne on ice.

Bent still on course for Sunderland summit

Chatting to some Sunderland lads, it would seem the rumours of Robbie Keane being offered to Sunderland (a month or two back) are possible true - in that their ITK's are confirming the same thing ours are blabbering on about.

So whether there is any truth in the story suggesting that Keane is unhappy/only re-signed to save him from his Liverpool hell and help us out whilst Defoe was injured, on the promise of being sold in the summer.....phew, is something that we can only discuss as half-truths until we know better. We do love our conspiracy theories down here in N17.

As for Darren Bent, he's apparently keen on joining Sunderland and will be speaking to them this up and coming week (when he apparently returns from his hols). Spurs and Sunderland are almost at the point of agreement with the transfer fee. One of the Sunderland ITK's is well connected enough to say that Bent is interested in moving up to the Stadium of Light. Villa the only other interested party. We all know this is on the cards because far too many people have spoken about it - online and in the press. I bet it ends with an 'undisclosed fee' and Bent grabbing 20 goals for them next season.

As for Keane, we can only wait and see, but when offered, Quinn was not interested in accepting our generous gift that would come with a hefty asking price and a ripe old age.

Bale was also apparently offered to the Black Cats. Another rumour that the Spurs ITK's shared with us several weeks back. I'm hoping that part is not true.

No wonder we can't sell any of our unwanted players

Chimbo, Pav and Bent: Love them. Hate them.

Morning. More DML awards celebrating the end of the 2009 season. Enjoy.

Most Confusing Transfer

Imagine buying something from a shop. Second hand, but it's in decent nick. You try to get the best out of the item but it leaves you feeling a little empty. And as time goes by you actually get a little annoyed with having it laying around the house, unused. So, you stick it on eBay and not long after you've sold it for a tidy sum. You replace the item with one or two new ones which you are more than happy with and you get on with your life. Then, not long after, you get back on eBay and buy the original item back. No real reason. It was just there. Available. It's back in your ownership. Only to then leave it laying around the house once more unused.

Welcome to the Pascal Chimbonda Show. A transfer shenanigan too far. I'm not going to mention Willie McKay and his ties to Harry and the fact he is Pascal's agent. Apart from just then. Let's move on.

In pure footballing terms I attempted to justify the return of Chimbo by telling myself that we have got him back to do a specific job. Utility Man. He's a right-back but he can play on the left (not that well) and as a centre-back (not too shabby) so we have plenty of cover if need be and considering our plight at the time, we needed some cover and strength. I'm probably wrong, but I can only remember one appearance made since he re-signed. He might have made more. But I'm struggling to even remember the appearance that I do remember, well sort of remember. Corluka has slotted into the centre-back position when required. Before his injury, Dawson helped out if King was unavailable. Hutton - who has been lost to injury for an absolute age and prior to it was having a nightmare season on the pitch, has found himself back in the first team ahead of Pascal. Although there might be an element of 'shop window' with that - who knows. As for the left-side, that belongs to BAE.

Honestly, why did we re-sign this bloke if he never plays? Answers, postcard…etc.


The Honorary Rebrov Award for Patience

He's tired. Unfit. Russian. Can't speak the language. New to the country. New to English culture. Living in a hotel (until recently). Spotted in Waltham Abbey Tesco with a man-bag. Played a full Russian season and the European Championships. Did I mention he's tired?

Roman Pavlyuchenko was signed for £14M as a Robbie Keane replacement. Or was he meant to be a Berbatov replacement? Or was he meant to be a brand new type of forward altogether? His own man.

He turned up all smiles (a vast improvement on the sulky Bulgarian) but failed to make the same type of impact, leaving us with frowns. Once more, much like Bentley, several sound-bites started to do the rounds about how (as mentioned already) Roman was tired and unfit and possibly injured. Rushed into playing for Spurs and thus making things more difficult for him to adapt. Not his fault we were desperate to have someone who could help get us out of the bottom of the table, but typical Spurs that we would force the issue with a brand new signing in this manner. Even more typical Spurs that we would sign Roman in the first place. For the money we did. All things considered, when you've just lost two big players in Keane and Berbatov you need to make sure that the money spent is for a can-hit-the-ground-running type of forward. Berba took his time to adapt and get into the swing of things, but you could tell he oozed class and was doing everything else fine. Then the goals flowed.

