Will Gareth bale out?

I would have liked to say I have photographic evidence of Gareth Bale arriving at The Lodge for his Spurs medical. I would have liked to say I caught a glimpse of his agent laughing into his mobile and stating how its a done deal. However, I got nowhere to being in a position of comfort.

Now, I know that I have stated already in this blog that I will report on all ITK transfer rumours, but people who know me, know that I do not have much time for all this type of nonsense. If a player is set to join a club, knowing about it 24 hours / one week / two weeks before it happens amounts to nothing. If the deal is going to happen, its going to happen - makes no difference. And I've found in the past all it serves to do is embarrass Levy and the general incompetence in the transfer market (Rivaldo, anyone?). But still, it serves a purpose to illustrate the goings-on at the club.

I'm also suspicious that Man Utd haven't done anything in the way of bidding for Bale this time round. It cant be because they have spunked all their money on Hargreaves. Perhaps its because they have just enough left to buy Berbatov. So they wont bid for Bale so that they wont fall out with Levy, making it easier for them to sign Berbatov with the dollars they have left. If Bale signs, then say goodbye to Berbatov.....says the conspiracy theorist in me.

But lets place the Berbs speculation aside for a moment and go back to my visit at the Lodge today. As stated, I got nowhere near to seeing anything, mainly due to one individual. Someone I thought would be harmless and in fact believed could be a future ally. Instead he has proven to be a nemesis. I'm talking about Ben. The man up the tree.

Kinda ironic that his name is Ben because it was like an episode of Lost. And I was John Locke. Trying to get to the hatch (in this case a tree) and finding myself avoiding various traps designed to stop me (I'm still removing the pins from my arse, though technically speaking that never happened to Locke). The only advantage point is that fucking tree and getting to it is proving harder than Hurley losing weight on an Island that has no supply of junk food. Which should be easy - but its not, which is why this is causing me so much grief.

The pins were one thing, the bee hive - that was pure evil. I'll tell you this much, Ben should be watching his back from this point onwards. I need information, not for the purpose of ego and telling people news that they will find out eventually anyway. I need it so that I can use it against Levy. My chronicle far outweighs his. Anyway, I came home to find the following posted on various Spurs forums - via Ben:

Out for most of day quick update

all will be tied up today ie bale....they got him last night from cardiff and briningigng him down this morning .southampton were peed of the news broke to sky ect...hence a delay....his medical will be this afternoon and hoping to announce this evening...but there will be no problems now unless he fails his medical

kalaboul as drgaon said will be announced monday but thats all done and dusted...

bent is player 3 we will get it done im sure in the next week or so there confident...

also dont rule big crouch out or even pedersen

All this from a fucking tree!!! I want its secrets. He doesn't own it, and if he does I demand to see the deeds. I did manage to catch a glimpse of the player arriving at Holly House which is a private hospital in Buckhurst Hill which the club use. No trees, but several bushes, one of which was my home for a couple of hours. Bale, was walking and looked fine, but I was unable to read enough from his body language and general self-being to know what his was thinking. He wasn't skipping too and from the hospital. But at the same time, he wasn't kicking a can along the ground despondently. My guesstimate would be is that he might sign. I'm not the only one that has come to this conclusion.

Sources close to the family say its a done deal. Agent fees and bits of the contract are left before final signature is penned on paper.

With Kaboul set to sign, its potentially a 'good week' for the club. Scoff. Had you going again. Let's wait and see if Bale does sign on the dotted line. We can then look forward to the open-bus parade.

Lodge Visit

It would appear that there is some form of elitism taking place at the Spurs training ground. I understand that viewing training as an ordinary Joe Bloggs of the public (like say, a fan) is out of bounds unless you are an invited member of the press or possibly one of Levy’s polo team mates or a sponsor of other recreational activates Levy partakes in. I wasn’t there to watch training, but after yesterdays fiasco I was hoping to possibly catch a glimpse and witness a marked improvement involving sit-ups, defending set-pieces and British Bulldog.

I was also hoping to talk to one or two players. Unfortunately I only met Anthony Gardner. I rejected his offer of a signature, informing him I had no literature for him to scribble his name on. I then had to explain that my Ted Baker shirt would not be best suited for a permanent marker. He had three permanent markers, and attempted to sign one to give to me. It took me a full twenty minutes to get rid of him and had to fake a phone call from my mother before he finally left me in peace.

Actually, I also spoke to Robbie Keane. Though technically speaking, I didn’t actually say anything to him. He did most of the talking. And by most of the talking I mean shouting abusive language and waving his middle finger at me. I don’t speak Irish anyway, so not sure what pleasantries he was attempting to communicate to me. In my defence, I believe I gave him ample opportunity to make use of his ABS braking system. I mean, what’s the point of having a flash car if you’re not going to put it to the test every now and again?

Was not a fruitful day to be quite honest. Decided fairly early on that I may need to………lets just say, visit during out of office hours and set up camp for the next day. Cough.

There were one or two others there hoping to catch a glimpse of something vaguely interesting. I noted one person, hanging upside down from a sturdy branch as he gazed towards the Lodge, eager-eyed and alert. Didn’t even notice when a bird dropped its business on his shirt. Very focused on the job at hand. Not very polite though. He told me to go fuck myself when I inquired whether he had seen Torres arrive for a potential pre-contract signing. Seems his 'In The Know' info is more reliable than mine.

I’ve made a note in my calendar to place him under surveillance. He may prove to be of use.

Called it a day by the afternoon. Need to prep for another field mission at Levy’s home this evening.

Over and out.

Bum Rush

The photo to your left was the scene at todays 'training' session at the Lodge. While I was at work, slaving away in Microsoft PowerPoint and Project, wondering if I'll have a spare ten minutes to eat a sandwich from Pret, representatives of the club - the players - earning up to 3 or 4 times my wages were playing silly beggars with Radio celebrities.

This has obviously been sanctioned by Levy. A mis-guided attempt at tapping up the yoof of today, to make us look sexy and trendy via Radio and Internet coverage so that potential new 'untapped' fans don't select a top 4 club to support but choose us because our players know how to fuck about with Christopher Moyles and someone called 'Comedy Dave', who by the look of him would fit in wonderfully well in our back four along side Daft Dawson and Silly Stalteri.

The picture, above, serves only one positive, in that it appears like Robbo is about to catch something for the first time this season. Either that or he's dropping balls again. If we lose against Charlton on Monday I will hold the BBC partially responsible along with Levy and will aim for some form of compensation for dropping points. Otherwise, I'll be the one dropping something, as I bend down to greet him outside his driveway.

As for Jol, once more, he shows lack of backbone by allowing his authority to be undermined by the publicity machine which appears to take precedence over what is surely the most vital few weeks in the clubs recent history. No evidence that an actual first team training session took place today, and pictures don't lie.

I plan to take tomorrow off work and visit the Lodge.