Today will be madness

If you take a quick look around the message boards and Sports pages you'll find the following gathering pace:

Keane coming back
Lennon to Liverpool
Bent leaving
Quaresma on loan
Jenas to Inter

Bringing Robbie back is embarrassing. We are bailing out Liverpool and the player himself. If we lose Lennon as part of the deal I'll be absolutely livid with the club. There is no guarantee that Keane will be the same player he was without Berbatov by his side and let's face it. He must be a little bit damaged by the experience. Boyhood dream in tatters. I'd rather take the risk in whether Lennon will develop into a player with end product than wonder if Keane will be able to reclaim his past Spurs form. Aaron is also much younger than Robbie.

Bent leaving is a strange one. We love to hate Darren. Sometimes, he appears to do nothing in a game. But he does score. He's a bit fragile, so maybe not the right type of player mind-set we need at the moment. I'd still rather hold onto him for now. You know. In case of another injury.

Quaresma is also a strange one. Talented with plenty of unfulfilled potential. Never settled in one place. Is he built for a relegation dogfight? How long will he take to bed in? And if you want to believe that Jose wants Jenas in exchange as part of a loan deal, then this transfer window has officially been tagged as loopy. Apparently, according to Jose, Ibrahimovic is more of a team player than Quaresma. Ouch.

What concerns me is that we haven't looked to actually fill the gaps. I guess apart from the left-wing position, if the Inter lad signs.

"We need strength, big players" - We buy lickle Jermaine. Who was carrying a knock and might now have a broken foot.

"We need people who want to play for this club and know what it means to put on the shirt" - We re-sign Chimbonda. Good olde loyal Shimbomba.

"We need a holding midfielder" - We sign Palacios. Who has 'everything in a midfielder I want' but isn't technically speaking a holding midfielder. Add to the mix, Zokora who Harry wants to continue playing which would then mean that we plan to continue lining up with a 5-man midfield. And if that's the case......do we need to keep spunking so much on forwards?

I'm frustrated. As much as you are, I'm sure.

Arshavin has apparently flown back home today having arrived in London yesterday. Not that Levy would dare place a cheeky bid for him after the summer fiasco with Zenit. Did Arsenal ever stand a chance in signing him? Considering how tight they are and how money obsessed Zenit are.

As I type this apparently Liverpool want Saviola and Spurs are interested also.....but Spurs are willing to back off if the Anfield club give us Robbie. These type of transfer bluffs seem to be happening with alarming occurrence.

I've stuck some popcorn in the microwave. Snowed in. Sky Sports ticker day for me.

Tomorrow is another day

Appiah. Still no word. He played in a 4-4 reserve game yesterday (and played well according to reports) and was today meant to be meeting with Harry to receive the decision on whether we plan on offering him a contract. Either we still haven't made up our mind, or we have but we are not too keen on the money he wants paid for his services. Maybe by the weekend.

Talking of defensive midfielders...

Veloso is a player we were linked with in the summer and has been linked to both Utd and Arsenal, with a hefty £20M price tag for his signature. As you've probably been following, Bolton are interested. £12M is being quoted.

I asked a couple of fanatical Portuguese football fans about the player. They both gave me this look of......well actually, it was more of a shrug than a look. A shrug that simply said, 'Veloso? Meh'.

The problem with this guy (according to them) is he thinks he's the bollocks. Has a massive Beckham complex and simply isn't half as good as he thinks he is, and if he applied himself to football with 100% commitment he'd fulfil his potential. It was almost like they didn't rate him that much because of his attitude and arrogance and cited other players at Lisbon who are better. It would appear he frustrates supporters. But that's not to say he lacks quality. He has it in abundance. But quality alone isn't always enough.

I think if he joins Bolton he will probably stand out in a big way regardless (no disrespect to his team mates) and thus do no harm to his shop window value.

At Spurs, he would be one of those superfluous type of players we like collecting. Don't think he is right for us (one or two of our fans are asking why we are not interested) and the fact its Bolton and now Newcastle courting him, suggests that others are aware he has a lot to prove to warrant a big move to a big big club. If he comes to England, he'll probably end up in Spain or Italy a year or two from now. Does appear the player himself wants to stay in Lisbon, so maybe this is nothing more than an agent exercise to bag a new contract.

Elsewhere, SSN will be running an interview tomorrow with the legend that is Damien Comolli. Apparently he admits he didn't leave Spurs in a sorry state. This I got to see.

Robbie Keane. We've inquired about him. So basically we go from chasing a 'perfect foil type player' like Jones at Sunderland (tall and good in the air) for Defoe and then taking an alleged glance at Santa Cruz, to then asking Liverpool if Keane is available. Short Robbie Keane.

Pav, Defoe, Keane, Bent.

