Spurs are the Kurt Cobain of football, gifted and tortured
Tuesday, September 8, 2009 at 2:32PM Slow news day, as ever during the International break. Going through the archives, I found this particular letter to the chairman quite relevant, I guess as a comparison between the balance of the side back then (towards the end of Jol's tenure) to what it is now, under Harry Redknapp who has rejuvenated the mis-jointed side that Ramos failed to ignite.
The letter was written on the 15th August 2007, after the Everton loss at WHL. Martin Jol was the gaffer. And we sat bottom of the Prem, struggling for form. What a shocker...
What use is an unloaded gun?
Dear Mr Levy,
Are you sitting comfortably? Maybe you need to push aside the metaphorical £7000 per night hooker (The West Stand) kneeling down in front of you and spit out the caviar (our hard earned money) because I don’t want you to be distracted by what I have to say. And if Chirpy happens to be down there too, ask him to get his friction burns another time.
I’ve just returned from White Hart Lane – The Theatre of Sleep Paralysis. I witnessed an inept display of dis-organised football, dosed with dollops of shambolic blips and embarrassing puddles of despair. Is it suddenly the turn of the century again? Is Pleat back at the helm? Moving a little forward on the timeline, I almost long for Santini and his bus.
What happened to the progression from the past two seasons? The ambition to iron out all the little quirks and problems? In two games we find ourselves rock bottom within touching distance of the wrong Championship. Six points behind everyone and in disarray. A relegation dogfight is already on the cards. Time to cash in on the lazy Berbatov to bring in some steel. Nigel Quashie should be available. He knows one or two things about dogfights. The cultured Berbatov doesn’t have the right tools in the box for what’s on the horizon.
'This shit is unacceptable'
For the love of God, Anthony Colossus Gardner is our top goal scorer. Why bother spunking all that money on Bent when we have a player who can defend and attack? He’s like a black Beckenbauer, except his English, shit and can’t defend or attack. Uncanny. Gardner is so bad he should be white and ginger.
All that pre-season hype and all those cute sound-bites from Jose and Fergie have got your little band of brothers all punch drunk with the idea that they don’t actually have to do anything. Just turn up in their £5,000 suits and £100k sports cars and that will be enough. 4th spot will come running to them in a short little mini skirt and black high heels, biting its lip with anticipation. Open your eyes, you fools! Its not 4th spot. Its 14th spot, and it’s fat and ugly and will give you STD's.
Yes, the defence is depleted, and seeing Kaboul walk off was evil irony at its best. Leaving us with Chimbonda (left-back or right-back, you decide) and Stalteri - the one man wrecking machine who hasn't quite figured out what the football is used for. But the issue that no matter how good our forwards are (not very good at the moment) we will continue to struggle even with a fully fit defence on account of having the most unbalanced and backwards moving midfield in the Premiership.
Everton may not have been great in performance. Let’s face it they didn’t have to do much at all. They just waited for us to gift them a goal or three. But they still grafted their socks off. They all had individual responsibilities out on the pitch. We were a pathetic mess in comparison. At this rate, we’ll be relegated by Christmas. See, instead of paying money for young players and recommended foreign talent, we should have just brought in bland non-sexy workman-like footballers. We got beat by a team who have Phil Neville as the cornerstone of their defence. Why didn’t we bid for Phil Neville? No, instead, we go for Kevin Prince Boateng, cause he’s got a flash name and tattoos and should sell a ton of shirts and merchandise and might be the new Gazza. Another player who might prove to be decent in 3 years time. Always looking to the future, never the present.
'Its my mess. All my choices were wrong'
After the Sunderland defeat, I asked to see the following for the home game against Everton:
Organisation.
Balance.
Width.
Creativity from midfield.
Alert and slick forward play.
Strength of character in all areas.
Belief and self confidence.
The Magnificent Seven. And how did we do?
Organisation – The defence played like a post-apocalyptic group of starved imprisoned zombies who have been forced feed milk by a sadistic military special ops unit. They are confused and don’t understand what’s going on.