With Roman, you want to believe he will have something to offer when he is completely refreshed and content with life in England. But at the moment, all we see is a player with that apologetic Bambi look about him, failing to control the ball with his first touch and always ballooning it over the bar when he has time to look up and shoot. He can stick them away ok when in front of goal. Poaching isn't a problem for him. And he can hold the ball up fairly well. But there is no obvious stand-out vision or that little spark of world-class about him. For an extra £6M or so we could have signed Arshavin (or possibly not considering that Zenit were/are a pain the backside to deal with). But you get my point. £14M for someone who isn't 100% is a massive massive gamble especially when it all feels like the second prize in a raffle.

Shades of when we signed Armstrong and Arsenal signed Bergkamp.

I've been a stern defender of Roman from the start. Ask "the bloke who stands next to me with all the sound-bites" at the Lane. He thinks the player is f**king shit. And many others think we've spunked a ton of money (again) on the wrong type of striker.

Interpreter running up and down the training field translating instructions, whispers of a transfer away and and struggle to learn English - one or two are expecting him to move on (escape) shortly. Others would prefer to see how he performs after a summers rest and decent pre-season. He could still turn out to be great. But that would mean that what we've seen so far (all the negative stuff) is down to circumstances fitness and that he can actually shoot on target from distance and does have a silky first touch.

One positive, and it's a big one I guess, is that regardless of the criticism, he's still notched up several goals. So he can't be that bad, can he?

Which brings me onto...


Much Maligned Player of the Season

He's our top goal scorer. And yet he is perceived as the most likely to be sold in the summer months. Here's a player that at one point wasn't considered as good as Harry Redknapps wife. A player that many Spurs fans believe is not right for our side. Too one-dimensional. Can only really play to full effect if we take up a Charltonesque style of counter-attacking football. Type of tactic that works away from home, where Bent has has plenty of success. In any other type of formation he struggles. He struggles because he doesn't offer that much in the way of team play. It's a running joke, counting the amount of times he touches the ball in a game. He can disappear for long periods and appear isolated. He doesn't come deep or bring others into the game. He just floats around. Goal-hangs if you will.

So what does Darren Bent to exactly?

He scores. Whether it flies off his ankle or hits his bum, Darren Bent sticks the ball into the onion bag.

So, why do we not rate him again?

The argument in support of Bent usually sounds like this: ''Well he scores goals, so what else do you want? Isn't the point of a forward to score goals? Does it matter how he scores them as long as he does?"

It's a good point isn't it? But would you say he is as consistent as a Gary Lineker? Or offers more to us than Jermain Defoe? People who do not rate him will be quite vocal in the fact that - for example - a partnership of Keane and Berbatov will offer an abundance more than a partnership of Keane and Bent. So for £16M you'd expect to have a player who can create and craft and generally offer a lot more than just, well, scoring.

I know, I know. It's sort of a paradox. But the point is - we could have someone in there who is overall a more all-round type of forward.

The irony is, we are linked with the likes of Jones (Heskey clone) and already have Pavlyuchenko.

Better the devil you know? I'm wondering, if he does end up going, whether we end up regretting it.

I'm going to gamble and say: No. No we won't.

More awards on their way.

For the full list, including the previous DML Award articles, just click here. Or use the tag below this post.

Hello Goodbye - In comes Defoe, out goes Bent

So is it really goodbye Darren Bent? Out injured for two weeks, it’s doubtful we’ll see him again this season which means next time we do, he’ll be holding up a shirt for his new club and smiling to the cameras. Much maligned Bent© has been in useful form with the odd ball in the onion bag trickery in recent weeks. Let’s not go over old ground relating to goal-ratio V what does he do with regards to team-play? argument, as it’s more than obvious that Harry has already decided he will be one of the players moving on.

