The Biggest Game in our History™...ever.
Monday, August 23, 2010 at 1:00PM Champions League edition
Having missed the first leg when it was shown live, and then having to sit through the full coverage knowing the gory details of our Keystone indiscretion, well…it was far from being anywhere near an enjoyable 90 minutes. I sat uncomfortably, shifting around unable to stop myself from endless disapproving nodding of the head, gasping, tirades of swearing interspersed with the word 'unbelievable'. There was more face palming than Jean Luc Picard would do on a day that would have the Borg attack Federation outposts whilst Data experienced an identity crisis and the holo-decks malfunctioned. Again.
The opening 30 minutes were very much akin to the French film Irréversible, directed by Gaspar Noé. You know the one. Some of the most uneasy viewing you could possibly ever imagine having to endure. A tormenting battering and brutal penetration leaving a dejected body, physically and mentally destroyed on the ground. And that was just the football and Michael Dawson. Don't even get me started on the film and that scene in the underpass.
But unlike Monica Bellucci's character, we are not left for dead beyond recognition (can this blog post get any more bad taste? Yes it can, hold tight). We have been embarrassed, almost humiliated. It could have been far worse, but it wasn't, and 3-2 may as well be 1-0 to them, except it isn't because we have two away goals, so the advantage is with us. It has to be with us. How could we possibly not score at the Lane? Unless we get served up a lasagne the night before, hand delivered from the Marriott Hotel by David Dein. There is simply no excuse for anything less than a convincing victory and safe passage through to the gold-paved roads of the group stages.
Perhaps in the first game we underestimated the task ahead. I know many of us did when we heard the draw. It was the best draw we could have hoped for, but not anywhere near as easy as it looked on paper. But then, that's naivety on our part. I mean, it’s a team from Switzerland, no? How could they handle a 100mph EPL club? Handle them well they did. Artificial pitch? Yes it did have a slight influence on the game, the way the ball zinged and pinged around and the way our players failed to take to it. Wasn't so much a subconscious lapse because you could visibly see them panic and freeze. Our defenders slowed down to a snails pace whilst YB cut through us like a hot axe through a cockerel made entirely of butter. I guess we were unprepared, which is scandalous considering what's at stake, but it's happened and can never be changed, so redemption is with making sure it doesn't happen again.
The more you look back the more disparaged you will feel about our initial inability to cope with the occasion. It was a choke. A combination of Harry's heimlich manoeuvre, a couple of wasteful finishes by the hosts and Pav's scorcher saving the day.
And so onwards we go into the do or die game at the Lane. Lessons learnt. The biggest game in our history, ever. Failure would mean a distinct lack of DVD releases. No 'Barcelona 0 Spurs 1' diamond encrusted club shop exclusive. No special edition Opus with it's extra glossy CL chapter with players bum-slapping each other in the changing rooms whilst Bentley and JJ dunk Harry in the bath. No doubt, over in East London, the streets will be packed with people eating and drinking like it was the Coronation all over again, another glorious chapter in their history written, statues built etc etc. Sky Sports News would probably petition to have the day extended from twenty-four hours to forty-eight so they can enjoy running the same headline long into the night.
Screw all this.
COYS. To dare is to do stuff. Positive stuff. It's no exaggeration to say that simply being there, in the groups, will be monumental in terms of stature. Sure, it might turn out to be a seasons worth of adventures, but it's one I want to experience. To push on, the players need to want it just as much. No sympathetic apologetic dejection thank you very much. Leave all that boxed up sitting next to the Ark of the Covenant in some warehouse somewhere.
But this Spurs side doesn't dwell in the past. Harry has instilled an ethic that does not disappoint when our backs are up against it.
Let's get the potential injuries out the way first. Modric, dos Santos, Pav, Keane - all apparently no-go's. King should return and apparently so will Defoe. I have a feeling (I hope) the injury plight is not half as bad as it looks, Harry mind games, with our players rested rather than risked away to Stoke.
There's also question marks surrounding our lack of goals from forwards. But the season is but two games old. And even if we do have one or two key players missing, we have enough quality, on grass, at home, to do to the Young Boys what they did to us.
They are smart, they might consider defending in numbers and counter-attacking. Frustrate us much like one or two managed last season. But do they have the class and belief to handle life outside of their plastic fantastic? The longer the game goes on with no goal then the more it will play on our minds, on the pitch and in the stands. This won't be easy. But then again the sheer noise the home faithful will make on the return of a glory glory night at the Lane, I can't think of anything better to settle the nerves of the players. YB have travelled to Turkey and won, so they won't be scared of the hallelujahs and drumming.
