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Saturday
Feb092008

Derby 0 Spurs 3

Oh, now you want me to come on? Ok, ok, if you really want me to get up then I will. Let me make sure my hair band is in place. And I need a mirror. Why is there never any mirrors in the dugouts? More instructions. YAWN. Ok, I’ll go and touch the ball once or twice and win the game for you. Because that’s what I do.

- Dimitar Berbatov, Saturday 9th Feb, away to Derby

Only our second away win this season. Not a great performance by any stretch of the imagination. But respectable in the end, only thanks to the presence of the Bulgarian who's very presence seemed to melt the Derby defence. They simply couldn't cope with the fluttering eyelashes and Andy Garcia eyes as he swooned past them. The beautiful one, ignoring the out-stretched hands which held pen and notepad for autographs, wasn't involved in the first goal, played a part in the second and scored an ice-cool penalty at the end.

Bent returned, quietly and ineffective. The obvious problem Spurs have is the inability to retain the ball when Berbatov isn't in the team. Nothing new. We've had this issue since Carrick left. And as for Bent, we don't seem to be able to fit him into the system.

Dawson is out for three weeks. Which makes the Carling Cup Final line-up of upmost importance. Two UEFA Cup games on the way before hand, best to play a strong team in the first leg, thrash them and then settle for a second string side for the home tie. Can't afford any other blips of bad luck. Although losing Daws is probably more of a blessing. Kaboul can return to the team now to add that little bit extra composure and steel. I know, I know, I crack myself up. This joke will never get tiresome. Nice goal though, it has to be said, from the trainwreck.

West Ham dropped two points, meaning 5 points seperate us. Spurs are stuck in the middle at the minute. Directly below them, Boro are top of the 'Relegation Dogfight League'. The 'ammers are bottom of the 'UEFA Cup Place League'. Were on our own in the 'We would be 4th if we didn't have such a bad start to the season had Ramos been there from the summer instead of Jol' League.

The next 6 league games will tell us if we are going to claim a spot in Europe via a league placement. If we win the Milk Cup, it won't matter. Even though it does matter.

5th, 5th, 10th just doesn't have that decent look about it.

Thursday
Feb072008

Le temps détruit tout

Have you ever seen Irréversible? There’s a quite brutal scene in the movie, uncomfortable as anything you're likely to see, where Monica Bellucci is anally raped. Then punched in the face and stomach repeatedly. That’s basically what the English Premier League is planning on doing to our beautiful game. So, stick that black armband on and close your eyes for a moment of thoughts and prayers. A minutes silence please. I don't want to hear a sound.

All 20 clubs have agreed to explore the proposal.

- Season extended by 39 games
- 10 extra games played
- The extra games will be played at venues all around the world
- Cities to bid for the rights to stage them
- Points will count towards the final league table
- The additional fixtures will be (possibly) determined by a draw (with the top 5 seeded)

What a farce.

We have gone from a game that belonged to the working class to a fucking shambolic family game that is better suited for the Disney Channel. We can’t stand at games without being threatened with losing our season ticket. We can’t swear at games without getting looks from stewards. Its a police state with £5 burgers for treats.

New stadiums resemble lifeless stadia better suited for mundane games of American Football, where people are more interested in hot dogs and cheerleaders.

Modern day football is heading towards an abyss of commercialism, more interested in serving up ribs and chips at half-time in executive boxes. The new prototype doesn’t want to be part of a tribe. Doesn’t want the adrenaline-rushed high and lows of supporting a club, no matter the league position, win draw or loss. The new prototype wants to be entertained. Brace yourselves, because you – the average true fan – is no longer important.

Expect this to go the way of Hollywood. Football players striking because they are not earning a percentage of the money earned by associations the world over. Its going to get bloated, like an over-budgeted blockbuster movie with big name stars in the leading roles, appealing to the easily pleased masses.

I don’t buy this crap about catering for the widest possible audience to help raise the profile of the game. Everyone who fucking matters already knows about football and the Prem League. The clubs are rich enough when they can spunk money on average talent and over-charge fans for season tickets. If a player can earn up to £60k a week today, what in 2011 when this fucking train wreck comes into effect?

