A message from Tottenham Hotspur

It's that time of the year again folks. Tottenham Hotspur Football Club are proud to announce their annual summer sale. So roll up, roll up money grabbing football agents and steal yourself a nice little bargain!

All proceeds go to a very worthy charity - The Daniel Levy Beluga & Perrier Jouet Belle Epoque Foundation™. So please give generously.

Some of this years highlights:

Ahmed Mido - £4m - Thoroughbred fed on a diet of cigars and cheeseburgers. The 'Immovable Object' will cause maximum carnage in the oppositions box. By box, we mean canteen.

Hossom Ghaly - £4m (will accept bid between £2M and £3.5M) - Has a defect that results with stripping of clothes. **Star Buy!!** Can be loaned out for Hen Parties, gay stag-do's and anti-fur demonstrations.

** Special offer: Buy both Egyptians for a special £6M (Redknapp Voucher accepted). **

Tony Gardner - £4m - Only joking. £1.5m. Ok, ok. £450,000.

Danny Murphy - £1m - Comes with added 'Movie Premiers' extra. But nothing else.

Wayne Routledge - £2.5m to £3m - Never been used!!

Paul Stalteri - £2m - Legacy issues relating to losing the ball in the last moments of the game resulting in conceding a Champions League placing point (on three or so occassions) has now been resolved and replaced with a 'dicking of small club in the last second' added value ability as seen at Upton Park last season.

SPECIAL AUCTION

We are also pleased to announce that the following lots have been made available by Tottenham Hotspur Football Club, but only under exceptional auction conditions. Again, all proceeds go to The Daniel Levy Beluga & Perrier Jouet Belle Epoque Foundation™.

Lot 1: Jermain Defoe (Reserve: £9m)

Lot 2: Jermaine Jenas (Reserve: £8m)

Lot 3: Pascal Chimbonda (Reserve: £10m)

* If reserves are not met, these lots shall remain the property of Tottenham Hotspur Football Club.

** Please multiply the above reserve estimates by 25% if you are a representative of West Ham United.

*** Please multiply by 45% if you are a representative of Chelsea FC.

The club would like to thank agents in advance of their continued support for this worthwhile cause. We are advising everyone to bid generously, confident in the fact you will not be disappointed with these quite superb value for money buys.

The trust expect to recoup a figure between £16m-£18m from this year's donations. That's some serious amount of Caviar and bubbly.

Final details willl be released on 1st September 2007.

Yours truthfully,

Daniel Levy Independent Traders plc (D.L.I.T.)
Event Organiser of The Daniel Levy Beluga & Perrier Jouet Belle Epoque Foundation™

With thanks and credit to Sheikh_Ma_Nuggets.

General Round-Up

Berbatov

Remains a class act. Some quotes from a recent interview:

“Look, last summer when Spurs told me they were willing to pay £11m for me, I asked them if they were off their heads. Now the word seems to be that my value is £40m and that’s simply an abnormal sum of money.”

“With regards to the whole Manchester United business, I just have to say that I’m very happy at Spurs. Even more importantly, I recognise that Tottenham has given me everything in order to make my time in the Premier League a success and I feel stupendously grateful to them. So I’m happy where I am.”

“The atmosphere at Tottenham right now is absolutely unbeatable.”

“The fact I feel adored by the fans and I’m feted by the media hasn’t changed me and it will not do so. I’m the same guy. I rest and lead a simple life off the pitch"

How wonderfully beautiful it is to see a player with such modesty and eloquent class. And a player who appears set to remain at Spurs, rather than take the easy route out to a 'Top 4' club. The rest of the players have to focus the same way he does with each game and challenge. Anything less is an insult IMO.

Spurs beat St.Pats 1-0

Kaboul looked good. Bale didnt. Bent scored. Taarbat looking lively again. Thats it. I can't be arsed with friendly games. Get the players fit, get the new players to fit into the system. And thats it.

Transfer Rumours

No word on Boateng. Though historically, Spurs take 120% longer than any other club to sign a player.

