'Let's Relegate Newcastle' - Ended Edition
Monday, May 25, 2009 at 5:11PM It would appear this long running series has worked.
And as I sit here, party hat on head, smoking a Cuban cigar, I’m wondering if I’m over doing the celebrating. But it is the Bank Holiday weekend, and Newcastle United are now a Championship side. Which, obviously, means that Match of the Day next season will be watchable thanks to the fact that any potential extra smugness has been edged off Mr Shearer who would have been positively insufferable had he returned to the sofa as the messiah that saved the Toon from relegation. I know it’s a selfish self-satisfying wish to see him fail simply for my dislike of his footballing persona. But that’s just me. And sure, the irony of all this is that their failure to defeat Fulham at St James Park almost certainly cost them their Premier League status and in a twist of fate stopped us from claiming a late great entry into the Europa League. Although that’s very much forced irony as the first two months of the season truly cost us any real chance of European football.
The scenes at Villa Park were grim for the Geordies. Tears and broken hearts that we might have experienced ourselves up at Anfield had our players not reacted to the appointment of Harry Redknapp. To be completely truthful – I do feel a little sympathetic for their fans. Just a little. Because that could have been us. But if it was, we’d get so much in the way of abuse and laughter directed our way that it’s only right to laugh back. Just a little.
Fifteen players on 50k per week or more, Owen apparently takes up around 10% of their overall wage budget – this is a club that has to avoid the Leeds United syndrome or run the risk of remaining in the lower leagues for several years as they rebuild from the bottom up. Slowly slowly. They might not have a choice now their 16 years in the top flight is over.
Their defeat at Villa summed up their miserable season, unable to muster up any form of possession and sustained determination to bully their way to a final day result. A Barry mis-shot going nowhere deflected into the goal by Duff. 1-0 Villa. The dream is over.
At one point during this season, we were the worst side in the Prem. No self pride or respect for the badge. No urgency or spirit. No passion or will to win. It was always in there somewhere, and it re-emerged with the players led by an experienced manager who dragged the club out of the mire and high above all the depression down below.
Match of the Day, season 2010: Watchable
We make mistakes at Spurs. But clubs in our position (non-Sky Sports Top Four©) are forced into it as we strive to desperately get within touching distance of the Champions League. The impatience that is siphoned through the fans and media and into the boardroom results in a fragmented seasonal journey. But in comparison to Newcastle United, we run a tight ship. When things go wrong, we are more hotel cabaret than a circus of clowns you’ll find up in the North East.
Mike Ashley, owner of Newcastle, and fan who might actually be a Spurs/Arsenal/West Ham supporter – who along with Paul Kemsley apparently attempted to buy Spurs (phew) is responsible more than anyone for the mess up there. Attempting to appease yourself to fans by downing pints and wearing club colours to games says all you need to know about the superficiality of his tenure at the club. His decisons drowned in a suffocating ocean of naivety.
The sacking of Big Sam and appointment of King Kev illustrates that he was driven by supporter-power. An almost ‘I’m one of the people and will go forth and do what the people want’ ethos which has never amounted to much in the past.
Villa's got Talent
Remember Allardyce standing in the technical area, with two or three Newcastle fans standing up to the right of him singing ‘You don’t know what you’re doing’? It would seem no one at Newcastle does. Sure the football wasn’t pretty under Big Sam but it’s doubtful they would been relegated if all fans and directors held out for a little longer. Playing a certain style and sacrificing other more ugly necessities to retain that beautiful football ethic is something that hasn’t worked too often – so why not suck it all up and wait and see what direction it all takes. When we had Graham at the Lane you can argue our reaction at times was a little similar to those at St James Park – but times have changed. As seen by the appointment of Harry Redknapp – something us Spurs fans could not have dreamt of 5 years ago.
You might not like it, you might not agree with it. It's different to what's come before. But don't dismiss it until it's had a chance.
