Pwoper nawty night in East London

Not sure what people expected last night. Category 5 game. West Ham. Millwall. Mid-week evening kick-off. Plenty of drinking time to be had. Hatred in large doses. A fixture between two sides that doesn't happen too often and when it does, both sets of fans quietly like to remind each other about the unrequited love they share for each other. Because next time might be some time.

It was always going to kick-off. Had Millwall been granted more tickets, there may have not been so many of them outside the ground pushing over horses, chipping bricks off walls and fighting the old bill. Then again, if the original 6,500 allocation had been granted, their fans may well have had more 'courage' (the type of courage a deeply lobotomised Borg Collective would display against the might of the Federation fleet) to invade the pitch rather than remain in the stands watching Hammers 'fans' goad the opposition players and generally mug themselves off in front of the cameras. Then again, it was only 50-60 or so home fans who ran onto the pitch. An excitable minority who seemed to want to re-enact a White Horse cup final moment. Turned out to be more like an infomercial on how to beat the flab. Jogging for the obese.

Not seen much footage of the battles outside the ground (before and after the game) and at the moment all the emphasis is on the pitch invasions and the fighting in the stands, while news filters in on exactly what happened outside in the streets.

The pitch invasions themselves were ridiculous and embarrassing. With every claret and blue goal, fan dodged the outnumbered stewards (who did their very best to stop, and to be fair to them they did great under the circumstances) and various punch-ups broke out near the stands and in them. I couldn't find a decent steam to watch the game and had to make do with Phil Thompson's dramatic re-telling on Sky's Soccer Special, that included a description of a Stanislav goal that suggested the player pulled out a mobile phone and filmed his celebration and the Milwall fan's reactions. Er, no. Not quite. There was a WH fan who was filming footage of the game on his phone, yes. Slight difference there Phil. His nose obviously getting in the way of monitor.

Over on Sky News, they showed various clips of very fat West Ham fan's running onto the pitch including Minty from Eastenders who at first glance looked like he was skipping away from an army of Heather clones who were chasing after his plump meaty body. He even managed the time to turn and gesture to one of the Millwall players. Pwoper nawty that. He'll treasure that moment, along with raising his arms towards the away fans, giving it large. Don't be missing with anyone who knows Phil Mitchell, right? Then Sky cut to a commercial break and showed an advert for the movie re-make of the hooligan classic, 'The Firm'. The irony jumping out of the tv like a scene from Poltergeist. I laughed out loud.

Not that any of this was a laughing matter. Two people stabbed. Whether innocent or people in the midst of it looking for trouble, it's still enough to churn your guts a little.

Small mercies? This wasn't shown live on television, which no doubt would have made matters far worse as it would have served as more of a stage for the trouble-makers. Cue plenty of 'terrible advert for the English game' sound-bites, no doubt. Police will have to answer questions about the operation and planning ahead in perperation. No idea whether tasers are an option for games like this and would assume that the more attack dogs available the better. Dogs. Or bees. Or dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you. As for the obvious effect this may have on our World Cup bid for 2018?

Platini in 3..2..1..

I guess neither sets of fans (the minority who disgrace the majority) deserve the screen-time to re-live the 70's and 80's and would hope their next encounter would be moved to an early kick-off or perhaps played behind closed doors. Although it's unlikely they will meet again for a while. What will the FA do in the aftermath of all this? I'm sure West Ham will attempt to identify and ban the invading fans. Police will do the same to anyone involved in the running battles outside and inside the ground. A fine or two will also be dished out to the clubs (probably) and the usual Daily Mail exaggerations will be with us until something else steals the spot light away from what was an absolute unsurprising inevitable clusterfuck of an evening.

I spoke to a police officer several months back (at Wembley prior to the Carling Cup final) and he mentioned he's at the New Den every other Saturday policing the Millwall home games. Said that their fans always fight, most often with each other. They are constantly up for it and don't care about anything or anyone. Not been to Millwall since we last played them there in a friendly (carnage it was) so I have no idea how much of a generalisation his comments are. No one in football is naïve enough to believe there are not pockets of idiots scattered around at most clubs who look for a bit of trouble against other like-minded individuals. There are plenty of active firms up and down the country and more than a few category A games for the police to sink their teeth into. This was always going to be volatile.

