New leaked image of proposed Spurs Stratford stadium
Wednesday, February 9, 2011 at 1:01PM Exclusive.
I've managed to get hold of an exclusive 'leaked' ITK mock-up of what the Olympic Site redevelopment will look like if Daniel Levy and the club win the bid and progress with their plans. Exclusive. Not sure how much time I have before this blog article will be removed on advisement from my solicitors. Will fight the THFC lawyers and their court injunctions for as long as I can. I've also included the descriptions of the proposed additions to the area surrounding the OS which was included as part of the stolen image pack.
1 - Chirpy Towers. To dare is to Cock-a-doodle-doo do do do. Visit the state of the art Spurs Shop and enjoy delightful Michelin quality three course meals in Chirpy's slow rotating head allowing you to enjoy the amazing view of Canary Wharf and Newham, including our deadly rivals home ground; Upton Park. The exclusive Chirpy's EyeBalls penthouse dinner rooms can be booked in advance (premium required) where you can watch the whole game whilst sat at your table...if you prefer to avoid the hustle and bustle of the crowds down below.
2 - The World Famous Home of Stratford Hotspur® and Nandos. The Nandos Stadium. Our new sponsor and club badge thanks to a multi-million pound long term deal means you'll never go hungry for football...or chicken! You can find Nandos outlets inside the stadium and be sure to order the 'take it to your seat*' bucket before the game kicks off (*take it to the seat meal deal only includes a medium coke, for large coke, extra £4 charge, fries not inclusive). The controversial inclusion of red in the stadium name and team shirts is nothing to worry about. Remember, we wore red in our badge back in 1882/83 and a red shirt between 1890-1896. Both the replicas of these shirts are soon to be available in the club shop with our new clothing tagline: Hot for Spurs and proud of our heritage.
3 - Stratford Hotspur®. Home is where the Strat® is, and Spurs is stratting it's hot stuff all over North (eastish) London. You voted to move and we've embraced our local community, repaying their hospitality with a gentle nod of approval to our new surroundings. Location? Geography? Booooring. Why tie ourselves down to a place or a name when the Spurs brand is worldwide?
Stratford Hotspur®. Refined and redefining the game of soccer®. To Revenue is to Do®.
4 - Abercrombie & Fitch / Apple Store. Stylise your lifestyle, pre and post match. Sit down, stand up and look sexy doing so by picking up the latest trends in A&F. Or if you're tech savvy or wish to be, visit the Apple Store and download the Spurs application so you can get all the very latest information after you've already seen it on tv and the internet.
5 - Paul Smith. Another one of our exclusive partnered retail shops for essential football clobber and motifs. Use your season ticket 'card' for special discounts on a wonderful range of ties, shirts and shoes so you're always looking dapper whilst taking in the atmosphere.
6 - We are N17 Land. History is important and for those that wish to live in the past, wipe that tear away you melter and rejoice! We are N17 Land brings you the very best of the olde Tottenham High Road including Bill Nicholson's Gates*, the heritage buildings, littered covered and p*ss stained roads and shut down pubs and grubby food establishments. Win a free copy of The Opus here. Honestly, we have hundreds of them to give away so don't miss out!
*Gates open at 10am on Saturday match-days and 5pm for midweek for access to car park.
7 - Starbucks. You can have a coffee and a muffin on the day to calm those pre-match nerves in one of our coffee house outlets. Free wireless included in-store for the disconcerting fan who wishes to get fierce and do battle online via blogs and forums. So don't be forgetting your ipads!
8 - Slug and Lettuce. Pre-match drink? Over-crowding? Struggling to get to the bar? Look no further than the Slug! And to make certain, we have more than just the one for you to enjoy an alcoholic beverage and give you ample time to tweet your thoughts on the team selection. Pub crawling has never been this crisp and clean!
