The Saviour of Spurs
Friday, August 28, 2009 at 11:49AM Dear Mr Levy,
You complete me.
For years you have been the Lex Luther to my Superman, leaving a trail of Kryptonite that has had detrimental damage. The Bane to my Batman, lifting me up in humiliation and breaking my resolve without a flinch. The Mike Ashley to my Newcastle, defecating in my bowl of corn flakes, day in and day out. You and your dark shadow that has blackened the Park Lane into unnerving darkness with no presence of even the faintest light. Until…until you had your epiphany. The moment, the one truly pure defining moment of your villainous Sarumanesque reign over my beloved club. The moment birthed from the depths of darkness where a blinding ray of sunshine cut up the night sky to shreds and turned it into a supernova of raining rainbows. You, the one responsible for the dread and the disillusion, changed the course of time its self.
One single decision that has enlightened and blessed us all.
You rid the club of the Director of Football structure, and as a consequence returned to simple fundamental basics. And saved us. Even though you left behind you a tapestry of mistakes that you were accountable for. They can now be brushed aside and forgotton about.
Daniel, I'm no longer in Kansas. And in front of me is a white and blue brick road leading us to the return of Technicolor glory.
I have preached outside White Hart Lane many times, disguised as a fundamentalist Christian armed with a megaphone telling passing supporters wandering down towards the South Stand that Jesus Christ loves them and forgives them. All ignoring my drooling monotonous ranting, laughing and taking the piss as they walked past. But I was influencing them and their thoughts, and they didn't even know it. Not willingly that is. Subliminal messages work in a mysterious way. The megaphone transmitted low frequency directives to anyone within 50 metres, penetrating their subconscious mind.
"Don't buy the Opus"
"Don't sit down, stand up"
"If we lose, it's the chairman's fault"
"Smoke in the cubicles"
Guerilla warfare against the oppressive dictatorship you stood for was a difficult and draining 24/7 campaign. I know people expect me to stand outside the West Stand main entrance and relentlessly chuck water balloons loaded with the contents of Pot Noodles at your passing car. Or shooting frozen shit pellets (do you have any idea how long it takes for me to make these? The diet I have to retain and the cost of refrigeration?) at board members when they're out dining with their wives. Handcuffing myself naked to the turnstiles and boycotting the Spurs Shop have served me well over the years and the country too, thanks to the generous amount of community service that her majesty has bestowed on me. Incidentally, that evening I was walking my cat (she was very domesticated) and it just so happened to jump over your gates and into your garden hence why your wife found me going through your bin bags. Cats do like rummaging for scraps. Anyway, the resulting restraining order was a little harsh, it has to be said. I'm considering legal aid, because I've not seen my cat since that day and your guard dog is looking suspiciously tubby. At least I was considering legal aid. It's all behind me now. The leaflets, the online propaganda. The effigies. All of it. It's in the past. I've forgiven.
Tottenham under Ramos
No more burning my season ticket in full view of the directors box. No more calls for others to do the same. Embrace your season ticket. Kiss it gently. Touch it in it's private area. Make sweet love to it. Whisper your unconditional loyalty, while you cheekily slap its sweet firm arse.
I am proud. Proud of the team and proud of your newly refined clarity. Many people go through life without a life-changing Darth Vader moment. You did. You have come full cycle, restoring balance. You are positively drenched in midi-chlorians, bringing with you a new hope.
And Jar-Jar Binks is nowhere to be seen.
When Comolli was axed, you were able to see the necessity for complications was redundant. No need for a continental structure when the most successful of clubs in England have done just fine without one. A traditional managerial appointment was needed. A man for the hour, a man for the immediate future. No 5 year plan. No lofty delusional assessments of our progress. Season upon season of transitional nonsense had rendered us null and void. A fragmented mess, disjointed. Beauty spots on a blemished face. Great to look at from afar, ugly up close. We had become the Paris Hilton of football clubs, believing our own hype thinking we are great and important. When in reality we had a stupid face and disgusting feet.
You did a brave thing. You made a ballsy decision. With the Spaniard sent home and the fans nervous about two measly points from eight games, the very foundations of the club began to shake. You remember that evening? I remember it well. I stood outside White Hart Lane, holding up a 'LEVY OUT 3:16' sign along with my 'THERE USE TO BE A FOOTBALL CLUB HERE' banner which I last held aloft just after the George Graham appointment. I stood there, tearful, waiting. And that's when I heard the news. Harry Redknapp. The new manager of Tottenham Hotspur.
