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« I score, therefore I am | Main | 10 things I hope to see from Spurs this weekend »

10 things you'll probably see from Spurs this weekend

1) Wolves to bully us into submission whilst our defenders forget how to stand upright and strong, although questions to be asked post-game why Dawson and co wore roller-skates instead of studded football boots

2) Defoe to be consumed by the offside trap, who complains to head chef that JD is a little over-cooked when he specifically ordered medium rare

3) Hutton, after travelling back from Dubai in economy class, is forced to hitch-hike to Wolverhampton as club require someone to make the half time cups of tea. ITKs everyone are validated

4) Spurs to have 17 shots on goal before hitting the woodwork. Wolves to have 2 shots on goal before taking the lead

5) O'Hara, in the stands, in Wolves hat, scarf and banner singing and hurling abuse to anyone in Lilywhite and squaring up to Joe Jordan on the touchline. Jordan backs off holding in the tears

6) Evil Chirpy forced to play central midfield as Harry overlooks Sandro again. Wilson Palacios removes mask to reveal himself as the original Chirpy with a bloody fight breaking out between the two of them that results in hospitalisation and major facial surgery. With the obsession at fever pitch, original Chirpy under go's an experimental surgical procedure to temporarily graft the new Chirpy's face onto his skull in order to destroy his image and have him removed as official club mascot. Evil Chirpy awakens from his coma and forces the same doctor to give him the appearance of the original Chirpy. The battle continues...

7) Roman to take the ball down from a cross field pass with his thigh, let it roll down to his foot, loop it over defender, chest it then volley it from an impossible angle towards goal only to see it disallowed for offside (JD). Two minutes later, scoffs a shot from a yard out after it hits Defoe on the line and goes out for a goal kick

8) van der Vaart to start, get injured, be unavailable for the Milan game. Message boards to implode over the post-game rhetoric of what is/was more important - Top 4 or the quest for the Champions League quarter final. All agree to blame Harry for his lack of savvy tactical know-how juggling domestic and European selection claiming he can't hack it

9) We lose

10) Everyone looks forward to the Milan game because 'it's more important' only to then witness Ibra scoring three away goals to end the dream whilst Gareth Bale signs a pre-contract for himself and on behalf of Luka Modric with Fergie in the West Stand car park with Berbatov as the getaway driver



Reader Comments (40)

Arry should bolt a plank across Defoe`s chest to stop him getting behind their line too early. :)

Mar 3, 2011 at 1:09 PM | Unregistered CommenterEngNor

So you think we'll win then?

Mar 3, 2011 at 1:15 PM | Unregistered CommenterYidango

I've the feeling it will be that way or the total opposite, a five more goals demolition.

Mar 3, 2011 at 1:21 PM | Unregistered CommenterRamsesV

Very Uplifting

Mar 3, 2011 at 1:22 PM | Unregistered CommenterBongon

I'm delighted that you seem to consider Defoe prone to fall into offside traps. One of our (Wolves) specialities. I believe we will kill off yet another 'big team come Sunday.

Mar 3, 2011 at 1:34 PM | Unregistered CommenterPaddytheflea

Someone is due a thrashing by Spurs.

Having missed so many chances vs Blackpool, often things turn completely around and suddenly we couldn't miss if we tried.

Wolves are a quality, competitive team at home, great attitude & determination...their comeback vs United (admittedly a poor performance by Utd) is witness to that.

However, I have a sneaky feeling that an O'Hara-less Wolves are going to feel Spurs' rebound!

Mar 3, 2011 at 1:46 PM | Unregistered CommenterDevonshirespur

It's not going to be pretty.

Mar 3, 2011 at 1:49 PM | Unregistered CommenterTMWNN

I like it! Hope you're not too far off the mark , but suspect HR will have his troops up for this one after the Blackpool debacle. Id take a draw right now!

Mar 3, 2011 at 1:55 PM | Unregistered Commenteroldgoldilox

point 10 having a certain resonance about it spooks :$

shit or bust time boys........tditd etc etc......

say it quiet...............coys

Mar 3, 2011 at 2:01 PM | Unregistered Commenterdevonyid

They need Sandro on there putting himself about. Shitting myself.

Mar 3, 2011 at 2:09 PM | Unregistered Commentercookiebun

you really do talk some garbage, I suppose doing the double last season was beacuse "you" played crap - what a load of b*&*&^%s, I suppose getting in the excuses now just in case you lose on sunday works.
One thing we all know - you aint going to win SFA in europe.