This is what it's all about. These types of pressures, expectations. Get use to it. The players should be loving the adrenalin rush. There's no hiding place. There is, but it's not an option. You either want it and go out and get it or you simply disappear into a dark corner and shake uncontrollably till you pass out. Everyone who isn't Lilywhite will want us to lose, more than ever. Embrace the hate. It means we're doing something right.
Early goal. An early goal will be perfect. I don't actually think they'll going to sit back, so I can't imagine them defending for 90 minutes. I reckon they will try to seek out an away goal positively knowing that if they succeed the game will open up for them because the pressure will be on us to try and claw something back. Which will leave them to be even more adventurous. If they do defend, then patience is key.
But worrying about the opposition is a wasteful exercise. Worrying about all the various possible scenarios that might play out is equally wasteful. When Monica Bellucci is confronted in the underpass, how different things would have been had she pulled out a gun from her handbag and shot the bastard in the face.
See, we might have been caught short on their patch. But on home territory, under the floodlights, we'll be gripping firearms like bloodthirsty assassins, firing bullets, ripping flesh off the bone till all that’s left is dog food.
Harry made some astute changes in the first game. This time round, we'll be as full strength as selection will allow us. Meaning Huddlestone will start. King will bring some much required calm at the back. Then there's the Kraken. No turning to stone for young Gareth. Bale, the beast, the stud, the Dark Knight, the best left-sided left-winger in the country (What? Yes, I did just say that, f**k you if you don't agree).
It's time to step up again. It's the life we have chosen for ourselves. Step up and cut through them like a hot knife through Swiss chocolate. A white hot knife, in a room with the air con off and radiators on full whack. In fact, the chocolate is in the oven when the knife does the damage. I want to swim in their chocolate blood.
We have the opportunity to be a part of the elite and kick the ball around in their playground. I don't care about ifs and buts about us being out of our depth if we get there. What a load of boll*cks. I want this more than I want Jessica Alba tied and gagged in my basement.
Get at them. Get at them the way we got at Man City, and get at them some more by finding the target, with no remorse. We've had far more tricky games recently. Far bigger tests of our guile and mentality. We didn't choke. I don't expect us to choke on Wednesday. I expect us to unzip and make them choke on us. Young Boys of Bern. We're going to hurt you. We're going to come from behind and beat you, beat you bad.
Ooh. Kenneth Williams would be proud.
COYFS. To dare is to f**king do.
Reader Comments (166)
Players reading blogs? With all the shagging around they do I doubt they'd be inclined to spend 5 minutes on-line reading what us sorry fans have to say.
Chocolate blood, Jean-Luc Picard and homoerotic imagery - you've outdone yourself, Spooks! COYS, I'm shitting bricks.
Highly entertaining piece.
The article is a trifle over the top.....I don't want to see blood, just a good Spurs win in style.
I Reckon a fixed bayonets approach for the opening 20/25mins, followed a matadorial phase where we slowly bleed them to death with those spear things they use at bullfights Picadors?.
With the new card swipe system, everybody should be able to get fairly tanked up on the way in, albeit with no half time top up.
>I want this more than I want Jessica Alba tied and gagged in my basement.
Just Googled Jessica Alba, difficult, difficult choice.
Bingo, don’t have a basement. COYS!.
You've done it again Spooky, a classic post at a classic moment in our history. Does anyone remember the atmosphere (and noise) at the lane during our brief encounters in the European cup in the sixties? In one word... fantastic. I was a young lad then and have since never experienced the same tension and excitement, Reading your post has brought it all back. I can't wait for wednesday, there's nothing else on my mind. I expect YB's to come out guns blazing. Their tactics will be to unsettle us with their speed and they will try to get a goal within 10 mins so that we have to attack and then they will try and hit us on the counter. They've got a good manager who has done his homework. It ain't gonna be easy but I reckon that we'll pull it off, just. The glory day's are coming back, be prepared!!
IM GOING TO PLUM FOR A 1-3 TO THE YOUNG BOYS,THEY HAVE A BETTER TEAM ANYWAY
YIDIOTS
Wow that gave me more goosepimples than the thought of a few minutes in the dark with a naked Robert Pattinson!! (I'm a girl, such thoughts are allowed!!!) It also left me with an overwhelming compulsion to behead the Young Boys, replace their brains with sherbert, reattach their heads and wait for their eyeballs to pop out in a foamy mess. Is this normal??!
Welsh girls sound like a real treat :)
losing to Young Boys and inviting peadophile jokes: thats an instant yellow card im afraid
For Bim Spur,
Have you seen the stats on Pav? 15 goals in 17 ties, and of those 17 ties, he was sub 6 times including the match against YB. With figures like that, I would be inclined to say, "Who is going to partner Pav"?