Whether David Bentley is another casualty remains to be seen. He’s also been cited by Harry in his pre-match interview. Suggestions that Lennon and Modric are ahead of him in the selection process. Suggesting the bloody obvious or what. Although if David’s nightmare has been because of personal problems (as he stated) then he should buckle up and prove himself rather than scarper off to another club. Wasn’t it his dream to play for his boyhood club? Well, one of them. I think pro-footballers tend to have around 3-4 boyhood clubs they dream of representing. If little Aaron got injured, then who would cover him? Keep the Bentley. Just needs a wash and polish to sparkle again.

If you can’t tell, Harry has been busy with various sound-bites and a key one is the suggestion that Roman is very much in his plans. Something Pav’s agent has also confirmed by stating that it’s unlikely the Russian will be moving on. But then again, when do we ever believe football agents? Not sure whether we’ll see Pav tomorrow or not. He’s in the squad but so is Jermain Defoe who’s had a more than difficult time recently on a personal level. Could be quite emotional for the lad on Saturday if he plays and scores. I’m glad we have him back and I’m sure he’ll get another rapturous reception.

After the dramatics of last weekend, I’m looking forward to a more simplistic outcome tomorrow. If we don’t concede it will be a sixth successive clean sheet at White Hart Lane. I’m hoping we do the business offensively, rack up that goal advantage and just try to reclaim a little bit of that buzz we had when we were 2-0 up at Old Trafford.

Are you bothered with Europe? I can't decide whether the extra 16 (or whatever it is) games will distract us from the league (which has to be the priority next season - I wouldn't mind seeing an attempt at pushing for 5th spot) or whether playing in the Europa League/Uefa Cup will allow Harry to 'play the kids'. Although it's not an impossible competition to win. But taking it seriously means we need a strong squad. Stronger. If Champions League clubs can fight for the title and the CL then (on a lesser level) I guess we could do the same with 5th spot and the Uefa Cup (can't get use to Europa). I think I just bothered myself into being pro-Europe.

Regardless, there is still a matter of mathematics and if we want the bonus of Europe we need to beat WBA and City at home and do more than well at Everton and Liverpool. Over to you Harry and the boys. Hopefully we can turn it on.

Talking of turning it on, Juande Ramos (just one league defeat since taking the helm at Real Madrid) is looking for a win in El Classico to close the gap with Barca to just one point. Could be some game that. Love a bit of La Liga. It’s been a stunning managerial performance from the ex-Spurs man, one that might just earn him the job on a permanent basis. See – this is what happens when you apply yourself, give it 100% and select players in their right positions and have clear tactics. Us over here in N17 might not have the ‘superstar’ players, but we had more than enough for Ramos to assert his authority and style of play on the team. Our squad wasn't (isn't) exactly below average in terms of ability. And although there was much made of the signings being a mish-mashed selection of players reminiscent of different pieces from various jigsaw puzzels - it should not have ended in tears in the manner it did.

Which means he failed because he struggled with England and the EPL, or his methods didn’t quite get through to our players. You don’t need to point towards the difference in class of some of our players in comparison to the not-so-Galactico-but-still-sublime Madrid squad. Fact is, Harry has the same group of players (with additions) than Ramos had for the best part of last season, the pre-season and the opening eight games of this season. Maybe he tried too much too quickly and confused the fuck out of everyone.

Eight games. Two points.

And let's remember, Madrid were in a God awful slump before Ramos turned up there and changed things around. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? Seems Harry and Juande aided the re-discovery of confidence for  their respective clubs. The only thing that's been proved wrong is the suggestion that Ramos could replicate his La Liga form at a club outside of Spain.

Not that Ramos is suggesting anything himself. It’s more a case of the tabloids doing that thing they do with words. But the suggestion made is we made a mistake in sacking him. But we all know that’s a little daft. The mistake was offering him that dizzying contract in the first place. Although at the time some (including me) felt it might work based on what he had achieved at Sevilla. And that’s the crux of it. To reiterate, he’s obviously far batter over there than he is over here. And the underlining feeling I get is that he is a little more bothered by his current job than he was when he looked like a lost kitten in Battersea Dogs when employed by Daniel Levy.

I’m sticking £10 on a Spurs/Barca double tomorrow.