Instead, in came Keegan for a short cameo. Then off he went thanks to Dennis Wise. Joe Kinnear briefly took the helm and then Alan Shearer – linked to the club several times already – finally decides to get off his MotD sofa and attempt to save the club, with just 8 games left. Obviously understanding that he can’t lose as no matter the final outcome, he is one of the clubs untouchables.
But lose he did.
Hearing his post-match interview speech, he made no excuses and was up front and gave an honest assessment of the season as a whole blaming everyone – including himself – for the mess the club are in. IMO, a brilliant piece of PR spin giving off a modest forthright conclusion which will now lead to plenty ‘will he stay or will he go’ Sky Sports News sound-bites. Anyone could describe the wrongs of Newcastles season because it was blantantly obvious to anyone who follows football why they've finished third from bottom.
But if Shearer really did take stock of the Newcastle United legacy he would have told Mike Ashley that appointing another messiahesque publicity media fan friendly manager was exactly the wrong type of decision that has pummelled them into the Championship. He should never have taken the job.
For Ashley, appointing a legend would mean if they failed to stay up, the blame wouldn’t be as crucifying an affair because it’s Alan Shearer who took them down. The mentality here is, if Shearer can't save them no one can. The reality is, someone with years of experience might have. Or possibly not. The players have been half arsed for most of the season and only a fool would have risked taking the job.
For Shearer it was already a difficult task and considering what came before, the overall blame is shared by many. And that’s his fail-safe. The reason he could take the job in the first place, knowing full well that he could assess how best to go forward and whether he believes himself to be up for the job. The fact he is being considered actually proves nothing has been learnt.
If Shearer wasn’t an ex-Newcastle player, what other credentials does he possess to be a manager and help a club that's in such a perilous position? Just because you are idolised doesn’t mean you can galvanise.
Ashley should have replaced Allardyce (having decided to get rid of him) with a Redknapp style appointment. Although Sam was probably meant to be just that in the first place.
Apparently Shearer is the only one who can bring them back up again, even though he practically admitted he has failed the club. How about, I don't know it's a zany thing to suggest but perhaps an experienced coach as the next appointment? Even - shock horror - someone who has no ties to Newcastle United. Enough of the fantasy football fairytale. Buckle up and bite the bullet.
I wish them luck but with the likes of Ashley at the club, I'm not certain they will find it easy. Would help if they had players that aspired to have the same passion as their fans. But alas, everyone up there is a little delusional.
So, here we are. The upside of it is we can all safely watch Match of the Day next season knowing we only have to put up with Hansen and Lawerson. Don't worry. I have plans for them too.
Now, excuse me. I’ve got another cigar to smoke.
Reader Comments (68)
"non-Media Top Four©"
Fixed
So it's all down to you and your witchcraft.
Can you now concentrate on Spurs and do something about Gareth Bale?
I wouldn't crow too much because there but for the Grace of God goes our Spurs.
I know many Spurs fans deride Newcastle fans for thinking that they are a "big club" and they do the same to us but Geordies are great people and more turn out every home game to support them than we do at Spurs because, amongst other things, they have a bigger, better stadium than us, they have finished in the top4 of the Premier League which we haven't and in general should be in the PL.
The only thing I would say from a Spurs perspective is that it saves from losing at least 3 and more often 6 points next season. The only club relegation that would really raise my spirits would be the Arsene Wenger foreign mercenary academy, but unfortunately the Devil takes care of his own.
If we had gone down it would have been unbearable to step outside or online. I think Spooky is right. It could have been us. We just happen to have better players and more of team than they do. Something Ramos didn't quite work out either.
Ashley is drunk on the fallacy that the media churn out about Newcastle. Don't think all Newcastle fans are the type that stand outside St James Park with Cockney Mafia banners and dancing with joy when a messiah had been newly appointed.
I say, Newcastle are a big club on the same basis we are: Fanbase.
Ashley better hope they stick around in the Championship.
"The sacking of Big Sam and appointment of King Kev illustrates that he was driven by supporter-power."
Yeah, a similar situation, a bit like the George Graham -Glenn Hoddle saga at your club.
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"The sacking of Big Sam and appointment of King Kev illustrates that he was driven by supporter-power."