9 - Harry Hotspur statue. Remaining true to our rich heritage, included on the grounds is an amazing tour de force iconic bronze talking statue of seasoned traveller and warrior entrepreneur Harry Hotspur, who looks East towards Upton Park with menace and an ever so subtle hint of marching fearless into battle. Listen to him sing 'Glory Glory Stratford Hotspur' (debit card charge of £5 per chorus) and point towards deepest West Ham territory. The epitome of glory and progression standing the test of time, a true echo to our past that also retains a place in the future much like Hotspur's legacy that has enriched Northumberland, Tottenham and now Stratford.
10 - Replica Town. Be sure to visit the old fashion pre-match traditional walkabout. Get yourself some Caviar to go or a tuna salad at 'Seastar Fish bar'. Enjoy a sit down meal at Pavro Ocakbas Vegetarian Restaurant or if you've already eaten at home just order yourself a cocktail at the Bricklayers Wine Bar.
11 - Monorail. For our exclusive 'Platinum True Fan' members, get to and from the Docklands in the super fast Monorail sponsored by Bloomberg that will take you from your executive box straight back into the hub of the banking world within minutes. All other season ticket holders, club members and tickets purchased via general sale and on the day - please head towards Stratford station with plenty of time to spare to avoid congestion.
12 - Canary Wharf. Majestic, just majestic! The amazing backdrop on the horizon that will light up the sky on those Glory Glory nights making them that extra special.
Footnote:
You'll note all the Chirpy heads that are located around the ground. They crow if we win, and sing 'Can't smile without you' if we lose. Making sure we are pampering the emotive side of your journey into our world class arena experience. Directions to local shopping centres and words from our sponsors are also subliminally whispered from his beak.
Also, to commemorate the move to the new stadium and the soon to be concluded deal that will see AEG purchase the club and a proposed future franchise merger with LA Galaxy, Daniel Levy will present to loyal Spurs supporters a Monolith at the first home game to be played in Stratford as a thank you and a remainder of services rendered.
COYSH!
Reader Comments (164)
Monorail Monorail Monorail !!! haha
one of your best Spooky. A monorail straight to your box? That'll give us all something to save up for.
you forgot rudolphs.
What a load of crap, get a life.
Funniest thing I've seen on the subject which is a God send with all the serious debate and arguments between fans.
I'm fucking crying over here
Superb! And chillingly, probably quite accurate. You can just see them trying to something like The Bricklayers Wine Bar in a "look, we haven't forgotten our heritage at all!" kind of way
ahahah spookie, that's fun enough to overlook your "platinum true fan" view of the debate.
I actually quite like it!!!
Can I get jellied eels at chirpy towers?
Too funny
That monorail better bloody go to Ogdenville or I might start having to say no to Stratford.
I don't think this is viable.
Surely there is room for some circus style games where we get to throw coconuts at goon and spammers players mocked up heads while eating out super sized stratford chilli dog.
Diaz made me laugh as much as Spooky did.
moron
Havn't you got anything better to do with your time than think up and write this drivel ? You could have spent your time more wisely picking your nose than wasting your life attempting comedy, something which you are obviously not at all talented at.
ah Jim mate thats out of context with the thread, lets play nicely on this one.
If Paul Smith sells Spurs Snoods® then I'm there!
Bet you anything all the humourless mongs who didn't enjoy this actually logged on expecting real photo's :-)
Class as per usual spooky.
4everaspur = karren brady?
For the idiots who are gatecrashing - pick yourself up a sense of humour you bore offs. Spooky and guests have written up plenty of analysis on Stratford and the move and to be honest most of us are all sick of the arguing and waiting. Since when was it not permitted to laugh at ourselves? Jesus, we've got some depressive fucks for fans.
not funny this time. your standard's are slippling into the pit of bitterness & despair!
Brilliant.
Bless, the pro-stratford lot are on the defensive. Pathetic.
The kids can throw shit-bombs at upton park from the windows of chirpys revolving resteraunt
Soon new portion of further 36k trying to get their names on the season ticket waiting list. What level are we going to be taken this time?