That doesn't excuse what happened, but surely the police could have considered the worst possible scenario and tripled their numbers, gone all out in riot gear from the tube stations all the way up to the ground, police dogs all over the shop and a general 'this is a war zone, fuck with us and you're fucked' attitude. Might be intimidating for the innocents, but chances are you won't lose control of the situation. It just seems like they underestimated what could have potentially happened which everyone seemed to guess would.

It's unfortunate. But before the mountain engulfs the mole hill - just remember there is a massive difference between the running weekly battles outside/inside grounds and on the tubes from yesteryear and one isolated major scrap. Football in England is pretty much in safe hands. All the organised meet-ups and scuffles that do still occur at one or two grounds is pretty inconsequential in comparison to anything experienced in past decades.

However, one isolated incident (in this case) still equates to a massive riot and several pitch invasions. This wasn't 20 lads in Burberry arranging to meet in a car park to throw a few punches.

Best for the FA to be harsh on the guilty. Throw the book at them. Rather than taking another brick in the face.

Another day, another win

300 days in charge of Tottenham has seen Harry Redknapp claim a (over) 50% win record. Add to it our best start to a season since 1960 and you begin to wonder what Sky Sports News will do next. My money's on an interview with a Spurs fan who's had plastic surgery to their face, including the addition of sagging cheeks, to look like 'arry. Looking at the table this early in the season is completely redundant. But that doesn't mean we can't smile about our perfect start. Just hold off having any work done to your face.

Yet another win against West Ham United (we always beat them) made it three out of three. Not the most sexy of games, was it? There was me predicting a pretty game of football with plenty of free flowing play and triangular movements and instead it was far more physical with Zola's men direct and in our faces from the start.

Was it a good performance? Under the circumstances, yes. We didn't play as well as we could. Determination was there but the usual fluid movement and passing was laboured at times. Third game in around eight days, hot summers day…can we use these as excuses? Sometimes you don't quite get out of the starting blocks with pace and you have to adapt to an opposition who may lack the same type of quality you possess but stick in enough effort and guts to cause problems.

Keane dropped deep which meant we shaped up 4-5-1, leaving JD up on his own. Not sure if this was intentional (or a consequence), but it did allow us plenty of wing-play when mounting attacks, although we didn't quite make the most of this with Lennon not receiving the ball as often as he should have. Defoe was a little subdued, Modric not the threat he can be and wasteful with passes and a couple of efforts on goal (one of which he should have scored). But this was probably more to do with the lack of sustained support from the midfield. Hudd and Wilson not moving as freely as the two previous games. Tommy lacking his usual quarter-back qualities. No pinging balls. Didn't quite control the tempo.

BAE was caught out a couple of times, as well as Corluka. Bassong did well alongside King - who misplaced a pass or two and was worked hard by Cole, but again showed his undeniable class. Wasn't an easy afternoon.

Regardless of the fragmented performance, it's important to highlight something we are not blessed with too often watching Spurs. Not at our best, we still restricted them and pressed hard and towards the end of the game we played sensible controlled football rather than attempting anything stupid i.e. giving the ball away needlessly. We worked our socks off to get the ball back when we were not in possession. Tired as out, but we had a little bit left in the tank (whereas WH seemed to be spent by the end) - but it was job done. Grafting out hard fought wins like this are as pleasing as wining 5-1 away.

As for the game details, we had the best of the chances. Moddle should have scored after some great play from Aaron. King hit the post. All a bit frantic in the first half, plenty of long balls to Cole who managed to bully King and Bassong, keeping them constantly busy. Keane playing very deep and Huddlestone and Palacios with a lot of work to do defensively. West Ham mixing it up, kicking us all over the pitch and hitting us on the counter. Second half starts and they go 1-0 up. Goal out of nothing, brilliantly taken turn and shot from Cole. And then it's 1-1, a goal out of nothing. Cole brilliantly assisting by finding JD who smacked the ball past Green. Oops. As the game progressed, we got more of a stranglehold on it and Lennon made it 2-1 with a cut inside (aided by a fall from Spector) to unleash a cracking left-footed shot. Green beaten again. Saw out the rest of the game professionally.