It's football Jim, but not as we know it

So there I was. Popcorn. Cold beer. Hooker on speed dial for half-time. Remote control sat beside me on the sofa so that I could avoid the half-time tactical punditry from the ITV team. In hindsight, I wish I had avoided the forty five minutes either side of the interval. Monumental let-down, but then again, I was naïve to think that Chelsea would allow Barca to run rampantly all over them. Would be suicidal to go there and attempt to out play the Catalans. Hiddink was wise to have his team play defensively deep and man mark players. I only noticed Lampard when he found himself sitting on the bench. Chelsea’s tactic was too soak up the pressure, nullify Messi, Henry and Eto’o and possibly, cheekily grab an away goal from a counter. It almost worked.

In the end, neither side found a way through. I was not only bored and despondent that I had not seen a masterclass of epic Champions League football, I also found myself screaming obscenities at the tv everytime the ball went near Drogba as I preferred to be in full vocal colourful flow when treated to the inevitable dive. Alves was no better. As for ITV, just how giddy are they when they host these live games? They drown in the hype of their own mediocre coverage. How ironic that their big night would end with no fireworks. The only person who scored was me and for that, I’d like to thank Louise from the agency for her prompt services and ample abilities.

As for my Barca fix, roll on El Classico.

Elsewhere, Harry has apologised for slating Darren Bent earlier this season when he told the world that his wife could have scored the chance Bent squandered. How we laughed. And cried. Bent has now scored 17 goals, which isn’t too shabby for a player that nobody rates. Unless you rate him? Bent has been the subject of discussion half a dozen times this season, and subjected to various ‘What does he do?’ articles on this here blog and practically every Spurs message board out there.

He isn’t a dynamic fox-in-the-box (Defoe) forward or a classical goal-poacher (Lineker) and arguably, he only plays well when Spurs are forced to play a certain type of style (usually, away from home, on the counter, long ball over the top for him to run onto). He struggles with movement and all-round play. But, he scores. He finds himself in the right place at the right time. But there’s no doubt that if Defoe was up there instead of him, Defoe would also score – but would also contribute a lot more than Bent. It’s all very subjective, and one Spurs fan would find himself disagreeing with the next one. For the time being, Bent deserves both our support and the managers. Cometh the summer, he will probably be someone else’s conundrum.

And finally, Howard Webb. Remember him? He’s been demoted, relegated and dismissed from the Premier League. For this weekend at least. The FA have punished him for his penalty cock-up by giving him to the Championship to officiate the crucial top of the table Reading v Birmingham game. That ought to teach him!

Spurs 1 Toon 0 - Breaking the hearts of the Geordie nation

There was no goal glut in the end. Instead we enjoyed a rather comfortable home performance, with the usual unwanted bonus of nervy late moments you associate with Spurs. But in truth, Newcastle was neither menacing nor cohesive enough to ever cause anything near sustained pressure. A spurned Nolan shot and Martins kicking high over the bar, the only moments I sighed relief. A nail in the coffin, our job done as one of their opponents in the ‘Let’s Relegate Newcastle’ campaign. The smugness of Shearer is disappearing faster than a pint of Brown Ale in a Newcastle pub.

Pre-match I was a little surprised. No Roman in the starting line-up or the bench. I’ve since heard it was due to a back complaint. So Bent got the nod again, with the undroppable-no-matter-how-quiet-he’s-been Robbie Keane partnering him up-front. King’s knees flared up in training, so Michael Dawson started and in central midfield Jenas failed to shake off the hamstring injury he picked up against West Ham which meant Tommy Huddlestone would get his chance alongside Palacios. Hutton and Defoe both on the bench. It’s nice to see so much quality in depth. Something we had at the start of the season, without the confidence that’s required to gel it all together.

Newcastle had Martins, Smith and Viduka on the bench. Owen up-front and to be honest I’d be hard-pressed to remember the rest of them.

Only took two minutes for something to happen. A Bassong tackle on Darren Bent that possibly warranted a red card. If it had happened 30 minutes into the game or at some point in the second half, then he would have got his marching orders for sure. Not to worry. We dominated possession and created chances with relative ease, resulting in a Bent goal at the second time of asking after Harper saved his initial cross-come-shot. 1-0 up and the much maligned Bent does the only thing he does…and that’s score. Do we still want rid of him? Yes, of course we do. He’s still one-dimensional. But for now, I have no problem being a hypocrite and celebrate his goals. We spent the rest of the match attempting to get the second, which in the end eluded us.