“Some fans may feel aggrieved, but their concerns will be outweighed by the financial advantages for the clubs”

There. Right there. Fucking moneyshot in the eye. It’s all about the $$$$ and nothing else. Football has long sold out, but we could live with the executive boxes and a quiet Emirates Stadium. I’m an old romantic. I believe that the clubs – the club you support – is not the ground the pitch is on, or the name or the players. It’s the fans. Without the fans, the club would not exist. When the club up and moves location or players and managers move on, the fans are still there. The dawning of a new age will see us become redundant, unnecessary. A throw-back to the ‘poor old days’ of football. Your money won’t be missed, because there’s this cunt who can afford to bring 10 cunt’s to a game so they can sit in a box and eat sea bass.

There’s nothing in place, nothing to regulate this type of (de)evolution. FIFA? LOL. People will argue that if the Premier League wants to stay ahead of the other top continental leagues, then this will guarantee them the exposure and financial clout to keep Spain and Italy in the shade when attracting the very best players in Europe and the world. It’s a fucking move too far.

If this happens, I can’t wait to see who travels to Dubai or New York to see their team. Sounds a bit sexy that, doesn’t it? Fucking scab is what you are if you’re thinking about making a trip.

This is not the NFL. And providing the chance for foreign fans to enjoy a slice of Premiership action ‘live’ in their own backyard will only lead onto more drastic bastardisation of the game. One extra game is one game too many.

That's us in the pedestrian underpass. Fucked into a coma.

Time destroys all things.

Monday
Feb042008

Bale out for the season

Now the signing of 'old man' Gilberto makes sense. Please no more Chimbonda covering the left-back position. Yes, he looks stable there when called upon, but at times his indecisiveness is far too heart-in-the-mouth-of-Autoba.

Good luck with the recovery Gareth. Looks like the Hutton-King-Woodgate-Bale back four will have to wait a little longer.

One man down, one still MIA.

Monday
Feb042008

Football matches should end at the 80th minute mark

It was painful and disappointing, but not unexpected. That’s something like 8 or 9 times now, that we’ve conceded a goal in the final seconds of a game. 11 points lost. What a difference that would make to our Prem standing (we would sit pretty, nosebleeding in 8th spot). But you know what, who cares? So Dawson scored an own goal that Tevez claimed. Can’t blame the player. Either of them. Maybe best to be critical of the fact that nobody was guarding the near post. It happens. And I would have have taken the point before the game (cliché) kicked-off so as sickening as it is to lose two with the final fumble of the ball, I’d rather take pride from stopping Man Utd from playing their 1000mph swashbuckling game and then choke on some humble pie.

We were comfortable, with Cerny not being called into action until the final 20 or so (when, if you’re a Red you would use terms like ‘we battered them’) even though we didn’t look like conceding. We held on strong for periods and when in possession we slowed the game down enough to take the pace out of Utd - who just couldn't get a stranglehold on the game. Arguably the best starting eleven in the Prem, apart from maybe Wes Brown who is their weakest link, though still good enough for most other mid-table Prem sides. If you had told me we would be leading 1-0 long into the 90th minute I would have spat out my kebab. Rooney, Scholes, that boy Ronaldo. Terrifying. And yet it was nothing of the sort.

Woodgate repeated his performance from Everton away. Assured, calm and in command (just noticed no blog entry for the drab 0-0 result, I’m sure you wont lose sleep over it). It’s now imperative that he remains constant in our back four. Fucking asking a lot there due to his injury record. And with King’s ‘disappearance’ losing Woodgate will mean Chimbonda and Huddlestone in central defence. Which isn’t ideal. Talking of Hudd, playing him in defence (in prior games) is a shrewd move to improve the player’s defensive qualities. His attacking qualities are pretty much sublime and don't need improving. Just fine-tuning. His range of passing and dinked balls with the precision of a Treadstone agent had him perform a rather perfect quarter-back role on Saturday, picking out Spurs players all over the pitch, as we broke forward. Again, the call for Spurs buying an attacking midfielder may not be necessary if the development of the current batch of players continues. Which brings me onto Jenas. Actually no, we’ll come back to him in a second.

