With thanks
Wednesday, May 12, 2010 at 2:00PM Dear Mr Levy,
Many have suggested over the past season or two that I have sold out. They say I am no longer a solider of fortune; no longer a personified rebellion against the Bourgeoisie mentality of the upper tier uber-rich West Standers. They whisper in the Park Lane toilets, in-between hurried puffs of Benson and Hedges, that I have been assimilated in amongst the other Spurs faithful. A passive shadow of my former self. Re-conditioned. Just another replica shirt in a stand of thousands.
It's been years since I last chained myself naked to a turnstile and 20 months since I turned up at the Spurs Shop dressed as Peter Griffin, attacking Chirpy with violent bloodthirsty impunity.
I no longer wait by the gates for directors to drive in and out of the club armed with water balloons (yeah, right, water...ha! If the club wishes to give us yellow streaks against our will, then let them have some back). I have practically seen out all my community service impeccably and I have not breached the conditions of the most recent court order that politely requests I stay 100 feet away from your good self and Mrs Levy. And your pet hamster.
Demonstrations, boycotts, drug-induced squirrels, surprise gift wrapped parcels consisting of dead animal parts. All of them things of the past. Stories forever chronicled in my letters to your office. I can't even remember the last time I stood outside your home and burnt a copy of The Opus. Which for the record is a very expensive bonfire, and at the time would have appreciated a heads-up that you were in Florida on vacation.
It would seem I have become a monument to myself. Just a membership number. Just a chant, a scream, a shout. A fan. Loyal. But no different to the next. Not unique in any special kinda way, no longer standing out in the crowd. No megaphone. No soapbox.
I hardly ever write to you. There is so much blood I can spare. I find there is little need to do so anyway. You hardly ever churn out any propaganda these days either. Although don't think I didn't hear you state the word considering when talking about the proposed plans to build a new stadium post-match at Eastlands. Slip of the tongue I presume.
But the last few letters I have written have been, dare I say, pro-you and prophetic also?
Back in May of 2009 I stated how we needed a change in culture of the team and players, the need to instil a winning mentality.
Look at us now.
Then at the end of August of 2009 I reiterated again in a letter to you how removing the Director of Football structure was the catalyst for progression.
Look at us now.
I forgave you unequivocally and practically ended my vendetta because of it.
And then on March 17th 2010, I continued my goodwill gesture and called for a THFC battle cry in our push for fourth spot. I officially and definitively called a truce. My heart and lungs belonging unconditionally to Tottenham Hotspur right up to the final day of the season. No agenda in sight.
So have I turned my back on all the things that defined me in the first place?
Of course not. I'm simply asleep. Dreaming a wonderful dream.
I said I'd give you a chance. I was initially weary of your back to basics appointment of Harry Redknapp but still supportive, and this decision - whether through desperation or acute insight - has turned out to be a master-stroke of good fortune and commitment. Resulting with end product. Actual 'I can taste it and it tastes good' end product.
Stability and belief. Much like Head and Shoulders, two things you've hardly ever got to grips with. And yet now we swim in a sea of renewed tangible progression, floating on top of it if we so wish to do so. Okay, so you still don't have hair on your head, but one miracle at a time please.
How could I possibly complain? Those impossible highs, those far-fetched dreams to envisage a team, a unit, fighting and playing for each other and refusing to choke, refusing to bottle it…to see this play out in front of my eyes. Our eyes. Complain? There is no need for such a negative sentiment. You listened to the people. You listened to me.
Complain, alas, I simply can't. I refuse to. So I'm only going to say this the once, and I'm hoping your secretary reads this out to you with some conviction and heart to further illustrate my positive sentiment. Here we go:
Congratulations on a job well done.
Yes. I said congratulations.
Granted, I've played my part. Retaining a gagged Jermaine Jenas in my basement dungeon for the best part of the season was imperative to sustaining our challenge for 4th spot - be it not very cheap and quite time consuming. And don't even get me started on the mess down there.
But the big decisions made within the walls of the club are ones that have sat firmly in your full control and your control alone. My mere mortal words can not quite infiltrate your brain when it most matters. Short of me attempting to hypnotise you, I can hardly influence your day-to-day agenda and work ethic at the club. And we all know what happened when I last attempted to hypnotise you. The less said about our night in Amsterdam the better. Never red? That might work over in N17, but in the 'dam, blue is always the colour best avoided.
