Darren Bent Whorage

More 'ITK' gossip from a 'Spurs Insider'. This one from season ticket holder WestStandJolly. Claims to know someone who knows Bent. Much like the previous piece of whorage posted in this blog. Wonderful stuff.

Spoke to a contact who has had (lets say) contact, with Bent in recent weeks. Darren didn't say much about WHU other than they might not be the right club for him. That and all the Sheff Utd hearing and potential outcome, doesn't want to play for a club that might start the season with -10 points. Said they offered him a shedload.

A typical Spurs 'ITK'

Wants to play for Spurs who are more than likely one of a number of possible destinations for him. Charlton want their moneys worth but will probably get more desperate for an injection of cash + players closer to the summers end. Gardner being the make-weight, with one or two others as potential (Routledge). Told in confidence that he will be playing in the Prem next season, and I believe him. If the deal happens, should be announced in 2 or so weeks time.

Levy is also going all out to bring in a left-winger, a centre-back and another midfielder (Levy apparently quoted as stating he wants the club to sign a player of Gascoignes or Ginolas ilk - a definitive classic Spurs player. Apparently, Jol has said 'If only there was a Dave Mackay out there for us'. Holland, Spain, France and Brazil are the target countries that Comolli has been working on with our scouting network.

Hope to have more info soon.

Yep, it's like golddust. Without these people, what would we possibly do in the time between the club genuinely speaks to a player and signs him and then announces it to the fans.

Before any of you idiots throw the 'DONT FEED THE ITK'S' comment in my face, don't bother. That comment in a previous blog was ironic. How can I possibly not feed the little blighters when they are akin to a Lazarus Pit, forever giving life to all that should be dead.

Between their constant sewage of information and the need for me to break into the Big Brother house to head-butt Charley, I have my entertainment sewn up till my community service ends and I can resource more time to better spent activities.

The 4th Annual Anti-Levy March

Now, you know me. I'm no trouble maker. And with my current community service duties hanging over my head, I can not risk giving the authorities the opportunity to punish me further. So the location and time of this yearly event will remain a secret (so no info online).

Hopefully it will not be a repeat of last years disaster when the information on Levy's whereabouts (we always march in the vicinity of where Daniel is enjoying a leisurely stroll) resulted with us marching through the aisles of his local Waitrose where there was an unfortunate accident with a shelf of tinned food and a seventy-four year old lady.

Levy wasn't even there at that time, having left 10 minutes earlier. Took security and the St Johns Ambulance crew 40 minutes to get that old lady out from underneath the cans of baked beans. The mayhem, the confusion......was like being in Nam.

As per usual, anyone who wants to be part of this mass rally and demonstration, be at the Corner Pin pub on Friday morning 5am. You wont see me, but I'll see you. If you're kosher, you'll get the details of this years march.

For anyone confused about this being in the off-season, thats the point. Levy can not be allowed to gallivant his way through the summer months. We have to disturb his tranquility. And these surprise demos tend to do the trick. Help's raise the profile of The Association of Real Spurs Enforcers Neutralising Anarchist Levy.

As per usual, food and drink is provided, and the traditional pub crawl of the High Road will proceed the days events.

So, fortune favours the brave. See you at the Corner Pin.

Plucked from a Spurs forum

Posted on COYS by HH:

OK for all you doubters.

Darren Bent is Spurs

From the man himself, just got the phone 2 minutes ago.

Don't expect an announcement from the club until July 1st.

The fee will not be announced but it is nowhere near what we offered Charlton for him last January.

BTW there is a real chance of further sanctions against West Ham.

All this from one phone call. The comment about sanctions against WH must be a hint that Bent decided against them because of the possibility of relegation - though, doubtful anyone has the bollocks to dish out the punishment they should have got months back when the Prem League choked and bottled it.

In addition, HH has also stated that 2 players will leave Spurs to join Charlton - one on loan and one on a permanent contract. Routledge is surely one of them. He also had this to say:

There are more but I will not have anymore real information till at least next monday.

But it will be the details of the last of the 4 major signings we are after this season.

Bale, Kaboul, Bent, and ? (it was Nani). I will leave you all to speculate, but I will tell you now it ain't an out and out LW.

Not an out and out left winger. Because left wingers are as rare as rocking horse shit. So, I'm meant to believe that Darren Bent called up HH and told him he's joining Spurs but not officially until July 1st when we announce it....while the chief executive of Charlton states:

"We look forward to Darren starting with us in the Championship next season, which is a massive boost to our chance of returning to the Premier League."