Hutton made a solid debut, looked unfazed. Nothing spectacular, but definitely comfortable considering the occasion. I’m sure the irony of playing against the team he probably rather have signed for wasn’t lost on him. Even Dawson (hand ball in the Cup game, and own goal in this one) was immense at times. Proving that he is a decent player when he has someone of Woodgate or Kings experience by the side of him. Berbatov is outrageously brilliant, but then we all know that. He may have a fraction of the urgency and energy of Tevez but has an infinite amount of brain-lighting, splitting trees in half (trees is a metaphor for the Man Utd defence…just work with me on this one).

Keane should have made it 2-0 after Berbatov Ghosted past several red shirts. Hate the amount of times I have to state 'should'.

And then we have Jenas. A player who has always promised so much but has shown so little, and usually only in spurts against weaker opposition. Yes, his composure can be improved vastly, but his recent box-to-box form has turned him into 18-carrot gold. Energetic, hungry and fucking on fire. Has Poyet had a word, raising his confidence? Ramos worked his magic in training? Capello has noticed for sure. JJ is in the England squad and is probably worth a start. Some players have less talent but an abundance of self belief, which set them apart from the competition due to sheer determination to succeed. Others have the talent and retain the form with their sheer arrogance. Jenas far too often has buckled under the pressure of expectation. But times are changing and Jenas has been performing with zest and a rather compelling end product (though his one-on-one skills are still a tad too Keanesque). Suddenly we have our own lickle Gerrard. Just black and with a rather fruity haircut (or lack of). And now all the wasted performances are (almost) forgotten. Yes, this is Tottenham and it’s not worth getting 'too' excited until Spurs/Jenas replicate this form against both strong and weak opposition over the course of the next 3 months.

We are on the up though (copyrighted to all of Sundays and Mondays tabloids). I’m not worried about league positions at the minute, I’d prefer to look at the teams fitness and organisational sense and managerial tactics and player development. Though a continued improvement will equal a climb up the table. Thus far, Ramos has made a mockery of Jol’s reign.

Levy, using ye olde hindsight, should have sacked Jol in the summer and brought him Ramos then. As if common sense ever prevails with how Spurs manage their business. Then again, no one would have guessed that Jol was on a death march.

Anyways, decent game. Should have won it, didn’t, but enough positives to take into the next game.

Well done Spurs. Next time, make it 2-0 and bag the three points.

Saturday
Feb022008

Spurs v Man Utd

I'm off to get me suit measured for the game. I expect Spurs to run out comfortable 5-0 winners. Woodgate, to give Ronaldo a sporting chance, will be blindfolded for the game. Look away Fergie. We don't want to lose you to a heart attack.

Friday
Feb012008

Hello, Goodbye

Enough of this 'JD was part of the furniture' bullshit. He had no intention of signing a new contract and rather than spend hours debating whether it's a mistake to let him go to Pompey, it should simply be a case of: We dont want players who don't want us.

Defoe will score goals at Pompey for sure, but in the long run, his lack of footballing intelligence will shine through. At the age of 25 he has yet to work out that he doesn't have to get caught in the offside trap 98% of the time, considering the pace he possesses. And all the 'he's an instinctive goal-scorer' nonsense as a defence doesn't quite work when you look at his rather inept finishing this season.

That's not to say he hasn't made us smile once or twice, and there's probably no bitterness from the Spurs faithful either. Expect applause when he returns to the Lane. He was popular. But not better than Robbie Keane.

As for Gilberto. This is textbook Spurs. Failed medical? Unlikely. Thats the Comolli tactic of telling the selling club to lower their estimated value of the player. Its ok for us to spend £16M on Bent or £8M on Kaboul, but we haggle for a £2M player.

