Let's Relegate Newcastle United
Wednesday, April 8, 2009 at 2:02PM Slow news day, so I'll take the opportunity to slate Alan Shearer. 7,500 people turn up to watch a training session which is nothing more than a carefully executed propaganda exercise (with less of the careful and dollops of the propaganda). The attendance was apparently quite low considering how folk in Newcastle don't have much else to do other than follow their football club and welcome the latest in a never-ending recruitment drive to find their true Messiah. Although it's best to point out that the Worlds Greatest Fans© are struggling to turn up for home matches this season with attendance figures falling. Which must surely be down to their teams performances on the pitch and all the unwanted boardroom politics off it. Which would make them 'fickle' and not 'passionate', not that the media or Sky Sports News know how to differentiate between the two. Unless of course the club is based in the south of England, and in particular, North London - where they are most definitely classed as fickle.
In the training session Shearer barked out instructions, which is a first as Dowie has apparently been coordinating things on the training pitch since their arrival at the club. More comically, he took part in a 5-a-side game and scored following it up with his textbook hand in the air trademark celebration. Rolling back the years there Alan. It's epically embarrassing stuff from the publicity-shy pundit. Not quite the same thing as Hoddle showing Beckham how to bend a free-kick, but still....transparent for all to see.
Dowie is the one with the experience in training and management (when you write these things down and read them back, it just seems to get worse and worse for them doesn't it?). Shearer is meant to be there as some form of inspiration. A testament to a brand new beginning. A figure head to galvanise the club. In reality it's a ploy to soften any potential disaster that might befall the club. If they go down, they will go down with a 'legend' at the helm. A legend who can't be held accountable thanks to the fact he only has 8 games to save them (1 down, 7 to go). He's going to 'walk away' from it at the end of the season, so either way its advantage Shearer. If they go down, he'll be thanked for his gallant effort. If they stay up, his ego and new founded managerial credentials will expand tenfold. From a personal perspective, it gives him an opportunity to experiment with management and see if he has anything in the way of ability for any future challenge. What better way to test the waters than with the gift of eight games from the struggling Toon fanboy die-hard Mike Ashley (who might or might not be a Tottenham fan).
Keegan left in the midst of controversy. Kinnear (wish him well) might only return in a non-management capacity. And as for Shearer? He'll be back on the Match of the Day sofa, faster than you can say 'relegated'.
He apparently asked the 'lads' where else would thousands turn up to watch their team train (apart from the fact some clubs get 20,000 or so for reserve and academy games)? This is apparently his way of illustrating the importance and passion Newcastle play in the hearts of the locals. I guess getting 45-50K for home matches isn't reason enough for players to try harder.
Sort of puts it into perspective when compared to our lot. Everytime a new man arrives at the Lane, he is also referred to as the new Messiah by the media. And pressure is always evident from the stands regarding style of football played. Which is why George Graham was never destined to be a favourite (along with rather more obvious reasons) and why Sam Allardyce lasted 5 minutes at Newcastle. There are some unnerving parallels between both clubs, although we have a habit of picking up silverware every decade. They just have a rather annoying habit of always beating us up at St James Park. Newcastle are there to make us feel better. For all the soap opera elements that Levy orchestrates, we are always out-done by our friends up North.
Thank you.
It seems like an age ago we did manage to beat them (2-1) in possibly the worst game of football ever up at their ground in the Carling Cup earlier this season. Sunday 19th April has the potential to be one of emotional dejection, if the barcodes win at the Lane. Because it would mean we have aided them in their fight for survival.
That is simply unacceptable.
So, welcome to the 'Let's Relegate Newcastle United' campaign. Stoke, Pompey, Liverpool, Boro, Fulham and Villa are the other esteemed members. The prime directive is simple: Defeat Newcastle and do not allow for sharing of points.
It's in our hands to wipe the smugness off the face of Alan Shearer and make Match of the Day a little more bearable for all next season (I've run into some legal problems relating to the 'We must deport Mark Lawerson' initiative. Will keep you posted on developments on that one).
Stoke up first. Thoughts and prayers.
Reader Comments (126)
The real c*nt here is the guy who actually took the time to post the comment that he was scoring you 8/10.
What a fuck.Hellllllllllllllo?
Can we see your mandate, please?
Fuck me, some of you Geordies are complete foold - constantly bleating on about how big a club Newcastle are, based purley upon crowd attendance. Yeah you have a bigger stadium than us, so yesh by default you have a larger attendance than us.
The 'big club' debate will always divide fans biased towards their own club but in this case there really is no contest. All you have to go on is a high average attendance - being a one club (half decent club) city and having a large stadium lends towards this. Outside of Newcastle, really who supports the magpies? When have Newcastle won anything? Yeah you've had some decent finishes in the league, but also some very medocre finishes to balance it out.
I admit Spurs haven't, in recent times, lived up to the 'big club' rep that many of us like to think of but we have at least won a few trophies here and there and continue to attract decent players, despite our rigid pay structure.
On a few occasions we've signed players, who've rejected bigger money offers from Newcastle to play for us(Woodgate, Modric) but I guess you can point to duff & parker - how are they getting on?