Hmm. For the sake of sakeness, let's pretend we get rid of Darren Bent.....who's our first choice partnership? Pav will play upfront which means Defoe and Keane will take turns. Can you see either of them being happy with that? I still refuse to accept suggestions that JD and RK can play up front together. Where is the logic in this signing? We need another striker but surely he has to compliment what we have already. So maybe Harry does intend to mix it up when it comes to who partners Pav.

I will also go mental (i.e. boycott the Spurs shop and protest nude in the South Stand) if Spurs consider giving Liverpool anyone in exchange. Keane mugged himself off leaving us to go up there. Rafa doesn't know how to use him effectively. IMO, the Anfield club should accept they f*cked up and see it as a very expensive and unsuccessful experimental loan. But I can't quite work out - selection headaches aside - if taking him back is the right thing to do. Lennon MUST STAY at Spurs.

Maybe while we are at it we can re-sign Ghaly.

Close that (transfer) window....it's giving me a chill

The sooner this month of January is finished the better. Deciphering the tabloids (and broadsheets) logic when it comes to transfers is beginning to bore me. The truth is out there. It’s just buried under heaps of rubbish.

Whether it’s swapping Luka Mordic (22 years of age) for a defender in his mid-thirties or giving Aaron Lennon to Liverpool to allow for the return of Robbie Keane (along with writing off the debt owed to us from the Anfield club even though we’ve already re-signed Defoe who could never really play upfront with Keane anyhow)….it’s borderline fantasist paradise. 1 + 1 = 3.

Bale and Gio are surplus to requirements if you believe some quarters, suggesting that Spurs want to replace youth with experience. Which means in a few years we’d have to re-look at bringing in young players again for the future. The formula here is, if a player is young and is either not in form/just come back from injury/not playing on a regular basis – then he is not good enough, and thus will be sold. Therefore, link him to a move away every other week. There's always a chance it might actually happen, and if you've linked him to 5 different clubs, you're in with a chance to stamp one of those exclusive 'we broke the story' articles, basking in the glory that your information was sound, even though you made it up.

Agent talk? Guess work? Bit of both? You’ll find rumours and transfer scenarios of equal quality on any given message board. It’s a mess of a month.

Is the Lennon story simply Liverpool/Rafa testing the waters to see if we are stupid enough to lose a young lad with the world at his feet for a 29 year old who decided that the prospect of playing Champions League football was enough to write-off 6 years and leave the only true footballing home he had? Or is there credence in the story that Aaron wants to leave the club and move back up Northish? If Appiah is signed by us, then what happens to someone like Jenas? Palacios, Modric, Zokora, Appiah, Jenas, Huddlestone…that’s quite a selection headache. Although we’d be two short next year when the African Nations Cup is held, so depth is required which would mean selling players isn't. Still, anyone can see that one of these players will potentially fall victim to a Harry midfield cull because you can't keep 'em all happy. So, as Jenas is high profile, it makes sense to flog his name around as the player who will be sold on. Jose had him in his fantasy football team, so that surely means Inter will be after his signature. Can we have Adriano in exchange please? We need about eight strikers to climb away from the bottom three.

Darren Bents name crops up everywhere. Apparently, with Michael Owen injured, Newcastle are looking at Darren as the man to save them from the drop. Nobody has said this other than someone who wrote up an article with no quotes or suggestions of truth. So naturally, this would involve N’Zogbia/Viduka coming to Spurs as part of the deal. Naturally. Maybe Owen faked his injury and is currently having a medical for Chelsea who are also signing Robinho for a cut-price £7M. Obviously.

In the past month or so, that hasn’t been a single eventuality that hasn’t been discussed in print or on SSN.

I don’t mind transfer gossip. As long as it’s within the realms of logistic reality. Digging through to find that 5% which is sprinkled with a little logic is no longer fun.

What is even worse is the alleged 'In the Know' people who claim to be connected in some way to the club or know people who work at Tottenham, and then pass on info in forums and message boards using a cryptic style that actually protects them if they happen to be wrong with their information. It's like an art-form. But it's nothing more than a parody of what's printed in the press. Fact is there are X amount of teams and X amount of players and it's not rocket science to sometimes take that 1 and take an other 1 and add them together to get a 2. And when one of these ITK characters gets it right, it's almost like he's done something akin to predicting the lottery numbers, with fans worshipping his oracle-like awareness of events before they happen.

Well thanks for letting us know something five minutes before we officially know it through the official site. Knowing it for those five extra minutes makes it so more satisfying.

Just a few days left now. And then we'll be back to reading Rafa rants and Wengerisims, Harry drafting his wife into the first team and Ronaldo linked with Madrid (that one is with us all year round).

3 days and counting...

Monday Transfer Round-Up

Carlo Cudicini.

