Let's Relegate Newcastle United
Wednesday, April 8, 2009 at 2:02PM Slow news day, so I'll take the opportunity to slate Alan Shearer. 7,500 people turn up to watch a training session which is nothing more than a carefully executed propaganda exercise (with less of the careful and dollops of the propaganda). The attendance was apparently quite low considering how folk in Newcastle don't have much else to do other than follow their football club and welcome the latest in a never-ending recruitment drive to find their true Messiah. Although it's best to point out that the Worlds Greatest Fans© are struggling to turn up for home matches this season with attendance figures falling. Which must surely be down to their teams performances on the pitch and all the unwanted boardroom politics off it. Which would make them 'fickle' and not 'passionate', not that the media or Sky Sports News know how to differentiate between the two. Unless of course the club is based in the south of England, and in particular, North London - where they are most definitely classed as fickle.
In the training session Shearer barked out instructions, which is a first as Dowie has apparently been coordinating things on the training pitch since their arrival at the club. More comically, he took part in a 5-a-side game and scored following it up with his textbook hand in the air trademark celebration. Rolling back the years there Alan. It's epically embarrassing stuff from the publicity-shy pundit. Not quite the same thing as Hoddle showing Beckham how to bend a free-kick, but still....transparent for all to see.
Dowie is the one with the experience in training and management (when you write these things down and read them back, it just seems to get worse and worse for them doesn't it?). Shearer is meant to be there as some form of inspiration. A testament to a brand new beginning. A figure head to galvanise the club. In reality it's a ploy to soften any potential disaster that might befall the club. If they go down, they will go down with a 'legend' at the helm. A legend who can't be held accountable thanks to the fact he only has 8 games to save them (1 down, 7 to go). He's going to 'walk away' from it at the end of the season, so either way its advantage Shearer. If they go down, he'll be thanked for his gallant effort. If they stay up, his ego and new founded managerial credentials will expand tenfold. From a personal perspective, it gives him an opportunity to experiment with management and see if he has anything in the way of ability for any future challenge. What better way to test the waters than with the gift of eight games from the struggling Toon fanboy die-hard Mike Ashley (who might or might not be a Tottenham fan).
Keegan left in the midst of controversy. Kinnear (wish him well) might only return in a non-management capacity. And as for Shearer? He'll be back on the Match of the Day sofa, faster than you can say 'relegated'.
He apparently asked the 'lads' where else would thousands turn up to watch their team train (apart from the fact some clubs get 20,000 or so for reserve and academy games)? This is apparently his way of illustrating the importance and passion Newcastle play in the hearts of the locals. I guess getting 45-50K for home matches isn't reason enough for players to try harder.
Sort of puts it into perspective when compared to our lot. Everytime a new man arrives at the Lane, he is also referred to as the new Messiah by the media. And pressure is always evident from the stands regarding style of football played. Which is why George Graham was never destined to be a favourite (along with rather more obvious reasons) and why Sam Allardyce lasted 5 minutes at Newcastle. There are some unnerving parallels between both clubs, although we have a habit of picking up silverware every decade. They just have a rather annoying habit of always beating us up at St James Park. Newcastle are there to make us feel better. For all the soap opera elements that Levy orchestrates, we are always out-done by our friends up North.
Thank you.
It seems like an age ago we did manage to beat them (2-1) in possibly the worst game of football ever up at their ground in the Carling Cup earlier this season. Sunday 19th April has the potential to be one of emotional dejection, if the barcodes win at the Lane. Because it would mean we have aided them in their fight for survival.
That is simply unacceptable.
So, welcome to the 'Let's Relegate Newcastle United' campaign. Stoke, Pompey, Liverpool, Boro, Fulham and Villa are the other esteemed members. The prime directive is simple: Defeat Newcastle and do not allow for sharing of points.
It's in our hands to wipe the smugness off the face of Alan Shearer and make Match of the Day a little more bearable for all next season (I've run into some legal problems relating to the 'We must deport Mark Lawerson' initiative. Will keep you posted on developments on that one).
Stoke up first. Thoughts and prayers.
Reader Comments (126)
When they go down lets hope they really plummet like Leeds and Citeh did
Why is this obession about larger crowds. Of course Newcastle get bigger crowds, as they have a bigger capacity. This is a no brainer, but why is it so relentlessly repeated by so many irrate arseholes
It also amazed by the number of Geordies that have replied to the article. I didn't think so many had access to the internet, or maybe thay have use of the one in the job seekers office in the town.
The reason there was 7,500 people there would more than likely be because it's half term. Think about it...
City came back up mate.
