100% nailed on and done and dusted - redux
Monday, July 5, 2010 at 1:00PM Back in May 2009 I shared exclusive snippets from the soon to be published book 'Diary of an ITK'. Which should be out soon. There appears to be a void in these current summer months that is usually occupied by the 'In the Know' community drowning us with various cryptic forum posts revealing (or should that be disguising?) the latest bit of inside info, we all so desperately crave. Because, you know, we need to know about it so that we're not surprised or shocked when it actually happens. Because God darn it, we just have to know!
So, in the mean time, here's some more extracts from the 'Diary' to enjoy whilst we wait.
Monday
Weather not great today. Slightly overcast. Not guaranteed but expect to be taking an umbrella with me. Looks like it's going to rain heavily. Ignoring the weather reports that suggest otherwise. It's going to happen people.
-
It hasn't happened. It's about 85 degrees Fahrenheit out here. I'm drenched in sweat. I'm thinking deodorant. It's a massive possibility. Announcement shortly. Umbrella now not part of the deal. These things happen.
-
Game on. Using the roll-on now. Can confirm both armpits. Can't reveal my source. But let's just say, I trust him and he's not let me down before. Passed on deodorant spray due to lack of discount offer. Roll-on fits in with my needs perfectly. I'm Sure this will be a massive success.
-
It's looking good. Feeling confident and assured. Caught my reflection in the shop window, looking sexy. Don't shoot the messenger. Just stating the facts. I smell good.
-
Will need to be careful with this new information I have as can't reveal too much, so here goes. Can't see me going for the Angus, would be too much beef and it's questionable whether the deal would be regarded as 'king'. The other Scottish target is a no-go also. Too many people in for that one. Too obvious. Looking for new options, possibly continental. Can't reveal anything more at the minute. Don't take my word for it just be patient as I expect things to move on soon. Working hard behind the scenes to get this sorted out. Do not mistake co-incidence for fate. 4 8 15 16 23 42. Can't say anymore brother.
-
This is big. You're going to want to sit down for this. I have it on good authority this is going to happen very soon. 93.4% done. Nailed on. Expect an announcement later on today about Al Fresco. It's in the bag! Very excited!
-
Fresco deal is dead in the water. Too expensive. Decided on a salad from Marks and Spencers instead. Should be done and dusted in around 10 minutes. Let's just wait and see. Expecting confirmation once I receive my cash-back and receipt.
-
For all you doubters, the salad has left the building. Happy days.
-
I just burped. Don't ask me how or why or where it came from.
-
Reading the latest football news on NewsNow via my iphone. Joe Cole linked again. And Harry has been talking about Diego Forlan also. Mentioned this to Becky (on a voicecall) who works behind the counter at the Spurs Shop and asked if she had heard anything. She said 'Yeah'. She says she saw something in The Sun the other day. Will find a 3G hotspot to browse the forums. Then return home in time for Hollyoaks.
-
Later that day, posted in a Tottenham message board:
COLE (J) HAVING MEDICAL AT SPURS AGREED DEAL HARRY GAURANNTEDD COLE TO PLAY IN MIDDLE OF PARK. COLE WANTED TO BE REUNITED WITH HARRY. EXPECT THIS TO GO THROUGH IN THE NEXT 94 HOURS. PRESS CONFERENCEE WILL FOLLOW LOOK FOR NEWS ON OFFICIAL WEBSITE. IF DEAL FALLS THROUGH FORLAAN TO SIGN. MY SOURCE CAN CONFIRM BOTH SIGHTED AT WHITE HEART LANE. ALL NEW SIGNINGS TO BE ANNOUNCCED BEFORE TRANSFER DEADLINE DATEE.
The diary will be available from all good book shops in July. Maybe August. Possibly September. Cost? £4.99 but might rise to £7.99 on HP.
Reader Comments (87)
Man: Good morning, I'd like to have an argument, please.
Receptionist: Certainly, sir. Have you been here before?
LemonadeMoney - you can just fuck right off. What do you think you are doing coming on here and referring to some shit like that? ; )
You can both just fuck right off
:p
The average Spurs fan hates Spooky. Fact.
Make love not war.
Brilliant.
Spooky - classic writing mate, still laughing at the burp bit!! :o)
Spursman79 - small suggestion about this and most spurs sites, take them with a pinch of salt and in good humour because the only site where you will get 100% confirmed, nailed on, done and dusted information is the main spurs site and if you fell for the title it serves you right for basically being impatient and looking for so called ITK info in the first place - more fool you but dont knock those on here like Spooky and the rest of us who have a laugh at his articles, thats just rude. And before you insist your the victim here, i do remember you firing the first shot at Spooky about his article, he cant help it if people back him and his humourous article up any more than you can help having your small issue. Lighten up, its a bit of fun and maybe learn the meaning of the word 'redux' it might have helped prevent you coming on here or maybe read the article in full, particularly the bit about the quotes being from a book...
Just a friendly idea... no need to jump up and down in caps at me, im just trying to help!! :o) PEACE!
Sry about my son folks. Going to take him upstairs and empty my bag in is face.
spursman for the love of god,if you have never entered spooky's blog before you will never understand the way he jokes.It's just a satirical way of how certain itk's try to make us believe they are the real deals in transfer activity.When it comes to real articles spooky has been for numerous times more than brilliant.Mate,being as deluded as you are,you should just search for another hobby.
Yup...you can write. I thought maybe you were George Plimpton having a laugh, but then I remembered he was dead - so possibly not. Keep up the good work my man, whoever you might be.
class as always
satire (n).