A new dawn was upon us. I went home. Content. Happy.
The great managerial escapologist. Harry Houdini. Back to basics. English. And loyal to the club he's just joined until he's loyalty shifts across to his new club. And his new club was us. It was time for Tottenham to fight it's way out of the depths of the mire it had found its self in. And Harry was the man to lead us upwards. No more DoF interference. No more politics. No more misguided dreams. Get out of the bottom three and never look back.
Harry Redknapp's Tottenham
You read our predicament for what it was. A unmitigated disaster. Granted one of your own creation, and another Ramosesque appointment was an impossibility. Redknapp, man-manger extraordinaire, speaker of the English language, man of the media - the sound-bite king. This wasn't just about repairing the damage to the squad, the players confidence and the clubs non-existent stature. This was, in the most simplistic way, a relaying of our foundations, plastering over the cracks. The media love a bit of 'arry. The cynical might argue that this was a strategic stroke of genius, getting in a man who doesn't need to wait for a journalist to come knocking on his door. He calls them up. PR heaven. On and off the pitch. But who cares if the attention is deflected away from the chairman and onto the manager. Isn't that the whole point? You took responsibility for your actions rather than stand sheepishly behind a Frenchman.
Superfluous signings? Forget about it. Harry saw what was missing, what was needed and did the simple thing: Sign players that would improve the teams effectiveness. And you supported him. It would take 1000 Zokora's to match the presence of one single strand of hair from the head of Wilson Palacios. JD's return is proving to be inspired. Keane returned home from his sabbatical and claimed the captaincy. And in Chimbonda we made sure we covered our defensive line. In case anyone got injured. Or if we needed to cover anyone who required a rest. Not that we did. We did, but not that we had to call for Chimbonda's assistance. But it's not the winning that matters, it's the taking part. Which technically Pascal didn't do, well neither, but he was there. With us. In spirit. And that was the effect Harry had. He got the players working for each other and for the club and restored the pride that had deserted us.
And then the moneyshot, the reason why your decision to bring in Harry will go down in history as one of the great master-strokes of chairmanship. Escaping the clutches of relegation and coming within a whisker of European qualification, along with another cup final appearance was simply inspirational. It justified everything and made a mockery of the director of football mantra.
And this season, it's more of the same. Upbeat, positive and belief from the players and the fans in the stands. Good solid signings. Nine points, three games. Top of the Premier league. Free-scoring. Swaggering. Swashbuckling. Sexy. Harry has given us our Tottenham back. WHL is a fortress and away games are a blast. We all know of course that this - the present - is all Harry's doing with regards to results. So the real test is yet to come. The one concerning how we react to any minor (or major) blip in form - with nobody to blame as the responsibility will belong solely to him. The one about mental strength and staying power. And Harry is here to restore respectability and make sure the foundations hold strong. So that the next appointment is not a transition but a continuation.
You have learnt a valuable lesson in football. You need to walk the walk rather than just talk the talk. Appointing Ramos on the advisement of Comolli and Kemsley to take us to the next level displayed a lack of realism and a dollop of over-confidence about where we stood in the food chain of football.
We are now a team. A unit. A dolphin not a haddock. A badger not a skunk.
And it's because of you Daniel.
I can forgive your good self and Paul Barber for the travesty of the yellow-streaked home shirt. I can forgive you for the continued employment of that arrogant sonofabitch Chirpy and his sexual harassing of supporters (he touched my back once and just starred back at me, smiling. I felt violated). I can even forgive you for the commissioning of the endless supply of club DVD's chronicling score-draws.
You are forgiven. Unequivocally.
I want us to hold hands (metaphorically, as the restraining order still has me at 100 metres distance) and march together, forward.
The future is bright. The Future is lilywhite.
I have sent you a hamper of bagels and a lovely bottle of white wine (never red, right?)
I love you man.
Yours forever,
Spooky
Reader Comments (55)
"It would take 1000 Zokora's to match the single presence of one single strand of hair from the head of Wilson Palacios"
Gem.