Should mention the referee. Have I missed something with Clattenberg? I thought he was balding? Anyway, two penalty decisions (handball and a pull on Bassong) ignored as well as failing to dish out a second yellow for a WH penalty shout that looked like a dive and also turned a blind eye to one or two tasty tackles. Seriously, where did that hair come from? I must have him mixed up with someone else.

Untidy, frantic, messy, disjointed. And still three points to take back home with us. Daniel Levy, wet boxer shorts in the post for you. The pessimistic amongst you might highlight that we beat the same three teams in the corresponding fixtures last season. We did. But not in the same fashion. It's a rejuvenated Spurs side with a far clearer structure and strategy. What a difference to the depression we faced this time last year.

Brummies at home next. We are bound to get unstuck soon. Hopefully not in this game. We've got Utd and Chelsea to follow so we'll know a lot about ourselves after September ends. If we get through it with damage limitation to the max, we might be in a very good position to push ourselves into contention, much like Villa did last year. I'm still realistic. We are good enough for 6th and possibly 5th (depending on how City progress). What may help is an addition or two to the squad. Be it before the window shuts shop or in January. Something extra, just in case. Hate to say it, but lose Wilson or Luka and we might struggle. But enough of the what if's. At the moment it's all about the in the bag.

3 games, 8 days. 9 points, 3 games.

The DVD will be great.

Hammer time for Spurs

Looking forward to this. I like Zola, I like him a lot. Wouldn't rub his back in a hot tub with a James Morrison cd playing and scented candles burning, but I do hope he succeeds as a manager. Although there's a good chance he might be a future Chelsea boss, so I guess I should change my tact and just say I hope he has success anywhere other than with them lot. Ironically never thought he had the look of a manager when he started out and it may well be Steve Clarke who has aided him (and West Ham) but regardless, good bloke, the honest kind and obviously likes football to be played the right way. Probably lacking the right amount of quality players at the minute to push on further, but showed enough intent last season that WH might just compete thanks to this dear old Prem league being as open as Katie Price on any given weekend.

And regardless of all the usual 'it's your cup final/we aint your rivals/pikeys/yids' banter nonsense that plights this London derby between us and the Hammers - one thing we do share common ground with is our rich tradition for flair players and playing football the way it's meant to be played - on the deck, attractive, swashbuckling and bloody gorgeous to watch. At least we try.

Not certain of what’s happening behind the scenes at Upton Park relating to the board and the apparent stories about pressure on Zola to accept he has to part with some of his star players. It’s been denied. But there’s trouble brewing as the stories just won’t go away. Regardless of that, they aint too shabby on their day – as Utd, Arsenal and Liverpool have found out in the past. They do like beating the big clubs. They just struggle a little with the medium-big clubs like us. I'm just messing people. Big is in the eye of the beholder, and apparently (so they say) it's not the size that matters, it's what you do with it. And recently we've been dicking them. Still, doesn't mean it's a given. Mainly because something usually has to give way.

I reckon the game will be won tactically tomorrow. King of the understatements I am. What I mean is, if we go at each other and play football we’ll edge it. Just think we have that much more to offer – pound for pound. But if Zola and Clarke work out a way to nullify Huddlestone which may well leave Palacios isolated – we might just come unstuck. And if we do this will serve us, in a twisted ironic way, going forward as it will highlight a weakess that other teams may well take advantage of. Not saying Hudd is the weak link, but he's obviously a player we are all looking at and hoping he can continue to impress.

I’ll guarantee this – it won’t be as poor of a game as the last visit (2-0 win) to Upton park.

Dismantling Hull is one thing, but coming up against a far better side in WH is altogether a different kettle of fish. If we flop and they win comfortable, then that old question about ‘mentality’ will rear its ugly head. If we lose a ding-dong game full of drama and excitement, all you can do is shrug and churn out a philosophical excuse about how it was not meant to be. What we need to do is come away with all three points, even if we mug them in the final minute or brush them aside across ninety breaktaking minutes.

