Let's Relegate Newcastle United
Wednesday, April 8, 2009 at 2:02PM Slow news day, so I'll take the opportunity to slate Alan Shearer. 7,500 people turn up to watch a training session which is nothing more than a carefully executed propaganda exercise (with less of the careful and dollops of the propaganda). The attendance was apparently quite low considering how folk in Newcastle don't have much else to do other than follow their football club and welcome the latest in a never-ending recruitment drive to find their true Messiah. Although it's best to point out that the Worlds Greatest Fans© are struggling to turn up for home matches this season with attendance figures falling. Which must surely be down to their teams performances on the pitch and all the unwanted boardroom politics off it. Which would make them 'fickle' and not 'passionate', not that the media or Sky Sports News know how to differentiate between the two. Unless of course the club is based in the south of England, and in particular, North London - where they are most definitely classed as fickle.
In the training session Shearer barked out instructions, which is a first as Dowie has apparently been coordinating things on the training pitch since their arrival at the club. More comically, he took part in a 5-a-side game and scored following it up with his textbook hand in the air trademark celebration. Rolling back the years there Alan. It's epically embarrassing stuff from the publicity-shy pundit. Not quite the same thing as Hoddle showing Beckham how to bend a free-kick, but still....transparent for all to see.
Dowie is the one with the experience in training and management (when you write these things down and read them back, it just seems to get worse and worse for them doesn't it?). Shearer is meant to be there as some form of inspiration. A testament to a brand new beginning. A figure head to galvanise the club. In reality it's a ploy to soften any potential disaster that might befall the club. If they go down, they will go down with a 'legend' at the helm. A legend who can't be held accountable thanks to the fact he only has 8 games to save them (1 down, 7 to go). He's going to 'walk away' from it at the end of the season, so either way its advantage Shearer. If they go down, he'll be thanked for his gallant effort. If they stay up, his ego and new founded managerial credentials will expand tenfold. From a personal perspective, it gives him an opportunity to experiment with management and see if he has anything in the way of ability for any future challenge. What better way to test the waters than with the gift of eight games from the struggling Toon fanboy die-hard Mike Ashley (who might or might not be a Tottenham fan).
Keegan left in the midst of controversy. Kinnear (wish him well) might only return in a non-management capacity. And as for Shearer? He'll be back on the Match of the Day sofa, faster than you can say 'relegated'.
He apparently asked the 'lads' where else would thousands turn up to watch their team train (apart from the fact some clubs get 20,000 or so for reserve and academy games)? This is apparently his way of illustrating the importance and passion Newcastle play in the hearts of the locals. I guess getting 45-50K for home matches isn't reason enough for players to try harder.
Sort of puts it into perspective when compared to our lot. Everytime a new man arrives at the Lane, he is also referred to as the new Messiah by the media. And pressure is always evident from the stands regarding style of football played. Which is why George Graham was never destined to be a favourite (along with rather more obvious reasons) and why Sam Allardyce lasted 5 minutes at Newcastle. There are some unnerving parallels between both clubs, although we have a habit of picking up silverware every decade. They just have a rather annoying habit of always beating us up at St James Park. Newcastle are there to make us feel better. For all the soap opera elements that Levy orchestrates, we are always out-done by our friends up North.
Thank you.
It seems like an age ago we did manage to beat them (2-1) in possibly the worst game of football ever up at their ground in the Carling Cup earlier this season. Sunday 19th April has the potential to be one of emotional dejection, if the barcodes win at the Lane. Because it would mean we have aided them in their fight for survival.
That is simply unacceptable.
So, welcome to the 'Let's Relegate Newcastle United' campaign. Stoke, Pompey, Liverpool, Boro, Fulham and Villa are the other esteemed members. The prime directive is simple: Defeat Newcastle and do not allow for sharing of points.
It's in our hands to wipe the smugness off the face of Alan Shearer and make Match of the Day a little more bearable for all next season (I've run into some legal problems relating to the 'We must deport Mark Lawerson' initiative. Will keep you posted on developments on that one).
Stoke up first. Thoughts and prayers.
Reader Comments (126)
Wanker
you fucking idiot
I'm with you on this brother. Down with the Shearer!
You Spurs pricks could only dream of the attendances NUFC get. What's the average gate at your dump?
Wait till we kick your assess at Shite Heart Lane ... oh, erm, again?
Oh and by the way ... pot, kettle black when if comes to slagging off toon fans. Fickle my arse.
Typical of jealous cockney wan*er who wished he supported a big club with big support! Concentrate on your own club you f*cking muppet!