Never read this blog before. Are you care in the community? That was mental. Haddocks, dolphins? Mental.
We've got our Spooky back. About time you left behind all the insightful reviews and assessments and went back to your roots. Love it. Your love for Levy won't last though. He's bound to fuck it up soon enough.
That is one sickly love letter. GET A ROOM YOU FREAK!
I don't get it.
Egotistical, self indulgent, attention seeking crap.
That post was mental. Could have written the same in 4 lines
Excellent, eloquent, cathartic, magnificent. Levy for president, Spooky for first lady.
Some good points wrapped up in crazy shit. Levy swallowed his pride and admitted defeat with the DOF. No way could he have continued flogging a dead horse like that. Redknapp was the ONLY choice. And it had to be made. Even if some of our fans though it was mad to get him in. It's working.
One day there will be no Levy at white hart lane, one day....
MS - It wouldn't be a letter if it was 4 lines. I don't think Spooky does memos.
Every day I read another glorious piece of work on these hallowed pages.
I salute you mr Spooky.
Jesus Christ, you've out done yourself with this one mate. Epic.
I hope we don't lose on Saturday. For the sake of everyone.
Spooks - check your emails please mate.
Leave Levy alone he has created a profitable club with a good manager. The squad is nearly right sell Kean, 3 top strikers is enough with Gio as back up. 4 will never be happy. Get Sully Munt in, out JJ and get in a left winger job done. New stadium and training ground.
Couldn't agree more with the comment by Spurs Man at 12.13. What utter guff.
Fucking hell Spooky. you Class traitor! Youve gone against your principles man! What's wrong with you?
That was.....
PURE CLASS......
but I am really really really worried ok as this is extremely extremely and thrice extremely homo-erotic
Go to the chemist...you can get tablets for this or cream dependant on where it has taken you, I am only passing on information i have heard ok (ahem ahem)
Paxton - I reckon Levy has hacked the blog.
DaveC - Lighten up, it's Friday.
Down the middle please Spooks. Although 'I do believe', I cannot allow myself to get too carried away.
I didn't believe 2 points from 8 games, but then again I'm unable to allow 9 from 3 (12 from 4!?!!) to get me wet.
Yours, Flipper
And there it is. The reason why Spooks is the most entertaining spurs blogger. Serious one minute, insane the next.
Brilliant. One of the best letters in a long while.
Never doubted him personally from the day he kcked George Graham out for his Arsenal connections. He has continually backed the manager, whoever was in the hotseat and financed expensive deals for players. When he's got it wrong he changes it and admits the mistake, i.e. DoF role. We've spent more than any club of a similar performance standard and are the richest club not to have played in the Champions League. Fair play to him.
And in Chimbonda we made sure we covered our defensive line. In case anyone got injured. Or if we needed to cover anyone who required a rest. Not that we did. We did, but not that we had to call for Chimbonda's assistance. But it's not the winning that matters, it's the taking part. Which technically Pascal didn't do, well neither, but he was there. With us. In spirit.
That made me fucking laugh.
"...speaker of the English language"! HAHAHAHAHA!
The DoF in principle was a great idea, but arguably the combination of the Dof and manager was never anywhere near coherent enough to work. Sort of worked with FA and Jol, but it was FA and Santini initially and we all know what happened there (or not). Comolli and Ramos was a mess too. DoF should support the manager. I think Levy had it running (or meant to be) the other way round.
Isnt it great to have a manager who can speak again. He says what he is thinking. It was like being in the wilderness with Ramos. God knows what effect that had on the players. I got fed up with Poyet coming on and saying we should have had a penalty every week.
Now Harrys most difficult job will be keeping happy the top quality bench warmers that are good enough to start almost anywhere else. Dos Santos Bentley and Pav must get more time on the pitch in the next few matches.
Happy days are here again... Not just us celebrating the swaggering wins, but you can see the smiles on the training ground. God bless Harry & thank god DL was man enough to put his hand up to his mistakes. Hand in hand, marching forward - Great stuff and a great read on a Friday lunchtime.
Agree about the chirpy bit though, those stretches he does before the kick off are a little too revealing on the tail feathers for my liking. There's children in the house!
EARLY DAY'S GOD DAYM IT, 35 GAMES TO GO, LET'S START TALKING COME NEW YEAR, UNTIL THEN S T F U
Spoky you are marmite to all fans! you are JJ reincarnated with linguistic talents.
