New leaked image of proposed Spurs Stratford stadium
Wednesday, February 9, 2011 at 1:01PM Exclusive.
I've managed to get hold of an exclusive 'leaked' ITK mock-up of what the Olympic Site redevelopment will look like if Daniel Levy and the club win the bid and progress with their plans. Exclusive. Not sure how much time I have before this blog article will be removed on advisement from my solicitors. Will fight the THFC lawyers and their court injunctions for as long as I can. I've also included the descriptions of the proposed additions to the area surrounding the OS which was included as part of the stolen image pack.
1 - Chirpy Towers. To dare is to Cock-a-doodle-doo do do do. Visit the state of the art Spurs Shop and enjoy delightful Michelin quality three course meals in Chirpy's slow rotating head allowing you to enjoy the amazing view of Canary Wharf and Newham, including our deadly rivals home ground; Upton Park. The exclusive Chirpy's EyeBalls penthouse dinner rooms can be booked in advance (premium required) where you can watch the whole game whilst sat at your table...if you prefer to avoid the hustle and bustle of the crowds down below.
2 - The World Famous Home of Stratford Hotspur® and Nandos. The Nandos Stadium. Our new sponsor and club badge thanks to a multi-million pound long term deal means you'll never go hungry for football...or chicken! You can find Nandos outlets inside the stadium and be sure to order the 'take it to your seat*' bucket before the game kicks off (*take it to the seat meal deal only includes a medium coke, for large coke, extra £4 charge, fries not inclusive). The controversial inclusion of red in the stadium name and team shirts is nothing to worry about. Remember, we wore red in our badge back in 1882/83 and a red shirt between 1890-1896. Both the replicas of these shirts are soon to be available in the club shop with our new clothing tagline: Hot for Spurs and proud of our heritage.
3 - Stratford Hotspur®. Home is where the Strat® is, and Spurs is stratting it's hot stuff all over North (eastish) London. You voted to move and we've embraced our local community, repaying their hospitality with a gentle nod of approval to our new surroundings. Location? Geography? Booooring. Why tie ourselves down to a place or a name when the Spurs brand is worldwide?
Stratford Hotspur®. Refined and redefining the game of soccer®. To Revenue is to Do®.
4 - Abercrombie & Fitch / Apple Store. Stylise your lifestyle, pre and post match. Sit down, stand up and look sexy doing so by picking up the latest trends in A&F. Or if you're tech savvy or wish to be, visit the Apple Store and download the Spurs application so you can get all the very latest information after you've already seen it on tv and the internet.
5 - Paul Smith. Another one of our exclusive partnered retail shops for essential football clobber and motifs. Use your season ticket 'card' for special discounts on a wonderful range of ties, shirts and shoes so you're always looking dapper whilst taking in the atmosphere.
6 - We are N17 Land. History is important and for those that wish to live in the past, wipe that tear away you melter and rejoice! We are N17 Land brings you the very best of the olde Tottenham High Road including Bill Nicholson's Gates*, the heritage buildings, littered covered and p*ss stained roads and shut down pubs and grubby food establishments. Win a free copy of The Opus here. Honestly, we have hundreds of them to give away so don't miss out!
*Gates open at 10am on Saturday match-days and 5pm for midweek for access to car park.
7 - Starbucks. You can have a coffee and a muffin on the day to calm those pre-match nerves in one of our coffee house outlets. Free wireless included in-store for the disconcerting fan who wishes to get fierce and do battle online via blogs and forums. So don't be forgetting your ipads!
8 - Slug and Lettuce. Pre-match drink? Over-crowding? Struggling to get to the bar? Look no further than the Slug! And to make certain, we have more than just the one for you to enjoy an alcoholic beverage and give you ample time to tweet your thoughts on the team selection. Pub crawling has never been this crisp and clean!