It’s actually a frustrating problem. It cost us three points at Blackburn and it might have cost us a couple against Newcastle. We have a stupendous home record this season (under Harry, not Ramos) with one defeat (against Everton), possibly one too many draws, but only 9 goals conceded overall. 13 is the ‘record’ low goals against at the Lane achieved back in the 60’s. Only Liverpool this season have conceded less goals on home turf. Fortress White Hart Lane? The flip side to this is the fact that we haven’t scored that many going forward. Boring boring Tottenham. So what exactly is the problem? Well, I’m not sure there is one. Other than maybe attempting to walk the ball into the back of the net. Couple of occasions yesterday found us on the edge of the area with the players passing the ball around like a hot potato – all afraid to have a crack. Our general play is fine, but just needs stepping up just a tad in the way of final balls and that ruthless killer instinct.

We should not have gone into the final 10 minutes biting our nails. In the end, Newcastle lacked the composure to take any of their half-chances. Lady luck doesn’t always lift her skirt up and playfully wink at you. With Alan Shearer changing formations more often than Mike Ashley likes to appoint new managers, not only are Newcastle a mish-mashed squad of players, they also appear to lack any understanding in the way of responsibility, leadership and spirit. No miraculous away day for the Toon army this time. No shock 1-4 win. It never looked like happening for them anyway. This isn’t the soft-touch Spurs of old.

Dawson and Woody were commanding at the back. BAE enjoying a relatively easy afternoon. Corluka, clumsy with his passing at times, but otherwise fine. Had to slot into the centre-back position when Dawson was stretchered off with an ankle injury that might well end his season (hope it isn’t too serious). This all meant we welcomed back Alan Hutton who was pretty a-ok on his return. One or two excellent crosses played in with pace, one to the head of Bent who was a little unlucky not to get fully behind it for what would have been a certain second.

We also got to see Jermain Defoe in cameo mode. Still a little way off from being completely match-fit, but who cares. He’s back and will almost certainly score a goal or two before the season closes. Martins had that one effort that had Shearers heart-in-mouth, Viduka…can’t remember if he did anything of note. Although both him and Martins did improve Newcastle going forward, and as they pressed late on, looked more of a team than they did in the previous 80 minutes. Alan Smith was his usual dirty self.

Only thing Newcastle bemoaned was a tackle by Woodgate on Martins. But since when is ‘winning the ball’ a clear penalty shout? Jonathon Pearce thought otherwise on Match of the Day 2. The BBC also opted to cut out the Bassong foul. In fact, the editing of the match was a complete joke. All very complimentary towards Alan Shearers side. Worth noting we had around twenty-two attempts compared to their eight. But you’d think the game was equally matched if you hadn’t seen it live (at Spurs or on Sky). Skys commentary, by all accounts, was as expected with Andy Gray co-commentating. Conspiracy I tells ya, it’s a conspiracy! Those pesky Arsenal and West Ham journos strike again! Down with this sort of thing!

And what of the enigma Huddlestone? Palacios return makes such a massive difference to the side I have to once more call on Harry to look for a young(er) understudy so that we don’t miss him too much when he’s out, suspended or otherwise. He gave Tom time to show-off his sublime passing range. Although to be fair, even I would have time on the ball against Newcastle United. It’s the type of game where you find yourself thinking maybe, just maybe, Tom does have a future as a first-team player. But the reality is, it wasn’t a top performance against top side opposition. It was a good performance against poor opposition. Add pace to an opposing midfield, and he’ll struggle. It’s worth mentioning he was in hospital this past week with a swollen neck (glands?) so well done regardless of the usual question marks we like to throw his way.

Robbie Keane was once more on the quiet side. Run around, waved his arms. But not too much of anything else. Hopefully his game will pick up again with JD back. He does appear to look a little too comfortable in the starting line-up. Lennon did well in-front of Fabio, but there’s no doubt he needs another step up in the way of all-round play. It will come.