Irreversible I hope it is not- hope there's no jinx there!
Just re-read the following from the THFC website. For me it sets the mood for the YB game.
http://www.tottenhamhotspur.com/history/hall_of_fame/terrydyson.html
While we are all in such an upbeat mood, I just had a quick look at the UEFA ranking tables, and of the teams remaining (by my calculations) we are currently ranked 18th. Werder Bremen and Sevilla are both ranked ahead of us, but have still go to qualify for the grpup stages. Bremen are 3-1up, with an away leg to play at Sampdoria. Sevilla are 1-0 down with a home leg to play against Braga.
It's not impossible for both of these teams to be eliminated at this stage, which would mean that we would be second seeds if we qualify
Ye SpurredoninDublin,
To be honest I haven't actually looked at his overall stats but I did bare in mind how well he did for us last season, which I found impressive.....Truth is I would just like to see us with a striker who just keeps churning out goals like the other big teams...early days yet.
Laughable, really! Can you dumb yidd cunts actually hear yourselves? A qualifying game against YoungBoys is your most important game ever? Lmao
you dumb fucks are truly delusional, good luck in the carling cup this year you pathetic losers!
Damn that was the best laugh I've had all week, the only thing funnier will be when you don't qualify fir CL this week. You really are a pathetic bunch of imbeciles!
"I want to swim in their chocolate blood."
Classic.
COYS!
Lol at the gooner who just read the title and decided to rant. No concept of humour or self deprication. What a tool.
NefariousGooner, you silly cunt. The article heading is a piss sake. What a spack.
...Step up and cut through them like a hot knife through Swiss chocolate. A white hot knife, in a room with the air con off and radiators on full whack. In fact, the chocolate is in the oven when the knife does the damage. I want to swim in their chocolate blood...
oooooohhhh spooky, I'm all a quiver at the prospect!
It's time to step up again. It's the life we have chosen for ourselves. Step up and cut through them like a hot knife through Swiss chocolate. A white hot knife, in a room with the air con off and radiators on full whack. In fact, the chocolate is in the oven when the knife does the damage. I want to swim in their chocolate blood.
Please stop it....you're fucking killing me.....
Why are Arsenal fans so obsessed with running their mouths without actually thinking first?
Oh yeah, shit for brains. That'll be it.
I'm an Arsenal fan. I read the article. It was funny, very funny in parts. Not all of us are overly eager to stick our fingers up and moon you. Good luck tomorrow. I personally want you to get through as it will be add spice to the competition, especially if we were to meet in the later stages.
Could we potentially meet in the group stages?
Ilk , i am pretty sure teams of the same country can't meet in the group stage but i d have to check to be sure
Baggyshorts lots of comparisons being made with the 1962 team who got to the semis. The same team were 4 nil down in the play off qualifier game at half time against an unfancied Polish team and went away 4-2. Romped home 8-1 at WHL. I'm hoping we do the same...
Should have won the whole damn thing in 62. What was it, three Greaves goals disallowed for offside?
weather is going to be shit. I wouldn't be surprised if its a steady or heavy rain for a majority of the game...
Spurs 1 Young Boys 3
Ended.
who knows, maybe they don't know how to play on wet grass like we didn't know how to play on dry plastic.
Well said that man !
@LemonadeMoney - will you look away at that point?
Well looks like fabiano won't be cuptied after all. Braga 3-2 up on agg with 5 to go.
Anyone think this deal will happen now?
If we win tomorrow night, which we will (BELIEVE) then its game on.
Btw spooky .......
Forgot to say top class post this time. Your imagination knows no bounds mate. Chocolate blood Jessica alba, gripping firearms like bloodthirsty assassins, firing bullets, ripping flesh off the bone till all that’s left is dog food.
Classic. Fucking classically inspiring stuff mate.
Keep up the good work. Post a copy (multiple ones) of these rallying calls to whl, the training ground any players addresses you know etc.
But not to sky though. They'd ignore most things spurs. Cunts they are.
Thanks chief.
When I'm on form, I'm all like, 1961 in ya face. Let's hope our players are much the same tomorrow.
When you write like this, you're untouchable.
can't eat , couldn't sleep properly and have been collecting livestream (cant stand going to the pub tonight cuz it is mainly filled with gooners on most days) links just to avoid missing out on the juicy football the boys are going to show us tonight
Can't explain how jealous i am of you guys going to the Lane , makes us proud !!!
O God, did anyone else just hear Graham Roberts on the Today programme? When asked what impact Tottenham can have in Europe this season, he said: "with a good draw, they can get to the Champions League semi-finals".