9 - Harry Hotspur statue. Remaining true to our rich heritage, included on the grounds is an amazing tour de force iconic bronze talking statue of seasoned traveller and warrior entrepreneur Harry Hotspur, who looks East towards Upton Park with menace and an ever so subtle hint of marching fearless into battle. Listen to him sing 'Glory Glory Stratford Hotspur' (debit card charge of £5 per chorus) and point towards deepest West Ham territory. The epitome of glory and progression standing the test of time, a true echo to our past that also retains a place in the future much like Hotspur's legacy that has enriched Northumberland, Tottenham and now Stratford.
10 - Replica Town. Be sure to visit the old fashion pre-match traditional walkabout. Get yourself some Caviar to go or a tuna salad at 'Seastar Fish bar'. Enjoy a sit down meal at Pavro Ocakbas Vegetarian Restaurant or if you've already eaten at home just order yourself a cocktail at the Bricklayers Wine Bar.
11 - Monorail. For our exclusive 'Platinum True Fan' members, get to and from the Docklands in the super fast Monorail sponsored by Bloomberg that will take you from your executive box straight back into the hub of the banking world within minutes. All other season ticket holders, club members and tickets purchased via general sale and on the day - please head towards Stratford station with plenty of time to spare to avoid congestion.
12 - Canary Wharf. Majestic, just majestic! The amazing backdrop on the horizon that will light up the sky on those Glory Glory nights making them that extra special.
Footnote:
You'll note all the Chirpy heads that are located around the ground. They crow if we win, and sing 'Can't smile without you' if we lose. Making sure we are pampering the emotive side of your journey into our world class arena experience. Directions to local shopping centres and words from our sponsors are also subliminally whispered from his beak.
Also, to commemorate the move to the new stadium and the soon to be concluded deal that will see AEG purchase the club and a proposed future franchise merger with LA Galaxy, Daniel Levy will present to loyal Spurs supporters a Monolith at the first home game to be played in Stratford as a thank you and a remainder of services rendered.
COYSH!
Reader Comments (164)
I just had a thought which I hope does not come true.
A good way to fund the NDP would be to sell Bale, Modric, VDV, Lennon and Dawson for a combined fee of around £150 Million.
I know that sounds stupid but it'd give us the extra money needed, but would delay the development of the team for a couple of years instaead of ten years without selling them.
This kind of bullshit will rip the heart out of our local community. In keeping with that local community, we plan to set up Karren Brady's lapdance paradise. Next door will be the pie and mash bonanza bar run by the ICF. Inside the ground, we will be taking out 20,000 of the seats and dumping them on the athletics track. We will also be removing the toilets so that people piss and shit on the floor, just like at home.
@Devonshirespur
I take it you've not been to Stratford.
I guess not only the hammers but also the gooners are supporting WH bid because obviously it's in their interest Spurs to stay in its current position unable to compete with the big ones and be self-sufficient. In life there are people who are good in writing poems and theatrical plays and others who have the talent and the brains to make money, to achieve progress and to move forward. Like there are teams who win regularly titles and championships and participate almost every year to top international competitions and others who just stay for decades in mediocrity and seldom participate in international competitions. Similarly there are football supporters who prefer their club to remain a small one just because by that they believe that they have more chances to assure the feeling that the club belongs only to them and not to million others all over the world even if they know that by this it will never become a very big club with international glory, and others who prefer to see their club to become a big one, for example the biggest in London, challenging every year domestic and international titles and if this assumes that their club has to move from its current area to a better one they support such a move under the motto: TO DARE IS TO DO. In Spurs case practically it would mean that the club is leaving an area in North London to move to a better situated place in order to become the main and biggest club in whole London. The only real precondition is the club to keep its current name that connects it with its history and glories of the past.
loanX,
After yesterdays debate I was actually on the ropes doubting myself over thinking this move was a good idea, but that post just kicked my brain back into action.
SAY YES TO STRATFORD & TO A GIANT REVOLVING RESTERAUNT IN THE SHAPE OF A COCKERALS HEAD
Excellent stuff Spooky nicely done
Where's the breakdancers gone?
