Glory Glory night, N17, invite only, bring a (some) bottle

Dear Mr Levy,

Here we are, looking forwards again rather than looking back. Let's talk football and leave the conspiracy laced debate for next time we return from Old Trafford where no doubt a United player will score a brace during the half-time interval and Clattenburg/Webb/appeasing FA ref-bot will allow both goals to stand on grounds of enthusiastic punctuality. Then book Ledley King for dissent. Even though King hasn't travelled up there due to injury. Then award a penalty whilst Richard Scudamore touches himself in those private of places whilst David Dein continues to orchestrate proceedings from the shadows.

Sorry, did I say 'let's talk football'? Lets.

Inter, at the Lane. Glory Glory night. On when the Spurs go marching in. Ticker-tape and plenty of oohs and aahs. We hope. It's what we've worked so hard for. Looking back at our home Champions League matches, even though we beat Young Boys and Twente it felt like we plucked and plucked with plucky effort to get ourselves through the games (actually the YB victory was far more comfortable than the roller-coaster that was the Twente game). We've not been assured. The away games have been testament to that. In fact, we've failed to be 100% at any stage this season regardless of the competition. We lack that bit of extra something with regards to testicular fortitude.

Let's not look too far forwards just yet in terms of January and the re-opening of the window.

In the present, yes we have injuries. Yes we have a conveyor belt of a defence. Yes we are still attempting to adapt to 451. Yes we don't truly have a certified full-on forward to best the formation. And on top of all this scratching of heads is that although we have players of majestic quality that can win games with individual pomp we don't quite have the cohesive flow through the team, top to bottom. The signs are there but we keep taking the route to a dead end.

It's all a bit Blu Tack instead of Super-Glue in terms of sustainable fixed focus. Have a word with Harry please. Can you perhaps replace all mentions of To Dare is to Do littered around the Lane with Two Points Eight Games?

So far this season we've had a good half here or there. Plenty of decent movement, but a distinct lack of goals - no cutting edge, no ideas outside of  giving the ball to vdV and letting him galvanise offensive play or just giving the ball to Bale and moving that box of Kleenex a little closer as the beast runs rampant.

That's not to say it's completely emo-Spurs, sad eyes, reading out poetry about the bottomless pit of despair. This is hardly Ramos or Santini. Or even the worst of times under Jol. Crisis? There is no crisis. Just cryogenics as we find ourselves frozen in time. The world of tomorrow awaits.

We are what, 30%, 20% away from it clicking into place and working. The players we do possess for selection at the time of writing are more than capable of waking up and shaking themselves into the mentally powerful frame of mind - as seen last term in the push for fourth. We have it in us which is what's so frustrating. I don't buy all this 'Spurs over-extended themselves last season' nonsense. We fought for it. We need some of that fight back in abundance. And goals. Plenty of goals.

And it's up to the management and the players to prove that the thrill of the chase is not better than the catch. Last season is gone. We should be hungry for more. Have we not got more at stake this time round?

We are a team, a unit. I keep saying this every week and it's now about five games away from becoming an ominous cry for help and thus changing my tune, from a skipping whistle to a groan and moan. Wiping sweat from your beautiful bald head week in and week out as you look down from your directors box is something I wish not to witness. We have to reclaim the swagger. Not give a f*ck about the opposition in terms of respect. Turn the tempo up. Otherwise the stuttering will turn to stalling. And you'll have to wear a wig to hide your uncontrollable erupting sweat glands.

Easier said than done they tell me. Turning up the tempo. Not wearing a wig. I've not quite lost all my hair yet.

So what about the group game and our visitors?

I know this is Inter and some expect them to play ultra-defensive counter-attacking football and double up on Bale. But it's far more likely they will come out and attack attack attack after the comparative ease they walked through us in the San Siro. They'll have plenty of belief and confidence to do the same again. So how about just scoring one more than they do?

Don't be afraid. Don't hold back. Play emotive sweeping football and play too our strengths. Retain possession, do not concede early, hassle them in midfield and please for the love of all things Lilywhite - be clinical in and around the box. The home crowd will have to play their part in all this too.

Is that asking too much?

It's still not quite right in the league is it and it's a mix bag of heart-stopping football in Europe. Yes, it's a learning curve and we are learning plenty about how to shape up in the premier of competitions. But let's learn from the lessons dished out and play to an equal standard in both the CL and the bread and butter of the league.

Momentum from this game if we win it could prove to be priceless. And you must agree, January will be easier to do business if we are heading towards the knock-out stages and sitting in 5th/4th.