Mar 3, 2011 at 2:16 PM | Unregistered Commenterjohnwolf

All these posts about a big Spurs win are laughable. I do not understand the fans saying a team are due a spanking from us, how long are they going to hold out for that, what has been our biggest league win this year? even against Blackburn when we stormed ahead with a couple of goals we couldn't sustain it and were hanging on in the end lucky not to have conceded four!

Mar 3, 2011 at 2:42 PM | Unregistered CommenterOssie

JohnCub:LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope not for an unlucky replay of Blackpool BUT WTF are Wolves gonna win!????!LMFAO!You'll be lucky to STAY in the Premiership obviously comin from a smaller pond to talk about bigger fish that ya ain't!Aston Villa,the mighty Birmingham nuff said bub

Mar 3, 2011 at 3:04 PM | Unregistered CommenterISM


You been smokin' them funny fags again?

Your normally sublime syntax and grammar are totally all to fuck.

Love + kisses

Mar 3, 2011 at 3:46 PM | Unregistered Commentereruga

Test comment using IE.

Mar 3, 2011 at 3:47 PM | Unregistered CommenterChris WEight


Spurs to dig deep and win

Mar 3, 2011 at 3:48 PM | Unregistered CommenterCEJ

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?<previous comment legible,previous and prior to>????????????

Mar 3, 2011 at 4:05 PM | Unregistered CommenterISM

Even if we lose to Wolves the good news is Carrick has signed up again for Man U so we will not have to listen to their fans (press) say we are going to take him and 50 quid for Bale and Modric

Mar 3, 2011 at 5:15 PM | Unregistered Commenterdavid

Why don't we score loads of goals anymore? :(

Mar 3, 2011 at 6:31 PM | Unregistered CommenterJ.

Love it - ex-Gooner and current Man City mercenary Kolo Toure has failed a drugs test!!!

Mar 3, 2011 at 7:34 PM | Unregistered CommenterWalkerboy

lol @ Toure

lol @ at the Wolves fan further up this thread. Calm down dear. Self-deprecation yah?

Mar 3, 2011 at 8:05 PM | Registered Commenterspooky

Lawro has us down to lose. It's a good sign!

Mar 3, 2011 at 8:11 PM | Unregistered CommenterCanada Yid

Is it worrying that we are more likely to do 10 of these things than the other 10?

Mar 3, 2011 at 9:01 PM | Unregistered CommenterLB Yid

Spooky, i got 6 autographs as follows: Pav, Wilson, Kranc, Bassong, Hutton, Kevin Bond.


Mar 3, 2011 at 9:05 PM | Unregistered Commenterhotspurs

dats tooo funni looool

Mar 3, 2011 at 9:07 PM | Unregistered Commenterme

I like chicken I like liver meow mix meow mix please deliver.

doo doo doo Sandro Ranieri Guimarães Cordeiro.

Come on everyone, you know the words...

Steve Bull to bag a brace Sunday.

But John Chiedozie is gonna rise like a phoenic to backward header a Kerslake cross to get us back in the game with 8 minutes to go.
Then in the 89th, Cundy is gonna clear from 48yards, it will hit the crossbar and fall for Armstrong to nod it in with his coco pop. 2-2.
Then Jose Domingues will come on and steal the show. He'll light up a big fat Cuban moments after strolling on to the far side of the pitch. He'll pick up a Nethercott raker on his thigh, beat one by smooth talking him in his native Portguese by asking his Mother out to a fuck festival, step inside two whilst breast feeding two squirrels (cut to a shot of a mongoose salivating) roll the ball somehow magically into his shirt and bounce the ball off his buttocks past Hennessey. 3-2. The crowd are stunned. Dominguez to do the limbo under a corner flag held aloft by Super Paolo Tramezzani.

We all have dreams people.

Mar 3, 2011 at 9:40 PM | Unregistered Commentermr meow


Hutton was in Business class or possibly 1st class. There were 3-4 in economy but im not sure who they were. Jo Jordan called one Alex, may have been a reserve player or medical staff. Alex slept for the entire 7 hours with a Spurs tracksuit to cpvering his head!!!

According to Jo Jordan, Bale is out of both games (Wolves - Milan). But would he tell me the truth?

Mar 3, 2011 at 9:45 PM | Unregistered Commenterhotspurs


I can confirm now that Bale is out for the Milan game and probably longer. He may not be back for at least another month!! So Jo Jordan was telling me the truth!!