This isn’t about the Top 4 and striving to be part of it. No delusions. Just another step towards banishing all the issues we've had that have remained constant through-out the past decade (apart from those two great Jol years, the first year especially, when things ticked wonderfully well). And all this isn't just about passing a test at Upton Park. What I'm refering to counts for every other game that follows until it all levels out and we can see exactly how well we will do across the season. I guess after 15 games we'll know.

It’s about consistency. Brummies at home after this one, so potentially we could be looking at four straight wins. Consistency = confidence. The teams progress results in growth of statue rather than a apologetic whimper and blaming tiredness or bad luck or whatever. Winning mentalities are birthed from accepting that defeats are unacceptable. Losing should hurt and hurt badly and the want to win should be above and beyond anything else. We've sat in a comfort zone for so long that it's no surprise that prior managers have come in and made assumptions relating to players and ambitions. Drunk on hype is a common occurance, however the majority of fans in the stands wised up to this years and years back. Glad Levy finally has to, and Redknapps appointment is proving to be a clever one even if all he's doing is the obvious - which is something that's been criminally overlooked for a long time.

There are some teams out there have have given a ton more effort than some previous Spurs sides have given, but the reason they don't compete over a season is because they don't have quality players or depth in squad. They have the organisation and work ethic, but can't out play 'better' teams who match them and then play them off the park. The frustrations with our team(s) has been that the players have been present but the committment has been lacking, along with a key player or two missing.

Finally, there is some form of balance. Way off being perfect, but it's there. As for the Sunday game:

King back in defence, Corulka out to the right-hand side. Cudicini in for the injured Gomes. I guess the question is, will Keano partner Defoe again. At a guess, probably. Unless Harry decides to implement a little squad rotation and bench Keane and stick Crouch up front. Personally, I wouldn’t change it. Keane and Defoe works. Both in form. Why break it up now? Wait for Birmingham at the Lane to perhaps rest one of them. As for Modric – let’s make sure he’s in the game and has plenty of the ball.

Do hope it’s an open game. All eyes on Cole and Noble for them, who can definitely hurt us. So that brand spanking new work ethic has to continue so that there is further evidence that times are changing. And by changing I mean more Mars bar than Milky Way.

Calum Davenport

Ex-Tottenham and current West Ham centre-back, Calum Davenport is in hospital being treated for stab wounds. West Ham have confirmed this (SSN run the story earlier). Calum's mum was also hurt in the attack. Shocking stuff. Hope he pulls through this ok. Not exactly the type of story you expect to be reading about on a Saturday afternoon.

We hate Arsenal

Was in the pub Saturday evening. Sat next to a table that had four blokes who had obviously been in there all day, all drunk and cursing and laughing. They clocked me and Mrs Spooky and two of them started to discuss how long we would survive sitting next to them. I laughed, and they got chatting with us (if you can call it that). Plenty of boisterous bollocks spewing from their mouths. One of them bet one of his mates we wouldn't last 15 minutes. They were insufferably loud and every other word out of their mouths was 'c*nt'.

Game on.

We didn't move regardless. And about 15 minutes later they once more shared a joke about us being the first people to 'survive' their onslaught. They tragically bestowed us some demented form of recognition and they moved onto the next bet, as they spoke amongst themselves. I was eavesdropping a little because I heard them discuss who we probably supported football wise so I pre-warned Mrs Spooky to expect more 'banter' from them shortly.

I already knew two of them were West Ham fans (the two loudest ones). The other two were Spurs. Early in the evening the West Ham fan wanted to bet one of the Spurs fans they would do the double over us and win 4-0 home and away. So I knew that the fun and games were about to begin when he found out who my team was. Eventually, they turned round to face us again and asked the question:

Who do you support?

I didn't answer, and asked them to guess.

One of the West Ham fans pointed at me and said:

"I reckon you're a fucking gooner?"

I didn't say anything, and he then accused me of being a Chelsea fan. Shudder. I replied:

"If it’s one thing I'm not, it's a fucking gooner"

"So you must be a fucking yid then"

I nodded. However, no point in clarifying semantics concerning my family bloodline and origins.

