Dear Mr Levy

I would have liked to say I have photographic evidence of Gareth Bale arriving at The Lodge for his Spurs medical. I would have liked to say I caught a glimpse of his agent laughing into his mobile and stating how its a done deal. However, I got nowhere to being in a position of comfort.

Now, I know that I have stated already in this blog that I will report on all ITK transfer rumours, but people who know me, know that I do not have much time for all this type of nonsense. If a player is set to join a club, knowing about it 24 hours / one week / two weeks before it happens amounts to nothing. If the deal is going to happen, its going to happen - makes no difference. And I've found in the past all it serves to do is embarrass Levy and the general incompetence in the transfer market (Rivaldo, anyone?). But still, it serves a purpose to illustrate the goings-on at the club.

I'm also suspicious that Man Utd haven't done anything in the way of bidding for Bale this time round. It cant be because they have spunked all their money on Hargreaves. Perhaps its because they have just enough left to buy Berbatov. So they wont bid for Bale so that they wont fall out with Levy, making it easier for them to sign Berbatov with the dollars they have left. If Bale signs, then say goodbye to Berbatov.....says the conspiracy theorist in me.

But lets place the Berbs speculation aside for a moment and go back to my visit at the Lodge today. As stated, I got nowhere near to seeing anything, mainly due to one individual. Someone I thought would be harmless and in fact believed could be a future ally. Instead he has proven to be a nemesis. I'm talking about Ben. The man up the tree.

Kinda ironic that his name is Ben because it was like an episode of Lost. And I was John Locke. Trying to get to the hatch (in this case a tree) and finding myself avoiding various traps designed to stop me (I'm still removing the pins from my arse, though technically speaking that never happened to Locke). The only advantage point is that fucking tree and getting to it is proving harder than Hurley losing weight on an Island that has no supply of junk food. Which should be easy - but its not, which is why this is causing me so much grief.

The pins were one thing, the bee hive - that was pure evil. I'll tell you this much, Ben should be watching his back from this point onwards. I need information, not for the purpose of ego and telling people news that they will find out eventually anyway. I need it so that I can use it against Levy. My chronicle far outweighs his. Anyway, I came home to find the following posted on various Spurs forums - via Ben:

Out for most of day quick update

all will be tied up today ie bale....they got him last night from cardiff and briningigng him down this morning .southampton were peed of the news broke to sky ect...hence a delay....his medical will be this afternoon and hoping to announce this evening...but there will be no problems now unless he fails his medical
kalaboul as drgaon said will be announced monday but thats all done and dusted...
bent is player 3 we will get it done im sure in the next week or so there confident...
also dont rule big crouch out or even pedersen

All this from a fucking tree!!! I want its secrets. He doesn't own it, and if he does I demand to see the deeds. I did manage to catch a glimpse of the player arriving at Holly House which is a private hospital in Buckhurst Hill which the club use. No trees, but several bushes, one of which was my home for a couple of hours. Bale, was walking and looked fine, but I was unable to read enough from his body language and general self-being to know what his was thinking. He wasn't skipping too and from the hospital. But at the same time, he wasn't kicking a can along the ground despondently. My guesstimate would be is that he might sign. I'm not the only one that has come to this conclusion.

Sources close to the family say its a done deal. Agent fees and bits of the contract are left before final signature is penned on paper.

With Kaboul set to sign, its potentially a 'good week' for the club. Scoff. Had you going again. Let's wait and see if Bale does sign on the dotted line. We can then look forward to the open-bus parade.