The Stupendous Adventures of Gareth Bale
Thursday, November 4, 2010 at 2:09PM Somewhere...
“This is going to be tricky to get out of”
“We are not done just yet”
“It’s an impossible situation”
“We are running out of time people”
“Someone make a decision...now!”
“Okay, let’s try and keep calm about this, let’s not panic”
“NOBODY IS PANICING”
“I am”
“Can we get a message out then?”
“Working on it”
“Hurry up, damn it, otherwise we're doomed”
“I said I’m working on it”
“Will you two keep it cool”
“I want my mummy”
“GET THE MESSAGE OUT NOW!!”
“Okay, I know we’re in a precarious situation, but who the hell just broke wind?”
Meanwhile, at the Lodge...
Harry Redknapp: What’s the Russian doing?
Joe Jordan: Where?
Harry Redknapp: Pav, for f*cks sake, leave the squirrels along
*phone rings”
Harry Redknapp: Hello? Right...okay...okay...Joe, go get Gareth, someone on the phone for him. It's urgent.
Joe Jordan: Gareth phone. Now!
Gareth Bale: Hello.
Joe Jordan: Take the f**king phone, son, I aint got time to hold it for ya.
Gareth Bale: Lush.
Gareth Bale: Hello? Yes...speaking. I think I can. Where? Okay, see you shortly. Bye, bye.
Harry Redknapp: Everything okay?
Gareth Bale: Yes gaffer, need to pop out quickly before training, if that’s alright with you.
Harry Redknapp: Not to Manchester I hope.
Gareth Bale: (laughing) No gaffer, seriously, I won’t be long.
Harry Redknapp: Good lad, good lad. Hey Joe, he’s such a good lad.
Joe Jordan: ROMAN, FOR F*CKS SAKE MAN, MOVE AWAY FROM THE F*CKING SQUIRRELS.
Somewhere...
“Okay people. He’s on his way. Let’s keep calm. We’re going to be saved by the only person on the planet that can get us out of this. There is nothing this man can’t do"
Green Lantern: “Yes, result !!! In your face Darkseid! Nice one Supa”
Superman: "Thank God I could get a signal, was down to the last bar"
Captain Marvel: "Phew"
Wonder Woman: “I could have got us out of here if I had my indestructible bracelts”
Superman: “You lost your bracelets”
Wonder Woman: “Yeah well, whose fault was that?”
Flash: “For the last time, I misplaced them, I didn’t lose them”
Captain Marvel: "Oh Christ, someone farted again"
Batman: “I want my mummy”
Click here and scroll down for eps 1-6 of 'Bale and Bentley'.
Reader Comments (28)
PAHAHAHA
Outstanding.
What a transformation and probably something that wouldn't have happened if the kick up the backside (being dropped) and the regaining of confidence (thanks Harry) hadn't happened!
But in all honesty, I think our best player on Tuesday was Modric, he was outstanding and we missed him being our ball carrier towards the end and he moved forward to replace VDV (when thudd actually had to do something and Jenas was chasing shadows!). Also, the fact VDV was fit made a big difference, he was only on for 45 minutes but he set the tempo for us and was superb.
P.S. Please can we not play Hutton anymore, he can't defend and offers virtually nothing going forward other than running into Lennons space (Are you Glen Johnson in disguise?)
Has David Bentley been sacked off the show then or does he get his own spin-off?
Spin-off you say?
"Down and out in Tottenham High Road"
"A Guide to Skips of London"
"Starjumps - Not as easy as they look"
? Hutton has been playing very well, much better then Corluka was doing. He made some important challenges against Inter.
I really hope Spurs try and buy a couple more world class players come Jan, one of them being a striker.
Can you believe that clown ‘Crapenberg’ was allowed to ref in the champion’s league last night and made ANOTHER controversial shocking decision!
Glad Harry has said Bale is going nowhere.
Hope the DVD from the Inter game is out before xmas.... :)
"Holy Haberdasher, Batman! Is that the Barreling Bale?
"No, son, it's just an unfortunate man starjumping through a flaming hoop suspended over a roiling volcano while kicking a ball into a floating skip on the lava.Oh, and he has a 'Will you pick me now?' shirt on."
Shame he got excluded, he seemed the best part about the series. This still cracked me up though. 'MOVE AWAY FROM THE F*CKING SQUIRRELS.'... ;'-D
Rick, hutton has been playing well? (is that why most of the goals we concede come from his side? I.E, where was he when eto scored?
Corluka has been very consistent for us for a long time, but I guess you like to jump on the bandwagon, bet you were saying Bale and kaboul were crap but now are amazing and that lennon is now rubbish.
The facts are he is a DEFENDER but cannot defend, his passing is poor, his crossing terrible and his concentration..........well lets just s (what was I talking about again?)
Nearly 48 hours later, and I still can’t really concentrate on anything – obsessed by Tuesday’s unbelievable performance. Too bad my DVD recorder went tits up last week!! Especially as, displaying their usual commercial acumen, the Spurs Shop say they ain’t gonna sell it on DVD – and can’t explain why!!