Yeah, a similar situation, a bit like the George Graham -Glenn Hoddle saga at your club.
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Yes EXACTLY the same type of thing. We got restless and Levy before a massive Cup semi-final sacks GG and appoints Hoddle. Not sure where we were going with GG but I'm still mystified that it happened in this manner. And Hoddles reign in the end was fruitless. We at Tottenham have been guilty of this on a few occasions. Obviously fan revolts down here are seen as fickle reactions as opposed to passionate ones up in the North East. Unless thats also a fallacy.
Hazard. Very drool.
Spooky, I don't why you hate Shearer so much but I'm taking a wild guess that this is tongue in cheek. I think deep down you would rather have us up there in the Prem than the likes of Hull City. Although don't fret the three points we usually take off you now belong to Burnley.
fucking cock
Easy there Harop. I think Mike the Geordie makes a valid point.
FROM A HAPPY SUNDERLAND FAN
SEE YA
I think Shearer will stay on. Could be difficult for him to make any kind of return to Match of the Day after this.
WIN WIN.
I agree with Mike the Geordie, i would much rather be going up to Newcastle next year to watch Spurs or having them down the Lane than the likes of Hull and Wigan. Its also nice to see proper teams such as Wolves and Burnley back in the top flight. I feel sorry for Newcastle and its lucky for us that Harry chose to come to us rather than them or we could well be in the same situation now.
are there any Newcastle fans out there that can see sense and agree that appointing Shearer was a BIG mistake ? all this rubbish about him being 'the only one who can save this club' suggests not.
truth is an experienced manager was what they needed to avoid the drop and what they now need next season - not an ex player who doesn't have a clue with what he is doing - i would have thought after KK's less than impressive return to the hot seat the Toon may have questioned their obsession with Geordie Messiahs, maybe when they finally do they will be return to the premiership
hopefully see you in a few years Newcastle
We dont demand success just good football played with passion, something in very short supply the last couple of seasons, it doesnt take much to drop from the heights, so maybe its you next season..
As for relegation, its not that much different to playing Hull, Stoke, Wigan, Burnley and not forgetting Sunderland week in week out... enjoy!
Newcastle won't have a problem coming back up. All the deadwood will go, they will sign up some of the best players in the Championship and they will stroll it.
Pluck - The Toon players do not have relegation clause release options in their contracts. They could be forced to stay and play.
Then they're doomed.
We dont demand success just good football played with passion, something in very short supply the last couple of seasons, it doesnt take much to drop from the heights, so maybe its you next season..
This season was as close as we will come. Can not see us going through this again any time soon.But point taken. It could have easily been us something Spooky has noted in his articles. But we have made sacrifices dont think you lot have. Not sure you allow for them.
We've flirted with relegation a few times over the past 10 years. Fucking scary to think what might happen if we ever went down. If Newcastle end up like Leeds then pray it never happens to us.
Teams like Southampton and Charlton have dropped a further division. Makes grim reading for the smaller clubs but the bigger they are the harder they fall.
Spurs have been awfull close for a couple of seasons as well, so be carefull that you dont tempt destiny... Anyway from a Newcastle supporters view, im amazed at the hatred directed towards us from clubs who have no special relationship towards us. It seems like people really like to see a big club go down and shitty papers such as the mirror are gorging in our spilled blood... Bad decisions and costly errors have cost us our place in the EPL, but i can think of another team with a history of making those same mistakes, and really ask yourself, is Spurs vs Stoke more attractive for me to watch next season. Lets just hope that you wont join the fallen giants of Leeds and Newcastle. The epl wouldnt be the same if to many Hulls, Stokes and Wigans replaced the Leeds, Newcastle and Spurs of this world.
I dont think Spooky hates Newcastle and in any list of hatred I think Newcastle dont rate that high with the likes of Chelsea Arsenal and West Ham way ahead. But from personal experience I know a lot of Newcastle fans that slag off Spurs with venom. Maybe this hate/hate relationship has to do with both sets of fans being more alike than they care to admit. Apart from the beer guts.