So, after all the hype and the banter, we have possibly ended Newcastle United. Their three remaining home games take on monumental importance. They cannot afford to lose any of them. It’s not quite end of days for the Geordie nation just yet. I’m just glad it’s them down there and not us.

Talking of which, we are now left with two winnable home games (WBA, Man City) but away trips to Man Utd, Everton and Liverpool. Plenty of minutes for Harry to continue the rejuvenation of the team.

Those relegation worries seem a million miles away now. You remember…two points from eight games, innit.

Supernova Darren Bent

There are many unexplained things in the universe. Many of which are beyond the realms of human understanding. We simply do not have the capacity, for example, to understand the concept of what existed before time itself. Not that time exists anyway, as it’s simply a measurement we use to govern the passage of existence from our own perspective. If there was a big bang, what existed (using the concept of time) a second before it happened? Or an hour before? Does one universe expand infinitely forever or does it eventually collapse in on itself and implode, then explode…creating a big bang and the birth of a new universe? Are we the first universe of its kind or are we the result of the millionth big bang? Was there ever a definitive beginning? If there was, then how can the nothingness that existed beforehand be defined?

These unanswered questions do not stop us from completing our mundane schedule of sleep, work, eat, relax, sleep, eat, procreate, sleep, work.....and so on. And by the time human life exhausts itself from existence, the universe probably won’t even know we existed in the first place. We are pretty insignificant - one planet in a universe of billions upon billions of galaxies.

It’s quite probable that there are other planets out there that have allowed for life to evolve. And their version of life may be incomprehensible in comparison to ours in about 1000 different ways - like the mixture of chemicals on their own planet, their conception of time and their rate of evolutionary progression. Billions and billions of planets. Billions of societies. Billions of lives being lived.

And yet out of all the billions in the universe, Planet Earth is the one that manages to birth Darren Ashley Bent. The one and same Bent replacing the injured Carlton Cole in the England squad for this Wednesdays World Cup qualifier against the Ukraine. A cosmic event equivalent to a rock the size of a penny disintegrating in the earth’s atmosphere.

There are probably a billion Darren Bents plotted around the vast expanding space above us (I'm basing that on the assumption that alien planets play competitive sports). Some might even possess an abundance more all-round ability to their game that just having a knack of being in the right place at the right time to witness a ball bounce of a shin and into the net.

But more than likely, they are not too dis-similar to the version we have on this planet.

A lucky star.

Darren - fingers crossed for Wednesday. I hope you come off the bench and score with your bum.

Bent - a-ah - saviour of the universe
Bent - a-ah - he'll save everyone of us
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Bent - a-ah - he's a miracle
Bent - a-ah - king of the impossible

Defoe, Hutton, Pav and Silver: Some random thoughts

I was complaining earlier that there is currently a lull in newsworthy items to comment on. I was wrong. Found another three. Just like the buses, eh? Actually, make it four. Just thought of another one.

Defoe is on his way back to regaining full fitness, which will prove to be interesting with regards to how he'll fit into the team with Robbie Keane (captain) reclaiming his place as darling of the Lane. JD is exactly what we need in the run-in. He'll be hungry and determined to pick up where he left off. But does he partner Robbie up front? Can he partner Robbie? Does Keane go wide and Defoe partner Pav up front? Can anyone say 'here we go again'?

I'd like to see Robbie and JD play together, at least once or twice so we can find out once and for all if its workable. If by some miraculous miracle they'll connect on a different level to the limp ineffective Hobbitesque attempt of yesteryear - then happy days. Don't quite see how it will and also doubt Keane drifting from the wings would work either. As for the idea being laughed about concerning Keane taking a role in midfield and replacing Modric......behave yourselves.

Then there's Pav. He's stated that he's happy at Spurs and doesn't want to move. It's all dependent really on what Harry decides in the summer, but I guess Roman is reacting to one of the daily churned out quoteless made up stories which always seemed to be based on very little of anything. Personally believe we should stick with him. Hasn't scored a lot in the Prem (4 in about 22 I think) which is disappointing, but then it's not like he has been swaggering in a team of swaggering players. Berbatov took a while to adjust. Pav is not of the same quality as the Bulgarian but to dismiss him after a debut season is criminal. It's not like he's struggling ala Rebrov.