No Gomes. Cudicini concentrate please. vdV might be back. Huddlestone also. Modric is on the verge of exploding into form. Bale has been contained in recent games so hopefully he'll adapt quickly with having to cope with fourteen men marking him. But if they do double up on him (or worse) then someone elsewhere on the pitch has an advantage if another someone else is quick enough to play that first someone in. Lennon continues to improve which is important.

Concern about Kaboul in central defence who has that annoyance of switching off for a costly second far too often. Gallas still has to prove his worth to the side. Crouch will probably start, but call me crazy, I keep having visions of Pav doing very little other than being in the right place at the right time to plant the ball expertly into the net - something he can do. Does little else. But he has a habit of notching the goals. Regardless, no lumping the ball up to Crouch. And no calamity, no margin for errors. If we're going to go down, let's go down in a blaze of glory and not with clowns shoes on our feet.

That reminds me. You reckon the policy of buying young English players with sell-on value still rings true with Jenas?

No? Okay.

You'll be in agreement that the key for this game comes in the shape of Tommy Huddlestone's feet and the pumped out relentless chest thumping of Rafa van der Vaart (please be fit). Desire and clinicality the essential ingredients.

I've not forgotten about Luka. Much like Tottenham this season, we await his arrival.

Harry has to use his smarts in the same way he has used them in some of the key battles (i.e. Arsenal at the Lane, Spurs at Eastlands) and instil that never-say-die attitude we have not lost since that famous 4-4 at the Emirates.

Back to basics for our simple creatures proudly soaking in the Champions League theme music with cockerels on chest.

But let's not underestimate Inter. Champions of Europe. The game is not going to be influenced just because we approach it a certain way. We've got to react to their tactics. They've got enough about them in terms of quality to strangle the life out of the game and take the emphasis away from us and dictate. Which is why we have to have balls the size of melons.

I know that the Bremen home game and Twente away return is where our qualification will be won or lost. And some of the faithful have quietly whispered that losing to the Italians will not be a disaster. I disagree. A point will be decent. A win, fantastical. But it's far more than that isn't it Mr Chairman? Let's remember what this club is all about in terms of it's traditions. We might not have a massive haul of silverware but if you take any random Bill Nicholson quote you'll have your answer in terms of what it means to be a Spurs fan.

Glory. Even if said glory is 90 minutes in length.

I want a performance. I want a statement of intent and end product. I want the emotion. I want the swashbuckle. I want a DVD. Damn it, it's almost Christmas and I want frigging Box Set! It's more than just Champions League this. It's more than the three points on offer. It transcends all of this. You know it. I know it. We all know it.

Wakey wakey. Rise and shine. Cock-a-doodle-dare is to do do do.

My spine is tingling. My head buzzing. Rediscover yourself Tottenham. Want it. Shout out that you want it. Then prove that you want it. Then don't let anyone stop you from taking it. You'll get more than a cuddly toy for your endeavours.

Otherwise, what's the point?

Heart on sleeves. Heart on sleeves.

So good luck. Wish the lads all the best. And let's hope the night does not end with me handcuffing myself to the West Stand gates again, naked (obviously) wearing an original Chirpy mask (the face he had prior to his self-indulgent plastic surgery) in protest of whatever excuse I can think of at the final whistle. If Jenas plays, I'll use that.

Yours Sincerely,

Spooky

Final word on the Nani goal

Referees and assistant referees get things wrong. All the time it seems, and they enjoy doing so in Spurs games for and against us if you read what others wish to share as evidence.

United fans have cited the Palacios tackle which he should have been sent off for last season at OT early in the game. Webb didn't but did award a penalty that never was. It's swings and roundabouts. Or something.

Also cited, the Huddlestone goal against Fulham (wasn't Gallas not interfering any ways?) and the Stoke goal that never was.

The point being (as made by the right honourable Rio Ferdinand who knows everything about how to make the most of an ambiguous situation) that we looked the other way at both Fulham and Stoke and didn't ask questions, so what difference with Nani and his cheeky punt of ball under hapless body of Gomes goal?

Not sure how the decisions we don't get against United (when added up) can be explained in terms of annoyance and why they continue to happen - but regardless of the injustice any club of any colour experiences the end result is this:

Accept the mistake made, if its in your advantage or against you because the law of averages would deem that karma will set things right in another game. Even if you tally 'em up and find yourself counting the good on one hand and the bad requiring the hands of twenty.

It's fair they all say. And to keep crying victim is unbecoming of us (the scousers have copyright, I've checked).

