In defence of Robbie Keane
Monday, October 11, 2010 at 1:00PM #5
In defence of Robbie Keane:
...ladies and gentlemen of Glory Glory dot co dot uk, I have one final thing I want you to consider in defence of Robbie Keane and his form since the return from his nightmare spell at Anfield. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense!
Glory Glory forum:
Damn it!... He's using the Chewbacca defence!
In defence of Robbie Keane:
Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with Keane's long forgotten form and the abuse he's getting in forums and message boards across the Internet? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with the discussion! It does not make sense! Look at me. I'm a blogger defending a once upon a time proven goal-getting Premier League forward who left us and returned an abject spent force, a parody of his former self, and I'm talking about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're reading through an anti-Keano thread flaming and berating and abusing and skipping carefully close to post moderation, boiling the blood with the various arguments for and against, does it make sense? No! members, moderators and admins of Glory Glory and other Spurs related message boards, forums and blogs, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit Keane from the derogative belittlement he's receiving!
The defence rests.
Blatantly plagiarised from episode 27 Season 2 of South Park, "Chef Aid", October 7th, 1998.
You've been reading the fifth part of Spooky's International Break diary journals.
Part one can be read here.
Part two here.
Part three here.
And part four here.
Reader Comments (57)
Idiot
Endor's a shit'ole!
I bet this attracts the haters.
There is nothing quite like the chewbacca defense.
Get fucked jordan
Made me laugh.
I think there is no defence for Robbie. Which is partly the whole point of what's been written, or not written in this case. He doesn't even wave around like he cares. He's 3 secs off the pace when the ball is crossed in and 20 seconds off it when he's running with the ball and looking to make a pass and fails to do just that.
At least Pav scores.
We have someone better in VDV to take his place now. Agree he shouldnt get the abuse he does but he does need a new home if he wants to rediscover some form.
Also 1st!
Jordan any thoughts on Parts 1 - 4 linked at the bottom of the blog article?
News Now day trippers strike again.
Or not
I'm confused, is Spooky defending him or is he saying there is no defence therefore he's agreeing Robbie is guilty as charged?
My head hurts....
Does this mean that we're getting a new defender called Chewbacca?
And is Bob trying out for goalie?
Chewie and King at the back.
SOME OF THAT PLEASE.
I'm not even sure anyone talks about keane anymore, he's dropped down that low in everyone estimation that he can't even muster up a discussion. Unlike Jenas who yo-yos from good to utter crap.
A quote from Chewbacca:
"I Heart Keano!"
His words, not mine.
Defoe
Crouch
Pav
Keane
In that order. JD being first selected.
The fact we have to choose from Pav or Keane just about sums it up for us. I can't wait for January and hope Levy has the same desire.
At Lincoln Crown Court in 1993, in the case of Frigginbotham v Clench, the Counsel acting for Frigginbotham successfully invoked 'Mornington Crescent' as a counter to the Chewbacca Defence. Keane could yet be condemned by the rapid utterance of those two words.
I once done a whole weekend on drugs.....at one point my left leg mysteriously morphed into a snake - terrifying shit i kid you not! Thankfully the hatchet I used to sever the fuckers head had also morphed .........from flip flop. !!! All this Chewie stuff is so typical of mixing depressants with stimulants and stimulants with kebab......
lol @ Desktop
Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. ahhh robbie, if there was a way we could make use of his ability to somehow kick the ball with his heels everytime hes played in behind the defence, like maybe get van der vaart to then volley his miscontrolled inability to dribble then it'd all work sadly hes most probably off to wolves, oh well im sure we'll live
Chewbacca doesn't live on Endor.
I don't think any Spurs fan believes he will reclaim his past glories. Only reason we've kept him is because Harry and Levy failed to sign a truly top player in the last window. Otherwise, off to Celtic he would have gone. He has no zest left in him and if I hear/read one more person state that Keane might yet come good....
Not sure about that J. Are we talking about in the context of Return of the Jedi or the novels that take place after the final part of the Star Wars saga? He could have settled down with the Ewoks on Endor. Who are you to say he did not have a fetish for them?
Who doesn't have a fetish for them? I am geeky enough as it is without reading the Star Wars novels, so I can only go by the films :-P
I chew Bacca, I spit out bacca, bacca doesn't taste good. I watch Keane, I spit out in bad taste, so yes I get the connection.
What... a top player other than VDV do you mean Killjoy? Or did you mean to say "Harry & Levy failed to blow a stupid amount of money on a rent-a-quote centre forward from the hundreds/thousands*(delete as applicable) that were available and queueing up at the Nicholson Gates to play in the CL qualifiers?"
p.s. An eight foot Wookie & a 2ft Ewok... That's some kinky shit.
