Niko, why you mad?

Quotes via the Daily Mirror. Let's assume nothing has been lost in translation, which is the usual get-out clause for wordy ranting.

Kranjčar has accused Levy of being a liar and breaking his promise to sell Luka this summer and also guilty of condemning the players behaviour (failure to turn up to training/US tour). Niko also backs 'the strike' (what strike? the one where he ends up back in training?)

Here's the quotes:

"I know that the chairman talked to him face to face last autumn. He promised Luka he would let him go, and now he's condemning him. 

Levy did everything to protect the interest of the club and make a profit. He has also used lies to deceive the public, which is allowed in business, but if you were in Luka's shoes, you would probably do the same as him".

Okay, so firstly, Levy is the chairman of Tottenham Hotspur and leads ENIC and as much as you and me might not wish to perceive football as a business, it is. Profit is what drives the club forward to be able to build and develop, both structurally and on the pitch. Protecting the interest of the club? That's why he's the chairman Niko. Promising Luka can leave is hardly going to be a promise without one or two caveats. The main one being that any interested party must meet our valuation of OUR player. A player with four years left on his contract. Is there a cultural issue here with mathematics?

"To have an offer from Real Madrid is a once-in-a-career opportunity. I'd do anything to get to Santiago Bernabeu, playing for Real Madrid is the greatest privilege in any footballer's career, even if I prefer Barcelona. That's why I understand Luka"

Okay, so you just joined a club but you're sort of indirectly whoring yourself to the two biggest clubs in world football to prove why it's so important for Luka to play there? You can quite easily get to Santiago Bernabeu if you want. Book a flight, get a taxi. Have a look around, they do tours.

"In my three years at White Hart Lane, I never had lunch or a serious talk with the president. There was no need. It's not customary for bosses to invite you for a cup of coffee, even if you're their next-door neighbour like I was, in Cuffley. I know from my own experience how difficult these people are and how hard it is to break out of a contract with them"

Okay, so you didn't dunk your custard creams with Levy in his living room. What a monster of a human being he is. Evil, pure evil.

"Remember Berbatov? And it was the same with me: they held me back for two years, until finally my new club paid what they were asking, and not a pound less. That is their speciality: they set unreasonably high transfer demands, but the absurd thing is they always get what they ask for"

Berbatov? Hmm, yes, yes. I remember him. He's the fella that only signed for Spurs so that he could prove to Fergie he was good enough for Man Utd. Played a blinding first season, throw a strop in the first summer than orchestrated his escape via strike after his second season. That Berbatov right? I guess you want Tottenham to bend over for everyone and just hand over our 'best' players for tuppence because the players, the poor little players, are the victims in all this? Unreasonably high transfer demands? Either you rate your mate Luka (and yourself) or you don't. Make your mind up. We get what we ask for? That must mean that the buying club agrees with our valuation of the player because if they didn't they wouldn't sign him.

"Kiev is not London, but it is very good for city life, and the football teams are very strong. Dynamo Kiev is big on tradition and the fans, and though lots of people will say it's not like Tottenham, if you look at history, Dynamo Kiev is a bigger club than Spurs."

That's fair enough. It's what you believe and I wish you well. But never again will I lose myself in those dazzlingly eyes of yours. You slag.

Spurs are not willing to sell Modric AND Bale

Tottenham will not be entertaining any bids for their key players this summer, news that will disappoint the likes of Manchester United and Chelsea along with dozens of journalists and sports writers across the country.

Luka Modric and Gareth Bale - both on long term contracts will remain at White Hart Lane as the North London club look to reignite their push for a Champions League spot next season.

Dearmrlevy.com understands that chairman Daniel Levy will only sell players considered to be surplus to requirements. The likes of Alan Hutton and Jamie O'Hara, more viable transfer targets for any one looking to spend some cash in N17.

The main focus for the chairman and manager, Henry James 'Harry' Redknapp, is to pin point new recruits with a centre-forward the main goal for the club. Daniel Levy has already reiterated they will not be selling any of their key players and are in a strong position to once more battle for a top four place if they strengthen their squad accordingly.

A source within the walls of White Hart Lane revealed, "I think people are using their hands to count up numbers in the dark rather than a trusted calculator in the light of day. £20M-£25M for a player Spurs paid £16.5M for is laughable considering his form and quality and even more so that Levy would be willing to entertain offers from a Champions League club as though we're sat 10th in the table with no hope of further progression".

The source also stated '...you wouldn't sell someone a twenty pound note for a quid'.

Luka Modric himself recently spoke about his desire to stay, "The fans are amazing, the club is amazing. There are Croatians here. I really do enjoy it here. I’m not missing anything. I think this club can achieve a lot of great things. I think we can challenge for the Premier League and the cups".

Welsh wizard Gareth Bale also pledged his loyalty to the Lilywhites in an Interview with Sky Sports News. But there are suggestions from some quarters that perhaps CGI and audio manipulation were used in both instances by Tottenham to hide the reality that both players are desperate for a move away.

Elsewhere, tabloid newspapers will wait another three days before rehashing the same quotes with additional ambiguity and citing Modric and Bale as £18M targets (value will drop with each exclusive) as they continue to unofficially broker a deal for any Champions League side that might be theoretically interested. Along with Juventus.

Potential replacements for Modric will only cost around £8M because it's the right amount of money to spend when replacing a player that is worth anywhere between £30M - £40M in todays inflated market.

In other news, if Manchester United or Chelsea or Manchester City for that matter do not sign Modric or Bale this summer, they most definitely will the following because Tottenham can't possibly finish back in the top four and retain their key players a second successive summer if they return to Europe's elite competition. That is simply not a viable scenario and we shall not speak of it again.