Balance – No balance or cohesiveness of any kind. The defence was put together by Blue Peter. All cello-tape and cardboard. The midfield was non-existent, like comedy on ITV. The forwards lost. Stuck in a hatch.
Width – Laughable. No Lennon, no width. Routledge made a cameo. That’s how desperate we are. All summer long - in fact three summers long, and still no answer to the left-hand side. Gareth Bale, our hopes and dreams are with you because Levy wouldn’t pay Petrov £70K per week. Criminal.
Creativity from midfield – One word. Arteta. That’s what we don’t have in our team. Someone to pull the strings. How dominant was he against Jenas and Zokora and our other midfielder, Keane? When will Jol realise that the midfield is imperative. It’s the heart of the team. Everton had the likes of Carsley doing all the donkey work. What do we have? Jenas, endlessly running into people or losing the ball. Zokora, endlessly running into people or losing the ball. Keane, endlessly running into people or losing the ball. Top 4? It’s not even mid-table, quality wise. Look at the other teams up there and look at their midfield's, then compare them to what we have. That money you got for Carrick, after the usual tax-deductible yacht purchase is taken out off the profit margin, you could have spent it on someone decent enough to replace him. Phil Neville. Scott Parker. I wouldn't bid for Arteta. He'd probably turn to shit the moment he puts on the Lilywhite shirt.
Alert and slick forward play – None to be seen. A couple of moves, crosses and half-shots and the header from Berbatov, but all a bit average. None of that relentless attacking movement of the past two years that we have managed to muster up time and time again at home. There has been no style or plan in either of our two opening games. Are they training hard enough? Because a source close to the club suggests that Jol doesn’t have them do much running.
Strength of character in all areas – Completely void. No real heart. Nothing to suggest they felt hurt after the Sunderland defeat. No belief in themselves. In fact, it was all rather sympathetic. Losing a goal after 3 minutes summed it up. Spurs are the Kurt Cobain of football, gifted and tortured, preferring the easy way out.
'Lets whack this cocksucker and be done with it'
Belief and self confidence – I think Martin Jol loves Jenas so much, he’s started to mould the team in the shape and style of the player. Jenas, who probably still reads a scrapbook full of newspaper cut-outs of his rave reviews of when he was a Forest player, seems to be undroppable. He’s ineffective and without purpose. Seems the rest of the team are exactly like that too. No belief in their ability and no confidence to take on the likes of Sunderland and Everton. Its the dawn of the Jol Jenesis. And all the players have an invisible touch.
In a word, its a shambles.
So what if we have seven defenders out injured. What kind of excuse is that? And the lack of ideas going forward is worrying. Which begs the questions, why no Huddlestone? He was superb when he came on against Sunderland the other week. So mobile and sharp.
Where was the chance-creating machine, Taarabt? Ever present in pre-season, a reserve player since the start of it. This young Zidane cloned youngster is the saviour of this ruined club, and yet you and Jol have him wrapped up in cotton wool in a basement at the Lodge. Too wooden, is he?
You upped the prices of our season tickets. You allowed £16M and a bit to be spent on a forward that we arguably didn’t need. And all this talk of top 4 has resulted with egg over your chiselled manicured bald face.
'Just when I thought I was out, they pulled me back in'
After Derby at home, we have Manchester United, Arsenal, Bolton, Newcastle and Liverpool with Fulham squashed somewhere in there for fun. I can hardly see any points gained in any of those matches. Jol must have 2, max 3, games left to save his job. He's gone from a rousing Churchillesque speech at the final home game of last season and rapturous applauds and hero worship to the sounds of disgruntled fans, baying for his blood, full of intolerable excuses and boo'ing the team off the pitch.
See how quick your empire can crumble? That's the power we yield. We can place aside everything that's happened since Jol took over replacing them with 180 minutes played this season, such is are foresight and judgement.
Two games, two sets of 90 minutes and our season is over. Best we can hope for is 8th or 7th at a push, and a late one at that. Three years down the drain in a blink of an eye. With no understandable explanation. It's the Tower of Babel all over again, struck down before reaching the heavens.
