The Stupendous Adventures of Benoit Assou-Ekotto
Friday, July 8, 2011 at 12:11PM Local bank on high street.
BAE enters and joins the end of the queue where people are waiting to speak to a cashier. Then suddenly...
...Three men in balaclava's rush into the bank with sawn off shotguns screaming at the top of their lungs...
BANK ROBBER ONE: EVERYONE GET THE F**K DOWN ON THE FLOOR!!! NOOOOOOW!! DO IT!!
BANK ROBBER TWO: GET DOWN AND DON'T F*****G EVEN THINK ABOUT LOOKING UP! IF I SEE ANYONE HOLDING A MOBILE I'LL F*****G SHOOT YOU!
BANK ROBBER THREE: (aiming gun at cashiers) LET ME SEE YOUR HANDS! LET ME SEE THEM! IF I SEE YOU GO FOR THE ALARM, I SWEAR YOU'LL F*****G DIE!!
BANK ROBBER ONE: OI, YOU, YES YOU! WHEN I SAID EVERYBODY I MEANT EVERYBODY, NOW GET ON THE FLOOR!
BAE: (stares nonchalantly)
BANKER ROBBER ONE: ARE YOU F*****G TAKING THE P*SS? DOWN, NOW! GET THE F**K DOWN!
BAE: (stares nonchalantly)
BANK ROBBER THREE: WHAT'S TAKING SO LONG I NEED ONE OF YOU UP TOP TO HELP ME GATHER THE MONEY!
BANK ROBBER TWO: COME ON (also points shot-gun towards BAE) GET DOWN, GET THE F**K DOWN, F*****G NOOOOOOW!
BAE: (stares nonchalantly)
BANK ROBBER ONE: ON THE FLOOR! WHAT THE F**K IS WRONG WITH YOU?
BAE: (stares nonchalantly)
BANK ROBBER TWO: COOOOOOOOME OOOOOON!! (leans forward to push BAE to the ground with shotgun, BAE Muhammad Aliesque swiftly shuffles and avoids the push)
BANKER ROBBER ONE: WHAT THE F***?
BANKER ROBBER TWO: YOU ARE F*****G DEAD, DEAD! THIS IS A F*****G BANK ROBBERY!!
BAE: (stares nonchalantly)
BAE: Robbery? Really? This is ze bank? I thought this was Starbucks.
(starts to wonder towards the exit)
BANK ROBBER TWO: Where are you going?
BAE: To get a Frappuccino.
♫ Don't cha wish your left-back was B-A-E ♫
Roll end credits.
Reader Comments (36)
Just amazing, this must of actually happened?
it happened, i was there.
So as usual BAE doesn't know where he is.
♫ Don't cha wish your left-back was B-A-E ♫
Love it...
Loved it when he rolled out of the training ground in his Smart Car on SSN.. Hard tell if he was awake or asleep.. DON'T CHA?
love it
I very much look forward to the next exciting installment....
@johnwhite
Brilliant.
If they had asked for BAE's wallet, what are the odds it would have had Bad Mother F*****R, written on it.
Are you sure that he wasn't looking for specsavers
Lol Spooky, love the new series, when can we expect the next installment of Bale and Bentley, an all time classic.
must have missed the SSN piece but like the new song dont cha..
no doubt to be sung in pubs around moldova and montegnegro on our Europa travels.
Diaz,
Wallets are far too bourgeois for Benny, but like Jules, Benny would pack it all in to just 'walk the earth".
He doesn't enjoy shopping.
GENIUS!
TMWNN,
Can see Corluka as Vincent - coming back from Amsterdam, laid back.........
Have you seen the picture of BAE under the daws diary peice on the offical site, would be perfect for pitcure for this peice, it looks like he doesn't even relaise that he's running or why?
A piece of friday genius to see us through the weekend.
BAE is a legend already, training shots on OS are a must see. He's our 'crab man' (in more ways than one)!
Brilliant!!!
The Wolf needs to come in and sort this mess out.
Jenas is The Gimp.
Need to look at those training pics again.
LOL,Love the song,hope to hear that on and around the east stand upper!
Ah man spooky , the song already got in my head thanks to thfc1882 and just when i was rid of it , you put it back there
Dont cha ...
DDDDOOOOONNNNNTTTTT CCCHHHHHAAA
I like to think of Benny as Jim Kelly, the black dude from Enter the Dragon. He was also a pretty bad motherfucker.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Z5O0MKjS588/TWx4U5OxJHI/AAAAAAAAWLU/t99LrYHtI_s/s1600/KELLY.jpg
LOVE IT SPOOKY
Did he find Starbucks in the end?
Stone-cold classic. He's another (to the tune of Benny & the Jets):
B-b-b Benny & his dreads
Oh but he's weird and he's wonderful
Oh Benny he's really keen
He's got electric boots
He plays for Cameroon
You know I read it in a magazine
Oh B-b-b Benny & his dreads
Sol Campbell as Marcellous Wallace. A one-time hard man that got bummed by Zed (Van Persie).
He's up there with Samuel Jackson in the cool department.
Great stuff. I'm imagining BAE with his afro, just staring at these fellas.
Quality. It's great to see that, we haven't lost our sense of humour. COYS
best article of recent years, by far. ever? I've only been reading since 2008, but...
so original, really. that's 100% quality.
(like)
Surprised they let you blog whilst lying on the floor of bank.
Here's one for ya...
City get £400m sponsorship and stadium name deal from ETIHAD....
Translation of Etihad from Arabic to English????????????
You guessed it............................
UNITED!
Pratts!
Having given more thought on BAE and Harry it occurs to me it might be interesting to let BAE become the manager and see how he would handle the press.