And look at them now.
Yeah after an age they came back up but they went down to the third tier and look at them now just ready to implode again.
City were always punching above their weight and its showing more than ever now with their new founded wealth.
Spooky the truth is out there. You're a gimp.
Watch Football First. Don't watch Match of the Day.
Problem solved. No need for the Toon to be relegated.
Anonymous said...
Spooky the truth is out there. You're a gimp.
08 April 2009 16:01
What a man chooses to do on a Thursday night is his own business.
the jews in the oven comment - very clever mate - shows how ignorant u lot really are...
Spooky is a joker ffs, but then not everyone is expected to know this. Especially people who don't follow the blog or support other clubs.
To be fair, water off a ducks back. He gets far more abuse from other Spurs fans when he rants about Levy.
-Dave
He was threatened by some chaps off COYS a while back. Lovely stuff.
Spooky, you do know that you and Shearer are actually quite alike?
Both ego-manics and self-indulgent attention whores.
;)
I have more hair than Shearer.
sorry, em..... what does fickle mean??? im really confused. o and when spurs get the new 60k stadium up and running our attendance will be best in the premier league bar man utd so fuk aff all u fags slagin our attendance!!!!!! fukn spas.
How are you at creosoting a fence Spooky?
If Newcastle beat Stoke, expect them to beat Spurs.
Anonymous said...
How are you at creosoting a fence Spooky?
08 April 2009 16:13
You tell me. How am I doing at the moment?
It's ok Spooks, you'll have something Spurs related to bitch about when West Ham win at the Lane.
Newcastle United are the North East version of Tottenham. Which is why both sets of fans hate each other.
they call me Joe
they call me Alan
they call me Bobby
they call me Kev
thats not my name
thats not my name
'We must deport Mark Lawerson' initiative
I'd like more information on this. If you're after a project manager...
Spooky... END THEM!
newcastles falling attendances nothing to do with the current economic situation then? you just come across as bitter to be honest
Surely everyone must see that the only reason Shearer was appointed manager was to confuse the fans of NUFC. He's not a manager. He is an Icon. He is your last £20 on the last dog race of the night when you should be at home. They've put Shearer at the messy end, so that NUFC fans will be less angry if NUFC go down. These c***s that run football clubs ain't stupid are they?
"Fuck off you jew cunts, straight to the ovens"
No, really, that's a really nice point of view. Of course, Newcastle doesn't have Jews, just fat, unemployed nob ends who have no idea of what happens outside of their shitty arse wipe 'city'.
Here's a tip lads, Spurs share one of the greatest cities on Earth with Arsenal, Chelsea, Fulham, West Ham, Charlton, Millwall, QPR, Leyton Orient, Crystal Palce, Luton, Watford and watford (sorry if I've missed anyone out). It has a population of, M25 area, in excess of 12 million people and we were ranked recently as the second most supported team in the capital.
The population of Newcastle is under 200,000 and has the sum total of one club.
We get 36,000 for every single match and have 20,000 on the waiting list.
By any definition we have more fans than you.
We have also won something called a torphy (look it up) in living memory.
Now fuck off. You deluded bunch of racist, bigoted cunts.
he's not the messiah, he's a very very naughty boy
not sure what's better the article or the passionate/antisemitic (look it up)/weird (Anonymous said... You are a knobhead and we will beat you bunch of big girls blouses. 08 April 2009 15:37) newcastle responses.
Personally i'd love to see newcastle go down, i'd love it, mainly because they usually beat us and i don't like them.
I'm not sure I understand the Newcastle fans reponse to this.
"lol u sux, you get shit crowd."
well, yes, you do outdraw us. But, we can only fit 36k into our place, so that point is redundant.
"lol jewniggers etc etc"
Congrats, you just earnt yourselfs an IP check and an e-mail to the police.
ALL U GOERDIE CUNTS ARE DUMB FAT FUCK CAVE MEN WHO TALK LIKE DRUNK DIRTY WINDOW LICKERS.
GUESS WHAT YOUR GOING DOWN GOING DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN.
AINT WON NOTHING FOR 40, THAT IS FUCKIN A JOKE, WHAT A DELUDED BUNCH OF FATTY UNEMPLOYED NEANDERTHALS.
I really hope that we stuff Stoke on Saturday they are the worst footballing team in the country. If Stoke are successful it will be a black day for football they are nothing more than a poor mans wimbledon. All about humping the ball up field long throws and nowt else. Howay the Lads come back with 3 points. I hope Stoke go down I'd rather Sunderland stayed up
What a great article, by far the best I have seen this year!! I detest Newcastle and even more Alan Shearer. why did the gutless ''legend'' not take over b4 now???
hate him and the wife beaters from the NE, it would be great to see Middleborough, Sunderland and Newcastle all go down. It would make the Premiership an all round more educated league!!!
