Understanding the £20M Spurs bid for Kenwyne Jones
Wednesday, May 27, 2009 at 4:18PM Two men having a conversation:
"Hello guv, I was just walking past and noticed that hedge-trimmer on your lawn and was wondering if I could buy it off you. I'll pay you £20,000"
"Sorry, you'll do what?"
"£20,000 for the hedge-trimmer right there"
"You live across the road don't you? You've already got a hedge-trimmer and a grass-cutter and a couple of lawn mowers. Why would you possibly want this one. It's no better than what you have already?"
"The ones I have belonged to the previous owner. He left them behind. I prefer your hedge-trimmer. Reckon it will do a better job. Looks reboust, a little akward perhaps, but reckon it can do the job far more effectively"
"Better than what you've got already?"
"I think so"
"For £20,000? It's only worth £50"
"Ok. I understand"
"Great. Now you'll leave me alone?"
"No. I'll pay you £40,000 for the trimmer"
"Look mate, I don't need the money, ok? Leave us, me, alone"
"Sorry, what?"
"I'd like to keep my hedge-trimmer thank you very much. I don't need the extra cash, ok?"
"Let me get this straight. I just offered you £40,000 for a hedge-trimmer and you're turning it down?"
"Yes. The trimmer is happy where it is thank you very much. It's happy, I'm happy, my garden is happy"
"That's a bid of £40,000 for a hedge-trimmer that on reflection is probably not value for money compared to what I own already and if I walk down the High Road and shop around I'll probably find a better model and yet you don't want to take the money?"
"Nope. I have a rich American uncle"
"But it's like me offering you £10,000 for that flowerpot over there. It's only worth 60p. How can you possibly reject my bid? It's ludicrous!"
"How can you possibly make such a ludicrous bid in the first place?"
A moments silence follows.
"I'm mental I am"
"So am I"
The end.
Reader Comments (28)
That's the best possible commentary I've read on this embarrassing mess of a story.
Thank you so much for once again entertainnig me with this comparable story, it has tickled me once again, your wit always surprises me and i enjoy reading your blogs.
That's pretty accurate - mainly because the character in your story didn't ever make such an offer, because it was made up by a journalist to drive traffic to his site, or by the owner of the trimmer who wanted to impress his mates with his abundant wealth. If it was a true story, then it's fair to assume that the man actually only offered half that amount as he would have been lynched by his family for offering any more!
Thats about spot on id say
i had complete faith in harry, prior to this...now im not so sure! jones 20mil!!!!...the lad looks like a handy addition, but at less than half of that fiqure!
I'm lol'ing over here!
I'm hoping that either Sunderland are trying to get Spurs to re-bid or this is an extreme exaggeration. £20M on Jones is madness. Actually, I don't believe it.
That's hilarious. Scary, but hilarious. Top work (you, not Levy/Redknapp).
its just a shame that that is a fair reflection of our once proud football club. we've always had money and eerybody has known that for decades but to want to waste it on mediocre players and become the laughing stock of the country is embarassing
Before everybody goes jumping to conclusions and making judgements, wouldn't it be a good idea to confirm whether or not THFC ever made such an offer. Remember, this is the first week of the close/silly season when football journalists try to outdo one another with unfounded crap.
Kenwynne Jones.
I have two words of my own and the second one is 'off'.
Spot on if he hadent had a bad injury near to 12 mill would be more near is value now about 8millon .Is first touch is clumsy to put it mildley what must bent and pav think of this .what will big sam think 22 miiiion atleast for santa .Good bit of advice to mr LEVEYy and H. AND CO. BUYERS AND SELLERS .for tottenham plc. Dont bother buying any players ,last year our team whas touted has top four and we finished eight ,We finished in the manner to wich we should have and possibley could have got into the top four with a better start everton lost most of there team with injurys and will have the right mixture of players to challenge the champs leauge .Because moysey went to is kids and one loany jo now he has back up that wont mind waiting there chance not stars ovepriced subs sulking and causing dressing room unrest like poor bentley on the bench We could have blooded our kids in the last few games and maby we could have unearth a jem or two ( THE UFA DOESENT COUNT BECAUSE ITS SLOWER FOOTBAL THAN THE PREM.) shame harry so dont rush to buy trouble . everton and fulham proved that.
Jones for 20mil!!? Please tell me iit's a lie and that the lanky goon Quinn is just winding us up and winding us up well?
Levy, you know he's shite; don't sanction any more crap like this in the future you hear!?
Has the world gone mad, first we sign Chimbonda our 4th right back, then we buy Defoe back for double what we sold him at even though Pompey haven't a pot to piss in, we then buy Keano who can't play with Defoe.
Now we bid £20m for pure shite, is someone having a laugh at us fans? or is someone getting a major kick back from some Scottish football agent who it seems is Harry's best pal and who is banned namely Willie Mcay.
to top it all we have an agreement with Boro to pay £15m for Downing FFS, please please will the premier league look at where the dosh from our deals are going down to the last penny.
One word
BANKRUPT
That is what will happen to us very soon!
One thing we have to remember is that the offfer for Jones (whatever amount it was) was declined, which was why we then bought Keane.
Cool it all...
First off all i read the aricle about downing beeing a done deal. Nothing exept the headline says that downing has made agreement off joining spurs. They onley said boro had made agreement with downing that he stays untill the end off the season and then he can go if he wants . Noting else.
And jones story i dont want to belive that rubbish ...
Great anology!
The fact is that Harry did make a bid for Jones in Jan, he has said so himself. The quote from Quinn was a fee 'up to £20m' which makes it more authentic in my eyes.
My concern with H is whether can adjust to having control of a big club transfer budget and policy, whether we'd be lumbered with the likes only good for fratten/upton park.
He seems to have decided that the best way to adjust is to buy the same muppets, but at four times the price. A real worry. Thank the Lord above they said no.
Actually what my gardener meant was that I will pay you up to £40,000.
My old trimmer is worth £24,999 so I will give you that plus £1 and another £2,000 if I win the Garden in Bloom competition, £3,000 if I win The European Garden competition and £10,000 if I win The Gardens World Cup.
Classic. I wish these Cisse rumors would go away, not that I believe them, they just annoy me.
Don't believe everything you read in the papers!
then again, you san't believe anything your hear from Spurs.
They said they didnt meet Ramos!!!!!
I trust Levy as far as I can throw him by his tongue.
you get a lot less bovver with a hovver
p.s, Berbatos last night, class !! Thanks Red nose for the 30 mil
Well nothing i here about spurs surprises me anymore,we stopped being a credible club years ago!!! We're a joke football club with a CLUELESS chairman who keeps appointing poor managers & wasting money on sub-standard players. Sounds a bit like a certain club so-called big club from the north east that's just been relelegated....MISMANAGEMENT catches up with u eventually Mr Levy!
ive got a 2000 spurs embossed nosetrimme's for sale!
500 harry redknapp posters when he was hit on the head with fish (kipper)
and a signed loopaper roll from ossie ardiles testimonial game
also a dvd by jermain jenas' entitled "how to nutmeg your opponents when they are not looking"
any offers?
Mr Norm
25 high road Tottenham
UP TO £20m. I would guess that for us to pay them £20m for Jones then we would have to win the double next year & the treble the year after with Jones being top scorer in every competition. Remember the £10m we paid for Bale which became £5m after a year. Almost all transfer fees have success based clauses these days & I'm sure Jones transfer had it happened would have been exactly the same.
Probably more like £12M + a bundle of add ons dependent on goals scored. Like ALL modern day transfer deals.