We set a valuation for Darren and West Ham were the only club prepared to meet that valuation"

Yes. Charlton will not sell him unless a club matches their valuation. Something only the desperate 'ammers have done. So how is offering less money and a couple of players going to turn Charlton's head?

If anything Man Utd will bid for him, needing a striker now that Saha is injured. Again.

So, we are after a 4th player? No shit Sherlock, who would have guessed, considering we have needed a left-winger for years now.

Oh, and nice one on the 'July 1st' announcement. Thats a convenient 2 and a bit weeks that HH can enjoy ITK status before he gets found out for being a drunk deluded charlatan and IP banned. The worship of false Gods is frowned upon. Ask Moses and that mob that followed him around. It was their fault they got lost for a few decades, preferring to listen to the mis-guided few instead of Charlton Heston.

Well, listen to Spooky. There are very few very limited variables when it comes to predicting who will sign for who. Throw enough shit at the wall and some of it will stick. Try throwing diarrhea and it will stick all over you.

DONT FEED THE ITK'S.

re: fixture list for 2008

5th opening day away game in 6 years. I want....no I demand for the Premier League to release the source code from the software they use to generate a full seasons worth of games. I'm willing to beat they ignore this plea, in the full knowledge that I know they know that I know that the code contains certain strings of commands that contain formulas allowing for comfortable home games for Arsenal and persistent 'tricky' away games for Spurs. David Dein's ghost continues to haunt us.

This battle is not worth the hassle. It's like fighting fire with a daffodil.

King Op

It's not unexpected really, is it? King set to miss the start of the season (probably along with Lennon). No confirmed centre-back signing as yet to cover his absence. Rocha, is at best, cover - but we need the type of cover that might need to sit in defence for the best part of the season. Ledley, in recent years, has had far too many prolonged periods out injured. Its far too much of a big risk not to bring in a 'world class' defender. Needed, regardless for added depth. Maybe the Ginger Pele is available on a free?

The surgery on Ledders left knee takes place next week. Its routine (according to the club) so we are not meant to worry too much. Yeah, right. We are Spurs fans ffs. Worrying is what we do.

Sunderland Away

The fixture list is out. Yes, Arsenal are at home to a weak side while we get Sunderland away. Oh the joy of broken bones and the Mackem Roar. I'm certain we will be kicked all over the place, with Roy Keane desperate to display his team will be no push-overs like their last humiliating Premiership stay. Regardless, I expect nothing less than a 3-0 away victory and three points.

What I do not want to be hearing at 4:45pm:

• No, I think Sunderland is a good team and they have a good manager. Roy Keane. A warrior. They made it difficult for us.

• We didn't start too well. I think we played better second half but we left it a little late. It's disappointing

• One or two players struggled today. Sunderland are a very physical team and they made it tricky for us.

Who am I kidding? Of course we're gonna lose. Its bound to be moved so that Sky Sports can show it. The conspiracy continues.....

FAO Glory Glory

re: http://glory-glory.co.uk/forums/thread/149159.aspx

So much concern and worry about another club and what they may or may not achieve next season based on their new wage structure (or lack of) and how they turned it around to avoid relegation.

If Jol does his job, we wont have to look over our shoulders.

I saw the same reaction several months back when they signed the two Argies and some of you ladies went utterly apeshit with anxiety.

Stop looking for excuses for our possible failure.

Spooky, I presume....

No, I’m not dead, just not been online too much recently. Currently serving community service, sweeping the streets in and around White Hart Lane. Yes, I did say ‘sweeping’. When I said I wanted to clean up Tottenham, this is not what I had in mind. The Judge didn’t see the ironic side of me launching 125 water-balloons filled with a concoction made up of Virgin Cola, urine and fungus covered cheese. The balloons were meant for Levy’s traditional summer house party. The original plan was to shoot them down when the cloud of balloons sat high above his BBQ and guests. I just didn’t count for the change in weather that blew them off course. I had to shoot them down with my air rifle four miles away. Suffice to say, the nuns were not amused. The Judge called me ‘unoriginal’ and that my antics were akin to a rather tatty adventure from the pages of The Beano. Asked to explain my reasoning around the balloon-attack I stated:

“I wanted to get the point across that even when the sun appears to be shining; a storm is only moments away. This is the way I feel as a supporter of Tottenham Hotspur”

He decided my community service would be best suited in the motherland, sweeping the streets of Tottenham High Road instead of the well-to-do area Levy presides in. I’ve been banned from his borough for 2 months. So no more spying from the bushes. All I’m left with is Internet porn and reading message boards. As for the Nuns. I had to pay for their dry-cleaning and the mess from their courtyard. Very unsavoury moment. Thank God I'm not religious.

