Spurs 5 Norwich 0
No need for a full strength side so soon after the away trip to Sunderland. Tottenham's resolve and focus on securing a Champions League spot was solid in selection and application in a scintillating display at White Hart Lane that saw the home side dispatch the visitors with bullish determination and high end quality football.
Spurs reverted back to the successful 442 which has seen much acclaim this season with Saha and Defoe rekindling their telepathic partnership. King lined up at the back alongside Kaboul and the midfield saw Bale and Lennon on the flanks with Livermore and Modric in the middle. With the Chelsea game at Wembley practically being played tomorrow (technically it's on Sunday evening), Spurs benched the likes of Adebayor and van der Vaart. Both spectators. Both lucky enough to have the best seats in the house, munching on popcorn as they watched the dismantling of Lambert's men as the hosts displayed guile, spirit and tenacity for the victory.
The first goal was majestic in its majesty. Bale, on the left cut inside and beat four men down the middle before running back 40 yards to then beat another four men again this time down the left hand flank before finally slotting the ball home for the 1-0. Because he could. Defoe was next when Saha played a beautiful dummy allowing the ball to land at JD's feet who scored with a deft touch, so good the referee awarded two goals for it much to the dismay of Paul Lambert.
3-0 at half time and more of the same followed in the second. Spurs continued to push forward with drive and astuteness, bullying Norwich, first to every ball and quick to lay it off and run into space to continue to carve and create more chances.
Saha, still standing in the same position he was in when he played the dummy in the first half, hit the post without having to move, instead preferring to use telekinesis. Then Modric almost scored directly from a corner, the bar this time getting in the way. Spurs fans were busy doing the Pozican (a Mexican Wave hybrid incorporating the Poznan) to concern themselves too much with the woodwork action. They knew it would only be a matter of time before another goal arrived.
The opposition continued to struggle with Spurs dominance in midfield, dictating play and tempo with Harry Redknapp dictating the tempo on the bench defeating Joe Jordan in a cheeky game of Mario Kart. Kevin Bond refused to be involved citing Just Dance as more his kind of thing. The Spurs defence had no tempo to concern themselves with having nothing to do other than tidy up the left-overs from the picnic they enjoyed whilst watching their team-mates in the far reaches of the pitch. Although the only complaint to be had was with Ledley King who didn't much like the cucumber and jam combo sandwiches although they all laughed about his hissy fit and then debated football boot colours over some glasses of Pimms.
Then it was 4-0 Spurs and game over. This time with a move that was started by that man Bale and finished by that man Bale. Bale in the middle played the ball out to the left where Bale picked it up and played a five touch one-two with Bale before a disguised pass gave Bale the chance to fire into the top corner. Bale gave the heart sign celebration to Bale and they passionately snogged for a few moments whilst others watched on. And touched themselves. Football bloggers in their armchairs already penning sonnets to the manager.
By now the Paxton was alight with flares and relentless singing whilst the West Stand bourgeoisie gave a nod of acceptance at the football below with a thumbs up.
There was time for a fifth, a wonderful wonderful set-piece. Benny taking the plaudits and taking advantage of an anomaly in the space time continuum to guide the ball into the net from around fifty yards out which saw the whole stadium erupt and stand up to applaud Tottenham reclaiming 3rd spot and that's when I dropped my crack pipe and realised I wasn't wearing any clothes.