Why say things like that? Jeez, I'm as delusional as any Spurs fan, but I don't need to hear that kind of nonsense over breakfast - as if I could get any more nervous before tonight's Biggest Game Ever.
The main thing tonight is a clean sheet. If we can just defend properly we have a chance. If we batter them but then concede on the break, we're fooked. Thank God Ledley's back.
ps and I thought Jenas's passing and tackling was awesome against Stoke: he should start in the same formation but with Pav up front.
COYS
hehe DC , i agree with you but most of the Spurs faitfull would smack you for that last remark
He (JJ) Has his one good game in 20 (Stoke) and suddenly all is forgiven. JD doesnt score in 2 or 3 consecutive games and the cry is sell him, he's useless. What the hell does that twat (JJ) have to do ffs? By the way DC - smack!!
dc is Jenas. Only explanation.
@Deadly. No I looked away when I saw what was in the Rectum.
What?!!! Come on guys, did you not see JJ both making desperate last-ditch tackles, and also threading a beautiful through-ball for Bale's attempted hat-trick chip? Some people only see him through poo-coloured spectacles. Be fair!
I know JJ's inconsistent, but for whatever reason, Palacios has now become consistent in not being able to control the ball or pass to a white shirt. He was disastrous at Wankdorf. Who else do we have in central mid to play alongside Hudd for tonight?
Look, I'd snap Inter's hand off for £10m for Jenas, but people's hate for him is way out of proportion when you compare him to that complete twat Bentley who cost us £17m: and has done nothing apart from one great goal against Arse, (apart from drink-driving and a few nightclub manouevres)
Don't be wallies about JJ: you can't have it both ways - if he plays well, everyone goes: oh, that's his one good game!! - He's only had one game this season - and did well, so stick him in there again. He knows he's going to be out of the door soon with Sandro and possibily Diarra, so he'll be up for it.
JJ has had about 3 half good game in about 3 years. Have you heard the phrase 'even a stopped clock gives the right time twice a day'? If Dirk Kuyt scores a hat trick, is that any reason to say he's suddenly a good forward? No, it's an abberation. When JJ has had 10-15 games of good football, then I'll praise him. To say he's turned a corner after 1 half decent game v Stoke is a bit OTT. Bentley, although you may think he's a 'complete twat', was very solid for about 3-4 months at the end of last season, decent levels of performance. JJ can only dream of that kind of run of consistency. His last 2 games before Stoke (Wolves and Leeds) were 2 of the most shocking performances I've seen. People hate JJ because he's been below average for about 6 years. Bentley has a long way to go before he's become that bad.
And the reason people get on Defoes back is because when he doesn't score, he does nothing and is a passenger. Look at Tevez on Monday. Even if he didn't score, he would still have been on for Man of the Match. His work rate and link play is outstanding, so he doesn't have to score to be useful to the team. Defoe does, so Deofe not scoring = useless.
@Chrisman:
I don't disagree with a lot of that, about JJ, but still hope he'll come good one day...
As for Bentley, I didn't notice his good performance levels when half of his free-kicks and corners didn't clear the first defender and he looked like he was running through treacle trying to chase the ball.
As for Defoe, I didn't start that topic, but for what it's worth, he's improved his all-round game and works pretty hard these days - closing down defenders, linking etc. I admit, nobody can compare with Tevez's workrate, but I think we'll miss JD when he's out injured: he scored 24 goals last season!
I think you must have something against people called Jermain(e). Was Jermaine Jackson a passenger in the Jackson 5 as well?
People will see what they want to see. Bentley was solid when called upon last season, Defoe's hold up play is still really nowhere near good enough. Let me guess, you think Huddlestone is slow and lazy too?
I have noting personally against Deofe or Jenas, or any footballer really, becuase I don't actually know them. Jermaine Jackson however is a different story, and an extremley lurid one at that. But sadly one which I can't go into here for legal reasons.
Was Jermaine Jackson a passenger in the Jackson 5 as well? Who gives a fuck!!! All I can do is think of swarming all over them! Under 8hrs to go........
Anyone out there thinking that we will/will not sign anymore players? If we go through tonight 'looks to the sky' and we don't........What the fuck!!! ?
Off tomorrow, fridge full of consolation/celebration beer on standby...
@chrisman
No way: Tommy is world class. I have almost got smacked defending Huddlestone to certain Park Lane haters over the years. He can definitely sleep with my wife. If he could catch her. If I were married, that is.
Anyone think we should cash in on Hudd.......... ? 14mil...... and a rub down with the racing post?