Back from Berlin
Tuesday, June 7, 2011 at 9:11PM Guten Tag. Berlin was superb. If this was a travel blog I'd chit chat about their impeccable transport system of trams and buses, wide roads and the cycling lanes that cater for the exceptionally fit females and the exceptionally lucky males.
Graffiti on the East Side, Oranienburger Straße Playboy bunny streetwalkers (I only bantered with them, honestly), fantastic quantities of beer, beautiful local women, hidden day time canal bars, clubs and drinking till 5am. Not forgetting Currywurst. And 30 degree heat.
Did I mention how exceptionally fit local women in Berlin are?
On arrival back in Blighty I've had to quickly scan the various hotbeds of discussion (mainly Twitter and Glory Glory) to find out what I've missed during the days spent fleeing various seedy establishments that were meant to be lap dancing clubs that turned out to be brothels controlled by the Russian Mafia.
I've probably missed countless references by ITK community members citing 'We might be interested' and 'it's 50% going to happen' but I'll just day dream and make up soundbites of information in my head and I'm sure I'll have all their shared insider knowledge covered off in seconds.
As for the news that hit the mainstream and worthy of a word or two...
Joe Cole
The legendary 'calculator of probability' has been dusted off once more whilst the cheap headline hugging journos and enthusiasts perpetuate ITK nonsense that we're interested in the player for a cool £3M. I say nonsense because from our perspective, it's deep in the realm of unnecessary. Another central midfielder who can play out on the flank, sort of. Ta, but no thanks. We got us a collection. The club have dismissed it, which is strange because that sort of adds weight to the probability of it being discussed internally then rejected. Otherwise, why not just release a statement on every slice of nonsense that's published?
I say nonsense (again) because, well, tbh there is no requirement for the calculator of probability to be used when Joe Cole's name is mentioned. If he's available, by default, no matter the variables - Harry Redknapp's name will always form the basis of the formula. It's a 'textbook' Harry signing on paper. If this was any other club it would probably happen even if there was no point to it. If it did happen and he signed for us; riots.
Jamie O'Hara to Wolves
Talk of it being official but won't be until either Wolves or Spurs say so (that's the only ITK that matters). Yes, Jamie has a big heart and he gives it 100% with his energy and desire and the constant running around. But that's hardly reason enough to retain him, aided by his various dips of loyalty when out on loan. For back up, for squad depth...we need something better than what he can offer. He'll do well at Wolves. Players who are tagged with 'big hearts' (and nothing more) tend to be players that perhaps lack other vital ingredients to be more than just cover for a first teamer.
Martin Jol
Welcome back. Good to have the big man in the Prem again. Less pressure than previous jobs, no disrespect to Fulham. Their fans will adore him. But let's end this fallacy about his ability. Sure, Comolli undermined him, the Berbatov saga didn't help either. But BMJ struggled a little when it mattered most. We'll never know how it could have panned out had he been supported by chairman and DoF. All we know is that in Germany and Holland he's not made gigantic leaps forward in management progression. You might want to hug him more than you'd want to hug Harry, but he might not offer much more than the statistically better Redknapp. Shame Harry doesn't have the personality Martin does. If he had, well, you work it out.
Old man Brad Friedel
Not much to say about this one. We let our loan keeper go. We need a third man with gloves, so we sign one. I still think Gomes will retain his place in goal. With CC and Friedel looking to impress in training, the
pressure is on for a better more consistent standard to be produced by the Brazilian. Unless I have it completely wrong and Brad has been offered the number one jersey, CC is number two and a young keeper is set to be promoted or signed for extra extra cover. Answer will present itself at some point in the next two months if the erratic Heurelho is sacrificed and sold.
Leandro Damiao
If I've learnt anything from You Tube videos it's this: don't take it for granted that what you see is what you end up getting. Had that been the case, then Rebrov (pre-you tube but movie files did the rounds at the time) would have decimated the Prem with his trickery and outlandish finishing, Kuyt was a rampaging goal-machine and Berbatov only scored tap-ins. You'll have seen the linked goal video before. A collection of deft finishes with some daft sitters to balance it all out. Honest footage, if anything. Excites then leaves you scratching your head.