Did anybody manage to record the Sky coverage and would you be able to make me a DVD-R copy? Natch, I’d pay your costs and offer you the pick of two or three of my most nubile daughters for a coupla nights. (OK, I lied about the last bit)
Can you help a Spurs nut half way up a Welsh mountain? Give me a shout at czyrko@btinternet.com
cheers!! Oh, and COYS!!!!!!!!!!!
Of the 632467264767 articles on Bale I read yesterday, I think this quote from Yahoo/Eurosport was my fave...
"Time and again, he took Maicon - arguably the best right-back in the world - to the cleaners by doing him for pace. And his grand finale consisted of whacking it into the Inter half and burning past Lucio like a Bugatti Veyron overtaking a Corsa.
Inter boast one of the best, most grizzled and experienced back lines in world football, but over two matches they could not find a way of stopping Bale, who ended up with three goals, two assists and two bottles of champagne to his name."
Think you got the wrong super hero Spooky, with his jet black hair, GB looks very much like the cartoon version of Superman. Can you do a mock up ?
As if by magic...
http://www.dearmrlevy.com/gallery/bale-the-beast/
Top man!
haha, you do make me laugh. More Pav. I wish I was funny. :(
more Pav? no, that's not right. Quite the opposite in fact. I meant to say POOR Pav
Wait... are the superheroes trapped in a mine??
Made me giggle but surely Spurs are more Marvel than DC?
I'm a DC fanboy.
Should that not be a DC boy fan?
Fair enough and I'm not one to judge a man's preferences and we're all adults now.
But...
If Spidey (played by last season's Gudjonsen (sp?) was there, he'd make quips in the face of adversity that would knock out your DC boys.
Then Mr Fantastic (Peter) would strech out a leg a score.
Hulklestone would surely play a part...
Bale IS Woolverine (geddit? wool!).
Berbatov would be Phoenix -- go bad but not be all that scary really.
Antman (JD) is back in training, hoping to fight the evil woolwich mutants...
There's more tenous links to be made hut nursey's calling.
I found this article from the Telegraph very interesting..........the man is superhuman!!!
Bale covered a distance of 12 kilometres, the longest of any player on the pitch on Tuesday. While that figure is not remarkable - the average for Premier League games is 11.7k - it is Bale’s sprinting that raised eyebrows at Tottenham’s Chigwell training headquarters.
The distances run by players are broken into categories and the telling statistics relating to the Welshman’s contribution surround his high-speed figures.
Of his 12k, Bale ran a remarkable 1,114 metres at a ‘high intensity’ pace, a speed measured at 21k per hour or more.
When one considers the Premier League average is 691m at such a speed, the pace of the 21 year-old suddenly becomes apparent.
Yet the most startling figure from Bale’s remarkable performance against the reigning European champions comes from figures relating to an even quicker speed.
Of the 1,114m he ran at high intensity, Bale actually covered a total of 719m at sprint pace, measured at a speed of 24k per hour or higher.
Incredibly, that is 45 per cent higher than the average of 324m at sprint pace in the Premier League.
To put Bale’s fugures into perspective, the current men’s World record holder at 800m, Kenyan middle distance runner David Lekuta Rudisha, averaged 28.5kph when he set the record, at a speed of 1.41.01 in Berlin in August.
The man charged with marking Bale on Tuesday was Brazilian defender Maicon and he covered a distance of 11.17k on the night, the sixth highest of the evening. But, clearly, at those speeds, few will keep pace with Bale.
I want this for Christmas please
http://stanleychow.bigcartel.com/product/gareth-bale
Fox, not a bad present to have! Cool poster.
@ czyrko: I've emailed you re your query above
I intend to buy the bale poster and this one http://stanleychow.bigcartel.com/product/lionel-messi
My wall will look like this:
Bales Poster - Massive > symbol - Messi Poster
Give Bale & Lennon a rest (benched for emergencies) ready for the two home games next week. Kranjcar and Bentley/Jenas in. Pav and Modders up front. Sandro or Wilson next to Hudd. DON'T PLAY KEANE. Leave the back four alone to gain playing time together. 3pts (never achieved at Bolton before in the PL apparently).
I’m getting sick and tired and mad as hell seeing all talk about selling our players. I wish Levy shows some balls and reverse the overall general perception that Spurs are a small club. You don't hear or read about Barca, Real, German and Italian powerhouse teams drooling about getting any of the players from Chitsky, Arsseanal, Mancity or ManUntd if they have an extraordinary game, and vice versa. But every fucking time one of Spurs’ players have a blinder game, the same teams are lining up to pry him out, and assessments of his possible value never ends. What saddens me the most is when I see Spurs fans buying into this shit and engaging in the same shameful auction bullshit.
Someone said somewhere (I think it was HR) that Spurs owners are no poor people and that they can afford to retain current players and build on it. I assume that HR knows what the fuck he’s talking about, and that Spurs brass will quit behaving like Cristal Palace or Southampton, and ship best players as soon as someone flash some cash.
Spurs are definitely going places, and the overall attitude toward the club must be dramatically changed from top to bottom. If we don’t respect ourselves, how on earth could anyone expect others to respect us!