I detest Newcastle, more so the blind love-in the likes of Sky Sports produce every time they appoint a new manager. I hope they go down 3rd from bottom, with Sunderland 4th from bottom.
Haha, Spooky must be bored.
HAHAHAHAHA
LOVE IT.
Hopefully those geordie neanderthals get relegated. Clueless muppets. Although i do enjoy watching em on Sky Sports News cream themseleves and acting like morons everytime something happens in regards to their laughable club.
Geordie wankers. GOING DOWN! GOING DOWN!
World class bitterness! Not exactly suprising to see a Spurs fan take the opportunity to spew bile, after all it must be a constant nightmare being so utterly overshadowed by your illustrious neighbours.
I wouldn't be in the leats bit suprised to see NUFC relegated as we have been terrible since Keegan was sacked - but it is simply common sense for Shearer to say he is only in it for 8 games because otherwise Kinnear will be well within his rights to sue for constructive dismissal.
God only knows why you feel entitled to an opinion about a football club you clearly know nothing about, but in the same spirit as your article I'd like to point out that Spurs fans are rarely described as "fickle" when "shit" is much more accurate.
Hopefully our "annoying habit" of hammering Spurs home and away will continue again this season although sadly I suspect you may pick up a long-overdue three points.
I think somewhere in that article, he's actually saying that Spurs and Newcastle are very much alike. Eternal struggle for success. Messiah after Messiah after Messiah. Both clubs get capacity crowds.
We just win more than they do. And Spooky is right. We're fickle when we protest, they are passionate when they protest.
Go figure.
Guys - It's Spooky. He doesn't mind Newcastle, he just dislikes Shearer.
I know this for a face.
Prickless.
Fuck off you jew cunts, straight to the ovens
LOL at the reactions. Hit a nerve?
Calm down, now I know you Spurs fans get jealous of all the attention we get, but that's not our fault. We don't write the papers or decide what the lead story on the news is going to be.
Article of the Year IMO.
Newcastle fans are almost as bad as Liverpool supporters.
'Almost'.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Fuck off you jew cunts, straight to the ovens
08 April 2009 15:08
Look everyone, an educated Geordie.
Ah another rant from a deluded Spurs fan..
I love the way Spuds think they can slag other teams off..
They are the same as Newcastle in wany ways.. except I hate that cretin of a a manager for Spurs.
Shearer was a great player for club and country, and I hope he keeps the Toon in the prem.
They have one of the best fan bases in the country, and as far as I can see the only reason they don't get the full crowd is because a number of them hate Mike ashley..
Bloody hell, are all the Newcastle fans 11 years old or something? It's a tongue in cheek article you mugs. What do you expect? People to love your club? You lot don't even love your club. Must hurt to have had the likes of Dennis Wise there and Kinnear (ex-Spurs) and Ashley.
Learn to laugh at yourselves. It helps. And believe me, as Spurs fans have experience with it.
"They have one of the best fan bases in the country, and as far as I can see the only reason they don't get the full crowd is because a number of them hate Mike ashley.."
They have one club in the Prem and if you visit Newcastle you'll know theres nowt to do up there other than football.
Ok, for any newbies hitting this blog you should all know - Spooky is the most anti-Spurs fan there is.
Don't take life too seriously.
Spot on article. Shearer is detestable. Great goal scorer, but still an elbowing cheat. And a smug self-absorbed egotist who probably got an abundance of legal and professional advice on what it would mean for him to take the Newcastle job. He is in it for self-preservation of vanity.
Sorry this is over the top
AHAHAHAHA...AW A YID WITH TOO MUCH TIME ON HIS HANDS, ITS OK, KEEP WRITING YOUR LIL STORIES AND ONE DAY JUST ONE DAY YOU MAY GET A GOOD CROWD AT ONE OF YOUR GAMES.
I TELL YA THE SPURS SCOUT HAS THE BEST JOB IN THE WORLD, READ HOW MANY PLAYERS THEY WANT TO BUY, AS SOON AS SOMEONE CONNECTS A PASS OR SCORES SPURS WANT TO BUY THEM .LOL!!
"Apart from the fact some clubs get 20,000 or so for reserve and academy games."
Howay then sausage dodger. Name them.
Anonymous said...
AHAHAHAHA...AW A YID WITH TOO MUCH TIME ON HIS HANDS, ITS OK, KEEP WRITING YOUR LIL STORIES AND ONE DAY JUST ONE DAY YOU MAY GET A GOOD CROWD AT ONE OF YOUR GAMES.