However, the Hudd goal at Fulham. The Stoke goal not given. Are these really comparable to the Mendas 'goal', the Webb penalty decision and couple of other hugely contentious incidents? It's not exactly offside and let's have goal line technology please, is it? I guess yellow cards dished out for tackles for one team but ignored for tackles for the opposing side, time and time again, is also contentious. But then that's also a very regular pattern in the game, the country over.

Re: That Mendes 'goal' - I know the lino had his head down and never saw the ball cross the line, but surely when he lifted his head up and looked across to the goal - something a certain ref also supposedly did if he was concentrating and doing his job - considering Carroll got himself out of the goal from behind the line in a mental scramble wouldn't logic suggest the ball must have also been behind the line for the keeper to have been behind the line?

Oh Christ, I'm going to go off on a tangent here. Let's not. It's part of football legend now. Discussed to death. And it would seem, accepted in the realms of the upper tier.

So no more playing the victim. It hasn't helped us and it hasn't changed things. Them the breaks, and if it happens to your advantage you should lap it up. It's part and parcel. The mistakes. Delivered with ample consistent incompetence by the officials time and time again. Why even bother bothering?

I guess you might well ask how exactly can we manage to dig out for ourselves something like the Nani goal to our advantage in a game (for the last time, THE GOAL AGAINST STOKE DOES NOT COMPARE) is easily answered. It's whether the question is being asked inside our beloved club amongst management and players. It's whether we want to be asking it.

The answer would be to simply start c**ting off the opposition. Yep, lose a bit of class and become a winner. You'll still need support. Play in red, and you'll get it every time.

Or, I don't know, perhaps, ya know, if we grew some b*llocks and followed through on our motto and took control of the destiny of the game placing it beyond the man in black with the whistle in his hand and the opposition's gleeful handling of said delivered parcel of love.

Mental strength, hey? If only we could sign up some of that in the Jan transfer window. Because ref's are out of our league, for now at least.

So let's give Cluttenburg and Webb and every other ref that has dicked as or helped us by way of comedy a massive round of applause.

Start clapping in 3...2...1...

As for Spurs, heads up, we're playing some lovely stuff, we have some fantastic players. We're not far off from getting it right. Honestly, have faith. I'm not drunk.

Clattenburg 2 Tottenham 0

Let's get the Nani goal out of the way first.

I'm doing this from memory as I watched it on a stream and if there is anything that's not quite on the money with regards to the time-line of the incident and it's events, then talk up. That's the whole point of a discussion thread.

Okay, so here we go...


1) Nani in the box, Kaboul is pulling the red shirt down, and the United player decides he may as well give into gravity and tumble over. He handballs the ball after falling (diving). The ref doesn't award a penalty - which is contentious because they've been given for that sort of thing in the past - but equally so, you could argue he went to ground with relative ease. Would have been soft if it was awarded. Probably because Nani tried far too hard to con the ref when it wasn't necessary.

2) No matter if you think it was a pen, a dive or just a nothing incident - there was no indication from the ref or the lino at this juncture that the hand ball had been acknowledged by either of them. Was not a penalty for certain as far as the ref was concerned. And I don't remember that much of a protest from the United players who got on with the game.

3) Now this is where it gets a bit messy. The only certainty at this point is that Nani had blatantly and unequivocally handled the ball. So much so that the Spurs players - and especially Gomes - do not, for a single second, think that it is anything other than a stone cold free-kick. So much so, they take it for granted.

In fact, note the assistant referee at this stage of the incident. He doesn't raise his flag because he assumes Clattenburg - who witnessed the fall (dive) in the box and the handball - is taking control because of the obviousness. What I mean by control is - unquestionably making it clear it was a free kick. Except the ref doesn't make anything clear.

4) So, this far, we have a blatant handball, Clattenburg (as far as I could tell) was in clear sight. But either he didn't see it or did see, but either way - as the official - doesn't make it clear to anyone other than the voice in his head. The assistant ref (the lino), sees it but makes a mistake. He doesn't raise his flag and wave it about. Had he done so, Clattenburg would have been forced into using his arm and hands and voice to clearly state free-kick/play on/whatever - although a free kick would probably have been given due to the raising of the lino's flag. And everyone's mistake it to accept the obvious, i.e. a free-kick from a dead ball.

4) Gomes, dear innocent Gomes, places the ball down (having looked at Nani and shook his head at the player and then looked at the lino for confirmation which might have been given with a stare or again a telepathic assumption, which is hardly the basis you should accept). Again, another massive assumption in the belief that everybody on the pitch understand that Nani handled the ball.