No 'jog on's or ambling and simplistic paraphrasing of the word c**t. Just a fun read to cher up a friday. Before the doom and gloom of the inevitable 'shock to the system'
As a man once said, 'the universe is in fact imploding, thus rendering all human endeavour utterly pointless and inconsequential'. Well pah I say to him, if that is the case, why not have a chuckle on the way.
Right time for a drink I feel.
How do you freeze shit pellets Spooky?
SPURS!!!!
nb. Two things. I quite like 'spoky' having just re-read my post, it would be an error that seems to fit. Also I think you need to put an 'irony' explanaition / disclaimer at the top. As some people might read this in isolation (by which I mean outside other articles, not that they have been restrained or confined to a room in some way)
I agree let's just wait and see before we get too excited, every year its the same thing, we have got 5 BIG TEAMS to compete with so lets be wise and not get ahead of ourselves....
whats with the hate by some commenters? it's a blog, not a newspaper...i thought the post was great...
Spooky, thoroughly enjoyable read and indicative of us "fickle" Spurs fans. I have to admit I have always admired Levy, I think all that he does is done with a true belief it is beniffiting the club, even if he does get it wrong from time to time. The point is, he should be allowed to make mistakes as long as he makes amends for them, because the longer he is in the driving seat, the better he will become at steering us to Glory.
Anyhoo, loved the article spooky, keep up the good work and i'll see you all at the Lane tomorrow
COYS
Spurs are nearly looking as good as the gunner this year, wonder how long this phase will last...DUMB YIDS
/\ twat alert /\
I've read this blog for what feels like years but never felt the need to post a comment. However, this post is absolute genius. I literally cried with laughter at the Chimbonda bit. You are seriously unhinged though......
blimey, a cynical goon who expects his team to crumble under the weight of expectation any time soon. Now I've seen everything today, definately pub o'clock.
Original. Insightful. Crazy. Stupid. Brilliant.
Enough about me, that Spooky ain't too bad himself.
Your letters have been erratic for a while, mainly because they only ever worked when Spurs did well and you were able to rip the sheer piss out of fickle Spurs fans who still found something to complain about. I know it's early days, but I hope Spurs continue to play well and battle for 5th spot (or better).
COYS
brilliant - good work, ignore the philistines.
last year i was getting progressively more depressed on the journey home from The Lane, this year... Got to give the big (ironic) man credit where it's due - the captain steers the ship!
"Spurs are nearly looking as good as the gunner this year, wonder how long this phase will last...DUMB YIDS"
Gunner - One man team?
lol the article Spooky
Hehe, splendid stuff. I love it when NewsNow spits an unwitting passerby into the vortex that is the acid nightmare of Spooky's mind.
Same old Arsenal...
http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/europe/8223917.stm
We've got our Tottenham back!
Up the Spurs and stuff.
hehe glad to see you are back in full force spooky , that was absolutely brilliant !
Looks like there's going to be a few changes by Tuesday then...
JOH and the Prince on their way.
OOOhhh myyyy, have i missed sompething ? again?. Spooky you are truly in love !!. but we do not want to read your warmest Daniel moments, does he feel the same about you ?. Nice to see the love spreading around..
So what was that all about ? U numpty. Some homoerotic fellaticy ?.
MMmmmmm.
O'Hara to Pompey? Not likely. Unless we have a brand new CM on his way.
the dof worked with arnesen ,not with commoli though ,i like levy all his bad decisions i actually liked at the time , hoddle ,santini ,martin jols ,and ramos along with poyet ,he made decisions we all agreed with ,who didn`t (at the time) like any of these appointments ,they all had good reputations , good if not brilliant c.v `s ,the ambition & willingless to let the manager spend money was quality ,just unfortunetley they couldn`t spend it wisely enough ,before jose morinho went to chelski levy tried to get him imagine where we would be if he got him them ,levy has never let us down the managers have ,i only hope redknapp doesn`t follow suit ,if anyone has ever doubted levy what about evertons chaiman & others i like levy always have ,just look at the youngsters we have never had this many great youngsters at spurs & if they start fulfilling their potential in our new stadium (another well done mr levy) we will be rocking , coys