An Important Announcement

My community service has ended. But I am far from being free. It seems as part of my probation I cannot be the instigator of demonstrations against the club or chairman unless they are official and have been agreed by the police. I am still banned from the vicinity of Daniel Levy’s estate and the West Stand at WHL. I have been advised that in order to prove that I am not a menace I have to display patience and respect. My season ticket has not been revoked, but the club will be keeping an eye on me.

This obviously means the indefinite postponement of the 4th Annual Anti-Levy March. It also means that I am now limited to White Hart Lane and the Lodge (where anyone can turn up if they so wish).

Also as part of my probation I have to attend anger-management sessions once per month. And that part of my assessment will be the monitoring of this blog. It would appear I have a negative personality and that I attack for the sake of attacking and that I should aim to have a non-aggressive re-active personality.

Now before you all think I’ve been brainwashed or blackmailed (with the threat of further legal actions), do not fret. I wont be silenced. Freedom of speech etc. I have to show restraint when it comes to taking things one step further than I should. It’s also been suggested that I need to socialise more with other fans. Other fans who respect and admire the work of Levy. I’m out of touch with the majority apparently. Can’t you believe that?

I now know how Jesus Christ felt. Jesus and I are quite similar. We are both outspoken and completely committed to our beliefs and preachings. Jesus used the huddle to get his message across. I use e-mail and letters and this blog. But people doubted him, the same way they doubt me and Jesus was crucified having been betrayed by Judas. Now, although Sol Campbell didn’t press charges when I organised the surviving members of the Village People to turn up outside his home and sing, he did make a statement which was used against me at the start of all these proceedings. Christ was crucified. And in some ways, so have I. But even though he came back from the dead, he decided to move on. I however will not opt for the Biblical comparison here, preferring the Da Vinci version. Just without the prostitute and living in France.

Anyways, like I said, don’t fret. The revolution will never die. I now have to prove the pen is mightier than the sword.

Spooky, I presume....

No, I’m not dead, just not been online too much recently. Currently serving community service, sweeping the streets in and around White Hart Lane. Yes, I did say ‘sweeping’. When I said I wanted to clean up Tottenham, this is not what I had in mind. The Judge didn’t see the ironic side of me launching 125 water-balloons filled with a concoction made up of Virgin Cola, urine and fungus covered cheese. The balloons were meant for Levy’s traditional summer house party. The original plan was to shoot them down when the cloud of balloons sat high above his BBQ and guests. I just didn’t count for the change in weather that blew them off course. I had to shoot them down with my air rifle four miles away. Suffice to say, the nuns were not amused. The Judge called me ‘unoriginal’ and that my antics were akin to a rather tatty adventure from the pages of The Beano. Asked to explain my reasoning around the balloon-attack I stated:

“I wanted to get the point across that even when the sun appears to be shining; a storm is only moments away. This is the way I feel as a supporter of Tottenham Hotspur”

He decided my community service would be best suited in the motherland, sweeping the streets of Tottenham High Road instead of the well-to-do area Levy presides in. I’ve been banned from his borough for 2 months. So no more spying from the bushes. All I’m left with is Internet porn and reading message boards. As for the Nuns. I had to pay for their dry-cleaning and the mess from their courtyard. Very unsavoury moment. Thank God I'm not religious.

Sneijder and Huntelaar are targets. Bent is likely to go to West Ham United. And if it’s for £18M and 100k per week, good luck to him. No sign of Kaboul. He was meant to be signed an age ago. Why do we stuggle to tie up deals and prolong them longer than a bake beans and curry inspired fart. Also, every ‘available’ player is being linked to the same group of around 5 or 6 Premiership clubs. Giuly being one of them. Next please. And yes, the summer is truly here when Torres is linked.

It’s all hot air.

I may turn my attention to the Big Brother house. Might serve as a good alternative now that Levy’s mansion is out of bounds and everything is a little on the quiet side with players on their holidays. Would really like to throw frozen shit pellets at a few of them, the miserable depressive losers. The BB contestants, not the players. Well, apart from Stalteri. Deserves it for his dress sense and the fact he cost us Champions League.

The Welsh One, the Bug-Eyed Never-Smiling Man Hater - both of them need to removed from television forever. And as for that Charley, would rather have Dwight Yorke hit on me than have her going down on me in the cubicles of some nightclub. And by ‘hit’ I don’t mean the smack in the mouth/punch in the face kind, which Dwight did once achieve when I kicked his kebab out of his hands on one late mid-week evening in Manchester. I use to run with anti-meat campaigners back then. Those were dark days.

Leeds United are back

Well bravo. Bravo Tottenham Hotspur and bravo Daniel Beelzebub Levy. It seems I have underestimated the Chairman of the Board and his minions. And it probably serves as a reminder that I should be – at all times – fully alert and focused because my assault of words on the Levy Empire appear to have birthed a retaliation. And a positive one at that.

Levy actually appears to have a set of balls.

The footballing grapevine is, at this moment, delivering some rather juicy grapes. Juice grapes of truth.

West Ham United are doing their utmost to turn themselves into the new Leeds, which makes Scott Parker the new Seth Johnson and Lee Bowyer the….still a thug.

Russian money. Filtered through Iceland – all bankrolled via a silent Russian partner. Allegedly. We have offered Darren Bent a set amount of wages, a competitive amount of money that is deserving of a player of his proven Premiership calibre and would make him one of our top earners. So, possibly £50,000 or £60,000 per week. However, the ‘ammers have gone one better. In fact, 100% better by offering him DOUBLE the amount we have.

It’s like Gollum winning the lottery and still having to bribe prostitutes to sleep with him.

Levy apparently believes this has fucked it up for everyone else WHU are doing what Chelsea did, but in wages not transfers. Seems, the chairman of the board is using restraint and won’t be held hostage over WHU’s short-term quick fix tactics which could quite comfortable jeopardise the club.

Why Spurs are naff at set-pieces

It's like watching the Fellowship of the Ring.

Looking ahead

And so it ends. Another season disappears into the history books, but unlike my last copy of Razzle, the pages won't be stuck together out of unbridled joy. I will discuss, as promised, in more detail in my season review (thats Tottenham's performance in the 2007, and not my collection of porn mags).

The summer is now upon us which means Big Brother, transfer rumourwhoring and of course (hopefully) good weather that will allow me to camp out in the vicinity of Levy's mansion and during my recreational time make use of my new Nokia N95, with countless upskirt snaps in central London. The off season can sometimes be the busiest for a freedom fighter like myself.

Operation Hotspur will begin as of next week. I'll be closely monitoring all activities at the Lodge and the travels of Levy and Comolli as their search to sign the new Ghaly.

I'll also spend some time debunking the 'Inside Information' rumours and 'ITK' (In the know) stories that will no doubt crop up on forums all over the net in the coming weeks ahead.

Stay tuned.