I say judge him based on next season. He's a team player, not the strongest or fastest on current assessment, but his movement is good and his finishing in front of goal more than decent. His finishing from further out and some of his decision making (lack of composure too) is where the concern begins to creep in. £14M, Russian International.....surely these qualities should be more apparent? Can I refer to the textbook response of 'he's tired/played 5 months in Russian league before joining us/can't speak the language/still adapting to English culture' etc etc? Which is why we need to be patient and see how he performs next term.

Now some of you are probably picking up a shitty stick and poking me with it along with accompanying eerie chanting:

"Darren Bent...Darren Bent...Darren Bent..."

Yes, yes. Top scorer. But of all the forward players we have, it's practically a certainty he will be the one to leave the club in the summer. Unless we start playing like Charlton, he won't be a success here - even with his decent goal ratio. We saw it, a very simplistic example, against Boro. Pav went off, Bent came on, Spurs struggled with their forward play. The flow disappeared. He doesn't fit in. Scoring goals apologetically is in no way a foundation to build on. Because if there has to be a plan B, he has no way of fitting into it. One dimensional football to appease his selection might produce a tasty goal ratio across several games, but stats aside - it doesn't breed quality team football.

Alan Hutton is also not far off from his return from a long injury lay off. He has a foot injury. Prefer not to dwell on any whispers being made to suggest otherwise. And when he is fit and able (and hopefully not as nervy as he was when he played in the Arsenal away game way back) it will mean we have him, Chimbonda and Gunter for the right back positions. And Corulka. Gunter is out on loan. Corluka works well on the right hand side with Lennon. Pascal has yet to reclaim any decent past form for us and was always a little suspect defensively - but is more than decent offensively. Although you could argue that when he does wonder forward he does so with little regard for the player who is then meant to cover him. Both Shimbo and Charlie can also play central along with King, Woodgate, Dawson. Hutton can only play right-back, the lazy git. You following this so far?

We have substantial cover at the back. There is no doubting that. Over on the left hand side BAE has been very consistent for us and Gareth Bale will hopefully find his way back onto the ladder of progress soon enough and begin to climb it with the hoodoo laying flat on its face at the bottom as the Welsh kid looks down from the top all smiles. Ideally then we could have a back four of:

Hutton - Woody - King - BAE

Or

Hutton - Dawson - Corluka - BAE

Or

Chimbonda - Woody - King - Bale

Or

Corluka - Woody - King - BAE

Or

Hutton - Woody - Corluka - Gunter

I can be doing this musical chairs routine all day long. Best way to just summarise it:

- Chimbonda can not play left-back and should either start at RB or cover a centre-back position if we are desperate

- Corluka is a right-back, but might be the answer in slotting into CB when King is unavailable

- A flying Hutton is a better option than Chimbonda out the right side IMO

- Woody will always start as long as he is 100%

- Gunter is one for the 'future' and will get his chance because Pascal will be due a transfer request a year from now

- BAE is not world-class but has acquired an edge to his game (also don't you just love the way he turns to go one way then turns and runs in the opposite direction? Its the most telegraphed move in football yet works every bleeding time!), and until Bale re-discovers his bite he does a more than decent job for us

Hold up. Oh Christ. I've forgotten to include you know who.

Hutton. Chimbonda. Corluka. Gunter......and Zokora. Add another one to the list. Didier is a better RB than he is a midfielder. Unless someone can define what type of midfielder Zoko actually is, I'll stand by my word. So that makes '5' players who can slot into the spoilt position of the right hand corner of our defence. Insane depth for a bread and butter team position. Seems that every part of the team has either far too much of one thing or too little of the other. I'll get to our midfield issues in another blog article.

Finally, let's finish with Dan Silver. Works for the Daily Mirror. Read this. Insightful stuff. I thought some of my work lacked substance but I do this for free so the standard of content varies depending on alcohol levels. Shame on you Mr Silver. Shame on your editor. Out of interest, who do you support? Let me guess...