Overlooked that one didnt ya!
Got rid of the breakdancers. The 80's should purely be remembered for Ricky Villa.
check out thelondonkick-off.com for news on all london clubs in the premiership
Might as well make the most of the debate because after the decision is made then we move onto the next level of in fighting. I'm correct in thinking this week is the decision for preferred bid winner rather than the actual bid winner as it goes to another panel for the final final decision?
Fuck! I wanna live in Chirpy Towers. I was against the move at first, but that? That's sold me.
It looks like some sort of Godzilla bad guy staring down at all comers.
I like.
Love it! I'm pro stratford But this is an excellent piss take of 'Corporate Spurs' and the likely shit that will be thrown at us when we do move, big money is involved here!
Latest interview in the ES, with Sullivan this time.
Why do West Ham persist with this season ticket waiting list that they have made up? They came out not long ago saying their own research showed ST sales were declining.
And not sure why they have bought the Queen into this as well? Is she West Ham? Maybe Prince William got confused with the claret and blue strip she got him.
It must piss him off that the only reason we have been allowed to get this far is because there bid is so poor. The committee could have said Hell No! to our plans of no athletics track from day 1 but have chosen not to.
That's not our fault and it's the one thing that worries me about this whole process the most.
Hilarious! Can't believe some of the Stratfordites are already becoming protective of their new club.
Whether pro or anti Stratford, it's just an exaggeration of the shit most PL clubs are peddling. The sad thing is that a hell of a lot of fans are buying.
Go and steal a sense of humour.
Frankly a giant revolving chirpy head on a stick scares the Sh** out of me...
West Ham deserve the OS because they produced 3 World Cup winners.
Honestly, when Levy says the only viable option is Stratford he's right. West Ham, joke club.
"The committee could have said Hell No! to our plans of no athletics track from day 1 but have chosen not to"
That's why it will be awarded to us.
Article is taking the piss out of pro-N17 folk too. At least that's how I read it.
I know you are poking fun Spooky but it has had a reverse effect on me.
I hae started thinking WHL lets be honest the stadium and surrounding area is a shit hole. And I was born in Bruce Grove so I have a right to condem.
If we were to move then maybee a blank canvas, Spurs Village<mono rail,Nandos and decent rail links are the way forwards.
If the budget has been destroyed for developing North London has gone silly then maybee Mr Daniel has a point.
Milton Keynes only has one team at the moment and Slough is in need of development so maybee Stratford aint to bad after all.
ps - i am a huge fan of Subway so if we can chuck one of those in then I am sold
This shit of the article is a desperate move of a desperate looser. Waste of fucking cyber space. With such bullshit even Lammy could not come up.
Mr Levy...you can stick your "I am confident I will carry 99% of fans with me." You're a greedy, money-grubbing, AEG whore.
How's that for humour you tuna-bagel eating corporate fucks?
Most of you think Tottenham is just a humorous historical figure...If asked you would say Edmonton is in Alberta, Canada.
I like Nandos! Pity.
Loving your work Beetle.
Genius.
Pure CLASS! Too much truth in the humour though!
Fair-weather fan eh? Do you really want the team to reach glory, or just fit neatly into your weekend plans?
Spooky, I understand that it's a bit of a poke at the plans, but you know what? It aint half bad. Certainly better than what it would look like under the pikeys...there's not a caravan in sight.
Devonshirespur - at least when we walk through the grotty dive that is Tottenham we don't run the risk of meeting "friendly" wet spam supporters waiting on every corner...
Whinge, whinge, whinge.
I feel like the TARDIS is gonna show up any second in this pic.
I just love the huge chirpy, Classic.
Gallows humour at it's best.
How many years now and people still don't have Spooky figured out.
BBC saying its West Ham!!
Yes Get The Fuck in!!!
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-12412739
My god I am happy, relieved and have a huge grin on my face : )
COYS
It's the recommendation but hardly unlikely it will go against WH when it goes to the actual vote.