Lazy linkage (i.e. Diarra)
Over at Real Madrid Lassana Diarra has handed in a transfer request and wants to return to England. I'm going to refer back to the calculator of probability and the Harry Redknapp formula for this one. Ex-Redknapp signing, ex-Spurs target therefore we must be interested in him. This will blatantly lead the way for Sandro to be sold to his rightful La Liga home. Either that or we're all set for a 0-10-0 formation next season.
Modric
Spurs player.
Latest Harry quote
“It’s been busy – I’ve been busy doing nothing really, we haven’t got anywhere. There’s been lots of phone calls, lots of talk in the newspapers but we’re really at the moment not close to making any signings and certainly not looking to sell any of our better players.”
Who needs the 'In the Know' latest via message boards when we get it delivered out in the open without the cryptic messages by the gaffer? You would hope it's nothing more than disinformation (apart from the bit about not selling). You would hope the directive from Levy to Harry is to keep it all hush hush and say alot but actually say nothing. Which is what he's done here.
Unless he's telling the truth. If he is, imma buy me a crack pipe.
England
Crap transport system, crap national side. I know as a supporter I'm meant to support but I'm without the desire to do so at the moment and I've been soulless with the international set-up for some time. Hope we do well, hope we qualify. Just not a fan of some of the players or the football and it's politics. I hope there's some rejuvenation at some point in the future. Crazy to think at one point in the past England was as important to me as Spurs.
I think that covers it. Did I miss anything?
Berlin women: High percentage of 8/9 out of 10s.
Reader Comments (32)
Welcome back Spooks!
I think you forgot to mention how exceptionally fit local women are in Berlin.
Yes a surprising lack of information about the Local female population observed
have read all the goss in papers etc - but am not aware of.....are any of our players in their last year of contract ? or anyone looking for the out door ?? - also how long have we got keane if we cant flog him to big jol ??...o and does dos santos belong to us still and where is he....?? apologies if i am being thick with any of this....
You should try Zagreb, walking round there made me wonder why any footballer would ever leave Dinamo
Spooks, is there any truth in the rumour Defoe may be signing for Hertha Berlin and if so any reasons why?
You are (without doubt) the best writer of any football site there is. Fucking brilliant...as always.
Up The Spurs!
I'm hoping all close and personal friends get married in the next five years so we can organise stags across all other cities I've yet to sample.
Christ knows where I'll be having mine. Won't be able to make up my mind.
Mein cum inder under pants Spooky Lokking at the Local Krumpet
Fantastic
Wouldn't mind leandro at the lane. The only decent Brazilian we'd seen at the lane before sandro was when Abby Clancey slipped going up the steps to take her seat in the west stand.
Colsey. Johnny two saints is on loan at racing Santander. He's still got two years on his contract with us but says he wants to stay in spain. He's performed ok for them so we might get half decent money for him.
Ok, so how many of these exceptionally fit women are at this moment wistfully thinking of their hours of passion with you ?
I behaved.
I liked your post about the England international set-up. Although I now live in Canada I follow the Spurs and England --having grown up a stone throw from WHL and often went to the old Wembley. However with England it is becoming more and more desperate to find a glimmer of anything on which to base hope. I see the latest excuse was fatigue---- after all 100,000 quid a week must be tiring to carry around. Unforunately for all involved the latest lack of performance was juxtaposed with the grace and skill of Barcelona's humiliation of the Premiership's best team, so maybe we are all just kidding ourselves abou England.
If I were an organizational consultant I would look at the shambles of the World Cup last year, not one good performance by the team or any one player, the number of players who do not want to play for England any more, and the shambolic perfomances since then. Oh yes I forgot we beat Wales impressively :). My conclusion would be the problem is systemic and for that we have to blame the FA. It is simply laughable, they criticise FIFA over Sepp Blather yet re-appoint Capello. No wonder we are all losing interest and hope.
In some ways Spurs alleged interest in Cole is not unrelated. It seems we are wanting to put together a team of pensioners who thrive on their reputations. Have we not been linked with Becks, Bellamy plus other past their peak players, which is what England are consistently doing? I am even reluctant not to include the 'mature' Parker as among those 'oldies' Spurs want, his performance against Swizerland being mediocre at best. I would back the current England 21 squad against the senior team --after all it might evn make an interesting Charity Shield game with winner take all.
I'm just coming to the end of a 5 year period like that. Had some crazy adventures across Europe. I'd recommend Prague - where I had my stag. Great clubs, great locals, cheap beer if you avoid the tourist traps. And we went shooting - ak-47, sniper rifle, pump action shotguns and magnums. Brilliant fun.