1)
a. A literary work in which human vice or folly is attacked through IRONY, derision, or wit.
b. The branch of literature constituting such works.
That's the dictionary definition of satire.
To expand on that, satire is the deliberate pouring of scorn or ridicule on a social vice. Because its foundation stones are sarcasm and irony, satire uses the same styles/mannerisms/language as the thing that it is satirising.
That is why, spursman, the title, far from being used to mislead people into reading the piece, HAS to be as it is. Or are you suggesting that a satirical piece refrains from having a satirical title?
You have grossly overreacted to and cast utterly erroneous aspersions on what is a witty, humourous, and intelligent piece of work that highlights the paucity of what is rapidly becoming an unhealthy aspect of football reportage.
You have attempted to defend the indefensible (your viewpoint) as you have seemingly failed to understand the point of the piece. One does not even need to have read the original piece to find the 'redux' funny and even thought-provoking.
If you lack the education or wit to understand it, that is not a sin. The sin is in the fact that you have tried to denigrate something which you seemingly have failed to understand, simply because you did not understand it. Next time I would suggest you address your own deficiencies before lambasting what you perceive to be someone else's.
And, lest I forget, congratulations, spooky on an excellent piece - one I thoroughly enjoyed!
Kudos.
I don't know what the hell you lot are talking about to be frank but Al Fresco has just signed for the spammers for 85k a week and a big pile of dirty videos
Classic, just classic. Did people actually think Redux was a player?
how could forlan be spotted at whl. He's at the World Cup right??
For the love of God
Thanks for the latest transfer news spooky, Forlan will be great.
Are you sure it was him seen at WHL and not Sally Gunnell ?
pure gold.....on every level, how dyou get so lucky spooky? You couldn't have made those responses up. Once more a cracking article. You have to put this on the showcase.....someone poke spursman with a stick please....
My word I can't believe people are getting annoyed with a great read!! Expecting something different with that title??? Get a grip some of you.... Great article enjoyed lots..!
It s getting hard to seperate the satire, cynisim and downright naivity in the responses but great read nonetheless ...
This blog delivers on all fronts.
Who do satire, cynisim and naivity play for and when are we signing them ?
Satire used to be the manager of Liverpool but is off to Italy , Cynism is at the arse and Naivity was last signaled at Portsmouth , used to be their financial director or something
Thanks for the info Belgian, you are certainly ITK.
I enjoy reading 'Dear Mr Levy'. Light entertainment, I reckon. Spursman must have gotten up from the wrong side of the bed.
Honestly, seeing the headline how could you even think that this article would be anything other than satire?! I love these blogs, and they are certainly more interesting to read than the same re-processed bullshit that fills my newsnow everyday. Good work!
spursman79 you are actually the most moronic person I have ever come across.....and I have been on quite a few forums. Congratulations!
I am ITK, this is absolutely 100% nailed on, cast iron, with bells on the top.
I have been told by a very reliable source that, and I quote "Spurs are looking at several players, Strikers, midfielders and defenders." I asked where these players were based and was told "Don't quote me but they may be based in the UK, mainland Europe, South America or Asia" This insider, who is very close to Levy then went on to say "The list has been passed to Levy and he is doing all he can to bring in these key signings that will ensure that the 1st team squad is greatly strengthened" I then asked if he could give me any cryptic clue on these names and he went on to say "Ham salad would taste better on coal bricks then throw a mint at a rodent trapper". I could not get any more info out of the man...but I will continue to ask.
I also asked him about the current players that we are linked to and he only went on to say, and again I quote "Well..yes..Joey Cole loves Arry and the same can be said in return, but...and don't quote me when I say that Joey Cole has been diagnosed with a rare bone disorder. These bones of his will continue to grow over the next few years and will cause hideous mutations in the lad. Arry couldn't bare to listen to chants from the crowd such as "You got John Merrick on the left..who's the elephant on the left" or "He only plays for the peanuts, plays for the peeeeeeeeanuts" etc etc. So there you go, I am now sure that Joey Cole will not join us, unless we adopt a "freak show" entertainment interlude at half time.
Update, just got a text from Ben (FTL)
"Hurry quik I fool owt ov me trea need help faster"
the_truth - for goodness sake man stop messing with Spursman79's head, that is just cruel!!!
LMFAO.
This is by far the best thing ive read in months!
The article was brilliant, but the responses. . . .
Some spurs fans shouldnt be let anywhere near WHL for fear of catching their stupid.
COYS!
Hahahahahaha. Spot on Spooky, fantastic writing. Your work will always go over certain heads, don't let that put you off.
who ever put joe cole havein a medical is a lier it looks like he is going to join liverpool even jamie redknapp says he havein chats with liverpool so there it is we not signin joe cole who do we get now then coys
Thanks Spooky,
Raised a smile with me anyway
Bloody hell spooks you better get on the weights this Spursman79 sounds pissed of and Angry who would want to be a blogger . He must have escaped from another site or its you Spooks doing a davspurs and creating a scitzo friend Ttherumourman likes Spooks because he spreads rumours. 79 What position is that i like 69 but i have not heard of 79 dont be to hard on the frightened one Spooky he is just keeping is fingers fit waiting for the Vuvezules to go quite and the Dutch steroids to win the World enhanced Cup England proved the drugs. Don't Work or we had a bad batch . So take it in the Spirit it was written by the Spooksmyster
I can confirm that we won't sign Nativity until January as his contract runs out just after Christmas.
Time for the secret diary of spursman79 he would love to see his name up on newsnow