Love the article!!!!!!!
Go sniff some Zyklon B cannisters you scruffy fat London wanksplats.
Take a look at yourselves before playing the Xenophobe card. Not all Geordies are arseholes. Ignorant southern dickheads.
(and who the fuck is "Mark Lawerson"?)
Anonymous said...
Go sniff some Zyklon B cannisters you scruffy fat London wanksplats.
08 April 2009 18:08
Thats like sooooooo 2006 dude.
stupid fucking cockney cunts jeolous of their illustrious northern neighbours, just because they spend 100 million to fight relegation year in year out. proves that the old saying is right " cockneys full of shit and thick as shit".
You all seem to be getting a bit rabid over Spooky's comments; truth is though given the amount of self-loathing he has come to be associated with in relation to Spurs, it is entirely logical he now despises Newcastle. After all, you have more "Spurs men" than we do! Calderwood, Hughton, Kinnear, Ashley...
I'll meet you anywhere you want you cunt when I'm down there next month you fuckin no foreskin cunt, Spurs mickey mouse nothingness of a club, we wouldnt care if you went down, but like the rest of the country you are obsessed.
fuck off Kevin Boatang you fergal cunt, on the boat with you!!!
Spurs have no more than 10,000 proper fans which granted is more than the tarquins who support Arsenal, but utterly incomparable to NUFC
Oh please, now who's the deluded one?
Anonymous said...
I'll meet you anywhere you want you cunt when I'm down there next month you fuckin no foreskin cunt, Spurs mickey mouse nothingness of a club, we wouldnt care if you went down, but like the rest of the country you are obsessed.
08 April 2009 18:52
a/s/l?
xXx
I cant get over how thick some of you lot are. Do you read the post or just the first line?
Anonymous said...
Take a look at yourselves before playing the Xenophobe card. Not all Geordies are arseholes. Ignorant southern dickheads.
(and who the fuck is "Mark Lawerson"?)
08 April 2009 18:12
not all Geordies are arseholes...really? i wonder where they get the bad name?!
Anonymous said...
Go sniff some Zyklon B cannisters you scruffy fat London wanksplats.
08 April 2009 18:08
-
Anonymous said...
stupid fucking cockney cunts jeolous of their illustrious northern neighbours, just because they spend 100 million to fight relegation year in year out. proves that the old saying is right " cockneys full of shit and thick as shit".
08 April 2009 18:39
not all spurs fans are cockneys, i always tought cockneys were from east london. ok not all geordeis are arseholes, turns out some are ignorant and the others are arseholes!
stupid fucking cockney cunts jeolous of their illustrious northern neighbours, just because they spend 100 million to fight relegation year in year out. proves that the old saying is right " cockneys full of shit and thick as shit"
I think you will find retard, that cockneys are from the east end of London and as such more likely to follow West Ham. Who's thick as shit now.
i would luv it, just luv it if we beat that lot.
and i'll be there to do my bit to make sure it happens.
Newcastle and their fans are fuckin wankers. I hope to fuck they go down and we help them on their way, COYS !!! Brilliant article too spooky.
ha ha ha ha
reading the replies from the Geordies is almost better than the article itself !
touched a nerve i think Spooky
don't worry lads, we all know you're a super dooper big club with the worlds bestest fans!!!!!!!!
Kevin Boatang said...
Here's a tip lads, Spurs share one of the greatest cities on Earth with Arsenal, Chelsea, Fulham, West Ham, Charlton, Millwall, QPR, Leyton Orient, Crystal Palce, Luton, Watford and watford (sorry if I've missed anyone out). It has a population of, M25 area, in excess of 12 million people and we were ranked recently as the second most supported team in the capital.
The population of Newcastle is under 200,000 and has the sum total of one club.
We get 36,000 for every single match and have 20,000 on the waiting list.
By any definition we have more fans than you.
uh oh, now you've done it, using logic and sense in an argument with a Geordie is like waving a red flag at a Bull.
Spooky will END YOU.
Quality thread lads.
COYS
Spooky, well done. This is by far the best bit of trolling I have read in years. Even you couldn't have expected the amount of geordies taking the bait.
seriously - my "top 3" for going down - well, top 2 really since WBA are pretty much gone now - would have to be newcastle and blackeye - crap manager, dirty team (and why didn't mokoena get done by the FA for the elbow?) and generally annoying fans.