Off to Ibiza for the latest one this weekend. Never too old for the White Isle.
I think all our missus are so accustomed to us going on these trips we'll be able to carry if on long after the last of us is hitched. Well... That's the plan anyway :-)
"like"
Been to Prague. Loved it.
The White Island? Favourite place on the planet. We Love Sundays at Space followed by DC10 is where I'm having my stag.
Good choice Spooky! I've got those two this weekend plus Defected at Pacha on Saturday. Ive been over there 7 times but it'll be my first visit to Space and DC-10. Can't wait!!!
I obviously need to propose first. Slight technicality that.
Are they sure Fulham signed the right Jol? His brothers Cock and Dick (their real names) were also available.
what spurs fan in their right mind would want to see sandro leave for la liga? not a bad article mate, some very good summing up, but our best player of the last few games should not be sold! line up with 10 in midfield? if we had 3 sandro would be in there with modric and bale!
Your comment about the National side really strikes a chord. I used to care more about international games than Spurs, and love seeing Spurs players in the England Team.
Now I prefer them not to risk getting injured and don't bother watching that boring rubbish and distrust the FA.
Thanks for your comment jj. We all loved seeing you play for England. Now, we would all love seeing you play for QPR next season. Please go....
Welcome back Spooky.
8/9 out of 10? Wow. Its only 2s/3s over here :-(
That's a bit harsh ronnie, I'm sure JJ could do a decent job in italian league. He'd still struggle with the whole concentration thing though. ;)
Spooks, being away is great, you come back, and stll the same stories, it's like a media time warp, a circle of lies and denials.
A modern day Theory of Mobius if you like (not to be confused with the Möbius function, of course).
Never been to Berlin, did Munich once, but it was December so chances of rating anyone was based upon puffa jackets and fur coats, nice clean city though, and excellent transport links.
(and Prague will always have a special place in my heart, as will monaco).
Btw, apparently we are now definitely not selling: bale, modric and sandro.
You heard it hear first!
Continental women rule , that's just a fact.Paris, Berlin , Riga , Ghent/Antwerp , Prague but especially Ljubjlana have massive amounts of fit women ...
Henderson £20m Modric £40m
I behaved.
Yep, and Joe Cole's having his medical at the Lodge as we speak.
I have the will of a Spartan.
cole was no-where near the lodge at the time you were speaking, fact!
I'm a bit disturbed that we're not doing anything other than talking, while other clubs are already starting to snap up players.
United have moved quickly to secure Phil Jones, Liverpool have snagged Henderson (though he's not worth half Sunderland's valuation), Chelsea are eyeing up a number of deals including Lukaku to possibly sign this weekend.
If we don't do something early in the window we're going to find ourselves snapping up left-over scraps rather than prime cuts. People are now speculating that we're going to add Lampard & Rio to the old man's club that Harry's looking to create...... God help us.......
Even Klose has gone and joined Lazio.......
Harry says he's asked Levy to buy 3 world class players, which means we will get none. Levy won't buy until he's offloaded some from the wage bill.
I HATE THE TRANSFER WINDOW!!!!!
But at least the Gooners are quiet and about to lose their one talismanic player ... And Lukaku is a very rough diamond that will have to be bought at a very high price , so wait and see if that will pay off
Fwat fwank at the Lane ? Rio, Parker , Cole (allbeit that seems to be a rubbish rumour) ...
Have a little faith in Levy , and while we are at it i see myself forced to have a little faith in Harry 2 , i love the summer but football wise i ll be happy when September comes (or devestated that we ended up with Parker and Adam and still have Crouch)
I honestly think this is about to be the most ridiculous merry-go round of transfers we have ever seen.
£16 and £20 million already on two youngsters. I can honestly see why Harry is concerned, the whole thing is a circus and right now there just isn't enough money to support it. Unproven geordies with long hair going for £35million in the last transfer window, the world has indeed gone mad.
I'll think we'll spend, but hopefully wisely. Given our stadium situation I wonder whether we are starting to see how difficult it will be to keep up with the joneses.
I can't wait too what happens when the new UEFA regs come in.
And now we go and offer £9-10 million for a Uruguayan striker who scored THREE goals last season.......