Valle. Spot on.
I hope you make a steady recovery and come up in a year or two. Relegation might be a blessing.
Toon are down and we deserve it but will take it on the chin-im actually hoping it gives them the kick up the arse they need from the team to the fools running it-no, we were not too big to go down-but hey its a short season (ide rather take 2 seasons) to be honest if it means getting promoted and actually threatening sumit in the premier-unlike sunderland who've been flirtin with relegation every seson theyve been there- hahaha no wonder people call u the sad mackem ba*****s (SMB's) as the only thing u care about or celebrate is how bad NEWCASTLE mite do ! get a life and a purpose of being in the prem!-finishin 5th bottom 2 points adrift proves my point-taking your sad little banners about the biggest club of the north east to the match "incase" we go down rather than worryin about your own shambles! lol SMB,s TOON! TOON! BLACK N WHITE ARMY! see wa still singing and still supporting them! CMAAN ! pass u soon on ya way down when were on wa way back up! and u well know it!
Newcastle = Big club
Sunderland = Tiny club
I am a big newcastle fan, but to call our club a big club is rediculours. Yes we have a lot of fans but only because we are a 1 city football club. Take spurs for instance, they have around the same fan base but have to compete with other clubs from london and they have actually won trophies something we haven't done in over 40 years. No wonder redknapp and modric refused to join us. We need to start realizing we are not a big club and to start signing realistic targets who are not over priced prima donnas.
Scum, your all Scum
We could be in the 2nd Div and we would still be better fans than all of you.
Sunderlands just a small club in TYNE and Wear
In a word, garbage.
I dont remember any fan deciding who runs the club or in what way, the position the club are in now is through mismanagement over the past 5 or so years, lack of stability and direction, it seems to be the fashion to blame the fans lately, for what, caring?, after 30 years of watching them im not gonna lose any sleep over some of the shit being written lately, half of it from people who have never been to a game, the BBC sites being the prime example.
As said before, think yourselves lucky it wasnt your team.
Hope you and your family die soon
You people you think Newcastle are a big club are deluded. You don't judge a club on stadium. Its 50,000 locals for cheap tickets and they go when it suits them while Tottenham Hotspur is a worldwide club with fans all over the world. Where are their trophies?
Me and my Spurs mates are having a Newcastle relegation party this week.
I remember spurs going close before we got our own "messiah" back in Klinsmann a few years back... since then Newcastle, West Ham as "big clubs" have gone close with Leeds obviously being the fall guys...
Fact is, under any other season, the team "too good to go down" tends to stay up.. The Toon for all their fans couldn't produce the passion on the pitch and I think thats why relegation will do them (and us) the world of good. Lets face it, without Palacios (and 'Arry) we wouldn't have got to 40 points which under an "average" season would have us down. We need to learn the lesson the easy way!
COYS
Typical prick who uses the word deluded, who cares what you think, its not about trophies, its supporting your team, you should try it one day.
You and your Spurs mates should be having a "Still in Arsenal's shadow party" fucking knob jockey
Any glee I have over the 'Toons demise is simply the media will have to swallow it.
It could have been us and really Stoke and Hull in the prem and Newcastle in the championship??
I don't think the error was appointing a messaiah it was the appointment of so many. People should look at the Ashley/Wise thing and why Keegan left.
If there really are no get out clauses in players contracts - It may get worse before it gets better.
Yes, i agree that it could've been so different at the Toon if Harry (Triffic) Redknapp had taken the Toon job, but that is water under the bridge now, However, i think that, Triffic, after nearly taking the job, suddenly lost his bottle. After all he went from Portsmouth to Southampton, then back to Portsmouth & look at the way that Sol Campbell was treated, now i think thet there is no difference in the both of them. Triffic eh!
Gremlin and Gooner. Class acts.
DMC cares so little he still has to post.
Do not under estimate the power of supporters and pressure from the media. But I dont think the original article was putting the blame on fans alone. He was saying that Ashley has done the exact same thing previous owners have done, and that's knee-jerk.