I've noticed we have been linked to Freddy Adu, who was previously linked with Wigan. Not sure about signing this 36 year old MLS reject. Yes, he has wonderful wonderful stats in FM2007, but the reality is far less exciting. He's American.

Spurs back in for 'The Sock'

We are apparently keeping tabs on the Brazilian flair-induced central midfielder Diego Ribas da Cunha aka The Sock. The player we 'almost' signed back in 2003 when Pleat made several trips to South America but failed to claim the players signature, sadly due to several possible reasons. No work permit, no Sock was one of the popular 'excuses of failure'. There were also apparently a number of issues relating to the players rights (the dad part-owned him or something equally silly). Though the main reason was down to a sudden change of heart by the chairman of Santos, where Diego played at the time. All a bit of a mess.

The Sock

Anyways thats all history now and he ended up at Porto (not a great experience) but has since moved to Germany, playing for Werder Bremen. He's had an impressive season in the Bundesliga (36 games, 14 goals) and his goal at the new Wembley against England appears to have re-ignited our interest. Seems the buzz is that Levy and Damien Comolli (as suggested by various sources) want a true 'Tottenhamesque' style player to have a genuine spark from midfield to attack in the creative stakes.

Diego (Creative Midfield) - Berbatov (Creative Forward)

Does look good on a blog, doesn't it? Levy and Comolli are thinking 'Osvaldo Ardiles' (same type of height, but more tanned and Brazilian), and with the success of another short player in his debut season in England (Carlos Tevez) they feel that a South American in the Premiership may not be the daunting challenge many feared it can be.

I think this is the first thing Levy has done that I find myself happy with, excluding giving Block 34 a female steward.

So, the source of this information? Well its an agency, partly based out in Germany, who deal with footballers. And much like any line of business, people talk and people gossip. There was initial interest from an unnamed Spanish club who then cooled their advances. This may have played a part with our rekindled interest, with Comolli initially keeping an eye on things. Spurs then approached Bremen (all above board) but were knocked back. Diego's agent is playing the textbook 'One club is interested, let me spread the word' tactic. This suggests that they maybe after a more improved contract with the Germans. However Diego is apparently keen to listen to what we have to say (though expect other clubs to also show interest - and Diego's agent to 'whore' the little Brazilian magician to Italy and Spain). But our strong point in all this is routed back in the year 2003 with the way Diego was treated (very very well) by Pleat and the club when we looked to bring him to London first time round. Diego hasn't forgotten this.

Maybe Levy and Comolli should sub-contract Pleat and outsource this particular potential transfer to someone who knows Diego and his family (if be it for a short term a few years back).

In all seriousness, no idea on the fee being touted, but probably relatively cheap in todays market (around £13M).

First hurdle is getting past Bremen. Might not be too much of an issue, as rumours of a clause in Diego's contract might make things interesting over the next month or so.

And why should I believe any of this? This particular 'source' came good on three previous transfers - in the past 2 years - before they happened (before they hit the press or the forums). Not saying Spurs deals, but they involved three prominent high profile players. The information wasn't shared on those occasions, at least not publicly. And all three signings happened, as stated by this person.

Thought this one was too good to pass up and not blog it. Hope its not jinxed now.

Spooky, I presume....

No, I’m not dead, just not been online too much recently. Currently serving community service, sweeping the streets in and around White Hart Lane. Yes, I did say ‘sweeping’. When I said I wanted to clean up Tottenham, this is not what I had in mind. The Judge didn’t see the ironic side of me launching 125 water-balloons filled with a concoction made up of Virgin Cola, urine and fungus covered cheese. The balloons were meant for Levy’s traditional summer house party. The original plan was to shoot them down when the cloud of balloons sat high above his BBQ and guests. I just didn’t count for the change in weather that blew them off course. I had to shoot them down with my air rifle four miles away. Suffice to say, the nuns were not amused. The Judge called me ‘unoriginal’ and that my antics were akin to a rather tatty adventure from the pages of The Beano. Asked to explain my reasoning around the balloon-attack I stated:

“I wanted to get the point across that even when the sun appears to be shining; a storm is only moments away. This is the way I feel as a supporter of Tottenham Hotspur”

He decided my community service would be best suited in the motherland, sweeping the streets of Tottenham High Road instead of the well-to-do area Levy presides in. I’ve been banned from his borough for 2 months. So no more spying from the bushes. All I’m left with is Internet porn and reading message boards. As for the Nuns. I had to pay for their dry-cleaning and the mess from their courtyard. Very unsavoury moment. Thank God I'm not religious.