Time for evasive action. Time to sell the dead wood and bring in some new blood. Time to start the search for a new manager. Time to scrap these stupid tours of Africa, which appears to be one of the reasons for our depleted squad and injury crisis. Even though we did win some silverware out there. Add that to the honours list, Levy.
All those wonderful cup runs of last year and superb free-flowing attacking football that saw us claim the right to be called the great entertainers, all flushed down the toilet with just the one attempt. The harsh truth is that the log wasn’t big enough to cause a blockage and survive. Wasn't strong enough. Just too soft and breakable. Too much fibre, that’s the problem. Not enough starch.
Yours Depressed,
Spooky
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That was August 2007. How times have (finally) changed. We actually look like a football team now. Oh the joy of passing time...
Reader Comments (24)
I'll hazard a guess and say you were joking about signing Neville? ;)
The analysis about our team balance was spot on. I remember it all too well. Off the back of two 5th spots, we seemed to fall apart, organisationally. Think Jol was already losing the politics at this point.
And if Everton can dominate us with a creative midfielder, it said plenty about our lack of creativity. Viva Luka!
Times HAVE changed.
Lovely letter that was. Dark days. Who would have thought they would get even darker after the blinding light of Wembley.
Funny how we've rated Adel since forever and he continues to tease us with great goals against weak teams. The kid has no footballing brain. Plenty of skill and balls, but doesn't do the intelligent stuff. I hope he learns something at QPR, but if he doesn't rip the Championship to threads by Christmas, then I can't see him getting any better or playing top flight football.
Bloody hell. Adel is still, what, 20 years old? Give him a chance. No pressure yeah?
Classic Spooky letter that was. Drowned in truths and sprinkled with some of the knee-jerking that is always common place in defeats. Irony is, Jol didn't last and all the knee-jerking was
justifiedput on ice.Take away the Carling Cup and all Ramos did was prolong the agony.
Firstly this:
Yes, the defence is depleted, and seeing Kaboul walk off was evil irony at its best.
I remember Kaboul going off injured. This was when we all rated him. Now that's IRONY!!!
And this:
Time to scrap these stupid tours of Africa, which appears to be one of the reasons for our depleted squad and injury crisis
Hallelujah!
Anthony Colossus Gardner is our top goal scorer. Why bother spunking all that money on Bent when we have a player who can defend and attack? He’s like a black Beckenbauer, except his English, shit and can’t defend or attack. Uncanny. Gardner is so bad he should be white and ginger.
HAHAHA
I do agree that things have changed for the better, you can't argue with that!
I do think that Jol was a classy manager though, and a very nice bloke - I just wish he'd had the freedom that Harry is now enjoying, in terms of buying who the hell he wanted, when he wanted. If that had been the case, he may well have improved on 5th place.
I would also add that I thought Wayne Routledge was a much better player than people seem to make out. Before he went to spurs and was constantly injured or dropped for playing well, he was regarded as a top England U21 international with bags of pace, and a bright future. Lennon was at the time very inconsistent and needed a time out... but Jol kept going with him. Routledge must have been going nuts.
Glad Jol got a top job though, he deserves some recognition from a board who backs him up for a change.
Routledge. Did we kill his career? Or is he another player in a long line of over-rated signings we have a habit of making, and then expecting too much?
Blondel
Routledge
Ziegler
Bale??
Steady on. Bale has been injured, when in a confident side and fit, he's impressed.
Blondel never settled over here, was hardly ever used. Doing ok abroad but not a world-beater.
No idea about Ziegler.
Organisation.
Balance.
Width.
Creativity from midfield.
Alert and slick forward play.
Strength of character in all areas.
Belief and self confidence.
After that game against Everton in 2007 we had none of the above. Safe to say we can tick all the boxes now.
Plus we were also murdered by Courtney Love.
(Allegedy)
Murdered by Daniel Levy more like
:)
mournir el hamdaoui anyone? The forgotten man of the Jol era, who lived inside andy reid tuck shop at teh weekends.
