Shut up, sit down, do as we tell you to

Claude: "How's the renovation going?"
Oswald: "Great. The loft conversation is done, we're having the back garden landscaped"
Claude: "BBQ?"
Oswald: "Of course. Once it's completed we'll be having a house warming"
Claude: "You massive show off you"
Oswald: "I know. Keeps the wife happy. You still going to the Bahamas this summer?"
Claude: "Yes. Booked up. Two glorious weeks. Really looking forward to it"
Oswald: "We've decided on the Canary Islands"
Claude: "Again?"
Oswald: "Creature comforts"
Claude: "Is that the new...?"
Oswald: "Yes. It's a Blackberry"
Claude: "Looks lush"
Oswald: "That's because it is"
Claude: "I'm holding out for the next Galaxy"
Oswald: "What you got currently?"
Claude: "The current Galaxy. But the next one will be better"
Oswald: "Oh look. I think something has happened"
Claude: "Where? Oh yeah. They appear to be running back to the half-way line"

Rupert: "Excuse me. Yes, you two. Can you please keep the chitter chatter to a minimum. Tone it down a touch. I'm trying to critique the match here. Can you not see I'm writing some notes?"

Steward: "Chaps. If you persist with this behaviour I will have to escort you out of the ground. Read the warnings on the back of the seats. Use sign language if you're going to banter"

Claude/Oswald: "Sorry"

Claude: <So did someone score?>
Oswald: <Not sure. I've got an app on my phone. I'll have a look>

Valentine: <Excuse me, yes you two. Can you perhaps sign language a little less aggressively please. I'm feeling faint, you're making me dizzy with all your animated hand gestures. This is a football match you know>

Björk: Shhh!



The future of football. Shut up, sit down, do as we tell you to. That's not even the mantra of the powers that be. According to the powers that be, some fans are already making themselves comfortable in their seats, not wishing to participate in the games atmosphere but preferring to sit back and watch as though they are witnessing opera or ballet. Each to their own. No doubt it's your prerogative how you wish to soak it all in at a game. But if you want to watch in silence, do you have the right to define everyone else's experience to match your dainty bubble? Why is the minority so all consuming?

The club will never allow the drum back into White Hart Lane or the new stadium. For me, it's not even about the drum any more. It's about what the drum stood for. Freedom of expression. We continue to be marginalised by the club and according to Spurs, we appear to also be marginalised by some of our own. Other supporters have allegedly written to the club to say they oppose the drum and it's fake plastic beats and that it's an unnecessary distraction and they do not approve of the noise.

Football fans not approving of noise? Surely this is satire? Football fans complaining about other footballs fans and the manner in which they wish to demonstrate their love for the team. Must be satire.

You might think it's hypocritical that I'm saying its okay for 'us' to make noise and that we are imposing on those that do not wish to stand/sing/chant/scream/drum. But get this. Football might be this overly policed entertainment package that costs an arm and a leg to go to but the very essence of its existence remains tribal and we have a right to fight for that freedom of expression. If you don't like the noise, try the sofa. Last time I blogged about this someone told me that they no longer go to Spurs wishing to stand and sing and preferred to watch seated with their son/daughter. I'll let you work out the contradiction and hypocrisy in that statement.

If you wrote a letter to THFC complaining about the drum/noise, please get in touch. I've got my opinion, I've shared it. I'd like to give you a platform to share yours.

If anyone has positive stories about the drum to share, please email spursdrum @ gmail.com. He's compiling some to send to the club to counter the negative stories they have received. Doubtful the club will share their stories.

This drum has no beat

You might or might not be aware there's been a campaign recently to get Spurs to allow back a drummer + drum into the corner of the Shelf Side.

There will be no return for the drum at the Lane. The club have finally responded and there are two reasons given why we wont be seeing it at matches.