Sneijder and Huntelaar are targets. Bent is likely to go to West Ham United. And if it’s for £18M and 100k per week, good luck to him. No sign of Kaboul. He was meant to be signed an age ago. Why do we stuggle to tie up deals and prolong them longer than a bake beans and curry inspired fart. Also, every ‘available’ player is being linked to the same group of around 5 or 6 Premiership clubs. Giuly being one of them. Next please. And yes, the summer is truly here when Torres is linked.

It’s all hot air.

I may turn my attention to the Big Brother house. Might serve as a good alternative now that Levy’s mansion is out of bounds and everything is a little on the quiet side with players on their holidays. Would really like to throw frozen shit pellets at a few of them, the miserable depressive losers. The BB contestants, not the players. Well, apart from Stalteri. Deserves it for his dress sense and the fact he cost us Champions League.

The Welsh One, the Bug-Eyed Never-Smiling Man Hater - both of them need to removed from television forever. And as for that Charley, would rather have Dwight Yorke hit on me than have her going down on me in the cubicles of some nightclub. And by ‘hit’ I don’t mean the smack in the mouth/punch in the face kind, which Dwight did once achieve when I kicked his kebab out of his hands on one late mid-week evening in Manchester. I use to run with anti-meat campaigners back then. Those were dark days.

Brucie Bonus

http://football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,,2099122,00.html

Birmingham City are ready to offer Mido a route out of Tottenham Hotspur, with Steve Bruce considering making an offer for the forward, who is valued at £6m. The Egyptian made only seven Premiership starts for Tottenham last season and has expressed his dissatisfaction after failing to hold down a regular place at White Hart Lane. Bruce has strengthened his interest in the 24-year-old international after missing out on Mark Viduka, with the Birmingham manager keen to add experience to a callow forward line.

--

Bite their hands off. Quickly, before Mido mistakes them for a cheeseburger and takes a lunge himself.

Good Deed

SPURS have built a house for orphans in South Africa — with money from their players’ fines.

The Premiership giants spent £100,000 on the project at Rustenburg in the north-west of the country.

Tottenham set aside stars’ fines — ranging from turning up late to more serious disciplinary offences — for five years.

And 20 per cent has been spent on the orphans, the rest going to the local community via the Tottenham Hotspur Foundation.

A spokesman said: “We established a link on a tour four years ago and we’ll be going back there this summer.

“We’re proud to be the first football club to do something like this. The players have a strong interest in the scheme.”

Just in case you wondered why we are strapped for cash on the potential Darren Bent deal.

Leeds United are back

Well bravo. Bravo Tottenham Hotspur and bravo Daniel Beelzebub Levy. It seems I have underestimated the Chairman of the Board and his minions. And it probably serves as a reminder that I should be – at all times – fully alert and focused because my assault of words on the Levy Empire appear to have birthed a retaliation. And a positive one at that.

Levy actually appears to have a set of balls.

The footballing grapevine is, at this moment, delivering some rather juicy grapes. Juice grapes of truth.

West Ham United are doing their utmost to turn themselves into the new Leeds, which makes Scott Parker the new Seth Johnson and Lee Bowyer the….still a thug.

Russian money. Filtered through Iceland – all bankrolled via a silent Russian partner. Allegedly. We have offered Darren Bent a set amount of wages, a competitive amount of money that is deserving of a player of his proven Premiership calibre and would make him one of our top earners. So, possibly £50,000 or £60,000 per week. However, the ‘ammers have gone one better. In fact, 100% better by offering him DOUBLE the amount we have.

It’s like Gollum winning the lottery and still having to bribe prostitutes to sleep with him.

Levy apparently believes this has fucked it up for everyone else WHU are doing what Chelsea did, but in wages not transfers. Seems, the chairman of the board is using restraint and won’t be held hostage over WHU’s short-term quick fix tactics which could quite comfortable jeopardise the club.

Levy cements place on board

Vigorous. That’s the word of the day. ENIC, now 66% to the good have safeguarded any potential hostile takeover (so, sorry to all the Russian billionaires out there). Good tactics again from the chairman of the board, spending a fortune to guarantee his firm grip on his empire. Levy can now out vote anyone on the board by 2-1 whereas prior (before Sugar was bought out) they only owned 54% meaning that a potential takeover would only require 46%, forcing a power struggle that Levy would prefer to best avoid. Which he has done.

Rumours of Damien Corleone purchasing a home in London, moving out of his rented property and potentially into a million pound home – cementing his and Levy’s position at the club. Obvious logic, you wouldn’t go house hunting if you believed you job was at risk.
So, my nemesis is here to stay. Good, because had he fucked off I’d sue him for making the domain name of this site redundant.