So, for now until a time when required, no more surprise packages consisting of maggot infested bagels. No more attacking Chirpy (although I can't guarantee I wont have 'words' if he cuts me up with a trolley in Tesco's again. Once I can accept it being a mistake, twice, is more than a coincidence and three times is a blatant pattern. I'll hit the git so hard he'll require another round of plastic surgery). And finally no more burning of season tickets on the final day of the season.
I'm repeating my pledge once more. For you have delivered on yours.
Even if it was a bit like you driving around a roundabout in reverse, failing to turn the car into the correct direction and take the first exit north. You could have removed the unnecessary back-seat driver, ejecting him through the window far far sooner than you did. But you did it in the end. Dizziness can sometimes end with a moments clarity. And that's all that was required to make the right choice. Clarity. And a new driver altogether. One that requires no high-end sat-nav just some experience with a more traditional A-Z.
So here I am soft, like a Care-Bear's belly-button. I suggest you keep me like this, all cute and dainty. And if you really need to ask how, then allow me to refer you to next season. Consolidate the squad. If you want to dictate our destiny I suggest you grab the bull by it's horns and ride the f*cker into the sunset. Do not accept that this seasons end is our arrival, but rather our beginning. We still have a fair distance before we genuinely make an entrance.
Go fourth and prosper.
I suggest you avoid the caviar and Cristal and concentrate on the Champions League. In the mean time, on the recommendation of my psychologist, I'll be concentrating on Harry Redknapp. It's time to shift perspective from off the pitch to back on it. I'll still be hanging onto your effigy just in case it's required. You never know when a dream can turn into a nightmare and wake you up. I don't plan to be caught short.
In the mean time let's keep the donations to the Tottenham Foundation at an absolute minimum this summer and get past that CL qualifier.
Regards,
Spooky
Reader Comments (41)
Spooky, don't take this the wrong way but you've turned into a hippie. Although I do agree with you and you'd be hard pressed to have a go at the chairman in the manner you did once upon a time without causing an internet meltdown. Hardly any Spurs supporters out there knee-jerk these days. Not enough for you to take the piss the way you did in those early GG days.
I bet you typed up this blog with a rose nestled in your hair, you big girls blouse.
So that's where Jenas was.
I think Levy might request a 200 foot restraining order after yet another Spooky love letter.
Jep, why? Is Daniel Levy a giant?
I don't think it can be mentioned enough but the DOF system's failure has been shown to be just that when we manage to get 4th a full season into a managers tenure without a DOF in sight. Yes I know, theTop4 are not so top drawer any more but that's not our fault. We still need to beat the other contenders around us.
I applaud Daniel Levy.
I've been hugging strangers since last Wednesday, it's contagious... The police don't like it though and I don't recommend the 'headlock, mussing up the hair' routine to anyone who looks like they might be carrying a knife.
It's the dawn of the new age.
Levy fingers goats
Mes , in my language knife = mes , coincidence i'd think not ...
Btw Spooky , i feel all warm inside after reading this , might head home early today and buy the missus something nice
What a wonderfull world this is
Spooky and Levy forming a coalition. This country is fucked.
Those days of writing satirical piss taking letters ripping it out of all the knee-jerking Spurs fans are over. They only worked when we aspired to be good and kept failing. Looking forward to how you deal with Harry Spooks.
Once again Spooky another enjoyable, entertaining piece.
The heirachy have done their job, as well as, the players and agree with the C word: CONSOLIDATE.
Lets rid the basement of Jenas and.. yes.. Keane to begin with. It pains me to type the latter, but I don't think he has a future with us anymore.
Hopefully Woodgate will return, but if he doesn't... lets get a replacement.
With the other two gone, lets find that striker of extra class with CL experience. Simple in theory, but more than likely difficult in practice.....
Shelf - If you look back, the letters have mellowed out because Spurs have got better. I still think the whole point of these was Spooky would highlight the knee-jerking that was taking place even when we achieving some form of progress. There's still KJ going on as witnessed after the Burnley game. Perhaps these will go full circle and Spooky will start parodying our over-joyed excitement of CL football (I hope).
I think stalking Levy got old. Spooky knows it's time to move on.
Now stalking Harry Redknapp? That's some sick sick shit.
The motivational picture is fantastic.
Nice work. Levy will be able to enjoy his summer hols in peace now.
Bloody hell, now Cleggy & Cameron are kissing and cuddling on the lawn... Is there no end to the love that's in the air? Could they be Spurs fans and Harry has had a greater impact on the country than we think!!!!!
Whatever next?!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've just registered www.dearmrredknapp.com 500 quid and it's yours Spooky.