Sneijder and Huntelaar are targets. Bent is likely to go to West Ham United. And if it’s for £18M and 100k per week, good luck to him. No sign of Kaboul. He was meant to be signed an age ago. Why do we stuggle to tie up deals and prolong them longer than a bake beans and curry inspired fart. Also, every ‘available’ player is being linked to the same group of around 5 or 6 Premiership clubs. Giuly being one of them. Next please. And yes, the summer is truly here when Torres is linked.

It’s all hot air.

I may turn my attention to the Big Brother house. Might serve as a good alternative now that Levy’s mansion is out of bounds and everything is a little on the quiet side with players on their holidays. Would really like to throw frozen shit pellets at a few of them, the miserable depressive losers. The BB contestants, not the players. Well, apart from Stalteri. Deserves it for his dress sense and the fact he cost us Champions League.

The Welsh One, the Bug-Eyed Never-Smiling Man Hater - both of them need to removed from television forever. And as for that Charley, would rather have Dwight Yorke hit on me than have her going down on me in the cubicles of some nightclub. And by ‘hit’ I don’t mean the smack in the mouth/punch in the face kind, which Dwight did once achieve when I kicked his kebab out of his hands on one late mid-week evening in Manchester. I use to run with anti-meat campaigners back then. Those were dark days.

Brucie Bonus

http://football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,,2099122,00.html

Birmingham City are ready to offer Mido a route out of Tottenham Hotspur, with Steve Bruce considering making an offer for the forward, who is valued at £6m. The Egyptian made only seven Premiership starts for Tottenham last season and has expressed his dissatisfaction after failing to hold down a regular place at White Hart Lane. Bruce has strengthened his interest in the 24-year-old international after missing out on Mark Viduka, with the Birmingham manager keen to add experience to a callow forward line.

--

Bite their hands off. Quickly, before Mido mistakes them for a cheeseburger and takes a lunge himself.

Transfer Speculation

Once again, we have reached that time of year where there is a great deal of press speculation linking us with players from all around the world.

Sporting Director Damien Comolli noted: “It is unbelievable picking up a newspaper this time of year. I guess there will always be transfer stories concerning us as we are a club that is always looking to strengthen where possible, though many of the reports that I have read are completely wide of the mark.”

As always, we should like to remind our supporters that our official channels – website tottenhamhotspur.com and mobile service spurs(((mobile))) - will carry informed, accurate and timely information as and when it is appropriate to do so.

From: tottenhamhotspur.com - transfer speculation

Yes Damien, but what about the information that comes straight from the horses mouth? By horses mouth, I was metaphorically referring to someone who works within the club who has shared sensitive information with a Spurs fan who then posts the info on a Spurs forum.

Now, I don’t want to side with the club on this, but it’s quite obvious that nobody really has any idea of what’s going on. Not to the degree that some of the ITK characters would like you to believe.

For example, ones that talk cryptically about new signings as if they want to tell the world about it but at the same time want to avoid the story from leaking are just being creative with their attention-seeking. Others, who straddle branches and hold onto their binoculars just state the bleeding obvious. This latest piece of whorage appeared on GG.net (whorage in red):

Shoot me down all you want but my mate has some spurs ties in the boardroom...he rarely talks about spurs as he doesn't like to leak info...which i respect no matter how frustrating at time...

Right. Explain ‘ties’. Does he clean the boardroom? Does he walk past it as he makes his way to the fax machine? Does he hold a glass up to the door? Or are you saying that you know someone who knows someone who knows someone? Already, this information is looking to be 3rd or 4th hand. And if he rarely talks about Spurs, why the sudden verbal diarrhea?