They asked where I thought Spurs would finish, and it was obvious they expected me to say 'Top 4' because that's the fallacy they like to perpetuate about us. I said, tongue-in-cheek, hopefully we'll do well but no doubt we'll finish mid-table. That actually shocked them. Everyone's a stereotype in football, because that's what we have to go on because generalisations make it easy for all. So as I cracked a few self-deprecating jokes about Tottenham being a mid-table side, I could tell I had them a little on the ropes. Almost like I was pinching their best gags.

More over the top tongue-in-cheek banter followed, and the other West Ham fan asked me why I supported Spurs. I told him, it's in the blood going back to the 1930 - 40's. They started talking amongst themselves, and from what I could gather from their drunken slurs they made the strange assumption that my family was from Israel or war torn Europe and had fled from the Nazis and emigrated from to London. You know, cause all Spurs fans are practising Jews, innit? One of them brilliantly explained to his mate that ‘Who else were they meant to support?'. 

I decided not to sidetrack the discussion and confuse them with an explanation of my Orthodox upbringing and the fact that my family were based in the UK.

"Why would anyone want to support Spurs?" one of them asked.

"Why would anyone want to support West Ham?" I replied.

This led onto one of the Hammers saying that when we play them it's our most important game of the season. He was deadly serious about it. It was a statement of fact as far as he was concerned. And hearing it from a West Ham fan (isn't it usually the other way round?) suddenly had me pushed up against the ropes.

The bell sounds and it's Round 2.

"It's your Cup final, not ours". I said, because I knew that would be the exact thing to rile the both of them. Which it did. Which is funny because a moment earlier they had said the same thing to me.

The other Hammer questioned this, and asked me to explain. He wasn't happy.

"Nothing to explain. We just aren’t as bothered with you as you are with us. Sure, it's a London derby and it matters but it's not as important as Arsenal for obvious reasons and Chelsea because they're such insufferable c*nts"

My response incited them further. One of them becoming a little more venomous with his bite.

"You're not a real Spurs fan then are you, if you think that. A real Spurs fan would never say that. What have Chelsea and Arsenal got to do with Spurs? We are your biggest rivals and your most important game of the season is us. It's the one you look forward to the most. You're talking bollocks. Arsenal and Chelsea don't care about you lot, so why should you care about them?"

Jesus wept. I only wanted a quiet drink with Mrs Spooky.

I didn't bother pointing out that if he applied his logic about one team (Spurs) not caring about the other (West Ham) he'd have his answer. But I guess saying that would see me suggesting we are 'bigger' than them, and it's a tiresome statement we get accused of making quite often. Especially as I wanted to get in another round of drinks for myself and Mrs Spooky. That and the fact we are bigger than them. Right?

I tried to explain that it's not relevant that Arsenal and Chelsea (who ironically also hate us more than we hate them – I guess Chelsea and WH both share the need to have another club in the same league admit they see them as their undeniable undisputed rival) have bigger fish to fry and that regardless of current predicaments in stature, the hatred shared between us and those two dwarfed what we share with West Ham. I wasn't trying to wind up or patronise. I stated fact.

"Go to a Spurs v Arsenal game and then come back to me and tell me that us playing you lot is a bigger game"

But they just laughed that off. Proper Calvin Klein stuff. Their measurement of rivalry seemed muddled and fragmented.

Arguably, you could say Spurs v Arsenal is our ONLY true rivalry. But I won't argue against the fact that London derby games do hold obvious importance. Bragging rights, because no doubt you know West Ham fans. But no Spurs fan would swap a win over Arsenal for one over lickle United.

He continued his rant and started talking about how years back he was in the Northumberland Arms and blah blah blah…

“It’s not the 1980’s anymore mate”, I pointed out. He ignored me and continued ranting about old ICF war stories and 'doing Spurs over'. The Spurs fans (one was in his 30's the other in his 50's) were laughing at their West Ham counterparts and asking them to calm down. Although to be fair, neither were really saying too much, probably because they hear it all the time from their two passionate friends. The older Spurs fan did start telling a story about how he once had a drink with Greavise. It was all beginning to get messy with various anecdotes which were meant to prove that I had no perspective on the argument at hand.