Free transfer. Unlikely he's moved from Chelseas's sub bench to sit on ours. Which means expect to see him play as our number one, whilst Gomes recovers from his slight injury concern, which means it will be up to the Brazilian to reclaim his place in the team. Competition for the keepers jersey. When was the last time that happened?

Chimbonda.

Ideal signing for the predicament we find ourselves in. Can hit the ground running, cover 3 different positions (yes, I know he ain't too hot at left-back) and ease defensive selection problems.

Personally, hate the fact that we've had to go back for him as I dislike the man and his lack of principles. But beggars can't be choosers. We are in a mess, so much so, that we've had to re-sign a player we sold 6 months ago, proving the point that he shouldn't have been sold in the first place. Even if he was a bit of a mercenary, we got rid of far too many players (in fact, three of them all to the North East). Hail the DoF system and our pre-season planning.

Jones.

If you listen to the Sunderland boss you'll notice he isn't dismissing Tottenham's approach for Jones. Well, he is, but not in the direct fashion we've heard in recent weeks. In a SSN interview he acknowledges a bid has been made, mentions how the club and the player are under pressure, and how Jones is just getting on with it. He mentions that Jones wants to stay. Sunderland have said the player isn't going nowhere, but it still appears ominous. Redknapp has also commented on this by saying that there has been dialogue between both chairmen, so it's more than obvious that if the price is right, Sunderland will be happy to accept. Probably.

Still don't believe he is worth a penny more than £8M (and even that's too much but it's the average in today's modern day market).

Robbie Keane.

I kid you not. Harry is telling everyone how much he rates the player. It's common knowledge that Liverpool have only paid as around £6M or so thus far for his summer transfer to Anfield. Someone should point out that Keane and Defoe never made a decent partnership.

Berbatov.

Worth a cheeky bid?

Chimbonda, just the man for a relegation scrap

Sky Sports News understands that Pascal Chimbonda is having a medical at Spurs on Monday.

That's right, Chimbonda is on his way back to the Lane.

Pascal 'Kevin Keegan has approached me and they’ve offered me more money. I am definitely leaving Spurs. It’s all about the money. I don’t care about the final, I don’t care about the cup ' Chimbonda.

Pascal 'storms down the tunnel at Wembley' Chimbonda.

Pascal 'I would love to play for Arsenal' Chimbonda.

Pascal 'hands in transfer request to Wigan after the final whistle' Chimbonda.

£20M worth of right-backs at the Lane if this happens.

Gunter. Young and needs development. Talented, but we can't expect him to make the position his own just yet.
Hutton. Still injured. If you believe the whispers, he'll be off in the summer.
Corluka. A right-back, but required more as a centre-back thanks to King's constant trouble with fitness. Bringing in an experienced RB will allow him to play as a CB.

So what of Pascal? Ignoring his indiscretions as a person, can the logic of having him in a Spurs side out-weigh the mockery of a transfer this is, based on the fact he was sold not that long ago?

He can play left-back and he can play at centre-back too. Arguably better at CB (defensively) where he appears to be far more disciplined than at RB. He does possess decent attributes. Determination is there when he's on-form and as an attacking forward he is more than adequate, but he does suffer from lapses of laziness and concentration and has (in the past) undermined the likes of Lennon when playing behind him thanks to his own agenda when pushing forward (i.e. failing to cover and support the right-winger).

Zokora is the one tagged with having no footballing brain. Pascal's lack of positional sense is a deterrent to him being a reliable full-back 100% of the time (not that anyone is) as he sometimes plays for himself more than he plays for the team. Which is what I meant by undermining Lennon and having his own agenda. He has more freedom at RB, therefore, he goes on far too many walkabouts. Stick him at LB or CB, and he concentrates more because naturally, he is out of his comfort zone - but the fact he plays well when called upon proves he DOES have something of a footballing brain and the concentration and discipline to go with it.

However, part of me would consider that the reason for the Lennon/Chimbonda partnership not working was more to do with Lennon than it was Pascal. It's something up for debate.

As for the transfer itself, it's yet another laughable example of how desperate we are. No news on the improved offer for Jones at Sunderland. I'm scared to even listen out for information on that one. Perfect foil or not, if he is signed we'll be guilty of over-spending again. Desperate desperate times.

£3M is the reported price for Pascal. As much as I dislike the principle of this transfer (it's a massive risk) and dislike the man himself, it might just work as long as Harry knows what to do with him and re-ignites that fiery passion we did happen to witness on a number of occasions. We need that in every game, and none of the blasé drifting.

His attitude will remain questionable because of his history, but he isn't guilty of anything just yet.

We are in a relegation scrap, we need the cover. He can hit the ground running. If he shows no immediate impact and fails to do a job for us, then don't fret. He'll pull out that transfer request away to Liverpool on the final day of the season and begone.....

.....let's pray we are not gone.