But anyhow he came out to NYC today and is slaughtered and probably excited to be here on his hols....but he needed a favor so i turned the screw! Haha

If he has ties, then you just blow his cover. So enjoy the information, because he wont ever be in a position to share again.

He said that Darren Bent is more or less ours unless Spurs have a change of heart. He has verbally agreed a deal subject to a medical and transfer fee. We are about 3 mil away from what Charlton want. He is not interested in WHAM but curbs is trying to sign him and have more or less agreed to the fee Charlton want for him... Bent is on his hols and we will have a better look at him due to a injury he has picked up on his return.

So. We are signing Bent – however, if we don’t it’s because we have changed our mind. That’s some way to cover your tracks. Adding the injury thing is gold. It’s like me saying we are set to buy Petrov from Athletico Madrid and he want’s to join but we may miss out due to contractual issues.

I might get up to make a cup of tea, but I might not.

Jermain Defoe wants to stay with us and is NOT looking for a move....Chelsea were sniffing around for Chimbo indeed....but quickly turned their attention to Defoe ... Jol wants to work out a deal with Robben in a swap...

Every man and his dog know that Defoe is third inline to be King of Strikers at WHL. Linking him with a move away is something anybody can do. Yes, even people who work for the Daily Mirror can add one plus one. And stating Chelsea were sniffing around for Pascal is like anybody on any forum or any pub saying that Spurs were in for Nani – because its flipping public knowledge already.

As for Robben. This is a firm favourite of most people to talk about as Jol is Dutch and has publicly stated he likes Robben.

Mido has lost his respect at the club and they are negotiating with several teams involving swap deals including interest from a promoted club, Blackburn, and a few other teams abroad mainly in France... Mark Hughes is not convinced at Midos fitness but has not closed the door just yet on it... But respect to Mido he has been working on his fitness...

Mido has lost respect? Really? Hey, about that Hitler taking his own life in the bunker. Oh, and man lands on moon. Christ, you eat enough cheeseburgers and smoke enough cigars you lose the respect of the fans. Again, it’s no secret that Jol and everyone else have had enough of him. As for Mido working on his fitness, of course he is. It’s the summer. He has nothing to sulk about and needs to sell himself to a new club, so that he is ready for another season of gorging and generally expecting to play first team football without actually warranting it.

MGP has been initially blocked but we will test them with a higher bid...Jol looking to bring him in regardless if we buy a LW....so im assuming a few formations next year Petrov is wanted by Jol... and comolli has been in contact with him...my friend seems to think we have a really good chance of signing him. Petrov was wanted last season as well but didn't materialize. Petrov is believed to have joked behind closed doors that him and berbs could crack the top four by themselves! But Robben is still the one that Jol is dreaming about!

So, for the one position, the ITK has covered off 3 potential signings in MGP, Petrov and Robben. That’s some safety net you got there. All three are again firm favs of Internet message boards and Spurs fans in general.

We have been asked to keep informed about Nugent but again it depends on Everton as he is a massive fan of theirs....

No no no no no no no no no no no no. No. No.

I asked him about Bale and he said that we had him wrapped (as far as transfer fee and agreement with the club) up in January but couldn't announce it with only a bunch of "reliable" people knowing due to Saints push for the prem. Burley didn't want to rock team morale or distract the youngster. He is very very excited to play for spurs and has been watching spurs vids and reading about our history...Said Bale was a kid in a sweetshop when he arrived at spurs.

Facts after the fact. Its ok to say someone really wanted to join us after he’s joined us. But the fact he has joined us would suggest he wanted to join us anyway. As for being excited, he's 17 for FFS.

Villa/Sunderland have asked about Tainio...Jol is keen to keep him.

This is probably spot-on. Because Jol must be puffing away on something again to be declaring all out love for TT.

Jol is NOT after NRC!!!! Bartons name was been thrown around but some of the top top boys don't want him anywhere near our team. As for Parker...we DID show some interest but went cold due to his refusal at lowering his wages but what made me laugh was...Parker wanted a guarantee of first team footie!