Indeed how times change, saturday is going to be a tough ask, if we go 2-0 up again at least this time there won't be someone diving around trying to win penalties that are 'man united-ish' to give them the confidence to crack on from there.
Of course if Defoe doesn't play on weds it will be billed as a 'game of two england international forwards', not htat the media are introspective about england at the moment, or anything like that.
Great work. You're letters work better when we are playing shit. So, let's just hope you don't find the need to write many this season.
it's better to burn out, than to fade away !
"Spurs are the Kurt Cobain of football, gifted and tortured, preferring the easy way out."
Shame on you... you think life is black and white?, ying and yang ? positive and negative? electron and neutron ?.
I don't think we can judge how "easy" it is for people to take their own lives...
Don't assume I don't know.
so why the comment ?
The only thing that I assume, is that I'm outta here !!
Choose your words carefully, you have a responsibility to your readers, however you are entitled to your opinion!!
Peace and love.
A classic from the spooky archives....pure class as always. In someways it is quite prophetical. Most Haunted for you next then!!!! Spooky is the new Derek Acora
to make a clear stated analysis of the perceived shape of any business.....
is bound to be a flawed in one aspect...........
without the benefit of hindsight.
although all opinion and in the know views of a decision process........can be given
the fact is ......................a football club has many factors as to why the relationships of those involved
are positive or otherwise..........
levy has learnt as players and supporters have learnt in the main how certain decision have had an effect
negative or positive in recent years .........
the main being trying to find the right formula for THFC to claim its rightful spot as a top english club again
all the methods tried etc ........it is probably simple...........
enhance,make good the sale ,loyalty and unity,confidence and reward for.......succes and commitment etc
as a supporter what do spurs fans want?
i would say
exciting attractive football with heart and stylish flare and workrate........
which appears to have found a period of stabilty with the above factors........
from all the staff involved.........
when others tried before
thes redknapp years could well be when looked back on as the time
THFC got into a higher gear.......
Will you ever learn. Supporting Spurs is a rollercoaster of highs and lows. Without lows the highs would seem less enjoyable.
Routledge actually scored a perfectly good goal that was wrongly ruled out for offside - and was proved so in the replays - in a 4-0 defeat of Derby a few seasons back. He had a good game on the right, and did all the things right that frankly, at the time Lennon wasn't doing - ie keeping the ball, delivering a telling final ball and getting to the byline.
Despite that performance he was dropped in the next game - now that's what mostly puts off our young talent. Not that they're NEVER good enough, but that when they are, they get dropped.
I liked Blondel too - when Pleat took the reigns for the first time, he gave him a start in the cup, and he KEPT the ball a lot better than some of our other players at the time. 4 or 5 substitute appearances soon after would have done him the world of good, as he was only 18 at the time for crying out loud, in a foreign country!!
More examples - Darren Caskey - former England U18 captain that won the Euros alongside Sol Campbell, Paul Scholes et al.... Danny Hill, Andy Turner, Neale Fenn (Better than Rory Allen yet never got as many chances)
Scott Houghton - 2 goals on Goal of the week some 15 years ago, and subsequently dropped for being too good.
Dean Marney - Same as above.
Reto Zeigler - Scored in the same 5-2 demolition of Everton as Marney above - at a time when Everton were a very tough nut to crack. Dropped for the next game - must make you fell great.
Erik Edman - Strong, Reliable, consistent - scorse 40-yard screamer against Liverpool and is sold next season for being too good.
Allan Neilsen - Scores winner in League Cup final to win Spurs' first trophy in 8 years and is sold the season afterwards for being too consistent and solid. (Not the spurs way)
Pedro Mendes!! How Carrick was deemed to be a better player, I have no idea.... Harry should have had Pedro on his list of people to bring back.
Simon Davies - How on earth Jol let him go, god only knows... raw talent, and Barmby-esque darting runs into the box - tireless hard worker. Again, too good for spurs.
I'm glad that Harry is stemming the flow of raw talent being lost every year for over a decade!!!
Bring on Man U!!