I TELL YA THE SPURS SCOUT HAS THE BEST JOB IN THE WORLD, READ HOW MANY PLAYERS THEY WANT TO BUY, AS SOON AS SOMEONE CONNECTS A PASS OR SCORES SPURS WANT TO BUY THEM .LOL!!
08 April 2009 15:16
Loving the caps lock, it's like you're angry or something.
Good crowd at Spurs? Do your research son. We always get good crowds. Hence the 58,000 stadium in development. Don't fret, there will still be a corner of the ground for away supporters. Maybe in a few years from now you'll get to visit it for a league match.
Fucking southern wankers!
Anonymous said...
"Apart from the fact some clubs get 20,000 or so for reserve and academy games."
Howay then sausage dodger. Name them.
08 April 2009 15:17
As one-offs? It happens. I think Spurs got 20,000 for an academy cup match and Utd also get big crowds for certain games. I'm sure he didn't mean consistently.
And so what if a club has 7,500 people turn up for a training session? Only means they have nothing better to do like...work.
Nice traffic dude, nice traffic.
Do you Geordies have any ability to avoid racist stereotypes? It's bad enough having to listen to you chant at matches, with your deep Scottish accents.
He's taking the piss you stupid wankers.
"(I've run into some legal problems relating to the 'We must deport Mark Lawerson' initiative. Will keep you posted on developments on that one)"
Seriously, read between the lines.
Although I would gladly support deporting Mark Lawerson.
I remember in 1987 when Newcastle were fighting relegation, we still took 15,000 fans to White Hart Lane for an FA Cup tie. I guess the writer of this article wasn't there that day. When have Spurs ever taken that many to an away game????
Yes, Newcastle will be in the Championship next season, but I guarantee one thing, we will still get much bigger crowds than Spurs will get in the Premiership.
English, we only speak English!
you spurs fans are fucking arseholes
Why are people disputing capacity crowds and the like?
The author dislikes Shearer and wants Shearer to fail. I think to make MOTD more appealing. It's bad enough already having Lawro and Hansen smugging it away about Liverpool.
Come on you Spurs!
All those crying about the Toon being massive have you ever witnessed one of your captains lifting a trophy? No the Intertoto Cup tile doesn't count.
Mr Fucking Arsehole to you chief.
Spurs and Newcastle are big clubs in terms of supporter base.
That's it. Doesn't count for much in terms of actual success.
I dislike Alan Shearer. I also don't have time for Stephen '50p haircut' Gerrard or Chelsea fans. I also think our chairman is soft in matters of football in the purest sense.
Spurs are a joke at the best of times. Although West Ham and Newcastle always manage to out-do us. What do you want me to do exactly? Re-write history?
I don't think Shearer is this almighty God you're making him out to be otherwise he would have taken the job far sooner than he has.
That's it. That's my point.
The rest is a fucking larf.
See you all at WHL. Where no doubt, you will dick us again 3-2.
If it makes you all feel better, I actually hate Boro.
Anonymous said...
I remember in 1987 when Newcastle were fighting relegation, we still took 15,000 fans to White Hart Lane for an FA Cup tie. I guess the writer of this article wasn't there that day. When have Spurs ever taken that many to an away game????
Yes, Newcastle will be in the Championship next season, but I guarantee one thing, we will still get much bigger crowds than Spurs will get in the Premiership.
08 April 2009 15:24
To be fair Spurs are well known for having some of the best travelling away fans. I guess if Spurs were fighting for relegation, and the opposing club allowed it, they too would get huge support away from in all important do or die games.
But 87, thats pre-all seaters isnt it? Bit easier to get that amount away from home in standing room only.
Keep up the good work Spooky.
Behave yourself.
You are a knobhead and we will beat you bunch of big girls blouses.
If it makes people happy, Spooky usually gets the same reactions when he slates Spurs from Spurs fans.
8/10 for the article.
15,000 for an away Cup tie in 87? Sorry, but wasn't that the norm?
If Newcastle survive it will be because of other clubs around them are far far worse.
Stoke - D
Spurs - L
Pompey - W
Liverpool - L
Boro - W
Fulham - D
Villa - L
8 points. Is that enough for saftey?
Stoke - L
Spurs - L
Pompey - D
Liverpool - L
Boro - D
Fulham - L
Villa - L
I make it two points.
Stoke L
Spurs L
Portsmouth L
Liverpool L
M'boro L
Fulham L
Villa L
:)
Stoke W
Spurs W
Portsmouth D
Liverpool L
M'boro W
Fulham L
Villa D
11 points. That makes them safe.
Spooky - its doomed to failure mate. Doomed!
Deep down, Spooky knows we will stay up :)