And by the way, I remember some Newcastle fans invading one or two Tottenham forums when we were bottom slating us and a famous thread in one particular forum that was made up of around 95% racist slurs.
So get off your fucking high horse you mug.
Boycoutt this blog!
"We're in heaven, we've got Kevin." - That's why you are laughed at.
Blame the media.
One thing - When we played Newcastle in a FA Cup semi final a fews years back, we accidently parked the wrong side amongst loads of Newcastle fans, Now I know that they had just won, but they were the most wonderful set of opposition fans we had previously met (and since). Lovely people. I wish them well, they are good football fans. They only want the best for their club, as we all do.
The lesson to learn is that no club is "big" to go down. I know that in December I thought that it could have been us.
Was i blaming Spurs fans about stuff on the forums?, theres idiots from every club, just like your friend before calling us deluded, but then i guess its easy to be brave sitting behind a keyboard.
DMC - I think that might be the point mate. But a couple of (more) points.
If we had gone down, people would be jumping all over anything Spurs related lapping it up. Fact is all fans as a generalisation base everything on stereotypes. Spurs fans are meant to be delusional and if you were a Spurs fan and read some of the blog writers articles you'll note that Spooky takes the piss out of the very worst Spurs fans have to offer i.e. fickleness and kneejerking.
When we think about Newcastle we think of the over excitable lot on SSN jumping around with bedsheets with mis-spelt bravado. But not all Toons are like that are they? The same way not all Arsenal fans are Tarquins who support the club because of Nick Hornby or that all Utd fans are from London.
Its banter. And if you think people are not going to laugh then think again because like I said if it was the other way round we'd get it in the neck.
Read between the lines. Spooky doesn't hate Newcastle fans. He just dislikes Shearer, and I bet that even isn't true.
We don't hate geordies we just like to laugh at them.
disgrace of a spurs fan
"but then i guess its easy to be brave sitting behind a keyboard"
What a crock of shit. So basically just because he writes a blog he can't have an opinion? Who's next? People on tv sitting behind a camera? People on the radio? The newspapers? The bloke down the pub? Honestly, do one mate, fucking jog on and down in the championship.
Cossiespur are you on your period?
Great article, great blog. Shearer probably took the job on advisement that it wouldn't harm his profile. Win win indeed.
CossieSpur is probably the type of one dimensional goodie 2 shoe fan who doesn't get anything that isn't an official Tottenham news article.
When a 'BIG' club takes the bullet you're going to get stick. Up until a couple of months back I was bracing myself for all kinds of mickey taking. You've got to take it on the chin. We all know the Toons are good people who dont deserve it but thats the name of the game. It dont matter guys, just dont do a Leeds. I'm chuffed for Burnley and Wolves. Toon will be back I'm sure and so they should be. The Prem is shite. Until the cartel is broken on a regular basis it will continue to be. I'm not sure there isn't underhand dealings keeping the 4 the 4.
I love the Spurs and I love Harry for what he's done this season. He's a real specialist and a rarity. The Toon require someone similar. Dont ask me who. And they need to get shot of all their piss taking superstars. There's the difference, we've got Sir Harold and a mercifully lower number of piss taking superstars. Our Chairman is only marginally more sensible than Ashley.
All you proper supporters everywhere, in whatever division-keep on keeping on.
I'm an avid reader of this blog and for the ones that are not, just a word in your ear:
I wish them luck but with the likes of Ashley at the club, I'm not certain they will find it easy. Would help if they had players that aspired to have the same passion as their fans. But alas, everyone up there is a little delusional.
Spooky momentarily lets slip the persona, and he obviously does have sympathy for Newcastle because of the parallels with his own club Spurs and the various managerial cock-ups and transitional seasons much like Newcastle experience. He even clearly states that Newcastle fans are passionate. The delusional comment, I'm hoping is a little bit of a wink at the fact that Spurs fans also suffer of the same self-importance.
Read between the lines. Spurs could have gone the same way. All this Alan Shearer nonsense is just a hook to give a reason to draw the parallels.
I hope Newcastle come straight back up. Good luck!