Levy (even if we struggled) must have known it would play out this way - so I'm now thinking he got his mate Brady to slag us off just to make it look like Stratford was his number one choice whilst he can now go back to Haringey and continue the pretence that he wants to move the club out of North London.
Lammy is getting cocky already - he's missing the fucking point.
That may be so, we always want to look for the good in Levy and it may have been part of the masterplan but he is playing with a lot of emotion at stake.
Not surprised, 5 of the committe members work or have business interests in the local area are gonna vote for the spammers; they'll be lynched if they didn't
Ops, excuse spelling...
Well I have to say I am a little disappointed that I wont be able to take my son to see Spurs line up with world class players in the team and partaking in glamour Champions League games when he grows up.
But on the plus side he can revel being in a stadium dripping in history that once did host big games and big players.
How did you get into my office?!
now massively conflicted, had actually resigned myself to us winning as it was the only real commercail and logical decision to make. Thank fuck people in positions of authority don't use these aspect when making decisions.
Now ony two questions remain:
1) How much of my taxes are going to fund West Hams move to the OS?
2) Where the fuck are we going, because one thing for sure out of all this is that Levy wants shit all to do with Lammy and his borough (who I still wouldn't trust to run a child protection agency)?
Still on the massive upside, many more nights at WHL. COYMFS.
Apparently the lease is a long one and the decision is to be completed before the end of the financial year which means before the end of the season.
Terry, I can smell a judicial review from Levy on a number of grounds.
Maybe that is what will give Levy the bargaining power to get 'assistance' in building the NDP?
The sly old dog.
Daniel, watcha reckon, you up for some more legal action t oget the politicains to fund our stadiu / transport. As I'm pretty sure they do it just to make us go away. Oh and you left the window open.
Thank fuck for that! Now Haringey Council and Levy stop dicking around and sort out a solution for the new stadium.
Hmm. Now hearing the 'recommendation' has not yet been made.
Fuck. I need sleep.
Glad this has happened but I think the whole thing still has legs. Why did they let us bid?
West Ham will need to sit down and agree with what the OPLC ask for. The "legacy" needs to remain - or could they rip out the track in 5 years if not going to plan? I think Levy will have the lawyers all over any agreements made.
Plus they may still go down - what then? Apart from the fact we get Robbie back again I can't see them bouncing straight back.
Pleased for their 17k fans waiting for STs, they must be chuffed tonight!! I can carry on waiting for mine at the Lane - amongst all of this something very re-assuring in that.
Or maybe it was the giant chickens that did it - an Alan Partridge moment for sure.
Let's credit Levy (as much as we/I have questioned his ethics and contradictions) he might be playing a massive game, with the NDP the priority - we just don't know and he just can't share.
I worry about Lammy and Haringey because they seem to think Levy will come running back. When it should be them bending over backwards to fix it. That's the crux, if Levy plays the 'we are still leaving N17' hand - then we find out how much they want us to remain in Tottenham.
Haringey think they have the power. Levy will force their hand and they'll have to make the NDP 'viable'.
By viable - this is Levy's definition. In other words Daniel 'I wont spend a penny more than I need to' Levy. Which is the hard bastard negotiating skillz coming into play.
It's my perfect scenario, if played out this way.
Champagne on ice.
SkyNewsOlympic Lia Hervey
Just rang the Olympic Park Legacy Company and they say no vote has been made yet on West Ham vs Spurs.
Excellent, Spooky! It's a shame that the news coming out probably means that the pro-Stratford gimps decrying your humour will not be able to cry into their pints at The Slug and Lettuce.
I think West Ham are going down.
2 away games which are 6 pointers Wigan, West Brom.
2 home games against teams who should be safe Villa and Blackburn. So 6 points there. Maybe.
The rest of their games = 8, are against 8 teams who after 25 games sit in the top nine of the table. They've played Arsenal twice already - so they have most of the top 6 to play as well.
Glad this decision is being made before the end of the season. They can spend their parachute payment on the £20m bond.