Mar 3, 2011 at 9:50 PM | Unregistered Commenterhotspurs

That's funny....only if they do not come true. COYS

Mar 3, 2011 at 9:58 PM | Unregistered Commentermadaboutspur

I'm gonna stick my neck out here and do a giraffe impression.

Mar 4, 2011 at 12:30 AM | Unregistered CommenterWinterWeekend61

Just one of many realistic scenarious, cause we're talking about Spurs. :)

Although I like your changed approach of pre-game write-ups from the usual hopeful pumping to a loose-pessimistic-but-funny pre-game thoughts, I am somewhat pissed because by covering all the usual targets you deflated my possible postgame knee-jerks. Targets like: gingerly off-the-blocks defensive approach, JD’s space disorientation brainfarts, bricking and squatting of our forwards, Jermaine Pedro Piñata Jenas, the Twitcher….
However, you nicely nailed all Hutton’s ITKs. :)

Mar 4, 2011 at 2:42 AM | Unregistered Commenterbeetleblues

"JD’s space disorientation brainfarts"

I like this.

Mar 4, 2011 at 7:10 AM | Registered Commenterspooky

It's no good Spooky, I'm gonna have to confiscate your belt & shoelaces

Mar 4, 2011 at 8:31 AM | Unregistered CommenterFrank

totally unrelated but how ironic is it that the dickheads over @ the man shitty forum were accusing OUR players of being on performance enhancing drugs......

just a thought

Mar 4, 2011 at 10:49 AM | Unregistered Commentermr vexed

This is Davspurs Barrister Edward Ephedrine i would like to say my clients constant rant about energized shock results has nothing to do with a man city player failing a drug test. This lad does not smoke drink and is very religious just got caught taking something that wont enhance his performance just help him defend without tiring for a high 90 mins plus.just like Blackpool Wigan Everton Bolton West Ham did . I feel sorry for the lad because he only got caught because he never played and when he got picked he gave away the secret by shitting himself because he was still full of energy and the random buggers don't normally catch subs. So any fan who wants to call Davspurs or is many many names he uses fuck off he is at the News of the World with is list of shock results smelling of energised piss. Wolves will run a lot but my client will be watching Mad Micks Marauders to see how many defenders are in the box when Spurs attack if its eight then he will be upset. The Blackpool and Chelsea games proved that second half Tempo is the new and shocking football entering a shocking period of scandal lets hope teams learn Kolo is one of the lucky ones and some of the sudden mysterious deaths are the unlucky ones. Coys beat the cheats

Mar 4, 2011 at 10:57 AM | Unregistered Commenterdavspurs barrister

The loons on Bluemoon claimed Bale was doped up. Ridiculous and also very funny to see one of their own caught out.

Mar 4, 2011 at 11:11 AM | Unregistered CommenterJep

Ha ha! Love it. Very Spurstastic, Spooky.
Can I admit that my initial response when I heard JD was injured was relief? And then of course he supposedly got better ...

Mar 4, 2011 at 11:52 AM | Unregistered Commenternycyid

One thing we all know - you aint going to win SFA in europe

So does that mean that we will win something ?

Mar 4, 2011 at 1:12 PM | Unregistered CommenterSussex Spur

Can't believe the Team News already released that Chiedozie will start, even in the same team as Kerslake. He has also named Dominguez on the bench.....could a 3-2 win actually happen? I'll tinkle Sportingbet.

Mar 4, 2011 at 2:09 PM | Unregistered CommenterSi

Now i know that at least Clive Allen reads this blog!!

See my blog below of the 2nd Feb and then read what was written in the Friday Evening Standard!!

Defoe needs to go and watch Jimmy Greaves a little!!
Rather than shoot with all his worth, he needs to strat placing shots, he would score far more aften. When he gets the abll, whether its through a crowd or one on one, he simply shoots with all his strength with no direction and guidance and this is normally straight at the goalkeeper.
Feb 2, 2011 at 10:42 PM | hotspurs

Friday 4th March Evening Standard

Defoe: "The reserve team coach, Clive Allen, who obviously knows what it's like as a striker, gave me a DVD of Jimmy Greaves the other week and told me to go home and watch it.

"It was brilliant to see. I saw his finishing, a lot of his goals seemed to come when he just passed the ball into the corners. He never seemed to hit it that hard. He was just really clever.

"So that week in training I was practising his technique and trying to catch the keeper off guard. Clive pulled me to one side and said, 'You have been watching that DVD, haven't you? I can tell'. Hopefully, I can put it into practice in a match.

Mar 5, 2011 at 9:03 PM | Unregistered Commenterhotspurs

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