Tottenham is burning
Friday, April 8, 2011 at 12:02PM Dear Mr Levy,
As you gleefully play your lyre, singing arias whilst watching the death and destruction as Tottenham Hotspur burns to the ground as you look down from the comfort of your own personal Maecenas...ask yourself, when the fire is extinguished...who shall you blame? Who will take responsibility for this calamity? From the ashes, will you build on the devastated land a palace for your ego and eunuchs? Will you blame us, the common man, citing Stratford as a catalyst?
Or will you be overthrown?
What’s that? It’s too late? This is fidelity? It sure is. Faithfulness to your own beliefs to the bitter end.
I can only hope Chirpy is caught in the fire too. I think he’s best served up on a plate with a dab of jerk seasoning and Piri Piri sauce. You see, much like my feathered friend, I have a permanent expression of comedic shock on my face. Is this really happening? Are you truly sitting back in your throne eating grapes and watching this despondency and dismay play out before your eyes?
Why do you not listen to the people and their cries for help? Even your soldiers show discontent with their general. But that’s the crux of it isn’t it? You appointed the general yourself having removed your second in command. No more director of football. A wheeler dealer in his place. But we’re not fooled, then and now. We never wanted him in the first place. Any half decent coach would have kick-started our season when we sat bottom of the table. And now, two seasons later, we look set to return to the mediocrity that almost engulfed us. We are stagnating. Sideways stepping when it’s abundantly clear we should be 10, 12 points better off.
When you look for your scapegoat and make an example out of him be sure to remember that the blame should be shared between the both of you.
You for sticking with him and him for making nothing stick.
Where would you like me to start? How about I just throw one or two statements of facts your way and see how much of it you manage to catch? You may need to place your lyre down for a moment.
Two transfer windows and not an inkling of a world class forward. Instead, we’re left rotating the three stooges whilst we try to accommodate a midfielder who is best played centrally but is instead used in the hole in a tragically flawed 4411 formation that rarely proves to be fruitful. If we had two proper forwards signed in the summer along with a fully-fledged right back, a central defender to cover expertly when Gallas and Dawson are not available and in addition a new goalkeeper and better quality cover for Bale on the wing – we’d be challenging for the title. Instead we are struggling to remain in 5th spot whilst being humiliated in Europe because we have no tactical astuteness to go to Madrid and get a decent result whilst multi-tasking the domestic games.
Don’t give me all this propaganda about the red card and Lennon’s illness. We should have reshaped comfortably and contained Madrid with the odd counter thrown in for good measure. I reckon a 2-1 loss, possibly even 2-2 was more than achievable. If José Mourinho was our manager do you honestly believe we’d have lost 4-0? Do you? Of course not. Harry proving he can’t hack it at the highest level, completely at fault for our surrender and capitulation. Perfect for England.
Let’s go back to the summer again and the New Year. The failure to sign a forward. We get offered a midfielder, rejected from his club, and we lap it up because how can a donkey possibly deny itself from taking a bite out of the dangling carrot? Everybody knows that if van der Vaart had not been signed we’d have been forced to play a traditional 442 system and Defoe, Crouch and Pav would have scored a bundle domestically and in Europe.
Then again, probably not. Neither of them are world class and last season’s fourth spot finish was nothing more than good fortune rather than managerial shrewdness. Because our manager, mugged in Madrid (a second time), doesn’t have the knowhow on how to beat the big teams and inspire the side when the going gets tough. It’s all sound bites with him isn’t it? We’re under achieving and he’s still trying to enforce a down to bare bones mantra to hide the truth and his deficiencies.
In the New Year we should have signed Carroll. He's have been fit and able round about now to make it for the push. £35M well spent rather than sitting in your bank account earning interest.
The form of some of our players has been down to luck and aided by circumstance and nothing to do with his man-management. Bale was always going to come good. Modric was always best suited for the middle of the park. BAE was always a decent left-back. It's more than obvious. The team picks itself unless the team picked loses meaning a different team should have been picked in its place to start with although if tactical changes are made they should only be referenced if they don’t work and ignored if they do work. But mostly they don’t. Which is why we’re 5th with a handful of games to go and about to be (already) knocked-out of the CL in the quarter-finals.
We got rid of dos Santos and Taarabt – two players destroying their respective leagues with their new clubs, be it the former on loan the latter sold. We could have done with dos Santos mental strength and Taarabts composure. It's painful, the schoolboy errors witnessed. Painful.