Tottenham's transfer policy explained...

White Hart Lane. The chairman’s office. A few weeks back...

HARRY: We need some proper players here.
LEVY: Ok, not a problem. Let me just get Damien in here and…
HARRY: Comolli? You sacked him.
LEVY: Oh yes, of course I did. Laugh out loud!
HARRY: Come on Daniel, breathe nice and slow, here...take a seat, I’ll fetch you a glass of water.
LEVY: I’m not sure I can make...make any suggestions.
HARRY: You let me worry about the targets. Make sure you’ve got the readies ready for Redknapp. HAHAHA, got to use that one next time I speak to the boys from the press.
LEVY: Who are you after?
HARRY: For a start, Defoe. They love ‘em here. We should bring him back.
LEVY: He’ll cost more than we sold him for.
HARRY: Pompey owe £5M for Kaboul, so we can write that off as part of the deal.
LEVY: That might just work. I’ll earmark £15M for Jermain.
HARRY: We also need a proper midfielder. A DM, holding type of midfielder. Not enough grit from the current lot.
LEVY: Any thoughts?
HARRY: Not sure at the minute. Shame Diarra went to Madrid. Might need to watch Match of the Day to get an idea of what’s available. Or take a trip to Africa. All expenses paid of course.
LEVY: Well, we could…
HARRY: What?
LEVY: There’s a formula Damien and myself would use when we signed players. We could possibly implement it now. It’s effective. Worked with Bale, Bentley, Gomes and Pav.
HARRY: I’m all ears.
LEVY: Well, based on Fantasy Football points accumulated and tabloid reporting and tv highlights we calculate who is considered to be the most hyped up player of the past month.
HARRY: Ok. Then what.
LEVY: We bid between £14M and £16M for him.
HARRY: You know...that might just work.
LEVY: There is another system which is equally as affective.
HARRY: Hold on, let me get a notepad.....go on…
LEVY: We buy whoever played well against us.
HARRY: That’s brilliant! Gives us plenty of targets to choose from. We’ll use this going forward.
LEVY: You don’t want to use your system?
HARRY: What system?
LEVY: ...
HARRY: ...
LEVY: Right. Targets.
HARRY: I want Bellamy.
LEVY: Hold on, we haven’t used the formula.
HARRY: He’s scoring goals, he’s on form. He’s got grit and determination.
LEVY: I’ll call West Ham.
HARRY: Bid £12M, that should do it. West Ham are desperate for the cash.
LEVY: Ok.
HARRY: And Defoe?
LEVY: Already made a bid.
HARRY: How?
LEVY: Blackberry.
HARRY: Triffic. Triffic. Love modern technology. Only had paper back in my day.
LEVY: I was right getting rid of the director of football system wasn’t I?
HARRY: Of course you were, of course. Can you use that Bluebell thingie to text Duxbury about Bellamy?
LEVY: Also done. Fingers slipped though, and I bid £15M for him.
HARRY: Triffic. We work well together, don’t we?
LEVY: We do. Director of football? Who needs one?
HARRY: Not us! Let’s get Appiah in for a trial.
LEVY: Harry, Harry, Harry…the formula! The formula!!
HARRY: I know, I know, but he’s a free agent.
LEVY: Sorry, he’s a what?
HARRY: A free agent.
LEVY: I don’t get it.
HARRY: He’s free. He won’t cost us anything.
LEVY: He won’t cost us anything?
HARRY: That’s right.
LEVY: So, he’ll cost us something?
HARRY: No, he won’t cost us anything...something...we don’t need to pay a transfer fee. He’s free.
LEVY: But...but someone needs to be paid.
HARRY: Well, there’s his wages to consider. Signing-on fee.
LEVY: Not...enough...someone...must...be...paid…
HARRY: Daniel...Daniel, breathe...that’s it...here’s your paper bag...breathe...that’s it...
LEVY: Can we talk about something else?
HARRY: Yeah, of course...of course.
LEVY: Good, good.
HARRY: How about Palacios?
LEVY: The Wigan player?
HARRY: Yes. Perfect fit, upgrade on Zokora.
LEVY: He can pass and tackle?
HARRY: Yes.
LEVY: Can he dance?
HARRY: I...I don’t know.
LEVY: Ok, hold on. Let me look at the formula…
HARRY: ...
LEVY: ...
HARRY: So...?
LEVY: Hold on a sec...And we...YES!! WOOOOOOOOOO!!! HE FITS THE BILL!!!!!
HARRY: Daniel, Dan mate...get down from up there, you’ll break your back!
LEVY: Stop your worrying! Today is a good day!
HARRY: So, Palacios?
LEVY: Texting via my Blackberry as I speak.
HARRY: Another £15M?
LEVY: Just under actually.
HARRY: Really?
LEVY: I’m feeling a little cheeky...