In some way I'm sadden International Break is coming to an end. Spooky, I guess you're not going to be watching tomorrow night?
Chewbacca doesn't live on Endor.
Oct 11, 2010 at 1:54 PM | J.
You made me smile :)
Mes, I'm talking up the need for a new forward. Easy said than done and I'm in admiration of the lack of panic buying, as lucky as the RVD signing was at the 11th hour. We need someone up top, clever, fast and with the nack of sticking them away. A striking version of RVD.
is Chewy available on a Bosman or a loan? He'd be hard to mark, more deadly than Defoe, more ariel threat than Crouch, more pointy shouty than Keane, and better grasp of English than Pav?
He's disciplinary record ain't too great there Starsky. He likes to shout a lot too so he might be nothing more than a Keano upgrade.
*His
I hate it when I do that.
... And I need either Angelina Jolie or the delightful Miss VDV to pop round and iron my shirts but the availability of said lovelies may preclude them from a visit to sunny E8. We'd all love one of Barcelona's finest to pop round and bury a few but we have to accept that we are either a long way from doing that in terms of 'CL Winning' potential or Sheik Whatshisface spending potential. I just keep seeing the phrase 'Levy & Harry failed'... like it's the easiest thing in the world. I like the direction things are going in and I'm glad we don't bankrupt the club to bring in some of these idiots. I just think the players simply weren't available this year.
Come on now. Chewie, centre-midfield. Our new enforcer.
Light hearted way to end the journals spooks. Seems an age since Spurs last played.
If Chewy was our new midfield enforcer, I can hear that famous line from Star Wars being relayed by Fabregas to his manager in the NLD:
I suggest a new strategy, Arsene. Let the Wookiee win
Whilst the Chewbacca defence is a well known and respected technique, besides that, who or what are we defending? The decision to sell Keane in first place, the decision to buy Keane back, the decision not to sell him on again? We seem to be suffering from all 3 decisions right now...
I can see where you're coming from....chewbacca also points & shouts (roars) a lot!
Jenas. Keane. Pav.
We collect them. Nobody wants them.
A huge obstacle to signing Chewbacca (which has been overlooked) is that he's a fictional character. Then again, Keane is a fictional striker, so it might be possible to surmount this problem.
The principle sticking-point, however, is that Chewbacca died during the Mission to Sernpidal. To return from that misfortune would be significantly harder than to return from Anfield.
Spooky posting South Park extracts. Harry Hotspur posting a gallery of females. All Action No Plot returning from a sabbatical catching up with articles and reports covering off the past two weeks. Deary me.
International week is the bane of blogs.
Talking of HH, I see has been digging at a certain blog in recent posts (not this one). Has to be Triffic Tottenham. I don't understand the reason for websites like that, all they do is repost what we've read already and their editorials and commentaries are forced and lowbrow. There are a dozen websites that do the same thing. Fuck off please just fuck off.
Shame Newsnow don't do quality control.
Oct 11, 2010 at 3:08 PM |
@Desktop
"A huge obstacle to signing Chewbacca (which has been overlooked) is that he's a fictional character"
hmmm not so .... I think the thing that will scupper any deal is the fact that he hasn't played in 75% of his national teams' matches in the last 2 years.
Seriously on the Keane thing
Was watching the Tottenham's greatest goals show (the one presented by Georgie Thomspson) and Keane scored some bloody crackers for us. But FFW'-ing to 2010 I cant seem him repeating any of them or similar. Quickness of body and mind made him great....now...bloody hell he's as slow as a Tesco delivery driver reversing in off a public road.
You don't have to use Newsnow for your fix.
Keane, in that season with Berbatov and leading up to it, was simply fantastic for us. Let's not pretend otherwise.
Was.
That is all.
"The principle sticking-point, however, is that Chewbacca died during the Mission to Sernpidal. "
Shit. I didn't know Chewie had bought the farm. FML.
This has an eery similarities to the unintelligle crap Deleuze descended into from Logic of Sense through to What is Philosophy?
BIG FOUR Two terms need to be dispensed with in football. That five year old term 'BIG FOUR' can surely not still be used once Liverpool are relegated and City are champions.
KEANE'S NIGHTMARE SPELL AT LIVERPOOL. Keane's nightmare spell started around 2007 and is still going strong. The form just came to light when he went to Liverpool because the focus was on him in a Champions League team.
He shouldn't have covered 'Stinky Britches' with express written consent.