I sighed again. Mrs Spooky (who doesn't really like football) was getting involved regardless (bless her) and digging at one of the West Ham fans who was trying to wind her up. Sub-plot here was that I told them early that her family had Claret and Blue ties, which incited them to ask why she was going out with me. I conjectured that it was because of my winning personality and dashing looks.

The other Hammer started talking about how they smashed up our pubs.

“Yes, at 6am in the morning mate. Good one”

One of the Spurs fans started to dig at the two West Ham fans, telling them to drink up, and I did my best to smile and try to talk home fittings with the bird.

You won't be surprised that the 'ammers mentioned 1966 (you know that year, when Alf Ramsey - ex-Spurs - won the World Cup for England captained by that bloke who twice tried to sign for us in '66 and '70 but the West Ham board blocked the move) and also ranted about how we thought we were the bollocks because we beat their kids in Asia and won the trophy. All the usual insecurities rearing their ugly heads where they tell us how arrogant we are when nothing of the sort has been gloated about. So what, we beat them in a friendly. We also lost 2-0 to South China. Both games, equal in their status as non-events.

It ended all a-ok though. One of them shaking my hand and saying 'Always a pleasure yid' whilst I gave him a wink and informed him 'Same time next week?' which had us both laughing out loud. The other Hammer didn't say goodbye as he was still aggravated by my casual dismissiveness for his club.

So my quest to find a West Ham fan that doesn’t spend his time trying to justify a rivalry continues. I honestly, hand on heart, only ever seem to meet and speak to stereotype Hammers who never seem to talk about WH, just Spurs. And they always force the issue too. It's always with a touch of a 'You Spurs fans think you're better than us' type of inferiority complex before we even open our mouths. We don't. Well, I don't.

Do you know what my earliest football memory is? Let me tell you. It's me watching the 1980 FA Cup final between Arsenal and West Ham and running out into the back garden to replicate Brookings goal, diving around on the lawn. You, you chaps in the Claret and Blue gave me a joyful moment that I lapped up as a wee kid, because even at such a young and innocent age I disliked the red and white of them lot from South London and enoyed their defeat.

I get the irony (iron-y) by the way, banging on about this. But it's just a factual account of what happened at the pub.

Usually when this is discussed on-line West Ham fans counter-argument is that we are the ones who perpetuate the fact that they are obsessed by us and that we are the ones with the delusions and that by accusing them we aid to falsely substantiate the fact we are the bigger club. It's a brilliant defence that, don't you think? And I'm sure if WH fans read this they're say, 'Oh look, another Spurs article about how they don't care, yet he cares enough to blog about it'.

Ah, you got me there. I don't really believe in the generalisation of supporters, as we at Spurs have plenty of absolute melters who knee-jerk and fret. We have idiot fans and we have wind-up merchants. But we have far more realists and people with their feet firmly on the ground. Same thing can be applied for West Ham and every other club out there. Apart from Geordies. All nutters IMO.

So I guess, this account of what happened at the pub, is aimed at the people who perpetuate the stereotype. Just so happens I meet two of them on Saturday and it was not a refreshing encounter.

I'm not going to deny I hate losing to West Ham (I also utterly detest losing to Everton and especially Newcastle) but other games have far more of an edge and atmosphere than playing the Green Street lot. Back in the 70's and 80's it was probably a lot different, but then football was a completely different animal back then. It was more raw. On and off the pitch.

Us and Arsenal, no matter the decade, the hatred remains strong. I guess if you grow up supporting Spurs in a West Ham dominated part of the world, your hatred might be strong for them. But never stronger than the love we share for the scum.

Oh look, I'm trying to justify there’s no true rivalry with the Irons. Let me swallow my pride. I guess if that's what they want to hear then sure, it's a rivalry. There I said it. Geographically, you can’t argue against it. We are geographical rivals.

It's just that you're 3rd in our list.

Possibly 4th, because I fucking hate Manchester United. Leeds too for that pissing over the stands incident. Let's call it 5th in-line and be done with it.