Firstly, the infamous rhythm the original drummer used encouraged the 'systematic chanting' of the word "yids" and the club do not want to be seen as endorsing this as to avoid being slapped on the wrist by the football authorities and anti-racism campaigners. So basically no chance of an instrument being used to orchestrate this chant, although it would appear that football supporters can still use their mouths to achieve the same thing. That's until the time when said mouths will be surgically removed on entry to the ground as per the small print you didn't read.

The current drummer would be happy NEVER to play that particular rhythm. I guess the club still believe it's a risk to allow it back in even if they stipulated rules concerning the removal of the drummer and the drum if they deviated from the agreed song sheet. To think once upon a time all this was good enough to be featured in the clubs Opus.

The second reason given is a joke. Probably an exaggerated excuse. The club are saying that they received complaints from other supporters about the noise generated from the beating of the drum. Really? The noise? Is it that ear-bleedingly loud? Is it that annoying? That persistent? Can I officially complain about the knee-jerking t*ats in the Park Lane Lower that mouth off garbage all game? Can we have them banned too? Who exactly goes to a football match and complain about noise? Is this the same ilk of person that remains seated even if a player is about to run through and score a goal? The same that gives a dirty look towards fans who dare to stand up and sing for Tottenham? I wonder how many people complained? A thousand? A hundred? Ten?

Apparently:

"We are firmly of the belief that White Hart Lane is a unique stadium, with a fantastic atmosphere organically generated by the crowd without the need of additional instrumentation"

Fantastic for category A games, sure. For other games, I guess I can agree that the atmosphere is organically generated at times, say based on say a poor home performance and the resulting boos echoing around our stadium proudly.

The fact that loyal supporters who frequent Spurs every game want the drum back speaks volumes about this illusion that the atmosphere is always buzzing. But then we're back with the same arguments relating to modern football and the fact that we are continually conforming, from free to express ourselves football fans to nothing more than a client reference number. This shouldn't be and isn't about needing a drum to inspire the fans (although it would help). There's a far bigger problem in football these days in that people turn up to sit down as if they're watching the game from the comfort of their home on the sofa. The way football is policed and packaged, you are made to feel guilty for daring to achieve genuine organic atmosphere. From the heart.

Some fans are stuck neck-deep in the pressure and want for success they forget what it means to be emotive. There's also the new breed of modern football supporters that prefer to sit and watch in silence. The club are doing their very best to appease this particular group (the family with the money to spend spend spend). Keep it clean for the kids. Then to top it off there's a hefty slice of the home support that would happily have sung their hearts out when we were mediocre but now expect victory without wanting to voice their passion. They tie into the ones that can't handle the pressures of competing at the top.

Fragmantation aside, the crux is we not trusted with a drum. It's also a cultural thing what with this country being a complete mess with its politically correct overload. I'm not suggesting they let us walk into the ground with a pigs head or a moped, but come on, please treat the ones that are responsible like adults. This is about the freedom of expression, more than it is about some bloke and a drum.

There's a contradiction with what Spurs are saying. But then this is about politics and about the word 'yid' more than anything else. Which is fair enough and its probably appreciated by most that the club has shown transparency here. But the middle ground is being ignored for far more controlling reasons. At a recent game (Spurs youth team) at Charlton we had a drum taken off us because apparently the home supporters were required to be informed in advance about the potential noise we would generate from it so that they could be prepared for it on the night. Ridiculous. The club (Tottenham) gave our support that night a mention on the official site/official Facebook page.

There is no valid reason other than the powers that be wanting to control your experience.

The club owns us. We are consumers. We are replaceable. We are a walking wallet. Football is sports entertainment and standing up when you've got a seat is unacceptable.

I'm looking forward to seeing the clubs plans for 'the wall' (the massive kop end) pencilled in for the new stadium. You'll remember it from the illustrations, it looked majestic in size in illustration. The noise emanating from it will probably be lunch-boxes open and closing whilst everyone tucks into their prawn sandwiches.

In the mean time, don't be afraid to show your love for the club. Otherwise...To dare is to be told to do.