And I'm certain everyone on the pitch did. Including Fletcher (I think it was) who shouted at Nani to drop back to defend. Everyone apart from Nani, who knew he had handled the ball and also knew the ref had not blown his whistle or made it abundantly clear what was meant to be going on. I think Clattenburg was running back to the half-way line at this point. Which begs the question, did he think Gomes was taking the free-kick or that the keeper was going to play advantage?

5) So Gomes places the ball down (twice) ten yards from the actual incident, then remonstrates with his players to get out of he box, and Nani looks around (did he ask permission from the ref or someone if it was okay to kick the ball?) and then kicks the ball under Gomes and in. Apologetic celebration, looking around at first, making sure it counted. Which it did. Which he accepted.

6) Everyone (in Lilywhite) goes a bit mental, Gomes running to the lino smacking his arm/hand, and the lino decides now is the best moment to be lifting his flag up and waves it for the attention of Mark. Clattenburg has already given a goal, but runs down to his assistant, listens to his assistant (who has already mouthed to Gomes 'I know' in response to 'handball') but alas...it's not disallowed.

Too much has happened. Clattenburg signals again, it's a goal. Two things here - the lino flagging when prompted by Gomes (why did he not do it when the hand ball happened so he can make sure the ref saw it so they could both be on the same page in terms of the flow of the game? Or do such incidents, where hand ball occur, always result with a free-kick, therefore, no need for communication? Well? Second thing worth mentioning; Pav flapping his arms like a chicken at the lino.

7) Also - you've got to laugh at our players being told to walk away from the lino whilst Rio is allowed to stand next to both Clattenburg and the lino and stick his oar in. Although if he talks like he tweets, there's a likelihood neither understood his complaining.

8) It's 2-0 and that's that.

9) If you look back (on my stream of the game) the goal was missed because they were showing a replay - so that makes it the linesman, the fans (me and everyone else watching it would seem), the players on both sides and the frigging television producers - all making the assumption it was a dead ball kick. Playing advantage only works when the keeper with the ball in his hands actually knows it's advantage - which the ref failed to do.

10) Therefore: No communication from Clattenburg. Nothing definitive. Other than the ref running up the pitch away from the box where the ball was. Would you run up the pitch if you (the ref) had decided that the ball was still in play? Why not remain close(r) to the action until you can work out what the keeper is going to do?

11) Can I mention the handball again? If the ref saw it, which he must of if he was playing 'advantage' - then why exactly? It's slack. Also, where was the yellow card for Nani? Or is it okay to dismiss it and just forgive and let us have advantage so no time is lost in our favour? And loop yourself back to 10 again.

12) Do you see how the ref is responsible for birthing this bastard United debauchery of balls? No matter laying blame on Gomes for not playing to the whistle, it's still comes down to a creation of a goal out of subtle yet chaotic mismanagement of an incident. I'll say it again: If you're going to not do the obvious ( award a free-kick, yellow card the player) at least signal it's advantage. If by not doing anything, its therefore advantage, then it allows for too much ambiguity.

Also - Did the ref whistle at any stage? If he did initally, then surely its a free-kick. If he didn't - then why the f*ck not?

Conclusions

Fact is Clattenburg should have either made it abundantly clear it was an advantage - regardless of 'play to the whistle'. Everyone (apart from Nani who was sulking on the ground because he didn't get a pen) run off down the pitch - it tells you they all thought it was a free-kick. Had Clattenburg awarded the free-kick. No controversy. Had Clattenburg signalled advantage, no controversy. There is remonstrating of Gomes to his players around the box that might hint at some type of confusion, I did notice that. But I think that had more to do with Gomes wanting to pass it out to one of them rather than booting it down the pitch.

I wish we lost 1-0, instead of having that second go in. Because people will talk about yet another injustice when the reality is, we didn't quite have it going on in the final third. It's almost like we can't just lose at Old Trafford, we have to lose and there has to be something ridiculous in there to mess with our minds.

Lesson for us is simply: Do not entrust in the officials, do not leave doubt and ambiguity in what plays out simply by playing to the whistle. Talk to the ref if you have to. Just don't make assumptions even though it was more than obvious it was hand ball and should have been a  free-kick.

Should, should, should.

Ref f*cked up. No question about it. It's now two for Clattenburg (you haven't forgotten about the Mendes goal have you - the one that would have blipped this woeful 68 game run of no wins away to the monopoly). Oh Howard, at least your calamities were more straightforward.

Next season, let's save ourselves a journey up there and just default the game.

Next blog article - I will not refer to any of this and just talk about the actual performance and players. Don't want all this dizziness to get in the way of what really matters. The football. And our season.