We’re always playing our Plan B which means Plan B is in fact Plan A which points to the fact that if Plan B is Plan A then what is Plan B if Plan B is A and Plan A is actually Plan B masquerading as Plan A? With better players we’d be in are far better position than we find ourselves in.
We’ve done ourselves no favours with our European adventure which has simply papered over the cracks. What’s the point in progressing in the Champions League when we’re meant to be competing for a top four finish so we can qualify for it the following season? It’s all about the qualification, not the taking part. We’re never going to win it so why bother trying? It’s an absolute mess. And it pains me to witness my beloved club falling apart at the seams with bickering and in-fighting, dressing room afloat, lost in a sea of despair. What with squad trimming immediate, I expect us to lose Bale, Modric and van der Vaart in the immediate summer months – but we won’t fret as the profit will go towards signing that elusive world class striker leaving us with no midfield to create chances for him.
Disaster. Everywhere I look. Disaster.
You wanted back to basics? You got back to basics. This is football 101 and our ploy of ‘running around and kicking the ball a lot’ has finally collapsed in on itself.
The end is nigh. The fire started with a single match lit by your hands, Daniel, with further fuel added to the flames by Harry. It’s criminal that we’ve failed to compete with consistency and cohesiveness. We find ourselves in this position solely because of your mismanagement of the transfer windows and Harry’s player favouritism and abandoned first teams dumped out on loan. At least under Comolli we had direction, drive. All we have now is a manager winging it with battered feathers taking to the air for as long as a penguin can jump above ground.
Still playing your lyre, Emperor Levy? Your arrogance and self-preservation has once more destroyed all hope in N17. The blind leading the blind, you allow your general to march us into an untenable position and yet more failure. A battle that simply cannot be won. The dream is over. It's hart no longer white, but burnt black from the fire.
Play your lyre, watch us burn away. Watch us all burn away.
Yours tragically,
Spooky
Reader Comments (61)
Knee jerk much?
hahahaha, very enjoyable. I wonder how many that will go right over though. ;-)
COYS
Get a grip
and in between me hitting post, it goes over the first.
You can make fun of it Spooky, but it probably is all turning to shit. It didn't have to, and that's the most annoying aspect.
TMWNN - I need your ying to my yang.
I bet some fools out there agree with quite a lot of this. Quality satire.
What a pile of whingeing self indulgent drivel.....Stop feeling sorry for yourself
Your team has had the best run in 25 years, you haven't been in a European Final
for 50 years and you moaning like a spoilt child....Idiot
So Plan A is actually Plan B which is actually Plan C - where are Pans People when you need them.
Why do we have to play out in the media as well - has the term "behind closed doors" been removed from the Lane.
Too much time on writers hands.
Just enjoy the ride, were till high : )
Is this a serious blog?
If not it is an embarrassment.
well thought out observation of our current position,and tinged with the current permeating sadness and what ever we can expect on against stoke. But in Levys defence he did try and get maureen when he left the blue scum didnt he?
This is so old skool that I almost feel sorry for people who watch it fly past their heads.
Some of the points raised in this are frighteningly accurate and that im afraid is no laughing matter.
Too much time? That's all us writers have.
well said Spooky, you hit the nail right on the head
I know this is satirical but to produce it means you at one point considered or at least entertainned these notions as did most of us!
Funny and enjoyable read. I do hope that it reaches Mr Levy, even if he might read it with a smile and a chuckle. Along with the hyperbole, there are nuggets of painful truth that have been drowned out in an otherwise enjoyable season and a long-overdue return to footballing competitiveness for Spurs. The pain is there not for what hasn't been achieved but because achieving it was well within the capabilities of the club. COYS!
You have the yin (passive/female element), I have the yang (active/male) ;-)
So as you say all we needed to compete with the title was a couple of world class forwards, a decent right back, cover for Bale, quality central defensive cover .... oh and a goalkeeper. Brilliant. We all love to play champ manager but geez come on, get a grip. Where we the forwards saying they want to play for Spurs? Nowhere because we were unproven and, for much of the summer, unqualified for the CL proper. In central defence we had Gallas/King/Dawson/Woodgate/Kaboul/Bassong and while I agree there are 2 noteable sicknotes in there you would think that we'd have enough cover - we have just been unlucky with injuries. A new goalkeeper? Maybe this summer yes but Gomes was excellent last season so why should we have bought last season. Cover for Bale? Kranjar and that is my big problem with HR this season. We have a tough run but so do City. A win tomorrow and City lose to Liverpool (away) on Monday and we're right back in it.
Perhaps this period of stability is just getting a bit too much for a few Spurs fans. Are they missing the good old days of sacking the manager and overhauling the squad every 18 months because that worked really well for us!
