A day in the life of Adel Taarabt
Monday, June 20, 2011 at 3:11PM Reprise from last year.
Adel, is enjoying a cup of coffee in his kitchen. When suddenly; chaos! The very fabric of space and time is ripped open, resulting with a small and rather polite worm hole appearing before his very eyes.
'Hello Adel', the worm hole greeted the ex-Moroccan international with a smile.
Adel: "What in the **** is this s**t? I already have an agent. Get out of my home"
Worm hole: "I'm here to offer you what you deserve"
Adel: "Adel is not interested in anything a hypothetical topological feature of space-time has to say"
Worm hole: "Oh, sorry, I thought you were…Is Adel home?"
Adel: "Of course he is. Adel is standing in front of you, idiot"
Worm hole: "Where? Oh, I see. First person"
Adel: "You are wasting Adel's time. Leave"
Worm hole: "No, no I'm not wasting your time. You deserve so much more than this. Than QPR"
Adel: "Hold on a minute, Jose…Jose is that you?"
Worm hole: "I am not Jose. I have trancended the infinite layers of the mult-verse to visit you today. I'm here to gift you something special Adel. 1970. The World Cup final between the boys from Brazil and Italy. A spectacle befitting a player of your undoubted quality. I can take you back in time, Adel, and replace Pele with you"
Adel: "Replace?"
Worm hole: "Yes, replace. You will be Pele, but you will define the final and his legacy with your own two feet and footballing brain. Adel Taarabt in the body of Pele with the ability of Adel Taarabt. How does that sound?"
Adel: "It sounds like the same Adel in blue and white hoop colours every weekend, but in Mexico instead of West London. Okay. Why not? I was only going to spend the day looking at myself in the mirror. I can do that when I get back. Do they have mirrors back in the 70s? Yes? Okay, so then, do I jump?"
Worm hole: "Yes, jump into me. And you will be transported onto the pitch in 1970 Mexico City, in full kit"
And so Adel takes the leap of faith, after finishing his cup of coffee and spending some time styling his hair, and jumps into the worm hole with the minimum of fuss.
1970. The World Cup Final. Brazil v Italy. Mexico City.
Rivelino: What the…?
Gérson: I don't get it.
Jarizinho: This is ridiculous.
Carlos Alberto: I do not believe my eyes. Is he mad?
Commentator: Unbelievable scenes in the World Cup final. I can't quite fathom this. Pele has stripped off his yellow jersey and thrown it to the ground after screaming abuse at Mário Zagallo and proceeding to push him over. Just ten minutes into the game and Pele - who has been shocking, just shocking - has gestured abuse to his team-mates and the fans and has sensationally walked off the field of play in protest screaming 'I quit, I quit' in what can only be described as a very public melt-down. The Italians are unsure where to look. I'm unsure where to look. This is so out of character. It's embarrassing.
All this madness began after Pele attempted to dribble through and around his own team-mates with the Italians looking on in amazement, and then had the ball abruptly taken off his feet by Jarizinho which resulted with Pele slapping him across the face. This is quite an incredible start to the World Cup final.
And it's a red card for Pele. The ref has seen enough!
Oh dear God, he's now urinating on the dug-out in retaliation to the card. Extraordinary!
Later that day, back in 2010...
Worm hole: "That went well"
Adel: "Please. No more Sunday League football, okay?"
Reader Comments (13)
I'd love to see him go to Man Utd or Arsenal. Hilarity is bound to ensue.
Brilliant! Lovely! And yet I kind of wish little pr*ck awas never given another thought.
Brilliant spooks- where do you get your inspiration!- oh wait! are you Noel Fielding in disguise?
I equate him to Lauryn Hill. So much talent. Yet such a cunt.
Whatever happened to her?
Ar5en41 please lol
@spooky she went totally bonkers , got a bunch of kids and went all yardie rastarafi religious ...
have to say Iv'e never been a great fan of this site but that was superb and sums the little twat up.
i'd luv to see harry pull a cheeky one out and sign him back and then loan him back to qpr for another season. seriously if that guy is ever gonna be a good player he needs another season of warnock simultaneously supporting him and kicking him in the arse at the same time, warnock could turn him into the next ronaldo (mntd) but without warnock he'll stay a dilusional childish prick.
Adel WHO ?????
I dont know if you guys have seen this , but he went crazy at the training with morocco , took the plane and vowed to never play for his country again. After the game the belgian coach of Morocco verbally abused reporters that were asking about poor lil Adel , the reporter left the room almost in tears
Classic Adel, he always makes a scene.
Taarabt’s performances for QPR have caused some Spurs fans to question Redknapp’s decision to sell the unpredictable livewire - but the Tottenham manager has no regrets.
“He [Taarabt] played in pre-season with us in New York last summer,” he recalled. “I played him in midfield there with Luka Modric – and Luka’s still recovering from it.”
haha