That domain will be worthless in 2 seasons when Harry moves on and makes way for Jose.
What?
Canada Yid - Are you Redknapp in disguise?
hehe
Fox, I paid for it out of your pocket, so I could be.
Classic read mate, nice work.
Nice nice nice nice nice nice nice.
I give you 3 months Spooky, tops.
kind of almost makes you want us to toss it up again just to keep things interesting. I'm sure the knee jerkers will be up in arms next season anyway if we're not 15 points clear at the top of the league by Christmas. Redknap out! King is crap etc. etc. ad eternum
The first blog I come to ....... don't change TOO much!!!
Impending fatherhood is turning your mind to gush Spooks.
That poster should now read "Spurs ....FU Hansen". Oh and with my special Invisibility powers I have been
sneaking out the basement pissing in your chestofdrawers.
Take that ya Braggart !!!!!
I think the DoF may have worked if we had the right man - Arnesen. As it was we ended up with Comoli and that set us back.
There is a lot to be said about keeping thing simple....Levy tried to over complicate things off the pitch, Ramos tried to do it on the pitch and people like Rafa are the same. keep it simple with footballers and I think you get the best results.
Well done Levy & Harry
What goes around, comes around. Hopefully somewhere on the dark side of North London a wannabe Nick Hornby is tapping the first tentative keystrokes on a 'Dear Mr Wenger' letter.
Have you considered the repercussions of stopping the letters, Spooky? Harry Hotspur's going to go ape and come on here and write some really rather rude words.
Is a statue out of the question ?
Spooky, you are redundant. Levy is no longer the propaganda machine with secret spies in the stands and selective bagel policies.
I cry out for the good old days of mid-table mediocrity and the lack of pressure associated with it.
This would bring a return of the "Dear Mr Levy" days of old.
Long live Levy - "He scored goal of the season. GOAL OF THE SEASON!!!"
Those are not yellow streaks, those are streaks of GOLD, and I knew when I saw them last August, amidst the Yid outcry, that this is the year we would find the inner-Winner. And so we have. Hope these rumored new kits are just that, hearsay, why on earth do we want to go back in time for some retro nostalgia crap. THIS is the New Spurs, Champions League Spurs! Wish we could play every match in our 3rd kits, the Lillywhites wear GOLD baby!
Great read as ever, of course we aint gonna have a go at him right now after what we have achieved. At the mo everything is coming up danny roses, there'll be plenty of time in the future for the black veil to once again infiltrate our lives and cover our collective faces, and then many yids will revel in our restored mediocrity whilst the rest of us accept it and put it on again like an old pair of socks.
I wouldn't worry, I don't imagine Spooky and Levy are going to have little bald ghost babies any time soon, credit where credit's due I guess...The feud is bound to return...Until then, to quote the phrase used before the Citeh game on here, it's just 'ON ICE'.
PS I've registered DearArryRedknapp.com, yours for 50p if you keep it up.
it really is a new spurs era with a Levy/Spooky love in. These are strange exciting and bloody marv times,keep hugging strangers, keep on smiling and Spooky keep taking the meds. Fingers crossed Levy provides the money and Harry sign the right players otherwise we could yet another false dawn and the old spooky will return.
Harry and Levy I salute you and Spooky keep these great blogs coming COYS
Love the photo too, was in the away end at the game and the atmosphere went from shitting bricks to one of the best nights after crouch scored, what a season
"Canada Yid - Are you Redknapp in disguise?" Commenter Fox Mulder
"Fox, I paid for it out of your pocket, so I could be."
Brilliant. Took me a while to respond because I had to clean up all that aspirated tea off the monitor.
Great read. Especially because poking through the platitudes are the sharp, pointy barbs of threat. This is the beginning of the journey, and were on the gravy train we need to get the fuck away from the door so we don't get pushed off at the first station. We have to be prepared to fight nasty, red nose style. You have to dirty your hands to live well. The only thing that matters is to know how to get them clean again; in that art lies the whole morality of football.
We can't risk being the nice friendly honest duffers unless we want only to visit the top table for one year only.
Sometimes the only difference between making a good decision and a bad one is time. Levy got lucky with redknapp, but let's not forget that for all the good he did in making that one appointment, he had screwed up badly for a few years previously.
And as much as the 'one game mentality' exists so does the 'one season mentality' als oexist amongst the fans?
Still what do I care? We actually finished 4th for once, now is the time to 'consider' rebuilding WHL.
My concern is that people now expext us to do well next season, and that's where we've fallen before (Jol's difficult second album).