None of this can be proved or disproved. The Damien statement on the website would suggest that he was referring to Parker. As for Barton, he has a clause and probably every other fan of several other clubs are suggesting they are in for him, but are unsure. Barton is a mess. If we signed him, I’ll be looking to make a mess (of the number 2 kind) and mail it to the club.

There is a french striker being discussed at the moment as one of the options....supposed to Henry Mk2...although Arsenal/pompey/boro looking at him also

French? The new Henry? Well, the fact that Arsenal have Walcott (who is the new Henry) would suggest that anyone French and good will go to the worlds largest immobile gypsy caravan (Ashburton Grove) rather than the badlands of Tottenham. Though why on earth the ‘new Henry’ would allow Pompey and Boro to be interested in him would suggest that someone is taking Football Manager stats a bit too seriously.

Last but not least....Jol couldnt be happier....said his dreams have come true and wants the job for life! Keep this a secret haha but Jol loves the banter with the spurs faithful.

Yes, because we all come to the ground to banter with a bald headed bloke who waves at us once in a while. He getting paid to wave at us and finish just outside the Champions League….again.

Even called us prickshh on one occasion for making fun of his in his own words "Hair shtyle"...

No one calls me a prick. No one. I’ve paid over 600 quid to the club and to be insulted by the manager, that’s out of order. Is this how the club repays the loyal fan. Unlike your hair Jol, I will always be here.

Berbs is somewhat of an enigma around the club....some of the spurs staff still cant make eye contact with him apparently hahahah women!

That’s my boy. How daft of the woman (and maybe the odd bloke) who work at the club thinking they can get a piece of the Bulgarian Buldge. Dream on losers.

Last but not least...Nani was a serious serious prospect and we definitely tried to sneak in under the rader...but Nanis agent alerted Utd that we were close in getting our man....Only for Man U sending a squad of people to ensure we dont get our man. Nani was about 10 hours from signing for us.

Yes, this I can give you as probably being near the mark. Probably. But Nani was never going to join us, even if we agreed anything in principal with his club. Utd (and Ronaldo and CQ) was always going to be his destination.

dont care if you shoot me, the suns out and im looking forward in your respectful thoughts haha

Shoot you? No. Politely slap you across your face in an attempt to rattle you out of your delusionary state, yes. Several times.

The only credit you get is for not suggesting all this information came from a large wooden thing with a green roof.

May God have mercy on your soul

Berbatov fee agreed with Man Utd - £27 million plus Saha

Medical on 29 May 2007

The above is on various Internet message boards. If true, the streets of Tottenham will burn, burn with my apocalyptic anger and vengeful fists of furistic fury. I'll come down so hard on the club and Levy it will be like Hiroshima but without the atomic bomb. Just a lot of strong worded graffiti and water-balloons consisting of 2 week old urine and frozen shit pellets fired from a state of the art pocket catapult. Like most Spurs fans, I am now resigned to losing the brilliant Bulgarian. A player marked with the world-class stamp that is deserving of Champions League.

Sit back and watch us take another step backwards, in the only way we know how. Bent over, being taken bareback and asking to take it in the face.

Levy. Damn you.

Possible signing(s) on the card

Got hold of some inside info (person who knows someone who is connected to the club):

We are about to conclude the signing of one player, possibly two. One's a defender the other is a midfielder but possibly a forward attacking player. Should be left-footed. Club will hold a press conference some time this week, possibly towards the end of next week for the first player with the second announcement to follow soon after. Big money spent on both players. One of them has been a long-term target while the other will be a surprise (but a good one) and he has thus far enjoyd continental breakfasts but is looking forward to having a full English.

You heard it here first people.