Anyways, I think the clubs in recent times are probably around the same level, maybe thats why the hatred is so strong, both consistantly under achieving in the supporters eyes and demanding more hoping the other will fail. But surley when 'big club' debates surface lets look towards history, trophies and world fan base not just attendances (unless they're treated in comparison to available seats). A better yard stick would be to look at the clubs revenue, which despite having a stadium that can hold 16k less people then yours, we seem to bring in more money - just ask deloite & touche.
That's enough from me, back to your well reasoned jewish insults - howay the lads!
This is pretty subtle for Spooky, actually. Little do the Barcodes know, lol.
People actually come here looking to be insulted. hahaha, classic stuff!
- Thou Shalt End You.
"Way aye, ya gooin dooon like"!
GG.NET foreveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer!!!!!!!!!!!111111111
All of you upset Geordies...
Meet me at the cornerpin.
1pm
END YOU.
Badgers forever
Badgers? I'm going to regret asking this, but what the heck do badgers have to do with anything?
Spurs, Spooky and the Badger will END you!
Dirty Northen monkeys. Isn't Jeremy Kyle on soon?
"Spurs, Spooky and the Badger will END you!"
oooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo!!!!!
(clasps handbag and pisses himself in fear of Tottingham keyboard warrior.
7,500 to watch training??? Get a fucking job you fleckless cunts...
So looking forward to Newcastle going down.... Newcastle is a big a club as was the plague
First British club to win a (proper )European trophy. First club to do the double in the modern era,8 FA cups,4 League cups,3 Eufa cups,and the previously mentioned 1 Euro Cup winners cup.2 league championships.Record attendance 72000 v Sunderland--a long time ago! Sell out every home game.Who are we? Answers on a postcard.
Up Yours Geordie 'were not english' muppets.
I heard a rumour that all Spurs fans take it up the arse, except for the women of course, who are, without doubt, all fat and ugly. Ha ha ha.
Seriously though, I hope you enjoyed staying in the Carling Cup a little bit longer thanks to us. Did you win it in hte end?
We'll be seeing you soon for our usual three points.
By the way, is Harry Redknap actually disabled, or is his face just pretending???
What is it with londoners,southerners, cockneys - what ever you want to be called (rejects of the genepool).
Why dont you concentrate on your own teams issues or is that a little to hard for you i.e pronouncing there fuckking names!! and let us northerners worry about our own issues!
We dont need a pumped up pissant trying to vent his frustrations and pent up anger out on something that doesnt concern him, go back to circle jerking with your fan base you prick.
As for 7500 fans turning up to watcha training session and the comment about go get a job.....you need to get out more you inbred idiot.
Well know thats off my chest.....have a nice day
"Well know thats off my chest....."
42GG and covered in tats of Keggy and Mary Poppins
Try to play nicely children. Some seriously sad generalisations and insults on here.
I'm a Newcastle supporter and I remember when collectively, we had a sense of humour. Can't speak for the Spuds there, but cannot believe the rabid bites on both sides.
You Geordie northern knobends are soooo amazingly stupid!! This whole site is supposed to be rip on Spurs fans and here you are getting all offended and trying to retaliate! GOING DOWN!! GOING DOWN!! LOL
(keep up the good work spooks)
"Not exactly suprising to see a Spurs fan take the opportunity to spew bile, after all it must be a constant nightmare being so utterly overshadowed by your illustrious neighbours."
Well, to be fair, you guys are overshadowed by Rangers and Celtic, so we're even.
G.W.Spooky Esq is available for after dinner speaking, childrens parties, bar mitzvah's and thickie baiting. Prices start at 20 Geordie Pounds (the ones with Keegan's face on both sides).
Hahahaha! Love this! I support the campaign. Let's rid ourselves of that pathetic club
Toys? out of pram?
ring true, Necastle fans?
Hope you enjoy the championship next season muwahaha
You say, we are the ones with nothing else to do but follow our football club however your the one that has time to write utter shite at other clubs.
Idiot.
No wonder no one likes you
Riiiiiiiiiiiight. So people can't have opinions on clubs other than their own?
Quickly, someone tell the tabloids!
Prick.
"No wonder no one likes you"
LOL. Shattering news there for Spooky.
feel sorry for em really. shearer as messiah is a pretty desperate state to be in
You lot are priceless.
You couldn't detect sarcasm even if it was delivered with a hammerblow right between your eyes, you thick northern chimps (and let's face it, most of you have ample space between the eyes even if occupied by Gallagher'esque monobrows).
Great blog, too bad about all the dullwits who can't read between the lines. Oh well, I suppose it's better they are here than out on the streets dragging their knuckles raw and behind a hazard to the general public.
Godspeed, Mr. Spooky, you 'orrible c*nt, he !
Haha. Who in their right mind could call Newcash a big club? Take a look in the trophy cabinet, shall we?
http://itv.stats.football365.com/dom/ENG/PR/attend.html
So despite having the best fans in the world and complaining that nobody turns up at Spurs, we get capacity of nearly 100% and you get closer to 90%. And you actually have transport to your ground. Best fans in the world my arse.