Looking forward to the people who agree with this burning their season "cards" with you at the end of the season.
Some very relevant points in there as well. Under Comolli we did have direction and drive didn't we. Look at Liverpool since he got that Kenny bloke to give him a hand as his number 2.
Lovin your work Spooky! Very funny!
mr levy is running a business first
football club 2nd
with this in mind its quite miraculous to see our achievements of the past 2 years
i guess we have to just enjoy
COYS
Genius!
Well done Spooky, very tongue in cheek. I've got to say that some of those points, extreme as they are, do hold a modicum of truth to them. We'll know more at the end of the season.
Any chance of another letter which is the 'Ying to the Yang' of that one?
COYS!
I see you're still on the fence, Spooky. Doesn't look like you'll shed too many tears when 'arry goes down in the summer. My guess is that DL's scouring for his successor but gingerly so as not to spook the players - pun intended.
Cringed half-way through reading this and it just got worse. But when has Spooky ever let the facts get in the way of a piece of frivolous fiction?
Come on Spooky, if this is the best you can muster these days, it's time to take a well-earned rest.
Is this a serious blog?
If not it is satirical.
As I said to someone on twitter earlier this week. If we win against stoke, everyone can chill the fuck out. It's not over yet.
Benjoss said: Any chance of another letter which is the 'Ying to the Yang' of that one?
Let's wait and see if we win on Saturday.
Ahh, the Real Madrid hurt is sinking in, but get real (excuse the pun :-) . 4th in the league last year, currently 5th and still a chance of finishing 4th - and unlikely to finish lower than 6th. In the quarterfinals of the Champions League - having beaten the likes of Inter, AC and Werder Bremen.If we are burning now, I hate to think what we were under the Christiaan Gross and the like. Yeah, sure things could be better, and we should have gotten a decent striker, but if you had to be given the position we are in today around Oct 2008, you would have wholeheartedly accepted it. The reality is the likes of Chelsea and Man City have set crazy expectations in the market - otherwise someone like Dzeko would probably be at Spurs.
Keep the faith dude. Last season, we had Chelsea, Arsenal, Man U and Man City to play in the last few games. Hardly anyone gave us a chance - yet we came through
I hear ya!
you need to save that one spooky, never know when you might actually want to send it to him! ....call me an opptimist.
enjoyable read though mate. =p
arthur 50 years daley and spooky must be chums
"How can a donkey possibly deny itself from taking a bite out of the dangling carrot? "
Burdain's Ass... basically a donkey tied between two stacks of hay will starve to death, as it cannot decide which one to eat...We were caught out spooky- we were just not good enough when it counted...
Here's a new sound-bite for 'Arry...... 15 goals from the last 16 games !!
All great comedy/satire has a fair amount of truth to it.
The fact that so many are reacting to this in different ways is testament to that.
cant get a read on this actually. i thought there was a lot a truth and a lot of untruth in it. but its been awhile since i can remember us playing well (played well against milan but that was the antispur method), i think its been since hudd was out. thank fuck hes back hope to have him in this weekend
er yes and while tottenham is burning so its time to have a fire sale......vdv,bale,moders....any chance we had of holding on to our best players flew out the door at madrid...we needed champions league next year to keep our best players and to attract new"top"players.....
I am a bit confused after reading this , tongue in cheek : certainly , some valid criticism : no doubt
I know you are making fun of some of the more fickle fans there Spooky but are you still the biggest believer of our top 4 spot at the end of this season ?
Well written , as always and some parts made me chuckle
one thing though...its so fucking tempting to agree :)
so does nero get any compo from the FA when they nick harry?
Spooky is scared of criticising Redknapp. He's afraid of the backlash from Harry sympathisers...
Harry's "two points, eight games" rhetoric was not foolish and purposeless as some thought. It was meant for times like this. The idea was to hide the fact that he had inherited a team that jhad finished 5th twice in a row, a team that contained some of the best players in the league (Modric, Lennon, Huddlestone, Bale, BAE,...fuck,...even Bent and Taarabt). The fact that Levy availed to him almost 50million to upgrade this team, especially the strikeforce, is also forgotten (NB: This 50m was unfortunately used to bring to us Crouch, Defoe and fucking Keane). But the illusion created was that Harry inherited a team destined for sure relegation and turned them into top 5 contenders.
He should therefore never be questioned. (Cup eliminations CC 4-1 against Ars*nal, FA 4-0 against Fulham, CL 4-0 plus....but, no one should ask a thing?)