These plans are a disgrace. The Spurs plan is akin to building 1000 primiary schools, filling them with soft, fluffy kittens and Mother Theresa, then anally assaulting them all before setting them on fire and smashing the buildings down a week later with a bulldozer that is fuelled by the tears of World War 2 veterans and a wrecking ball made from small children.
Princess Diana would turn in her grave
GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!
VENKY'S BOUGHT THE WRONG CLUB
Where's the athletics track?
FYI...stratfordhotspur.com and .co.uk are registered! Could be someone doing it in the hope Spurs change their name and pay this person a fortune for them, or someone from Spurs has bought them with an alias.
Personally, it makes sense this move, I know many oppose, but if you could move to a nicer area to live in a mansion for the same as it would cost you to re-mortgage, would you do that or stay where you are and extend it?
We won't lose our history, and for me, watching the CL is something I want to see year in and out. If we had that stadium now, maybe Spurs would be the ones bidding £50m for Torres, but we can only bring in so much with the stadium we have.
Levy is a great chairman and is open to some extent, but if he sees this as best for Spurs, then trust him. He has never seen us wrong before.
Just a thought.
irk, we're all pro-spurs at the end of the day
I was feeling quite sad until I saw this, hilarious. I just bought the DVD of "Despicable me" yesterday and watched it last night. Now I know who DL reminds me of :)
Always makes me laugh how some people think its a divine right to read exactly what they expect to read on a blog or website and anything left field results with a 'fuck off' or 'this is crap'. I'm sure the host of this site doesn't expect to please all but it must be a good feeling to provoke so much negativity in people.
are chirpy towers going to get filled with asylum seekers on housing benefit? knew harringay council would get what they want. i better get to work now to pay my tax so i can help mr.levy pay for this venture
Replica Town = Outstanding
I think someone should teach Karen Brady the offside rule. I vote Spooky
Quality effort. But no free DVD's handed out on entry?
"101 Things to do in Newham"
Bore.
Very good Spooky. Funniest thing for ages. Unfortunately, probably not all that far from the truth.
Just hazarding a quess, but are the Spooky haters on here possibly a bunch of Tarquins who think it takes five hours to get to White Hart Lane from central London and that it is totally impossible to ever get a ticket anyway?
this is where they want to move us to:
http://londoncityairportfighttheflights.blogspot.com/2009/07/newham-council-failed-to-contact-and.html
Frontwheel - most of them are probably the Illuminati from the closed off members only message boards. Self deprecating comedy is hardly something they appreciate. This self indulgent nonsense from spooky is always teh win for me.
Well I hardly ever agree with your opinions Spooky but that was genuinely funny. We are n17 Lane is a corker. Piss stained streets and I assume police signs asking for witnesses a given right?
For the record, I don't really give a shit if people like or dislike. It hardly took no time to put this together (can ya tell? can ya?) and I'm sure my ten man loyal gang of fanboys would enjoy it so I'm made up tbh.
Fan boy here, ta mate! I want a chipy outlet in my town!!!
Blatant traffic hogging title you sell out. Also this mock up is bullshit. Where's the IMAX?
Top drawer Spooky... we can have an open top Monorail parade when we win the treble!
You should see "Alf Garnett World", puts Levyland to shame...
Also, to commemorate the move to the new stadium and the soon to be concluded deal that will see AEG purchase the club and a proposed future franchise merger with LA Galaxy, Daniel Levy will present to loyal Spurs supporters a Monolith at the first home game to be played in Stratford as a thank you and a remainder of services rendered.
Genius
If this level of corporate involvement (Apart from the rotating Chirpy Head & monorail I hope!?) paid for us to stay at WHL, would everyone agree?
Do ya rekon we will get cheerleaders if we move to stratford? the HermStratfordites?? It will be sexy as hell.
Its the people that makes a place........no the other way around.
WHy are people so fixated with the need for everything to be a run down shit hole like Tottenham.
Why do we need to walk through a grotty dive with rubbish and horseshit everywhere to feel at home, or drink in a bargain basement pub that has 3 punters except on every other saturday.