No last minute loan to cover for the departing Defoe, which means Keane and Berbatov have many games to look forward to between now and the end of the season, and Bent (when fit) will play a far bigger role. I'm sure Spurs will look to Europe come the summer when Berbatov departs. That's the reason no major major signing was made now. David Villa anyone? Unlikely without Champs League. So, better to wait for the whoring to begin the moment the season ends.

As for the defence. Sorted? Possibly. Interesting that Chimbonda didn't move on. Gardner joining Everton is a very strange move. Has Moyes seen Anthony play? Stalteri has gone to Fulham. Should find his level there. With Gilberto in, that gives us:

Gunter/Hutton/Chimbonda
King/Woodgate/Dawson/Kaboul
Bale/Gilberto/Lee

Add Huddlestone as a decent makeshift centre-back and Chimbonda capable of playing there too, and there's no doubting the cover we have in all the back four positions. Once Bale is back, I'ld like to see:

Hutton Woodgate King Bale

...line-up. For the time being, it's likely to be:

Hutton Woodgate King Gilberto

Which isn't too shabby.

As for the midfield, Ramos obviously has faith in the players we have, and maybe its for the better that no new defensive midfielder or attacking midfielder has joined the club. The likes of Jenas and O'Hara can prove something to the manager pre-summer transfer season. Although I expect at least one major signing for the middle of the park before next season.

Until then, this lot will have to do. First up, close the gap on West Ham.

Thursday
Jan312008

Defoe to Pompey

SSN breaking news. This is one I hope they have right. Defoe has no intention of signing a new contract so I'd rather cash in on him and he can go off and score 10 goals in 10 games for his new club before losing his touch and composure in-front of goal until he's benched. Get Bent fit, and get him playing. Could still do with another striker though. Maybe one of the 'wonder kids (scoff) can get a promotion.

Gilberto has failed his medical. Makes you wonder how the heck Woodgate did.

UPDATE: Gilberto deal maybe back on. Apparently, the issue concerns 'wages'. For a 30+ player, there should be no issue. Tell him to fuck off, and its done and dusted.

Thursday
Jan312008

Challenge Woodgate

Bale, King, Woodgate, Hutton. I wonder how many times this back four will line-up for us? Welcome Woody. The only spark in an otherwise dour game of football at Goodison Park last night. I challenge you to playing 5 consecutive games for Spurs (although I won't penalise if Ramos chooses to 'rest' you). Chimbonda, Huddlestone and Gunter making up the back four along with JW. King once more given the night off. 64 games since our last 0-0. Is that an achievement?

As for Hutton, looks like we bullied him (along with desperately seeking cash Rangers) into joining us. £9M. Once more we spend several million more than we should be doing, and as an additional challenge, I'm hoping to see at least one Comolli signing prove his worth and value for money.

Blog entries will be on the light side for the next four weeks as I am currently 'inbetween' homes.

Monday
Jan282008

One down.....any more to come?

Woodgate signed for around £7M. Though what that means for the club is anyone's guess. Hutton has gone back to Scotland (the boy just can't make up his mind) and no news on Gilberto. And its all gone quiet with any other potential signing(s).


Looking sharp there Woody

As for Woody, well, if we get the player of last season (he was superb for Boro) then we are in for a treat. This years version hasn't been that good -form wise/injuries or for that matter the one who player just 13/14 times for Madrid will make me hurl abuse at Comolli and Levy from a distance (I'll use rotten eggs for when I'm up close).

As long as he behaves himself OFF the pitch then we should do just right. Big if. Considering the stories coming out of Boro at the minute.

Logically, it's a bit insane really. I mean, he does have form for lack of form and he does spend an awful long time out injured. So the medical he passed at Spurs would suggest he is 'ok' at the minute. £7M for a crock would not be a good thing on the back of £8M for Kaboul and the same amount for Zokora. The fact that King has suffered from injuries in recent years makes it even more insane that we would look to bring in Woodgate as cover or a new partner for Ledders.

One extreme to another with us. This signing better pay off on the pitch otherwise Levy and Comolli will have a lot to answer for sanctioning this signing.