Now even Spooky is scared to be himself. BTW....this is my favourite blog, but honestly, this article is poor and cowardly.... The worst work of a truly gifted blogger.
Ah, you missed the bullseye, by a fair distance. But that's okay. Its a magical article. It's in the eye of the beholder.
;)
Levy as Nero? Hmmmm.... Well, we do have a Roman in our camp. And White Hart Lane is on the old Roman Ermine Street. Adding portent to portent, the earliest mention of Tottenham is in the Doomsday Book - but that was the work of the Normans (do we have a Norman in our ranks?).
Have there been any unlucky birds seen near the stadium (apart the usual, ahem, 'sorts', I mean...). A proud cockerel recently got its feathers plucked in Iberia - a bad sign, perhaps.
The Great Fire of Rome lasted for six days and seven nights. Six days and seven nights! Think of the damage such a conflagration would do to the NDP! Think of the insurance...
Genius.
4th,
Too complicated for me Spooks.
Its so finely balanced that I can't decide which side you're on.
Although the idea of Dos Santos destroying la Liga is perhaps a givaway.
Some fine writing though.
Trouble is everything you mock could come true, if you're mocking it that is.
I liked in the old days when you hammered Levy every week.
Plan A, no plan B. Simples.
Ronnie is giving it straight. Spooky is dressing his fence sitting act up in a way that can, depending on results, swing both ways. Like Redknapp himself, he can never be wrong.
Consul's Palace, Haringey
A sunny July ten years in the future...
Guard: Emperor Levy, Your trusted general, imperator Harrius Redknappus, awaits an audience.
Levy: The Emperor will see him...
guard: I thought you were the Emperor?
Levy: Levy is the Emperor, yes.
Guard: then who are you?
Levy:What?
Guard:If Levy is the emperor, who are you?
Levy: You are addressing the emperor!
Guard: yes, and if you're not him, then who...?!?
Levy: Levy IS the emperor, you address him even now!, Oh, sod it, just send him in, I'll see him...
(guard leaves scratching his head)
...blasted cheap guardsmen, can't even understand third person, makes me wonder why I even got that degree in Land Economy from effing Cambridge...
(Guard returns)
Guard: Harrius Redknappus, the emperor...err..whoever he is, will see you now.
Harrius Redknappus: 'ere, Danny, wot's with all them effin' blokes in tunics and fings scootin' around the place, eh? Makes me think I was back in the East End on bloomin' kebab night, hurr hurr hurr!
Levy: they're guards, Redknappus. You are in the Emperor's palace, after all...
Harrius Redknappus: that I am, That I am. So I take it you're not the Emp anymore?
Levy: what? No, it's blasted third person!
Harrius:Alright, Alright, cool your jets there, Danny my son. when in Rome...or Haringey...
Levy:sigh...(muttering) almost makes me wish I'd brought back that Ramos fellow all those years ago...at least he could understand third person, even if all he could respond with was 'Carleeng Cap'...
Harrius(oblivious): ...So, I've brought with me 'ere, a list of targets we need to go for, to really consolidate our place as a top-four club, triffic, triffic, fantastic, fantastic, luverly, triffic...
Levy: very well, Harrius.I'll look through it once I've finished feeding Lammy to the ravenous mutant Chirpys...you are dismissed, Harrius.
Harrius(exiting): luverly, triffic, triffic, fantastic, fantastic, triffic...
Levy:...now, where's my imperial stain-proof gloves?'Mayoral Development Corporation' won't quite cut it, my dear Lammy...
(later)
Levy: that was fun, eh, Joeus? Put up a real fight, that poor sod did... Anyway, better read that list Harrius so badly wants me to read...
(opens the letter)
The Republic of Tottenham Hotspur , children of our dear leader the glorious Daniel Levy
Transfer Targets 2020-2021
Compiled by Harrius Redknappus, imperator
Triffic, triffic, fantastic, fantastic, wonderful player, triffic...
Phil Neville
David Beckham
Scott Parker
Matthew Upson
David James
The End.(t'riffic)
Ronnie is giving it straight. Spooky is dressing his fence sitting act up in a way that can, depending on results, swing both ways. Like Redknapp himself, he can never be wrong.
Apr 8, 2011 at 5:49 PM | TMWNN
I think people need to step back from the above. It's not about me. These letters, they rarely are my own opinions. That was never the point of them.
And for the record, I agree, we can do with a refresh.
There. I said it. Happy now?
http://www.topspurs.com/newsnow/thfccol-090411a.htm
Another Nero citation.