The James Corden Guide to being James Corden
Wednesday, June 9, 2010 at 11:27PM When not in 'Smithy' character, act normally, which is just like 'Smithy' character
Borderline homo-erotic behaviour is essential
Face-palm plenty and talk quietly when upset/angry
Over the top passion when happy
Talk in high-pitched voice when attempting to stress something important
Break dancing or a subtle reference to 'the robot' always helps if extra laugh is required
As much over-exposure on TV as possible, before the bubble bursts. If it's football related, get on it to consolidate yourself as the new face (and gut) of English football celeb-punditry. Fat is funny, in ads, on panel shows, footie post-match commentary and anything with celebs in it
Release a collaborational England song (everyone else is doing it, so why the hell not?) because this further increases your profile as a celeb that loves football (note: don't wear a West Ham shirt in public, there's no money in it)
Reveal your belly at any given moment, for larfs
Follow the Ricky Gervais Guide to Offending Other Celebrities in Public but in a funny 'joke way'
Thank God each night for that Comic Relief team talk to the England players that kick-started the post-Gavin and Stacey work-load (because the Horne and Corden Show doesn't really count, does it?)
In a nutshell, just continue to do 'Smithy' until you end up back as Smithy in a Christmas Special, thus coming full circle and ending the journey by completing an Ouroboros on ones self
Reader Comments (81)
Django does it again
that time of the month eh? And on the subject, why are so many Arsenal fans female?
It's the sexy thighs they get down at the Emirates.
I feel part of the fabric now, hope it makes you feel better or chrisman intimated maybe it's just your time of the month (how many of these do you have). Cheers for taking the time to read the comment though at least you can negotiate short sentences
So, wait, did you actually have a point to make in your initial comment?
What did you find so unreasonable? What - exactly - is it with these 'pundits'?
Or would you rather scurry off and hide behind ad hominem nonsense instead, thus demonstrating that you really _are_ part of the fabric.
That took a while, but hey ho are you still in that stage of arrested development where you scribble on walls and think that when you cover your eyes no-ine else can see you either. I know you aren't pass the stage of shouting obscenities and having the last word, so on that point I shan't continue this witty exchange but instead leave the floor open for you to do your darndest. Go on big fella we are all watching.
Though so.
Kindly do one.
YOU FUCKING CUNT
THOUGHT
Ellsbury's a bitter boy isn't he? Could he be Corden, the human wick, himself?
I beg your bloody pardon?
Is that it?
Don't think that thy implied racism in your comments has gone unnoticed btw, Day of the Triffics.
God you are lonely, on your implied rascist comment you are way off the mark there young man. Firstly I maintain that there had to be some hindrance to your intellectual progression that instructs your very odd behaviour, deisire for attention and need to be right.. Secondly i'm black so to coin a phrase 'do one'.
So black people can't be racist? I think not.
That would be quite an intricate discussion, one I believe you are not equipped for.
How was he racist? Do explain oh bitter one
Since I'm of Navajo descent I find that profoundly offensive, and further evidence of your prejudice.
Sorry for being off-topic, but can someone please explain why we have seen a solid two weeks of articles on "where will Joe Cole go" and as of yet I can't find one measly post about the possiblity of taking Michael Ballack to the lane for a couple of years... I know he's old, and he won't be cheap, but damnit, the man can play and he's certainly got the experience to lead us through our first season(s) in the Champions League, no?
ffs django, give it a rest
what did Ballack really add to chelsea last season? not much. a big payday in the middle east is the only logical option for him now.....
I think Ballack struggled in his time at Chelsea because he had to temper his attacking instincts to play in the same side as Lampard. Let's not forget he played 32-odd league games for a side that won it, and is captain of Germany. He was a fantastic player pre-Chelsea, and while he may not be at that standard I think he's be a perfect signing for us. he has bags of experience and leadership qualities, and they are two major things we lack.
yes we lack those things, but it may turn into a case of getting experience for experiences sake. The most important question is would he get into the team? would he replace modric? would he sit on the bench? is it worth signing someone on 80k a week with an ego like that to sit on the bench? Would he be any different to a certain other 'experienced leader' who was ultimately a liability whenever he got on the pitch? I say better to sign someone of similar position and ability, but about 10 years younger, much lower wages, talent not regressing, happy to be an understudy. He will be 34 in September.
I also do not want us to start signing players who think we owe them a living. Players who think spurs have to prove their worth to them, not the other way around.
Is he that old? I thought he was around 31 pushing on 32. On who he'd replace - I don't see Luka at CM for every game, I think Bale will predominantly play at LB and Luka will play a fair amount at LM. We'll have (qualifier permitting of course) plenty of games next season, there will be enough to share about, even without the inevitable injuries.
Chrisman, did you put on an earlier article you'd sign Joe Cole? If so, how does he fit in with your criteria? High wages, even higher than Ballack. Best days behind him, knocking on 30 and prone to injuries. Would he get in our first XI, assuming by your earlier call to sign a LB you see Mod in CM and Bale at LM. RM? Lennon, no chance. CM? Modric, please LM? Bale, uh-uh
I tend to agree with Harvey here. If you consider JC, don't you have to consider Ballack by the same token? He would definitely be a mercenary, no pretension of "being a spur", but I feel we could trust him absolutely to do the job in the way that you would trust a professional assassin. For one, he's German, and displays their teutonic tendencies towards precision and efficiency, none of this messing about, wasting dozens of chances in front of goal business that seemed to plague our entire strikeforce last season. He seems that he could walk into the San Siro on a blustering Thursday night in February and simply get on with it. We have great young players in the team, but it's anyones guess how Lennon, Bale & Co. are going to react when they line up against Ronaldinho, Messi, CR9, etc. on the biggest of stages... Time will tell what he has left in the tank- all I know is, Ballack is one of those players that always scares the sh*t out of me when he lines up for the opposition... I feel we could use a few "assassins" in our squad next season. Our boys are just to nice, Bale with his little heart sign and whatnot. I want to see someone stare down the opposing gk and draw his thumb across his throat. "Your fecking dead, mate", and then eviscerate them on the pitch.
The other actor in Gavin and stacey is a spurs fan, he must give the fat spammer a lot of stick.
So, what did you Spurs lads think of Dos Santos? I know it was "only" south africa, but he looked clever out there. Maybe his stint in Turkey got him in line. I don't know if he would have a chance in hell of getting into your first 11 (no chance over Lennon, Bale and Modric) but surely he could compete in a spot in the rotation with Bently's hair, the kinda chubby ex-rent boy, and that other pretty boy from Eastern Europe who's name escapes me. Niko?
James Corden is a cunt of the highest order
It's true. I am a fat wanker with no talent. Why do even pay the licence fee for? Fat jokes with belly wobbly? I'm a fat twat and I'm soo hungry
The bastard who is using my good name to spread malicious drug scandals will feel is Bollocks getting a swift kick if my secret Mi5 DAVSPURS Agents find you and we will.Spooky you need to keep a grip of you site my work is important and not something to make fun of. I was Spurs most important servant in the battle to slow the fucking energy cheats and you let idiots use my name. If you was not a good Spurs blog and one of my fav site i would get you closed Down Mr Scary One Spooks abused DAVSPURS
Hello,
I only arrived in this in March and have only seen Corden a couple of times but I already find him loathsome. The show he hosted during the World Cup made my skin crawl with embarrassment as he doesn't have the talent to bring that sort of thing off; probably because he's brainless. He's not a one-trick pony, he's a no-trick mule. Haven't we had enough of this "new lad" yobbery?