It would appear that there is some form of elitism taking place at the Spurs training ground. I understand that viewing training as an ordinary Joe Bloggs of the public (like say, a fan) is out of bounds unless you are an invited member of the press or possibly one of Levy’s polo team mates or a sponsor of other recreational activates Levy partakes in. I wasn’t there to watch training, but after yesterdays fiasco I was hoping to possibly catch a glimpse and witness a marked improvement involving sit-ups, defending set-pieces and British Bulldog.

I was also hoping to talk to one or two players. Unfortunately I only met Anthony Gardner. I rejected his offer of a signature, informing him I had no literature for him to scribble his name on. I then had to explain that my Ted Baker shirt would not be best suited for a permanent marker. He had three permanent markers, and attempted to sign one to give to me. It took me a full twenty minutes to get rid of him and had to fake a phone call from my mother before he finally left me in peace.

Actually, I also spoke to Robbie Keane. Though technically speaking, I didn’t actually say anything to him. He did most of the talking. And by most of the talking I mean shouting abusive language and waving his middle finger at me. I don’t speak Irish anyway, so not sure what pleasantries he was attempting to communicate to me. In my defence, I believe I gave him ample opportunity to make use of his ABS braking system. I mean, what’s the point of having a flash car if you’re not going to put it to the test every now and again?

Was not a fruitful day to be quite honest. Decided fairly early on that I may need to………lets just say, visit during out of office hours and set up camp for the next day. Cough.

There were one or two others there hoping to catch a glimpse of something vaguely interesting. I noted one person, hanging upside down from a sturdy branch as he gazed towards the Lodge, eager-eyed and alert. Didn’t even notice when a bird dropped its business on his shirt. Very focused on the job at hand. Not very polite though. He told me to go fuck myself when I inquired whether he had seen Torres arrive for a potential pre-contract signing. Seems his 'In The Know' info is more reliable than mine.

I’ve made a note in my calendar to place him under surveillance. He may prove to be of use.

Called it a day by the afternoon. Need to prep for another field mission at Levy’s home this evening.

Over and out.