Monday
Jan282008

SSN continues to mug its self off

SSN are now reporting there has been no Arsenal bid and that Keith Lamb has said only 2 clubs have made an offer for the player. Sky now looking to 'sweep this under the carpet' faster than they can say 'egg on face'.

They first take a slice of news from their 'rival' station (Setanta News) that Arsenal have bid for Woodgate. Yellow ticker follows and then we are treated to the usual trash they churn out when they claim to have an exclusive.

All based on unconfirmed reports, we get to listen to emails sent in by fans and bookie odds (making Arsenal the odds on favs to sign the player). Then the yellow ticker disappears and not too soon after we are told there has been no 3rd club and that Boro have confirmed this and that now, Woodgate is odds on to sign for Spurs.

All damning evidence of the previous exclusive gone and not to be mentioned again.

It's cheap tv at its very best. Like an interactive copy of The Sun.

Monday
Jan282008

Weekend round-up

The less said about Dawson's handball the better. Had he not 'touched it', then Ronney would have scored anyhow. Cerny also looking to allow Robbo in with a chance to reclaim his place. Embarrassing error on his part for the third. 3-1 wasn't reflective of the performance, but once more we come out short at OT. Both sides playing open football and always looking to attack, and us being wasteful with the odd chance that could have seen us take the game to a reply. It's another run of games (lack of wins) that we need to end. Maybe next season. No? OK. Season after next. It was not too shabby this time round, just that extra bit of concentration on their part (i.e. no errors) saw them through. In fact, minus the 3rd goal and the final quarter of an hour and we pretty much controlled the game, with Jenas pulling the strings in midfield with some comfort. Bit more quality in key positions and maybe it will be 'next season'.

Woodgate has had his medical. But apparently Boro have now accepted a 3rd bid.....from Arsenal. Looks like they have their 5-1 revenge ready to hurt us.

Gilberto is on his way. Another player who has had his medical. And there's still a possibility that Hutton will sign pre-transfer window closure.

If all 3 join, that's the defence sorted. But still no defensive midfielder.

4 days left now. Still waiting on Comolli. Interesting article earlier in the week (in the Indy, I think) that covered a Ramos interview where he basically stated he had rejected 6 potential targets. Good to hear that signings are not being made over and above the manager. So if we do sign someone, we are signing someone the manager accepts as good enough player. So, no more Kabouls. That's a bonus.

Friday
Jan252008

Are they 'aving a larf?

Earlier this evening we had the yellow ticker telling us that the Tiago deal is off. Then the ticker disappeared, and we were told its back on and should be completed this weekend. But nothing compares to the latest 'Sky Sports Understands'.

Yes. Read it for yourself:

Sky Sports News understands that Tottenham want to sign Barcelona defender Carlos Puyol.

Juande Ramos is thought to be keen to strengthen his defence as he continues to reshape his White Hart Lane squad.

It is claimed that Tottenham representatives are in Spain to discuss a move with the Barcelona captain.

Ramos has also been linked with an approach for Middlesbrough defender Jonathan Woodgate as he attempts to find an experienced centre-back to bring to North London.

Puyol has made 58 appearances for Spain and played in the 2002 and 2006 World Cup finals.

Yes. The Barcelona captain who has been at the club since the age of twelve. Plays Champions League football and is on about £100,000 a month. Someone appears to be sharing their crack pipe in the SSN HQ. Although modern day journalism 'breaking news stories' are dependent on what they can copy and paste from a football message board, this one just about takes the biscuit. Yes, it appeared on the yellow ticker and the auto-cue dolly bird and man-robot informed us of another exclusive. And yes, its now disappeared. Along with the little creditability this 'news' channel appears to have left.

Nothing reported in Sport, Depotivo Mundo or Catalan TV. For the record, the player isn't even in Barcelona as they are away to Bilbao this weekend. And if Spurs wont pay Fred the money he wants then....well, you work it out.

Only other explanation? Smokescreen. Or Levy is attempting to flush out the rats.