Summer Transfer Targets

Younes Kaboul signed, allegedly. Sources suggest this is potentially a disaster move for the club:

Kaboul is not very good at all, definitely not 7.5 million worth......sure these may have been two off days, but from i saw, he is not quick, he has a kind of lazy, heavy way of getting around the pitch, a bit like Carrick.....not brave, he makes 80% efforts to win the ball, not like john terry who smashes into opponents and still cleanly wins the ball.......very easily tricked and put to the floor by quick forwards on at least 5 occasions.....and he seems to switch off and lose his opponent, like Bramble seems to do

he looks no better than Tony Gardner..............i really cannot see why Commoli and Jol rate him enough to buy him unless they see him as a defensive midfielder....like i said, he moves around like carrick, is a neat passer, and maybe Jol wants him to get the ball and pass it on simply, which Carrick did but of course Carrick had much more ability

but i would worry if he is for the defence, even as cover for Ledley............the kid will need lots of time and patience, but i fear with this huge price tag, his confidence will be rocked if he doesnt perform well immediately..........and 7.5 million is a waste of the clubs money, he is 2.5/3miilion max, even in todays crazy fees.....it smacks of the 8 million we spent on Dean Richards, and Kaboul is no better than Richards

Fantastic scouting then. £7.5M well spent.

Gareth Bale is apparently 'back on' because Utd have cooled their interest. So, thats potentially £10M for a teenager that can't defend but scores free-kicks so he must be good then. As for Darren Bent, he scored goals - a lot of goals - playing for a poor team that got relegated so although he isn't world class he is still a good player. But how does a good player fit into a squad that already has Berbatov, Keane and Defoe? Which means, Defoe may finally be on the way out.

As for the left-wing problem, Morten Gamst Pedersen is once more linked. A player who can cross and score from the wing. Thankfully the one dimensional Downing isn't being linked at this present moment in time. But there's months to go before the window closes, so lets not get too excited yet.

So, the current tabloid and message board list consists of:

• Younes Kaboul
• Gareth Bale
• Morten Gamst Pedersen
• Darren Bent

I have not seen any activity at the Lodge or the Lane, though I cannot be at two places at once, I'm keeping an eye on what Ben (FTL) has to say from his tree. It's probably a little early in the post-season for any deals to go through. Too many players booking flights to the sun.

Soton youngster Bale: Spurs bound?

It's imperative that we buy completed article players. Which counts out Bale, but then if you believe Levy we buy young British players with sell-on potential, meaning if you do the math, Bale (if bought for £10M) would have to be sold for £15M-£20M in the future. Does he strike you as a potential £20M player? If he is one for the future, what about the present? We still need to cover ourselves with a top draw player in the left back position. Have to.

Which brings me to my point. Would the above mentioned players make us better than Arsenal or Liverpool, when both clubs are likely to buy Ribery and Tevez respectively. All four respective transfer targets are just bland. And signing them all would cost, how much? £40M? That's fourty-million quid on players who might not even make it into the first team. How is that progression? We make far too many signings of players that are ok rather than superb. For every Berbatov there's a Lee, Tainio, Assou-Ekotto, Stalteri etc. And 'ok' is pushing it a little for some of them.

With Berbs and Zokora being the 'big signings' of last season with regards to the structure of the team, we don't need to worry about these positions. We just need to sort out the weak spots. So, please no more central midfielders. We have Huddlestone and we have Taarabt. They need to play a part. Seems that Jenas has pictures of Jol in a gimp suit, so he will play a part in next seasons campaign. Steed will play more of a role from the start of the season rather than appearing in spurts due to his initial injury.

So, at this point in time, I am uncertain about who we should be looking at. Possibly Baines (who does have Premiership experience) to play in the left-back role. There must be a left-winger of world class status out there that wouldn't mind joining a London club. Or maybe there isnt, which would explain the fact that we end up with the Lees, Tainios, Assou-Ekottos and Stalteris of this world.

One thing I will say, please for fucks sake, stop with these inane links to players that we could never sign (Robben) who, for the record is always injured and we could never sign. And the likes of Harry Kewell. Yes, Kewell. Who some Spurs fans seem to be blind to the fact that he isn't the Leeds Utd youngster of 6 years ago. He's, well basically, shit. One game this season and some of our fans are suggesting he should be a target. This is the type of Spurs fan that Levy's reign is breeding. Accepting third-rate as an option. This summer, Big Brother is likely to give me more pleasure than Comolli's European travels.